Title: I Raise My White Flag

Rating: General

Pairing: Morgan/Reid

Summary: Morgan has the perfect life, a wife who's there for him and a son who loves him, but is it really what he wants?

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, nor any of the characters mentioned.

I Raise My White Flag

Chapter One

Within the span of five years a lot had changed for Derek Morgan. While he was still a agent for the FBI and neck deep in the BAU, he had a different life outside of work. When he filed away the last of his paperwork, he gathered his belongings and drove home in a four door vehicle. When he arrived home he arrived to the sound of a child's laughter and a woman tidying along in the kitchen. What possessed her to feel she needed to cook for him, Derek never knew, but he was grateful to have good food in his stomach instead of the half cooked things he use to make.

Derek would place his coat on the rack in his hallway, and watch as both Clooney and his son Sean ran to greet him. Derek would hoist the four year old onto his hip as he leaned over to pet Clooney on the head. Sean was the highlight of his life with his big hazel eyes magnified by the glasses he wore and curly light brown hair, his skin tone a even tan that both he and his mother created. Sean's fingers would trail over Derek's face, pressing in his cheeks and poking the tip of his nose as he laughed. Derek would sit him down on his booster seat before finding the woman who wore his ring, kissing her gently as she told him what she was making.

She was beautiful, it was one of the first things he noticed about her after her laugh. Charlotte Goodman was a lot like Derek in that she worked for the FBI and came from Chicago. She was a tall woman with small curves and long legs, skin two shades darker than Derek's and hair grown out into soft curls that surrounded her head like a crown of auburn and ebony. She was a serious woman when it came to work, but on her downtime she was a lot more open and reachable. The two had dated for two years before tying the knot, but Charlotte's surprise pregnancy helped things along.

"Have a good day at work?" she questions, kissing his cheek and offering him a taste of the sauce she was preparing for the meatloaf she was making.

Derek licked the substance from his fingers. "Just a lot of paperwork, today. If it hadn't been for Reid, I would have been bored out of my mind," he clarifies, opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of wine for them and apple juice for Sean.

"Reid kept you company? What, did you have him do most of your paperwork?" Charlotte questioned, placing the platter down on the table before taking her seat. Derek wasn't looking at her, too absorbed with helping Sean cut up his meal without it dropping on the floor with mixed results. When Derek finally turned his head, he realized she was expecting an answer. "No. I was just bored out of my mind, and he was trying to teach Garcia some physics magic...which was hilarious," he said, taking a napkin from the table to wipe Sean's mouth.

"That does sound funny. I was just making sure you weren't using him as your personal secretary again," Charlotte spoke, pouring apple juice into Sean's cup. Derek furrowed his eyebrows. "I never use him as my personal secretary! That day I was rushing to get to dinner...to meet your parents," he argued. Charlotte looked as though she didn't believe him, but nodded her head, humming as she untied Sean's bib.

"You want to give him a bath, or should I?" she inquired, lifting him from his booster seat and into strong arms. She was a strong women naturally, but with Sean her strength settled into a protective softness. Derek stood, finished with dinner, he took Sean away from her.

"I'll do it. I mean, I haven't seen him a lot these last few days, and I need to catch up with my little man, huh?" He smiled, bouncing Sean up above his head, causing the four year old to laugh happily. Sean's speech had been delayed, and he spoke with a quickness that not many people could understand except for his parents and occasionally Reid.

That was frightening for Derek, imagining the possibility that his son wasn't progressing as he should have. The ordeal had bothered Charlotte as well, and instead of talking about it with him like they should have, she had shut him out completely. Of course, JJ and Aaron had helped him as much as they could seeing as they were parents as well, but it was actually Spencer who had eased his mind. With not only his statistics, but his personal explanation that he, too, had been delayed in speech and turned out just fine. Derek smiled, watching Sean splash the bubbles of his bath all around, getting most of it in his hair.

Derek wanted the best for his son, and he wanted to be there for him as much as he could, but finding a proper balance was still something he was trying to grasp. Spencer and Penelope had helped Charlotte set up his room where shapes, colors, numbers, solar systems, the whole ten yards would be at his reach. Spencer had supplied them with enough books to open a library based solely on Children's Literature. Penelope had a game system and computer system set up in his room as well as coding manuals for when he was old enough. Derek found room for a couple of basketball and football posters, and set up a rack for all the sporting equipment he hoped Sean would be interested in.

"Da," Sean gurgled, spitting bubbles at him. Derek checked his little fingers, noticing they were beginning to prune. "Looks like your times up," he said, taking a towel and gently drying him off. Charlotte had set out two pairs of pajama options, Hulk or Captain America.

"Which one, buddy?" Sean bounced on the counter, reaching for the Captain America pajama set. "Good choice, he's my favorite, too," Derek mused, helping Sean into his clothes with only limited hassle.

Derek placed Sean into his bed, pulling the comforter up about midway before laying down next to him. With a tired sigh, Derek picked a book to read to Sean, one of his favorites. With Sean's head placed onto his shoulder and settled down, Derek began to read, "Once there was a tree... and she loved a little boy. And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest. He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples. And they would play hide-and-go-seek. And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade. And the boy loved the tree...very much. And the tree was happy."

When Sean fell asleep, Derek remained there. The features he had were all over the place, but predominantly his, and he loved to look at them. Charlotte was no doubt asleep, and Derek wouldn't wake her, like many nights before, he would stay with Sean or sleep on the couch with the television on downstairs. This was his life, and it was a good one for the most part, better than others, so why then, wasn't he happy? In his heart, he knew the answer, but he was ultimately too afraid to admit it.

When he looked down at Sean, he saw himself, and he remembered growing up without a father. Derek would never walk away from Sean, and he would never walk away from Charlotte for fear that she would take his son away from him, but he also knew...that he would always have these feelings. Derek loved Charlotte, he really did, she was a great woman...a strong woman who didn't need him for anything, but Derek loved someone else as well. If he had admitted this a long time ago, he wouldn't have to struggle with it now, but that was entirely on him, and he didn't regret it. God did he struggle, though.

:::

Spencer stared at the alarm clock to his right, counting off the seconds he was losing sleep. The alarm would go off, and it would be time for work, and he would have to drink at least three cups of coffee before he left to really get going. This insomnia was killing him slowly, and his mind was all over the place, he couldn't focus on anything unless he really tried. The minutes ticked by, and he remained, never moving, only thinking. This, his life, should be something more and it killed him knowing that it wasn't.

Spencer couldn't complain, though, not really. Spencer looked at all of his colleagues, settled into their lives comfortably. Spencer hadn't changed, not much, and his stunted growth caused him a great deal of embarrassment and frustration. There was no one but himself to blame, and he understood what kept him from branching out all of the way. Within the past month, however, he really did try to get out there.

The awkward dance that was dating was completely unnerving to him in more than one way. For starters, it was very difficult for him to be comfortable enough to tell Penelope, the one determined to help him, that he didn't mind who he dated, and that gender had never been a factor. She laughed, giving him a long in depth history of her teenage years Spencer thought he could go his entire life without having to hear, but it made him more relaxed. She sent him on a set of dates, and while everyone he had met, male or female, were nice enough and intelligent enough to keep him interested, he just couldn't get past more than two dates. Penelope tried and tried, but it wasn't her fault, and Spencer often tried to explain this without going too in depth.

Spencer knew whose fault it was, and that was himself. With no sleep lining his eyes, he sat, headed towards the kitchen and began his first cup of the day. He wouldn't have to leave for another three and a half hours, but he couldn't stay in bed. There were a couple of case files Spencer said he would go over for other agencies, and he decided that now was the perfect time to do so. This he could focus on instead of admitting that Derek Morgan had ruined his expectations for everyone who came into his life, male or female, and it was a awful realization.

A lonely existence is what Spencer was living, and while it wasn't abnormal, it was certainly more painful now. A lonely existence where Derek was happily married and had a great son who loved to be read to, and had a joyful, happy life. A lonely existence where Spencer knew why he was, in fact, all alone, and could never say anything about it, even if it killed him. Because if one of them was happy, why not let it be Derek? In his head, Spencer found all of this ridiculous, and knew that he deserved to be happy as well, but he wouldn't do what was necessary in order for that to happen.

No. Spencer would sit and do work, and be miserable and that would be all there was to it. Who knows? Maybe someone would walk into his life and completely blow him away, make him comfortable and confident in leading a life with them. This imaginary person had a lot of pressure on them, and Spencer felt silly, which was an odd feeling for a genius.

Spencer would get over it, he reminded himself. If only he could believe it.

:::

Derek's phone began to ring, and it startled Derek out of his sleep. Thankfully, Sean was a heavy sleeper and Derek was able to sneak into the hallway to answer it. The number was unfamiliar, and he wondered who would be calling at this hour. "Hello?" he answered professionally, noting it was almost time for him to be awake to get ready for work.

"Mr. Morgan?"

"Yes?"

"This is Doctor Jamie Toft at Mary Washington Hospital, you're listed as Spencer Reid's contact number."

Derek's face fell."What, is he hurt? What happened?" Derek questioned, moving as quickly as he could into the bedroom, searching for a pair of shoes to throw on. "Mr. Reid was in a accident this morning while on his way to work, he was struck by a car..."

"A car! He was hit by a car?" Derek interrupted, waking Charlotte as he padded around the room, still searching for his missing sneakers.

"Yes. Spencer's left fibula is broken and he has a lot of bruising to the entire right side of his body, but it's nothing too major. We're wanting to run some tests, but he should be released within an hour or two, and will need a ride."

"I'll be there in twenty minutes," Derek answered, hanging up the phone and reaching for his socks. Charlotte found his sneakers, telling him goodbye as he hurried out the door.

The ride to the hospital was a frustrating one, traffic was beginning to slow everything down, and Derek was on the phone, explaining the situation to Aaron. The relief he felt when he turned into the emergency room parking lot was short lived when he entered through the automatic doors. Derek went to who he presumed was the head nurse in charge, and asked where Spencer could be located. The woman went through her notes, and directed him through a door and to the right, room 143. When Derek peaked through the curtains, he could see a restless Spencer laying wide awake and flipping through channels on the television.

"Well, there goes your record of not getting injured, huh?"