"If God could talk" RaitoxL fanmix
tracks:
11+1
spoilers & warnings: chapter58. and half of a
lemon.
disclaimer: I do not own the characters, they belong to Ohba&Obata.
sidenote: ok, propably half of you will say "WTF she had put this song in DN fanmix???" Well, I think they fit. That's all. And since I prefer fics than descriptions... you can say it's a songfic. Or a fanmix with drabbles in it.01. Meat Loaf "If
God could talk"
Why don't you run away
And find
yourself alive
Go on and turn the page
Before your lonely world
collides
What's it gonna take to break the silence
That's been
tearin' you apart?
If only God could talk
Did you swear to
yourself
On the day it was over
That you'd never turn
around
And get locked up in another cage?
---
...it all came back. He was Kira.
He wanted to kill Ryuuzaki. He wanted to kill L.
Was it really
okay? If he just let the Death Note fall from his hands, he would
come back to being Raito. To being Ryuuzaki's friend.
Was it
really this simple?
Raito loved Ryuuzaki. Raito liked his odd
friend and was glad to just be with him. To be together. They were
equal yet so different. Similar minds. Like a reflection in the
mirror. So similar Raito could see himself reflected in those deep,
dark eyes. Especially in the night when he fell asleep listening to
Ryuuzaki's steady breath. Basking in the warmth of their bodies.
Kira
wanted to kill L. His enemy. The only person that meant danger to the
new God. There was no friendship and no mercy. No feelings. Nothing
that could be described as 'human'. Nothing that could be seen as a
weakness.
"Raito? Are you okay?" a warm hand on his
shoulder. Dark, huge eyes with a hint of care in them.
"...I'm
fine." answered Kira after a moment of silence.
Which path
will you choose?
♥
02. Gregorian masters of chant "Nothing else matters"
So
close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the
heart
Forever trusting who you are
And nothing else
matters...
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we
live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing
else matters...
---
Ryuuzaki listened to Raito's steady
heartbeat. He knew the other was Kira; there was no doubt. Yet he
fell for this perfect boy, for this young genius. He knew Raito was
Kira but he wanted himself to be wrong, his deductions to be wrong,
to miss some important detail.
There was no way Raito could not
be Kira. First Kira. His primary suspect. The only person Ryuuzaki
felt safe with, the only person he fell for. The one and only person
who he allowed to be near him. The only person that could understand
him, that could look at his quirks like at something completely
normal and even nice. Person who could treat him like somebody dear.
Yes, his mental list was getting too long. Again.
How he wished to
be wrong.
♥
03. Nightwish "Gethsemane"
Another Beauty
Loved
by a Beast
Another tale of infinite dreams
Your eyes they were
my paradise
Your smile made my sun rise
Forgive me for I
don't know what I gain
Alone in this garden of pain
Enchantment
has but one truth:
I weep to have what I fear to lose
---
'The dangerous games we play'
was the best sentence to fit their relationship. Sometimes it was
like going round in circles. Sometimes they really tried to kill each
other. Sometimes it was hard to tell are they making love or trying
to rip each others throat open. It was everything but gentle. There
was no tenderness in these moments.
Later when they laid tiredly
on the bed Raito would lick the wounds on Ryuuzaki's skin. The
detective would tangle his long fingers in Raito's hair. They won't
talk. Everything was allright; they both knew.
♥
04.
Vanessa Mae "Blessed spirits"
instrumental
---
They were falling.
Raito and
Ryuuzaki were looking upon the sky as thousands of stars fell, like a
shining droplets of light.
"You should make a wish."
Raito's warm arms encircled Ryuuzaki, pulling him to his lovers warm
chest. The detective was nibbling at his thumb looking as
usual.
"It's only a child's tale." was the answer.
"Besides they are meteorites."
Raito laughed. "I
know. I just thought..."
After a moment of silence he
continued "Sayu always was dragging me outside on nights like
this and wished upon a star. It gave her such happiness."
"You
miss this?" Ryuuzaki looked at him oddly.
"Yes. I even
miss our fights with Sayu." Raito's voice was warm.
L had not
answered, he only snuggled more into his lover's warmth. They both
looked at the stars.
"You know my wish?" it was more a
statement than the question. Ryuuzaki was unfazed by the question; he
felt it in Raito's touch, in the way his lover was holding him. And
he knew what was this all about.
"I do."
♥
05. Evanescence "My last breath"
Hold on to me,
love
You know I can't stay long
All I wanted to say was I love
you
And I'm not afraid
Can you hear me
Can you feel me in
your arms
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are
all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light
It ends here
tonight
---
Ryuuzaki knew he was dying. He was
fighting with pain, to breathe, to say anything... but he failed.
The
one holding him was Kira. The one holding him was his lover, his only
friend. As L looked in his eyes he saw Raito here - shocked. So
shocked. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to stay awake. Ryuuzaki wanted
to tell his lover that he shuldn't cry, that he shouldn't be in such
sorrow...
But as the room was getting darker L saw that Raito was
slowly gone from Kira's eyes. Yes, they were both dying - Ryuuzaki's
death triggered something in Kira.
How he wished that Raito will
be gone when it all ends.
♥
06. The Cranberries "Dreams"
...all my
dreams
It's never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems
I
know I've felt like this before
But now I'm feeling it even
more
Because it came from you
And then I open up and see
The
person falling here is me
A different way to be
---
Raito was so warm. So close. When
his hand was rubbing Ryuuzaki's back. When his fingers were playing
with his unruly hair. L snuggled closer to this warmth and felt
Raito's chuckle.
"Kitten is feeling lonely today?"
Ryuuzaki
closed his eyes. He heard Raito's heartbeat, and it made him sleepy.
"Mmhm." came the mumbled reply.
It felt so good. So
safe. Maybe Raito was Kira but it didn't mattered now - more
important was his warmth. His closeness and even calling L
"kitty".
It felt nice. Warm.
Like home.
Home? He
never had home, only a place to sleep and work. A shelter to hide
from everyone. The only person who had seen him there was Watari and
it was enough. It was enough before; why not now?
Ryuuzaki
really wanted to take Raito with him. To have home. To make
their own home.
"Don't fall asleep on me now, Kitten."
♥
07. Roxette "Voices"
From sparks to the fire
From
here to obsession they cover the end
Twisting a match and see the
reflections of hunters of men
Give me your dreams and I'll give
you my time
Until we make it to the borderline
Voices-cracking
the night
Voices-that cut like a knife
Voices-hear them
singing
---
Kira was getting restless. He could
hardly move now but it wasn't the cause.
L. Ryuuzaki. How that
oddball could make him feel like this? And how could he be so
...nice. It made Kira want to vomit. That oddball touching him.
Taking care of his body. Feeding him. Making sure that he was
allright.
It was kind of ...nice.
His plan was working as
expected. Ryuuzaki was really caring, surprisingly. What was worse
Kira was also getting slowly affected by this. Only him and Ryuuzaki.
Dark empty room. Silence.
Only the voices.
He had to remind
himself he was Kira, he was the new God. He had to remember exactly
all the plans he made. All the plans he put into work. All he made
for the justice.
Kira was justice.
L was wrong. Yes,
Ryuuzaki believed he was justice, he was right but in reality he
missed very important clues. He believed what he wanted to believe
not seeing the whole image. Not seeing what Kira really
does.
Ryuuzaki was wrong. Yet... somehow Kira wondered if he
really has to kill him and then dismissed this thought with a
shrug. He was right and this was the one and only way. It was
important to his plans, to his dreams, to his ideals.
Kira was a
God. God is always right.
♥
08. Sarah Brightman "Eden"
Did you ever think of
me,
As your best friend.
Did I ever think of you,
I'm not
complaining.
I never tried to feel.
This vibration.
I
never tried to reach.
Your eden.
---
Kira couldn't sleep. He was
thinking about Ryuuzaki... again. As he listened to Misa's steady
breath, he missed this oddball calling himself the best
detective.
What was to miss there anyway? The way he sat, the way
he crouched on the chair as if afraid of touching it? The way how he
nibbled on the thumb looking like a total idiot? The amount of cakes
and other sweets he consumed? (Kira shuddered at the thought.)The way
he was watching the others with those huge eyes? His look? These dark
circles under his eyes that was propably eyeliner? His terrible taste
in clothes? The way he moaned and writher under Kira in bed? Or his
kisses? His touch? The things he let Kira do with his body?
But...
Kira really missed him. Missed their conversations. Missed their
closeness. Missed the warmth, the warmth he never felt with Misa or
any other person.
He couldn't forget Ryuuzaki.
♥
09. Queen "Who wants to live forever"
There's no
chance for us
It's all decided for us
This world has only one
sweet moment set aside for us
Who wants to live forever
Who
wants to live forever?
Who dares to love forever?
When love
must die
---
Sometimes Raito was afraid that
when he'll wake up Ryuuzaki will be gone. Sometimes he wondered why
Kira was so alike him. Sometimes he thought that L was the beauty and
he was the beast; but somehow it was fitting. After all there was
this chain binding them together. Somehow the metal weight on his
wrist was making him sure that L will stay with him. That he will not
disappear.
Ryuuzaki was his only friend. Only person who Raito
really admired. Ony person who the perfect Yagami could fall for.
Another genius; a weird oddball; greatest detective. So similar yet
so different.
But for Raito he was only Ryuuzaki. That was what
mattered. He wanted it to be something more than just a short dream.
He wanted it to stay.
The time was ticking away - after the Kira
case L will be gone. Raito knew that they have only this moment, this
short time in L's life.
Sometimes he wondered if it was really
important to Ryuuzaki. If they were important. Was it really
worth it? One beautiful memory, one thing to remember
later.
Something to remember.
♥
10. Alice Cooper "Poison"
Your cruel device
Your
blood like ice
One look could kill
My pain your thrill
I
wanna love you, but I better not touch (don't touch)
I wanna hold
you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you, but I want it
too much (too much)
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous
poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison,
and I don't wanna break these chains
---
Ryuuzaki moaned. It felt so good,
too good to have Raito's hands on him. It felt so good to have cold
chain restraining his hands. "K-Kira..." moaned L.
A
loud slap reverberated through the room.
"How many times I
have to tell you I am NOT Kira?" Raito's voice was full of
anger. "You want me to be him? Or you want him to fuck
you?"
Ryuuzaki could't say anything for a moment. His cheek
stung. "No..."
His lover's eyes were full of anger and
hurt. Younger male turned away from L.
After a few moments
Ryuuzaki composed himself and moved closer to Raito. His lover had
not moved when blackhaired head was put on his shoulder.
"I...
I'm sorry." L's voice was nearly unaudible. "I..."
"You
are sure I am Kira. It's only subconscious, isn't it?" Raito
turned and looked into dark eyes for a moment, then kissed him. Hard.
It was anything but tender. It was loaded with frustration and
anger.
L let his lover do as he wanted, just wondered how many
times will it slip and make their nights full of hatred. And then he
stopped thinking when Raito's mouth closed on his nipple.
♥
11. ENomine "Vater unser"
Vater unser
der Du
bist im Himmel
Geheiligt werde Dein Name
Dein Reich komme
Dein
Wille geschehe
Wie im Himmel als auch auf Erden
Und vergib uns
unsere Schuld
Wir auch wir vergeben unseren Schuldigern
Wir
auch wir vergeben unseren Schuldigern
Vater höre meine
Stimme
Herr höre meine Stimme
Lasset uns beten
Der
Herr ist ein Schatten über deinem rechten Hand.
Amen
Vater
unser, Dein ist das Reich und die Kraft und die Herrlichkeit in
Ewigkeit
Amen
---
Kira looked at the body lying on
the table.
Ryuuzaki looked like he was sleeping. So vulnerable. So
pathetic. So ...human. Cold light was making his body unearthly pale,
even blueish. After all he was dead. He was not breathing.
What
was this feeling? Was it... a remorse? For him?
And the
gates to memories fell wide open. Ryuuzaki smiling, Ryuuzaki eating
cake, Ryuuzaki pouting. His voice when they made love and later, when
he was half asleep and wanted to snuggle closer to Raito. When he
woke up and was sleepily rubbing his eyes. The mischievous twinkle in
his eyes when he was telling something especially for Raito. His
tentative touch still unsure even they were lovers for so long.
Ryuuzaki nibbling his thumb. All his quirks that made him so unique.
Dark circles under his eyes, his unruly black hair, his wide open
eyes.
A single tear glistened on Kira's cheek. He paused near the
entrance, his hand frozen on the lightswitch.
Ryuuzaki was afraid
of falling asleep and waking up in the darkness.
A moment passed.
Lights were switched off.
Kira closed the door.
Gods know no
mercy.
♥
extra. Zhanna Bichevskaya "Davaite delat' pauzy v slovah"
Davaite
delat' pauzy v puti
smotret' vokrug vnimatelno i strogo
chtoby
sluchyayno drazdy ne proyti
odnoy i toy nevyernoyu
dorogoy.
Davaite delat' pauzy v puti.
Let's make pauses in the
journey
to look around carefuly and sternly,
so we will not
walk again and again
the same one wrong road.
Let's make pauses
in the journey.
translated by MariaMS
---
"But it's true!" Ryuuzaki
pouted as Raito took away the cake.
Younger male looked at him
oddly. "You ARE depressed and the only thing you do is raiding
the fridge. I wonder how many times Watari had to go to the bakery
today..." Raito put the plate away, trying to make sure the
detective cannot reach it.
"I need cake to think!!"
Raito
massaged his temples. His response was sarcastic "I thought you
are thinking with your brain not the cake. And I thought you
need to sit in that certain way of yours to think."
L pouted
again. Raito couldn't help but smile, thinking that this was making
him look like Misa. He tried to imagine Ryuuzaki in some of Misa's
outfits. Okay, maybe not with black lace. And without lolita-frilly
things.
Loud crash reverberated through the kitchen as Ryuuzaki
pounced Raito. As usual they tackled on the ground. This time it
ended with Raito pinning Ryuuzaki to the floor and kissing him.
"What
was that about?" asked the younger male when they finally
entangled from each others embrace.
"I just wanted my cake."
Ryuuzaki replied snatching the plate and putting a piece of cake into
his mouth.
♥
