Author's Note: I'll be working on this story again. Sorry for the long delay. This story will contain Boy x Boy moments, have angst and dark/violent themes. Also, I call Aeris by her Japanese name: Aerith.
Story Guide:
Italic-emphasis
'Bold Italic'-past/flashback
'thinking'
Healin – where Rufus stays (and where Shinra's 'new' base is located)
Edge – where 7th Heaven is located
Midgar- where the church is
Fenrir- The name of Cloud's bike
Disclaimer: I do NOT own FF7/ FF7 Advent Children, or the characters; all rights belong to Square Enix. I make no money from writing this.
The Beautiful Letdown
Written By:Crimson2006
:Chapter One:
It wasn't that he had something better to do, because he didn't. But today Cloud was asking himself why it was, that he was standing outside in the cold, dismal weather, looking up at the Shinra building with a feeling of disgust. Well, he knew why he hated the building so much –though namely it was the people inside that irked him violently– but the bigger question was: why had he stopped to take a look at it—again. Granted that this wasn't the first time he'd caught himself gawking at the seventy-story building that was a collaboration of sleek shiny glass and titanium metal. Moreover, he found himself constantly going out of the way to see it which worried him quite a bit.
Threading his long, thin fingers through the disheveled mass of wind assaulted spikes that adorned his head; the twenty-three year old contemplated the source of his confusion. It was such a complicated feeling that twisted inside him, and yet the notions of it breed something stupid. He didn't have time to be here... albeit his as he gnawed tenderly on his lower lip, he knew that statement only breached so far.
Alright so maybe he didn't have anything better to do. He'd been putting off reanimating the delivery business; which of course he did feel bad about. He'd promised Tifa and the kids that he'd be around more and his actions weren't really living up to that. It wasn't like he didn't want to either, but ever since re-defeating Sephiroth he'd felt odd. It wasn't really guilt –or rather, any other emotion that he'd ever felt before. Its nature was more of a seemingly dismal undertone; like he was being pulled under into the depths of something much grander and defined, yet at the same time it constricted his airway so that he couldn't breathe. It flowed through his blood against his will, and it wasn't an embellishment either. He could actually feel the sensation clotting his blood, slowing the pace, making his heart beat to a rhythm that was foreign and unwanted. Cloud didn't like it. Not in the least. He didn't know what to do about it though.
Leaning the weight of his body to one foot then the other, he continued to contemplate the sensation, never letting his eyes leave the Shinra building. He was sure that they had something to do with it; though to what depths was questionable. After all, they had been messing around with Jenova's head. Rufus had claimed they were trying to destroy it, but if that was the case then someone should have let him in on the secret. Of course even if Cloud could go out on on a limb and give Shinra some value of doubt, all that resolve crumbled under one question: Why had Rufus chosen to hand that piece of Jenova over to Kadaj? Cloud knew that the president wasn't stupid and was perfectly capable of putting two and two together; yet he'd so willingly tossed the box off the building and practically condoned Sephiroth's revival. Something didn't add up, and he was sure it linked back to Shinra's old ways. Sure the company and its president had claimed to have changed. But old habits died hard, and Cloud was living testimony to such a statement.
'You can't fool a fool.' He thought bitterly; finally forcing himself to start walking again. Normally he would have had his bike with him but it was currently in the shop, thus walking would have to be tolerated.
Cloud was about half-way down the block and lost deep in thought –when a familiar voice shattered his muses.
"Hey ya, Cloud! What brings you out to our side of the woods?" The voice was spawned from the never ending source of infamous babbling—as known as the red-head Turk named Reno. Cloud just glared daggers at the man, before continuing on, as if he hadn't just been subjected to such an annoying question. Maybe if he kept on walking the other man would get the point and realize that he held no interest in a conversation. He hardly spoke with Tifa, so why in the hell would he want to speak with someone who was nothing more than a thorn in his side.
"Ah, don't be so cold man!" Reno called, pushing away from the wall he'd been leaning against. After just a few deep strides he'd caught up to the blonde; matching the other's pace in perfect step. "It was just a question; you don't have to act so offended."
'So much for subtle hints,' Cloud scowled; shifting his blue Mako eyes to look hatefully at the other. "Don't you have something better to do?"
Reno let his own orbs skim the blonde quickly, a small goofy smile plastered on his lips. "Aw, you can speak and here I though that you didn't like me?"
"I don't" Cloud snorted, leading his feet to a halting command. "I was serious though; don't you have somewhere else you should be?"
Reno scratched his head, looking around at nothing in particular, until he cleared his voice. "Um, I could ask you the same thing? No package, no bike and this isn't exactly your neck of the woods…"
Cloud stiffened at being called out, but quickly and calmly reminded himself that Reno had no clue as to what he was purposing. Still, the young man didn't know what exactly he could say to counter that measure without sounding like an idiot.
'Oh that's right Reno, I just came down here to stare at the Shinra building and brood a bit. No other reason in particular.' God, he sounded so lame relaying that message mentally. Reno was sure to point that out too. The red-head might have come off as stupid, but that didn't make him dumb. Deeming that this conversation was over, the blonde gave a sigh and shook his head, feet moving to accommodate his new goal to leave.
With much satisfaction, Cloud was happy when the Turks member didn't follow, though subconsciously he realized that he was making a loop and that if he kept on walking he'd be finding himself back at the Shinra building again.
'Damn it' he hissed, the flaps of his cloak twisting wildly in the wind as he randomly turned down a side road. He had a feeling that it was going to be one of those days.
...
One of those days, didn't even begin to describe it. Once he got back to 7th Heaven there was twice as much paperwork than when he left –though he was unsure of how that was even possible. That was added to the fact that Tifa had practically mugged him at the door; insisting that he fix the downstairs bathroom, seeing as some pissed off customer sought to get his revenge the night before by clogging up the toilet. Marlene was bothering him about going to the park and Denzel wanted some advice on girls. Cloud had nearly spit out the contents of his coffee mug when the boy had asked the famous, 'what's a French kiss and how do you do it' question. In which the blonde had immediately turned the child to Tifa, who just scoffed at Cloud's lousy parenting skills.
All said and done, Cloud spent most of the day locked up in the office, pretending to get something done but not really accomplishing anything at all. It was unnerving to say the least, but his mind kept drifting to Shinra, Sephiroth and the events of six months ago. Around noon those vexing inquires had drove a little deeper and he found himself pacing the floors. Normally he would have pawned it off on nerves or cabin fever, but the twenty-three year old new better then that. He'd been edgy for quite sometime now and it just seemed to be getting worse. It was like claustrophobia with a demented twist of anxiety. He wanted to go out, but at the same time he wanted to avoid people.
At first it hadn't been that bad—that he'd saved the world. People praised his work and his name was well known; but he could still go to the store without having a horde of fan girls stalking him or some nut case nagging him the whole way, snooping for every ounce of ground that Cloud was willing to give –which most cases was none. But now days; now that he'd saved the world again. Those events happened on a daily bases. He couldn't go down the street without being questioned at the concession stand. And when he went to run errands for Tifa, everyone would slow him down –get in the way, and all of those damn people wanted to know the same fucking thing! 'How did it feel to kill Sephiroth? How does it feel to be a hero?' Cloud detested those two simply drawn questions more then anything. He wanted to scream at them that he wasn't a hero and that it felt horrible to kill the former SOLDIER member, not once, but twice! That each and every night he was haunted by terrible nightmares –reliving the moment over and over again until he thought that he'd go mad.
'I'll never be a memory…'
God, that arrogant-assholes statement irked him to no ends. It whispered it's breath in his ear and chanted the five words in a promising fashion. Each and every time his dream ended with Sephiroth saying that to him. And each and every time he woke up, he found himself believing it a little more.
Looking over to the clock on the wall, Cloud took note that it was a little after four. Tifa would be opening the bar in a few hours and then she'd no doubt want him to help out if he was still around. Begrudgingly he remembered that his motorcycle was in the shop and that just seemed to make him even more desperate to be free.
"Damn it" he grounded out, this time verbally. Taking heed he bustled down the stairwell and into the vast area that served as the bar. Not seeing Tifa, the blonde gave a silent blessing and slipped out of the front door. Instantly he regretted it but forced his feet to move anyway. He could already hear the whispers from across the way and see the different questions lingering between the folds of each and very face. The woman smiling at him was probably wondering what it would be like to date the man who saved the world. And the old man that was leaning against the wall, a loose beer clutched between dirty, calloused, fingers was thinking that he could have saved the world if Sephiroth would have acted out about twenty years sooner. They were all looking and judging the person who they thought he was, rather then the person who he really was. Though in a way he couldn't blame them, after all, he didn't even know who he really was. That issue was one that he'd never bothered to full solve.
Trying to ignore the stares, Cloud slipped into a side alleyway. Sticking to the back roads helped out a lot; but more often then not he still came across a few, straggling fans. Still, it was a risk that seemed more palpable then his other choices at the other moment and he'd take his chances with it.
After a good hour or so the blonde found himself, once gain, at the mercy of the Shinra building. It confused him as to why he was being drawn there, and was even more flustering to know that the sensation seemed to grow stronger with each passing day. It was both confusing and ironic, because it seemed that Zack's memories weren't the only thing fucking with his mind theses days. Was there anything that Cloud could be sure of when it came to himself –something that he could solely say was solid in both past and present tense and actually feel like it was true? Sadly the answer seemed to be, no.
"Hey babe; twice in the same day? You must really love us."
Cloud grimaced at the other's voice. He'd forgotten all about the red-head lurking about. It made him wonder what Shinra was paying the Turk for. He clearly wasn't doing anything useful.
"So you going to go in and apply for a position? I'm sure with skillful hands like yours; Rufus can think of something for you to do. "
The blonde snorted, completely ignoring Reno's suggestive tone," I'm not here for occupational reasons." As soon as the words left his mouth, he was regretting them. What in the seven hells had made him say that? Although it didn't seem very detrimental, such heedless spun words could prove to be damaging. In the back of Cloud's mind, he was hoping that Reno just wouldn't get it. But fate refused to be that lenient, and ironically Cloud realized that it never had.
"So it's not a business trip after all! Pleasure, then? "The Turk snickered, that coyness multiplying when the other scowled." So what, does looking at the Shinra building get you hard or something, Cloud?" The last line was clearly intended to represent sarcasm; but the blonde detested it nonetheless. Suddenly, the sound of gravel grinded beneath his turned boots as Cloud sought to leave and Reno perked his head up. "Oi, Cloud, it was a joke babe! Where you going?"
"Away from you," he hissed silently; though Reno must have heard it because the older man gave chase.
"Strife, come back, yo! I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."
'Funny, you don't sound sorry.' The blonde seethed mentally. 'More like pissy, because I'm leaving…' Momentarily that thought hung in the air, before he dismissed Reno's actions as being nothing more then those of a bored Turk. In the past the red-head had always been fidgety and it was clear he was victim of that.
"Alright, maybe I'm not sorry. But let me at least buy you a drink."
"One ruse after another, eh?" Cloud bit out sourly. "I don't have time for your games."
"First off, I'm not playing with you. Secondly, if you ask me; you seem to have a lot of time on your hands…" The red-head replied. Cloud had been expecting some sort of cynicism to been laced in there, but for once Reno seemed genuinely compassionate. It was odd, or maybe not so much odd as it was unnerving. Cloud hated pity.
"I didn't ask for your opinion and I don't want you pathetic sympathy-" Before the blond could continue the rant, a gaunt hand wrapped around his arm and pulled slightly. Wanting to or not, Cloud found that his feet had stopped moving; his blue eyes locked onto Reno's.
"It ain't like that, yo. Rufus is making me stay in Healin and I thought, well… you looked kind of lonely standing there in front of the Shinra building…" Reno's words tapered for a moment, as if he was trying to make sure he didn't sound sympathetic. Cloud watched as the azure orbs churned like a violent storm and for a brief moment something familiar flashed within those murky depths. As soon as it rose though, it was already fading. It was at that moment Reno choose to reanimate himself. "It'll just be a few drinks. One guy hanging with another; come on Cloud, it ain't like there's anything else to do around here."
"Why don't you just go by yourself if it's that boring?"
"I don't wanna be by myself."
Cloud watched the words tumble from the other's lips and felt a tinge of jealousy slide into his gut. Reno was so open; unafraid. Cloud felt envy and maybe resentment towards the Turk because of that; but he didn't let it show. Against all better judgment, he gave his assent in the form of an exasperated sigh and a halfhearted nod.
Reno's smiled wider then Cloud deemed possible and the red-head let his words twist out devilishly. "Alright babe, let's go have some fun."
Cloud swallowed hard and realized that his day had just gone from bad to worse. He was definitely going to need a stiff drink or two to get through the rest of it.
TBC
