A.N: My first shot at fanfiction writing. Reviews are most appreciated and that include critics. Thanks in advance. The song's lyrics are in italic bold. Gazillion special thanks to ms. margie for being a wonderful Beta.
Disclaimer:
I do not own all these BOF characters and the copyright to the song, only the inspirations from them.
In a studio a few blocks away from the So Museum, a lump of clay sat still on its spinning wheel, patiently waiting for its Master to come and mold it to perfection. It was beginning to miss the Master's skilled hands. It had been a week since it's been touched. So Yi Jeong, the world-renowned potter, had deserted his spinning wheel. So Yi Jeong, the potter prodigy, had neglected his clay. All because of a young beautiful commoner girl, Chu Ga Eul.
So Yi Jeong was driving his orange Lotus car mindlessly through the hustle and bustle of the city of Seoul. His morning was spent unproductively. Again. Although he was in the many meetings at the So Museum, he could not recall what they were all about.
"Speak of the devil!" Yi Jeong suddenly blurted out and a shot of pain coursed through his already aching heart.
The 'devil' was on the other side of the road walking calmly towards the opposite direction.
Flashback
So Yi Jeong stood unmoved on the top of Namsan Stairs watching Chu Ga Eul walked down the stairs. The sound of her shoes reverberated through the air. As she descended the flight of stairs, Yi Jeong felt his heart shattered to a million pieces. The further she stepped away, the more his heart was crushed.
"I'm not going to look for you anymore, Sunbae." Her words kept repeating in his mind like an old broken record. Each time, he felt his heart stabbed deeper and deeper.
He needed to chase after her for he was supposed to tell her something. Something salient that was supposed to change his entire life. But why was he still there frozen like a statue firmly cemented to the ground as she faded away from his vision? After what seemed like an eternity, he was still rooted on the top of the famous stairs, now becoming his most hated place in the whole wide world. The wind howled sadly around him as if sensing his loss of a soul mate. Nature itself accompanied him in his mourns.
"Ga Eul...," was all that came out of him along with a trail of tears.
End of flashback
A simple blue headband adorned her straight black silky hair. Her face void of makeup yet she looked beautiful as always. Wait. Did she seem to be thinner? Her light blue knee length coat protected her petite frame from the chilly autumn air. Some fortunate passers-by were greeted by her with a sweet smile. He wished that he was one of the strangers on the street, maybe then he'll get the same greeting from her too.
He had missed her smile. He had never told her that her smile never failed to warm his cold heart. If he was to be honest to himself, he liked ... no... loved her smile since the first day he met her at the porridge shop when he came looking for Jan Di. That first star struck smile and all her other smiles for him, they came from her sincerest pure heart, unlike all the fake smiles people around him gave for his money and fame.
Yi Jeong quickly turned his car around. He has made a decision the moment he saw her. He was going to have his say. He was going to tell her how he felt. It was his turn to speak and this time he was determined to not let her interrupt. At the first available spot, he parked his car and left it to catch up to her. Luckily for him, she had not gone too far and he was only a few steps behind her.
"Ga Eul-yang!" he called. Please don't run away.
That voice… she knew it too well. Ga Eul abruptly stopped and slowly turned around. Only one person would call her by that name.
"Yi Jeong sunbae," she whispered.
Her heart began to race, so she placed her right hand on her chest to calm it down. It had been a week since she last saw him since she had said goodbye. She had tried very hard to forget him. How many times had she scolded herself for wanting to seek him at his studio? There too, were many a time when she had to force herself to ignore her phone, afraid that she would call him, saying that it was just to talk about her missing best friend and his grieving best friend. It had been a trying week but she was learning to move on. Just when she thought that she was getting stronger, his voice and presence now had proven her wrong. Once again, So Yi Jeong had managed to wreak havoc in her whole being. Once again, So Yi Jeong had managed to knock down the wall she built surrounding her fragile heart. She held back the tears that threatened to swell in her eyes.
It was a soft whisper, her "Yi Jeong sunbae", but he heard her nonetheless. His heart suddenly filled with warmth and happiness that had been missing this whole week. At that moment, So Yi Jeong felt content.
"May I talk to you for just a second, Ga Eul-yang?" With a smile, he was trying his luck.
He had his hands in his pockets, shaking from being nervous. He had never been this nervous before. Not ever in front of a girl. But the simple beautiful girl in front of him was bringing out a feeling that was foreign.
Ga Eul remained silent. She looked at him with an uncertain expression. Her eyes were searching for something in his dark orbs as if asking "What is it Sunbae?" A few minutes went by. Yi Jeong's smile faded from his face. Her silence was making him anxious. Feeling defeated with wretchedness evident on his face, he lowered his head and was about to turn around.
"I'm sorry, Ga Eul-yang. I understand. I'll .."
"Yes, Sunbae." she cut him short, surprising him. Yi Jeong quickly looked up, his eyes met hers.
Ga Eul stiffened. She was also surprised at her own reply. During their last encounter, she had told him that she was not going to seek for him anymore. So why did she say yes to him now?
"Why don't we go into the park right there?" she suggested, trying to keep her voice steady. She now knew the answer to her question. She needed to show him that she was strong and that he, like the rest, was just another friend. So she prayed to the heaven above that her heart would not betray her.
They walked side by side, feeling awkward yet a comfortable silence hung between them. Every few steps or so, they would glance at each other and whenever their eyes met, they would smile. When she was looking straight ahead, Yi Jeong saw from the corner of his eyes that Ga Eul's cheeks were slightly blushed. Was it because of the cold air or was it because of me? He could not help but wonder. He wanted to believe that it was the latter because it gave him hope that she might still be affected by him. His heart began to beat a little faster.
Ga Eul led Yi Jeong to a bench under an oak tree facing a small pond in the middle of the park. They sat on the bench, an arm's length apart, and watched the many people in the park. The cold air was mild and did not hinder people from enjoying the mesmerizing golden, red, yellow and orange scenery of an early autumn. It was a bright sunny autumn day.
A few feet away from them was a father helping his son fed the ducks in the pond and a group of elders was happily chit-chatting away. On a carpet of fallen leaves across the pond, a couple was enjoying each other's company. The man had laid his head on his partner's lap, his eyes closed while she read her book. Her right hand held the book while the other played gently with his hair. Suddenly the man pulled her book down. For a second she looked surprised, and then lightly hit his hand. He just laughed at her. They looked happy, Ga Eul thought.
Ga Eul imagined Yi Jeong and herself as the couple. They would go for their weekly trip to the park, holding hands as they stroll along the rows of trees while marveling the magnificent scenes that nature has to offer. They would sometimes fly kites when the wind was good, or simply cycle around the park. She would bring a basket full of ... Stop it Chu Ga Eul! She scolded herself and shook her head.
She turned her head at the same time as he did and gazed into his eyes. What she saw surprised her. Is that pain that I see in your eyes Sunbae? What happened? Is your mother OK?
Ga Eul first knew about his mother's condition the night Yi Jeong outrageously offered her to his father. Her heart crumpled and shattered by his monstrosity but a small part of her heart felt that she needed to understand why he did what he did. She had always believed that behind those Casanova acts, Yi Jeong was a kind man. He should be. If he wasn't, he would not have helped Jan Di to be with Jun Pyo. So later that night, she went and helped the drunken Yi Jeong at his studio. She then understood why. He was a broken soul in a broken family. He was afraid that he would become like his father. That night, Ga Eul promised herself to heal his heartaches, forever.
"How have you been Yi Jeong sunbae?" she asked.
"I'm OK, Ga Eul-yang," he replied. No I'm not, Ga Eul, his heart protested.
You ask me how my day was as if it is same everyday
I say that I'm OK but you really don't know how I feel
Do you think I will be OK without you?
I miss your banters, your unexpected visits to my studio, your spunky remarks, and your constant annoying talks about soulmates. I miss your smiles, your laughs, and your voice. I miss you, Ga Eul. I can't stop thinking about you. My life is miserable without you. You left me alone on those stairs. You robbed me of my chance to tell you that I like you, that I more than just like you, Ga Eul. How can I be OK?
"It has been a busy week at the museum. We are holding an exhibition and an auction for my new collection next month," Yi Jeong said. I have not made any new pieces for the auction. How can I when you are all that is in my mind, Ga Eul?
"Woo Bin, Ji Hoo and I are also still searching for Jan Di. We've searched everywhere but your best friend is too good in hiding. Jun Pyo, he's a mess without Jan Di." I am also a mess without you, Ga Eul.
"Oh." Ga Eul whispered. Did you not think of me Yi Jeong sunbae? Did you not miss me for even a second? Her heart felt a pang of pain.
For a moment she had a sad frown on her lovely face but quickly hid it away.
"What about you Ga Eul-yang?" Yi Jeong asked.
Are you OK without me?
Ga Eul fidgeted a little before putting up a smile but the smile did not quite reach her eyes.
"School is killing me a bit and I have to work double shifts at the porridge shop since Jan Di is not here." She let out a sigh. "Other than those, I'm doing pretty fine, Sunbae. I've been looking into some colleges too. I don't know which course to take, photography or child education? What do you think, Sunbae? You know how I love taking pictures. You see, everything around us hides a secret. I want to capture those secrets and share them with the whole world. I want to tell their stories through my photos. O Sunbae!" Excitement was heard in her voice. "You should come and see my photo albums at home and tell me what you think about them. Jan Di said that I'm a photo freak but I think that she is just jealous because she can't take good pictures. Her pictures always turned out blurry." Ga Eul laughed at the thought of Jan Di's photos.
"Sunbae, I know what you must be thinking. Child education? Well, I love children. I babysit my neighbors' kids. Bet you didn't know that." She laughed. "I love those kids. So innocent and carefree. Do you know that they can be little monsters at times? But it's amazing what you can learn from the little creatures. Sunbae, were you like them too when you were small? I think so. Right, Sunbae?"
Yi Jeong chuckled. She was so animated when she talked. He looked at her, amused.
Her question took him to their trip to New Caledonia where he was forcefully bribed by Jun Pyo to keep her away from Jan Di. He was annoyed by her being a hilly-billy touristy, as he liked to call it, taking pictures everywhere she went.
She even dared him by making him take a picture of her on the hill that overlooked the breathtaking sea view. He made it pretty clear to her that he was irritated by it. Despite his annoyance, he did think that she was cute and pretty. Even though she was thin, her chubby baby face was one of his favorite features of her. The hat she wore was not able to stop her baby cheeks from being a bit flushed from the sun. He had to restrain himself from pinching those dimpled cheeks. It didn't help that the cute white blouse and pink skirt that stopped two inches above her knees made her looked even prettier. But she didn't need to know that from him. He has a reputation to uphold. A Casanova doesn't fall for a commoner, so he told himself. Still, his Casanova eyes were never wrong in appreciating a beauty, and a beauty, she definitely was.
Ex-Casanova now, he corrected himself.
However, he didn't know about her babysitting jobs. He knew that she had a loving and caring soul. Her fierce loyalty to Jan Di was very much evident to that, and now, he got to know that she also loved children. For some reason, Yi Jeong felt ecstatic about it.
A little girl at about the age of 3, and a boy, three years older, were building a sand castle on a white sandy beach. The sun was bright and hot but the ocean breeze blanketed them with comfort. Not far from them, a beautiful woman in her early thirties was playing with a much younger little boy. With a wide straw hat covering her from the heat, she had her hair in a loose French braid. She wore a mesh yellow t-shirt on top of her swimming suit and a big flowery scarf was tied at her waist as a skirt. It flapped in the breeze, showing her long lovely legs. Motherhood had been kind to her, bestowing a gorgeous curve to her once slim frame. Once in a while, she would call out to the two older children, pointing at them about the funny things their little brother was doing and they laughed happily at the little boy.
Then a handsome man walked towards the happy family and when he reached the woman, he scooped the little boy up, twirled a couple of times and kissed him on the cheeks. The little boy giggled, hugging his father tightly and returning the kisses. The young woman then stood up and ruffled her son's jet black hair. While the man held his son in one arm, he wrapped his free hand around the woman's waist and pulled her closer. She let out a squeal but soon mimicked him. She also wrapped her arms around his waist and planted a kiss on his cheek. He kissed her as well, on her forehead, cheeks, and finally her soft sweet lips that he could not get enough of. Their elder children cheered in delight. They loved watching their parents' displays of affection. They stood up and ran towards their parents to join in on the big family hug.
The happy vision began to fade away as Yi Jeong felt his face growing hot. He was blushing. Did I just envision myself happily married to Ga Eul, and with children? He asked himself. Before Ga Eul's goodbye on the Namsan Stairs, Yi Jeong had, countless of times imagined being together with her, but to have children with Ga Eul? It had not crossed his mind. This was a first for him and the former Casanova told himself that he loved the idea.
At the same time as Yi Jeong was envisaging their happy family, Ga Eul continued on with her stories about the children's mischiefs. She did not notice Yi Jeong's red cheeks. Suddenly she froze, realizing what she had just done. She had babbled and talked non-stop. Her face flushed in crimson as she saw him still gazing at her, with that forever heart-melting smile on his handsome face. For one, she was embarrassed that she had let down of her guard and talked like nothing happened between them. Two, she always felt that his eyes could bore down her soul spilling all of her deepest secrets out in the open. Right now his gaze was doing just that.
Her body shivered, not from the cold, that, she was sure of. Yi Jeong-sunbae, her heart whispered, hammering erratically. Ga Eul nervously tucked some stray hairs behind her left ear and told herself to calm down. Her eyes locked with his.
Yi Jeong, still with his blush, never took his eyes off of her beautiful dark brown eyes.
"Yes, I was a monster. All the F4 were but everybody loved us. Still does." He answered, smugly. "Oh. I'd love to come and see your photo albums, Ga Eul-yang," He continued, grinning. Ga Eul's face burned red on his last statement. She looked everywhere but his eyes.
"Ga Eul-yang." His husky voice spoke, soft but with a note of seriousness in it.
It is really hard to live in this world without you
That is why I blame myself for still breathing
What should I do?
He remembered his decision earlier when he was in the car and mustered up his courage. He should do what he should have done on that fateful day on that hateful stairs.
Even now, I live these painful days because of what you said
Do you live every single day painfully like me?
Tell me if this is a bad thing to do
"I'm not going to look for you anymore, Sunbae." Her words came back to him. Ga Eul, do you not know what those words have done to me? Do they not hurt you too when you spoke of them?
She looked back at him.
"Hmm?" was her short response. Her heart skipped a few beats, and she held her breath.
"Why did you say goodbye?" His eyes gazed into hers for answers.
Ga Eul's eyes grew and she then slowly lowered her gaze to her now trembling hands on her lap.
You and me
Are we too late?
Do we not have a chance?
Yi Jeong braved himself. He moved closer, placed his hands on hers and can feel her stiffened upon the touch. She tried taking her hands away but he held them firmly, not wanting to let go. Then he brought them to his lap and interlaced his fingers with hers, to which she allowed. Yi Jeong's heart soared at her approval. He still had a chance with her.
I still think about you and you might know this
Is it finally this?
Are we going to end up like this?
Is it OK with you?
I don't think I can do it
He let Ga Eul took her time to gather her answer.
"Yi Jeong sunbae." She finally said. She could no longer hold the tears that had betrayed her.
"I ... I ... you ... Eun Jae seon saeng-nim ... I can't ...," she stuttered, fighting her tears but to no avail.
She looked at their hands. Her small soft fingers fit his long ones perfectly. How many times had she imagined this before? So Yi Jeong and Chu Ga Eul, hand in hand and fingers intertwined, together on the altar. She cried even more.
"Do you think that I still love Eun Jae?" His question startled her.
She looked up. Do you? Her heart asked with a sliver of hope that he would say no.
She saw glistening in his eyes that he tried very hard to suppress. His eyes showed pain, longing and something else that she could not understand.
"Yes, I do. I still love her."
Ga Eul felt something broke inside of her. That last sliver of hope died along with it.
Again, she tried to pull her hands away but he would not let her. She could not understand why. Why is he doing this to me? Why is he making me suffer? Was this what he wanted to talk about? To tell me that he still loves her? Why is he mocking me? She wanted to scream in her head. Her heart had never ache as much as what she felt at that moment. He was truly a cold-blooded heartless Casanova. But what she hated the most was herself, for believing that he felt something for her the moment he called her name out on the street earlier, the moment he asked to talk to her, the moment he took her hands in his. Chu Ga Eul hated herself for loving So Yi Jeong.
"Yes. I love her. For years I have grieved and mourned for my lost air. Now she is back. You found her for me Ga Eul-yang. Thank you." He smiled at her.
Please stop torturing me. Her heart cried out.
The love that I found by meeting you
I won't find it anywhere else even if I die
"But my love for her now is the love of a friend to another." Yi Jeong said.
Ga Eul stopped fidgeting. Still, the butterflies in her stomach were chaotic.
"What I thought was my air was not. She wasn't my air, Ga Eul-yang. She was the wind, and once the wind blows away, it will never come back to the same place."
Ga Eul's heart was about to burst.
What should I do?
If it isn't you, no one else can be in my heart
"My air is you, Ga Eul." Yi Jeong confessed.
Ga Eul felt her heart stopped.
And you know that even though the whole world would try
Please hold me
No one can erase your memories
So please hold me
"My air is you, Ga Eul." "My air is you, Ga Eul." "...Ga Eul." "...Ga Eul." Like a mantra, it played continuously in her head. She had waited for so long to hear him say her name without the honorific. Since the day he avenged her broken heart. The day when he told everyone in that nightclub, in front of her jerk ex-boyfriend that she was the one who stole his heart and never gave it back. It was the moment when he stole her heart and never gave it back.
Yi Jeong felt her body relaxed. Her hands had stopped trembling. But her fingers became tight as if she was afraid that he would let them go. He returned the gesture by holding her fingers tight too, easing her muscle once again. It was his way of telling her that he would not let her go, that he would never let her go.
Even now, I live these painful days because of what you said
Do you live every single day painfully like me?
What should I do?
Tell me if this is a bad thing to do
You and me
"Ga Eul, my whole world crumbles the moment you left me alone on those stairs. My heart told me to stop you, yet my feet… I went to your workplace the next day, but instead, I saw you cried. I was afraid that I'll only hurt you more if I went in, so I left. It pained me to see you cry and that I was the cause of it. I told myself to respect your decision because it was your wish. I don't want you to cry anymore. I should let you go. I really did try, but I was hardly living, Ga Eul. It killed me not having you near. I can't do this anymore Ga Eul. Being apart from you hurts so much. Not seeing you was unbearable. Please don't leave me again, ever. I want to be with you, Ga Eul. I. Need. You."
Is it too late?
Do we not have a chance?
But me, I still think about you
And you might not know it
Yi Jeong released her hands. He took her right hand and placed it over his heart. He wiped her tears and caressed her cheeks softly.
"Ga Eul, can you feel that?" he asked.
She could feel his heart thumping loudly through her hand on his chest.
"It beats for you. Only for you."
Her heart began to pound wildly as well.
"Be my soul mate, Ga Eul. Be mine forever as I am yours."
With that, So Yi Jeong embraced Chu Ga Eul tightly, her sweet scent calming his whole being. She embraced him back with tears falling freely again. This time they were tears of happiness. Her soul mate had finally recognized her.
"Saranghae Ga Eul." "Saranghae Yi Jeong."
- T.H.E. E.N.D. -
