Disclaimer – own nothing. Characters and original story belongs to the writers of the TV show.
From a very young age, I knew I was different. I wasn't like everyone else in the institute. It was a feeling I had to bury deep inside myself and lock it and to make sure, it would never open. As shadowhunters, we're taught to control our emotions. Those feelings are for mundane's. Emotions make us weak and being weak isn't an option, especially for a shadowhunter. We're taught strength, courage and protecting the mundane's from the demon world. For a long time, I believed this. I kept whatever doubts I had about myself, locked away and it was going to plan, until he walked into my life.
I met Jace Herondale when I was Ten years old. His Grandmother, who is the head of the Clave. Brought the young boy into the institute, after he lost both his parents in the battle with Valentine. His Grandmother, Imogen. Trusted my parents to raise him and teach him the ways around the institute and of course, the law of the clave. Which of course, years to come, he ignored most of the rules. He became the best friend I never thought I'd have. I had so much respect for Jace, I still do.
We were very different though, I lived by the rules, and he didn't. He respected what we stood for as shadowhunters and trained and fought like the rest of us. But his emotions got the better of him, as he got older, his appearance got the attention of many girls and he loved every minute of it. Sneaking out at night and going to bars and club and not coming back till the early hours of the morning. He always tried to convince me to go with him, but I couldn't. I believed in everything I was taught. I truly believed doing what Jace was doing would make me weak and of course, there was the other thing I was hiding from myself. The one thing my parents wouldn't have ever understood. That I was different.
When I was around fithteen. Jace and I became more than best friends, we became parabatai's. Brothers. We became one. Before it became official. I started growing feelings for him. I found myself staring at him constantly. I couldn't breathe when he walked into a room. I knew I was falling in love with him. Apart of me didn't want to go through with the ceremony, as it wouldn't be right, I can't have a parabatai that I was in love with. But it wasn't about me. It was about all of us. What our powers could be as one. It was the right thing to do, for the institute. So I buried my feelings and got on with it. My Sister, Isabelle. However wasn't stupid. She could see right through me. She knew Jace and I would never be together in that way as it was very clear, he was straight. But she wanted me to be happy, she wanted me to be happy and be true to myself. But I couldn't. I just couldn't allow myself to go there.
I always suspected that Jace knew the feelings I was hiding from him. If he did, he never said anything. He respected the fact I kept personal life, well lack of. Private. He was the only one that understood me. It was nice.
I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my door. I got out my bed and quietly opened my bedroom door. I looked around, but no one was there. I heard the noise again. I quickly grabbed my sword and I went to investigate the strange noises. As I got closer to the intruder, I draw my sword and as I was about to attack, they turned round. I softened my face.
"Isabelle? What's going on?" I asked my sister
"Oh big brother, you're so uptight" she said smiling.
Jace entered the hallway. "You ready?" the blond Shadowhunter said to my sister.
"Born ready" Isabelle grinned.
"Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on?" I said frustrated.
"We're going out. The downworlders are having a party" Isabelle answered.
My face became serious. "No!"
"Oh come on Alec. Just for once, live a little" she protested.
"Look, if we keep standing about chatting, no one will be going anywhere and we'll all be in trouble" Jace stated.
I sighed. "Fine. I'll meet you outside in ten minutes"
My sister was delighted with my decision. For years, she has been trying to get me to break the rules. I wasn't happy about it though, but at least if they got into some fort of trouble, I'd be there to help them.
I put on my leather Jacket; I stared at myself in the mirror for second. Trying to remember why I agreed to this. I let out a sigh before I head to the window.
I stared at the huge dark building in front of me. The blue lights shining down onto the streets. I watched the downworlders walking towards the building. Vampires, werewolves and warlocks. It was the only time, these creatures where in the same place without a war breaking out. There weren't many places in the city that only downworlders could go to and just enjoy themselves. Most places were run by mundane's.
"Alec? Are you coming in or are you just going to stand there all night?" Isabelle shouted, standing at the entrance.
I took another glance at the place. I took a deep breath and followed Isabelle.
Inside of the place was outstanding. So many lights, the music pumping through the walls. It wasn't normally my thing. But it looked beautiful. I thought to myself, whoever was hosting, really knew how to throw a party.
I sat at the bar, watching my sister dancing on her own. Every downworlders was staring at her. She knew how to create attention. Jace was at the other side of the bar. He had his arm around some werewolf. He was whispering something in the girl's ear. I could only imagine what he was saying to her. As I was watching them. Something inside me was aching. I knew Jace wasn't like me and I accepted that. But I couldn't stop hurting every time I saw him with someone else. I closed my eyes and said to myself, feelings are weak. Emotions are weak. You're better than that Alec! I took another deep breath and opened my eyes. I stood up from my seat and put my leather jacket back on. Isabelle now by my side.
"Are you leaving? We just got here!" Izzy stated.
"This was a mistake, we shouldn't be here!"
"Alec, we are allowed to have some fun now and again"
"We're shadowhunters, Izzy, there's no such thing as fun"
I walked away from her; I knew she would have that disappointed look on her face. But I didn't care. I wasn't a mundane. This wasn't my life.
But I didn't realise that night, in the club. That someone was watching me. Someone that was going to change my life and way of thinking forever. The night I met him, it all changed for me.
