What have I become,
so eager to know what he'll say,
so eager for him to turn and look at me?
I hate this
yet I want him to hold me close,
I want to push that envelope so much farther away even though I know
that he's impossible,
that this can't be healthy
let alone end well
yet I press closer when he's near
and wonder if he sees me as a woman
now that I stand before him,
dressed like one,
wonder if that's all he'll see
and if he loves catching my eye,
watching me
I can't believe that I've grown this weak,
but I want to see this through,
figure out if this love is better
if it pushes and burns
beyond me,
beyond my control that's grown flimsy
'I love you'
even though I've yet to grow worthy
of being near anyone's side this way,
'I love you'
despite how much of a mess you are,
will you love me back twice as hard?
