Everyone is doing dares with the Kirby characters. But people are doing it all wrong in my opinion. If you're going to dare them as characters, then leave them as characters! Don't change their personalities to yours. Can you ever imagine a situation where the real Meta Knight would say, "Oh noes?"
To clarify for an anonymous reviewer- By "in character" I mean "in personality." I do change canonical events and use "Wild Mass Guessing" to make my story more fun! I use the hypotheses that
-Meta Knight once fought for Nightmare before defecting.
-Kirby speaks the language of his race because somebody had to raise him from being a complete infant (unable to defend self, move around by walking, find food to eat) into a toddler. He couldn't have retained his reflexes or learned these behaviors if he was stuck in hyperspace; aging doesn't work like that.
Thank you for leaving a review and you did not offend me! Thanks for actually responding, I'm surprised you checked back. You must really like this story. ^.^
I have watched all of the anime and frequently browse the Wiki, so the decision to defile canon was a choice I made.
So, here's my own version of how things should play out for dares. This dare would be, "Meta Knight, admit that your name is Mr. Noodle Arms and make us all tacos." Obviously, he wouldn't normally want to do this kind of thing, but as you'll see today is a special occasion for Sword and Blade...
Sword is a female in my version. I always thought it made more sense than Blade being female. This was partially inspired by the Deviant Art "Meta Knight's Journey Diary" series. Look that up right now.
Originally I was going to do other dares like this but I figured it would be better if I just left it as it was. Sorry, SKP Fan, but I'm not doing your dare. It went through too many rewrites. However, send me a review if you've seen this and I'll send you the unfinished copy of the dare.
Without Further Ado:
The Saucy Tale of Meta Knight's Cooking
Nothing had actually prompted the event, at least in the knight's mind. He was busy making plans for his battleship, the Halberd. He was proud to say that it was nearly complete. He only needed to finish some of the rooms. At the moment he was deciding exactly how to finish the galley. A long trip required good enough space food, something the knight had no idea how to create or purchase, except through the internet. That meant somehow convincing Customer service to send it, which would never happen, or convincing Dedede to get it for him. He would have to practically beg, borrow or steal from the fat king if he wanted any favors. Obtaining space food would be not only costly, but also dangerous.
As he walked down the halls, his eyes a contented green, he heard a cheer from the Ebrum family. He grinned, it was good that they were enjoying their peaceful lifestyle. It would shatter soon enough. Even Kirby could be heard squealing with delight, and judging from his cries, Meta Knight could tell they were having dinner. Kirby was literally screaming the word "Tasty!" at the top of his little lungs.
"There's plenty more in the pot!" Came the jovial response of Sir Ebrum, the chef in question.
The next sound, however, stopped the knight cold. His knaves were apparently watching as well, but judging from the sound of their voice, they hadn't exactly been invited to the meal. While the Ebrum family sounded a few stories lower than the knight's current vantage point, his knaves were perched on the balcony on his level.
"Blade..."
"Ay?"
"Smells delicious, don't it? Course anything'd smell good compared to Meta Knight's cooking."
"Sword, ay'm a swor ay," came Blade's completely unintelligible reply. However, Sword seemed to understand and responded with a nod.
"You can say that again."
Meta Knight emerged from behind the corner. He looked at his knaves, who were snickering as they watched the Ebrum's supper. He barely suppressed his outrage. The knight had heard the entire exchange.
"Say what... again?" The knight said, with a pause between his words, making sure to give the two knaves plenty of time to realize their mistake before they had to turn around and accept defeat. He made sure that his thinly-veiled curiosity pierced them like daggers, warning them that there would be some punishment in order. He would not stand to hear complaints about the nice things he tried to do for them. But he didn't want to overkill the moment, better to let them savor this taste as though it were last night's lasagna.
And in all serious, his food tasted good to him. But maybe that was because he was so used to canned food or no food at all, depending on whatever the situation had called for during the war.
"Ay!" Blade said, barely containing himself as he turned. His armor made a faint clattering noise and Sword was utterly silent for a few seconds. She thanked the fact that her helmet hid her head and also her silent gasp of horror. There would be h-e-double hockey-sticks to pay tomorrow, to be sure, unless the two successfully convinced Meta Knight that they were innocent. She tried her best to speak normally but she was well aware that her voice was hitting an abnormally high pitched tone.
"He was saying your cooking's... beyond compare!"
"Swor, ay! Sawry meh!"
Meta Knight smirked. He suddenly thought of an applicable punishment for his two apprentices and it perfectly fit the situation. He gave a tiny hum of approval and walked away, his boots making a clanking noise as he walked around the hall and turned a corner.
As soon as they were certain that he had left the balcony area (Blade and Sword even checked the hallway) they let out a defeated sigh. Meta Knight had heard them. There was just no way he had missed their griping. He had shown up at just the right moment.
"Blade... I've got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach about this." To prove her point, her tummy gave a dissatisfied rumble, rejecting the spaghetti they had consumed earlier that night. Why did Meta Knight always cook Italian food, anyway?
"Sor 'right, ay nem sor punishment tomorrow."
"For sure. And judging by how Meta Knight seemed satisfied with our explanation, it means he'll be cooking up the usual stuff. And he'll expect us to like it."
They walked off from the balcony, eager to distract themselves from the situation. Blade decided to chat, or rather, mumble about the weather; while Sword opted to rubbing her stomach with a groan. Even she was better at cooking than Meta Knight, but the last time she had made something was breakfast a few months ago.
"Happy Birthday, Blade!" Sword had said. She placed a little bowl of scrambled eggs in front of him. The eggs were coated in warm butter and there were a few grains of salt and a leaf as a garnish.
The kitchen was a complete wreck.
"Oy? Swar eh nem thanks a lot!"
Blade began eating as Sword turned around to face the kitchen. Meta Knight, as per her request, had left her alone to work. He leaned against the wall, soaking in the visual glory of his defiled kitchen. For a moment, his eyes flickered pink.
Egg shells littered the counter, the pots were displaced, and the oven was caked in a black-brown mixture of grime and egg white. Several wrappers, from sticks of butter, lay strewn about the floor. A bowl and a whisk were precariously perched on the edge of the counter.
...Let's not even talk about the ketchup everywhere.
She sighed and grabbed a bucket of well water. Meta Knight continued to watch eerily, to the point where Blade felt obligated to look up from breakfast.
"Um... sword, ay nem need sum help?"
"Look, its fine Blade, keep eating."
Meta Knight walked from the room. Sword followed him.
"You don't think you could lend me a hand? I've been working all morning like the little red hen!"
"...Am I not the one who usually cooks and cleans after you two? What a lovely change of pace. Besides, you told me not to interfere."
Sword blushed and went back to her task. At least her food (probably) tasted better than his.
The knight in question leapt down from the ceiling, silently, then he rushed off from the hallway without a single glance back. He had work to do, and if he wanted it done he needed to get to the grocery store tonight.
"Kirby! Kirby! Guess what?" shouted Tuff. Kirby turned away from the Ebrum's breakfast table to look at Tuff, who was juggling a soccer ball on his left foot. His mother and father had already left for town so there was nobody around to scold the boy. He nearly lost the ball, getting dangerously close to a beautiful, lavender flower vase, but nothing bad happened as he eventually settled down. With nobody around to play with except Kirby, he was immediately bored. He sighed, looking at the TV, then at Kirby.
"Poy?" said Kirby, cocking his head in confusion. He was asking something along the lines of, "What do you you wanna do?"
Poyoan is a fairly complex language. Generally it is the same as our own, replacing every syllable with a specific word. Poy, Po, Poyo, Yo and Popoy are the only real terms in Poyoan. They are mixed in speech as necessary. Generally a word's syllable's main vowel is replaced one of the five sounds a young Poyoan voice can produce. Poy stands for the letter A, Po for E or just the E sound in general, Poyo for I or the I sound, Yo for O and popoy for U. There are plenty of nuances, too, but let's not get into them.
Tuff didn't understand what Kirby was saying, so he just decided to walk out the door to play with the other kids. He was kicking the soccer ball between his feet, and he was so preoccupied that he didn't notice that he was walking right into Tiff!
"AHH! Oh, sorry Tiff. You startled me!"
"Didn't Mom say not to play ball in the house?"
"Yeah, but... uhh..."
"Well, go on outside to play with that thing."
"Gee, thanks sis!" Without another word, Tuff began kicking the ball down the hall. Tiff heard a scream, but as she turned to survey the damage, she saw that it was only Waddle Doo, afraid of being mistaken for the ball. Tuff simply jetted past, bee-lining for the courtyard and the drawbridge.
Tiff turned to look at Kirby. He was busy enjoying the last remnants of breakfast. He was literally sucking the plates clean. But that was fine with her; she didn't mind whatever it took to satisfy Kirby.
She suddenly turned to enter her room when she heard metallic clangs echoing from the hall. They were not foreign to her, she recognized the unmistakably careful footfall of the captain of the guard, Meta Knight.
She never really understood that guy. She walked into her room to grab the marine biology book that had brought her up here in the first place, hoping to avoid a confrontation.
Meta Knight walked in the open apartment door just as she started rummaging through her bookcase. He greeted Kirby warmly.
"Good day, Kirby. How was your breakfast?"
"Poyo!" he shouted. Meta Knight translated; Kirby had said "Food Tasty!"
"Are you still hungry, little one? I have a few leftovers downstairs, if you would not mind helping me finish them."
"Popoy yo!" he said, leaping down from the chair, not taking a glance back at the perfectly clean plates on the kitchen table. Meta Knight didn't even need to translate this one, he already knew that Kirby had just said, "Of course!"
He led Kirby out the door with a smirk etched firmly on his face. Kirby would be a big help this morning, as Meta Knight had far too much food on his hands to deal with. He had purposely planned to make everything as positively putrid as possible, but even so, it would be good enough that Kirby would like it. If it was edible, it was good, at least in Kirby's opinion, and for the moment that suited Meta Knight just fine.
Tiff stared out of her room, having sworn that she had heard Meta Knight, but neither he nor Kirby were anywhere to be found in the kitchen or living room. She shrugged, closing the still open door to the house, returning to her book.
Sword and Blade sat miserably in their rooms. They were deathly afraid of whatever concoction their master had been making. They had been correct in assuming that Meta Knight was going to be cooking more than usual today, and they were correct in their assumption that it was going to taste worse than usual. They were getting used to punishments like this whenever they had done something stupid, after all, they were his apprentices, but they were getting the feeling that knowing in advance was going to make it all the more difficult. They had a feeling about exactly what was going to happen, and they were in no rush for breakfast, even though the sun was reaching its zenith and their stomachs were practically chomping at the bit for food. Hopefully they could make themselves hungry enough so that they would just wolf down the food without tasting it.
What they hadn't counted upon was Kirby's presence. Having someone else around, even someone as clueless as the little pink puffy creature, was going to make their charade all the more difficult to keep up with. They had to at least try to use good manners, for Kirby's sake.
Meta Knight set flour, meat and fresh vegetables out on the counter. He had a sudden inspiration after hearing about Sir Ebrum's dinner, which the Cabinet Minister had made because it was his childhood favorite.
Now, Meta Knight hadn't exactly had a conventional childhood, or even a childhood for that matter, but there was one memory that he had that wasn't quite so terrible. One night, after a battle for a planet known for its exceptionally fertile soil, Nightmare had had one of those weird days when he wasn't feeling as vengeful and evil as usual. Rather than complaining about some of the small losses, as a reward for the hard work of the day, Nightmare had ordered takeout from a local restaurant.
The poor cashier hadn't known what hit him.
Meta Knight vaguely remembered some of the other demon beasts, including a puppy-sized version of Wolfwrath, chowing down on Fajitas, Burritos and Enchiladas. Meta Knight had been, well, about Kirby's age. At least he had been the same size, anyway.
It was the equivalent of a feast. Wolfwrath had scored his first official kill today, and as such he had been allowed to choose spicy food for the evening meal. Meta Knight liked spicy food just as much, and he had no problem downing every salsa-covered dish that happened to look at him the wrong way.
He remembered how everyone else's face had turned red as the flavor overcame them. Nightmare had stuck around to watch, though he didn't need to eat. Rather, he enjoyed feeding on the rage of some of the lesser demon beasts as their tongues surrendered to the spicy barrage. Meta Knight had particularly enjoyed it when Tornadon, still only a baby, had taken his first nibble and promptly fanned everyone present with his arms. True to his name, he swirled up a tornado, and it had caused the salsa to twirl through the air and land on the face of Customer Service. Oh, that day had been so sweet.
Meta Knight was determined to make exactly the same event unfold, and he had a few more plans in store that would surely make his knaves regret their hasty comment.
Of course, he first had to make the food.
"Kirby, would you go into the other room and see how my knaves are doing? Tell them I shall have lunch ready soon."
Kirby nodded with a cheer and he ran off immediately to fulfill the knight's wish.
Meta Knight measured flour, water and a number of other things the author couldn't be bothered to list into a bowl. He mixed up the batter, quickly, then slowly, then quickly again, making sure that none of it spilled over. When he was content that it had all been thoroughly mixed in, he set it aside, pulling out a second bowl the same size and repeating the procedure. Only this time, he grabbed a fist-full of pepper flakes and some other spices into this batch. When the mixture was so well stirred that he didn't even notice the specks of black and red himself, he set that bowl far aside.
He went to the other bowl, then pulled out a pan from one of the cabinets, setting it over the stove range. He flicked on the gas burner and he started pouring the batter into small rings that resembled very thin pancakes. As they began to cook, Kirby reentered the room. Meta Knight suddenly noticed how much time it had taken the warrior to return into his room. The child was looking at the ground, feeling guilty about something, but what that was, Meta Knight wasn't sure.
"Kirby, what is the matter? Why are you staring at the ground so intently?"
"Poy... yo... poy poy..."
Meta Knight didn't exactly know how to respond. Sword and Blade suddenly running off, as Kirby had just said, wasn't something he had accounted for.
"Do me a favor then, little one. Can you please search for them? Tell them I need to see them sometime today and they should come straight back here. If they do not, make sure you tell me. I will just fetch them myself if they give you any trouble. OK? You do not need to feel so glum."
Kirby locked eyes with the knight but left to comply with the command.
Now what were his knaves up to that it had so deeply disturbed Kirby?
Sword and Blade were running as fast as their legs could carry them, up traveler's road. If they could help it, they weren't going to come back down that road for a good few weeks.
They were not going to subject themselves and their poor taste-buds to this any longer.
They were huffing and puffing already, starved from the morning's "hunger strike." If they kept up like this they were definitely going to pass out.
"SAWR! AY neh met... need to stop." Blade suddenly skidded to a halt.
"Blade... why... did you stop?"
"I..." Blade coughed before continuing. "Well... ah nay meh can't just run away from our problems like this. Sooner or later we're gonna have to get this over with."
He was spared a reply as the shepherd greeted them from the fields.
"Good morning Sword, Blade! How goes it this fine day?"
Blade didn't respond. He knew that the other Cappies had trouble understanding his speech. Sword usually handled it whenever they had company.
"Morning," Sword said, without any excitement.
"...Why the long face, Sword? Something wrong?"
Blade gave a snicker, noticing for the first time just how long the helmet on her armor was. He silenced himself fairly quickly as he thought back to their dilemma, though.
"As a matter of fact... yeah. We said something we didn't really mean to Meta Knight and now... erk!" Sword held her stomach. Blade looked down at his own and it gave a growl.
"You two seem hungry to me."
"You don't know the half of it. See, Meta Knight usually cooks us all Italian food. I wouldn't mind it, if it wasn't every single night. It's nice what he does for us, but sometimes, I wonder if he's thinking straight."
"Sor aw ay erm hem sowr now he's making more..."
"Making more?" asked the shepherd.
"He's cooking up a lot more food than usual for lunch, and he's making sure it tastes as bad as possible. That's all we've been able to guess about what he's up to, anyway."
The shepherd cocked his head in confusion. If it was even possible, he was the stupidest Cappy in Cappy Town. "Why would he make bad food?"
Blade shook his head. There was really no use talking to the shepherd, but Sword wasn't giving up. Perhaps she could salvage the conversation.
"He's making bad food because we were talking about how bad his cooking was."
"You said that?! You should be ashamed!" said the shepherd. Blade was surprised by the man's conviction. "Have you apologized?"
Blade and Sword looked at each other. "We didn't say it to his face. We... were just kinda jokin' around. We saw the Ebrum's eating their dinner and we thought we'd say how it smelled better than Meta Knight's cooking does."
"So why is he mad at you, then?"
"He turned the corner just after..." Sword trailed off. "I don't know why we're telling you all this. I'm sure you've got your own things to worry about."
"Not at all! It would be terrible to ignore someone in need of help! Now, what to do..." the shepherd looked up at the sky, watching the clouds. There was a particularly strange one, in the shape of a hoop.
Minutes elapsed. Sword tried to prompt the shepherd to an answer, but he remained silent.
Just as Blade started walking away, towing Sword behind him with a barely contained sigh, the shepherd had an idea.
He coughed a few times before chasing after the two.
Sword stopped in her tracks, pulling Blade to a stop too. "Ay? The shepherd's comin' straight for us!"
"Sword, ay nem sa-"
"I figured it out! I know how to solve your dinner problem!"
Blade stood up straighter in excitement. But Sword was skeptical.
"Yeah? Well, what is it?"
"Go ask Mabel! She can see the future and I'd bet she'd be willing to tell you how to prepare for it!"
Sword and Blade looked to each other. It wasn't a good solution, but it was a plan. They nodded, thanking the shepherd, and ran down the street in the hopes of finding Mabel in the village square.
"Humph. I didn't think it would be this... hard to make a hard shell taco." Meta Knight stood knee-deep in jalapeño slices, trying to fish some of them out of the sink, as he didn't have a garbage disposal. The humor of his statement was not lost upon him.
Most everything was done twice over. He had carefully made sure to put one jalapeño each on top of the extra spicy food, and leave some medium salsa on the side of the normal stuff. The normal things looked good to him, but some of them were starting to get a little soggy. Where was Kirby? Even though the kitchen was a mess, he had everything ready, and it was high time for the two renegade apprentices to face the plates.
Suddenly he thought of something. Why not make the meal's flair a little more... realistic? He went to his closet, pulling out a long cloth and a wide brimmed hat.
Kirby gave another cry. "Poyo! Poyo! Poyo!"
He had said, "Sword Blade" in rapid succession.
Despite how hard he tried, Kirby couldn't locate them. He was just heading up the traveler's road when it occurred to him that they might have left Cappy Town by now.
He was replaying their previous conversation in his head.
"Sor, ay neh Kirby!"
"Geez, Kirby, you scared us nearly to death!"
"Poy?"
"Come on, Kirbs, you gotta help us get this window open."
"Poy?"
"Yeah, Kirby, sword ay sor hem nay ay?"
Kirby didn't know why they were trying to get the window open, but he was still more than happy to help. He put his whole body under the small gap the two knights had made, and he lifted with all his strength. The metal squealed as he raised it a fraction of an inch. Blade held his head in disgust but returned to the task.
"Poyo!" he said. Kirby had just asked "Why?"
In Poyoan, the E sound and I sound replace the Y vowel, so that any word with a Y, rather than another vowel, falls into one of the two categories. "Why" makes a long vowel sound, so it is replaced with the "I" word.
To answer his own question, which neither of the two apprentices understood, Kirby looked a little closer at the window. Something had been tied to the outside and was weighing it down.
It was a small rock. Nothing serious, but nothing light, either. It made opening the window all the harder. But why would there be a rock tied to a window the knaves needed to open?
"Who put that rock there, anyway? You think it was Meta Knight?"
Kirby gave a cry of indignation. He would never do such a thing! Meta Knight was Kirby's bestest friend in the whole village! Well, there was Tiff and Tuff, they were friends, bestest friends... and Iroo, and Honey and Spikehead and Escargoon and Dedede and Sword and Blade...
"Sword, ay meh tah absolutely!"
"Whatever, we gotta keep lifting or we're stuck here!"
The two redoubled their efforts.
Kirby continued lifting as best he could, but he wasn't quite strong enough, even with the three of them, the window was only rising a fraction of an inch.
"We can't let this stand in our way!"
Blade nodded.
Suddenly, inspiration struck Kirby. If they were able to get the window high enough so that one of their swords could slide through, then they could cut the rope and be free! He pushed even harder. Another squeal of protest erupted from the metallic pane.
Confident that they had enough room, Kirby leapt down, to the struggling apprentices' surprise.
"What are you- hey! That ain't a toy Kirby, that's my sword!"
Kirby wedged under the window gap, sword at the ready.
"Sowr, ay look 't 'im."
"Yeah, lucky devil can fit under the window. What's he... the rope!"
Kirby sliced the rope, happily crawling back and opening the window for the two. Sword took her weapon back and jumped to the windowsill as Kirby stepped down.
"Thank you, Kirby! You're a real big help!"
Kirby beamed up at him.
"Ay neh srowr sawry meh get away from Meta Knight!"
And with that the two were gone. They jumped to the lower balcony and began running through the halls.
Kirby's grin was replaced with an expression of surprise. Get away from Meta Knight? Why?
He didn't understand their reasons then and he only barely understood them now.
Sword and Blade arrived in the village as the sun finished its noon day watch. It was beginning to sink to the west.
"We ain't got much time! Where ya think Mabel's at?"
"Sor ay nem could be anywhere!"
Contrary to their belief, Mabel was very close by, so close that she heard their every word. She tiptoed around the block from her current location and she slipped, undetected, into her office.
Sword and Blade continued circling Cappy Plaza until they noticed Mabel's building. Usually she wasn't here; mostly she was gallivanting around the town with some of the other women folk, or in rare cases, talking to Samo. She did prediction work for the king, but she was generally known to have very few customers besides him.
However, the door to her shop was open and they decided at least to check inside.
"I have been expecting you two," said Mabel, barely masking her excitement with a mysterious air. Sword and Blade leapt back but calmed down. Neither of the two really believed in magic, anyway.
"Hello, Mabel. We've got... a big problem on our hands and we're wondering if you could help us out."
"Through the power of clairvoyance, I shall determine your problem and its solution. Please close the curtains on your way in."
Sword smiled, drawing the curtains and making the room marginally darker. Mabel threw off her clairvoyance hat and gestured for the two to take a seat beside her. She knew darn well that they didn't believe in magic and if they needed her help it was probably more serious than they let on.
The whole first three sentences of that entire exchange were for show, if any other Cappies were in earshot.
"Now. What seems to be troubling you two so much?"
"We'll get straight to the point, Mabel," said Sword with a gulp. "We pissed off Meta Knight."
"How so?"
"We insulted his cooking."
Mabel gave both of them a back-handed slap, which hit surprisingly well through their armor. Mabel didn't pause to rub her own hand, still ringing with the impact.
"Do either of you realize how stupid that is? Meta Knight is your mentor, he is kind enough to cook meals for you, and you insult him for it? You have no business asking me about this. The correct path would be to apologize to him at once."
"But, Mabel-"
"No buts!"
"Sowr ay but its more complicated than that!"
Mabel calmed down. "More complicated, you say... tell me about it, then. All of it."
"See... we don't usually mind. He makes Italian food all the time, and though we're sick of it, we never say anything... but we saw the Ebrum family eating pot roast the other night, and I said it smelled really good."
"And this is insulting... why?"
"Well, I also said that anything would smell good, at least compared to Meta Knight's cooking... Blade agreed and then, all of a sudden, Meta Knight crept up behind us and asked what we were talking about. I kinda lost it and I... well I couldn't tell him the truth! I said that his cooking was... beyond compare."
"Sword ay, but we're pret' sure he knows what we really meant."
Mabel nodded in understanding.
"We're pretty worried about him. Generally when we do something like this he punishes us. He's a real fan of the statement, 'the punishment fits the crime.' I'm pretty sure he went grocery shopping last night and he's making a smorgasbord... but it will probably taste even worse than usual and we'll have to tell him its good."
"Ahh... I see now. You don't want to get into any more trouble by hurting his feelings."
"Yeah... 's 'bout right..."
"Well, if you go down that path, I can assure you, you can't win."
"...Huh? How do you figure?"
"If Meta Knight's cooking isn't good, then just tell him so. Or at least offer to help from time to time. You can't lie about something if it bothers you, and if you find a problem, fix it yourself. That's how you got into this situation in the first place."
"So you think we should... tell him? But then he'll do something else!"
"Like what?"
"I don't know... but I know he'll say something and we'd rather avoid confrontation."
"You'd be surprised. Acting mature will probably resolve this much faster. Meta Knight isn't as crazy as you make him out to be. I'd feel the same way if someone insulted my cooking. Remember when Dedede went around mooching meals? We don't need that kind of animosity again, you know?"
Blade nodded, though he didn't exactly agree, but Sword wasn't at all ready to give up. Mabel didn't change her mind in the slightest.
"But..."
"No buts! Now go on, get out of here and face the facts. You can't just run away from your problems."
"...Yes, ma'am," Blade finished in semi-resignation.
The two walked out of the fortune teller's chambers. Sword was not the type to give up easily, nor was Blade. "Sword ay hem sem stupid women folk."
Sword looked indignant. She gave Blade a mild punch to the nose.
Kirby had finished talking to the shepherd, though neither quite understood the other. The shepherd had in fact seen Sword and Blade come this way, but he had suggested to them to see Mabel. Kirby wasn't sure what their problem was, nor did talking to Mabel about it make any sense to him. At least he had a location, and he was setting off for it as fast as his little legs could carry him.
Nobody stopped him along the way to town, thankfully, and Kirby managed to arrive in Cappy Plaza just as the two knaves left the fortune teller shop.
They spoke in low tones, then Sword came Blade a smack to the cheek. And by smack, I mean punch, and by cheek, I mean entire face.
Kirby giggled before racing up to them. He gave his trademark cry of, "poyo," though what it meant, even Kirby wasn't sure. It was something like, "I found you."
Blade and Sword paled a little. They took off in the opposite direction.
Kirby chased them all through the square.
The pair ran around the plaza oak tree five times before dashing into Kawasaki's. The chef immediately walked up to greet the customers before Sword and Blade bowled him over. And by bowled, I mean ran into him so fast that he dropped his bowl of teriyaki chicken, which promptly fell on the floor. Kawasaki slipped and fell during this process.
When Kirby got them out of the shop, covered in no less than seven noodle dishes, they entered Tuggle's convenience store. Blade smacked into the shelves, toppling them like dominoes, while all of the chips crackled under Sword's feet. Kirby tripped over a rack of soda pop and the knaves managed to escape out the door, bowling over a furious Kawasaki again. The knaves were sticky from cola and covered in crumbs.
Kirby managed to corner them in an alleyway, but the knaves were creative, and threw each other over the back fence before hightailing into Gengu's toy shop.
All the while, the pair chattered and yelled. They exited Gengu's, covered in stuffed animal fluff, just as Kirby cleared the fence.
Curio's shop didn't have a chance. CCCC-CRACK-KKKK came the sound of every pottery item.
A mob began to form as the chase continued through nearly every house and shop in Cappy Town. Chief Bookem and Gus tried chasing after the group in their cars, but there was just too big of an angry mob to get there.
It didn't take long for Tiff to notice, then subsequently join the fray in an attempt to slow the mob.
"Hey! Stop!" she yelled. Nobody listened though, as Kirby tailed the knaves all the way to the coastline, where they simply dropped from hunger and exhaustion.
Kirby finally approached the pair as the mob circled them. Suddenly, they had flaming torches and pitchforks.
"Hey, this is for running through the candy aisle and knocking down my chocolate bars!"
"What's the big idea, breaking all those vases?!"
"You're under arrest!"
Cries surrounded poor Kirby, who just then realized that he was cornered.
"Hey! Leave Kirby ALONE!" Tiff shouted, finally entering the spotlight. People quieted down. "What is going on here?"
"Kirby knocked over all my doll collections while he was tailing them two!" Gengu said, pointing at the fallen knaves. People suddenly noticed that they were unconscious.
Kirby tried to lift them but they were too heavy. Tiff shook her head. "Listen, everyone, it's nothing big. Just go on back to Cappy Town and we'll get Meta Knight out here to help settle this. Try to repair your stuff in the meantime, OK?"
Begrudgingly, the mob dispersed.
"Kirby... what's this about anyway? Why were you chasing them?"
Kirby knew that Tiff didn't speak his language, so he tried to pantomime his thoughts. He took one of the fallen warrior's swords, picking it up and holding it aloft with a serious expression.
He muttered some squeaks that were as low as he could take them. His utterly serious manner, including the sword, finally tipped Tiff off.
"Oh, Meta Knight? Is he looking for these two?"
"Poy!" Kirby said jumping up and down happily, dropping the sword. Tiff looked at the two knaves.
"It's nearly two o'clock in the afternoon... they can't be this tired..."
Kirby tried picking them up again but he failed miserably.
"I'll get Meta Knight... maybe he can help us carry them back in."
Tiff approached the knight's quarters when she heard an odd noise coming from behind the door. It was Meta Knight... or was it? His words were very out of character.
A muffled, "Hola mis amigos!" was squeaked out in a high pitched voice. Meta Knight laughed, mocking himself.
She finally opened the door, absorbed in her curiosity.
She slammed it shut very quickly, not knowing exactly how to respond to the scene before her. A few hasty shuffling noises were heard and suddenly the door opened again.
"Hello... Tiff... what has you so worried?"
Tiff still wasn't moving, not even breathing. Only one thought raced through her head, and it was concerning the navy-clad figure before her.
"Erm... uh... M-Meta Knight..?"
He sighed. "Yes?"
"...What were you doing in there?"
"Waiting for Sword and Blade. I have got a lesson to teach them."
Tiff paused before staring back in horror. "YOU CALL THAT A LESSON?!"
"Yes. I do. Have you seen the two around lately?"
"Well... that's w-what I came to talk to you about. K-Kirby was chasing them around Cappy Town and eventually they just collapsed on the beach. I... was hoping you could help us carry them back up to the castle... but if you're too busy, erm... with your, ah... lesson..."
"Not a problem! I'd be glad to escort them up here. By the way... would you like to join us afterwards for a late lunch?"
"...I appreciate the offer... but... uh... I don't think I'm quite... uh... I mean..."
Meta Knight chuckled. "Oh, it is alright. Just say it."
"You've gone crazy."
"You really think so? Good. That makes this scheme all the better."
They began chatting idly as they exited the castle, intent on retrieving the two errant knaves. Tiff slowly began to understand Meta Knight's... intriguing behavior.
Kirby was busy playing the surf as Sword and Blade sat against the cliffside. They couldn't even move.
"Sword, ay hem neh ay this is harder than I thought it would be."
"We can't just stay here forever. I'm starving!"
"Sor ay neh meh na hungry too!"
"You can say that again."
Suddenly Sword blinked, realizing their conversation was just like the one yesterday.
"You can say that again!"
"Say what... again?"
"AY!"
"He was saying your cooking's... beyond compare!"
If Meta Knight was around just then... she shuddered.
As if on cue, Kirby piped up, pointing toward the horizon. Tiff and Meta Knight were heading straight for them.
"We can't let him see us!"
They immediately began scrambling aside, but Kirby blocked their path. They were literally crawling along the ground and they knew there was no hope of escaping. Blade resigned himself to his fate as Sword gave a muffled wail.
"Sword, ay ay meh sawry let's just do this."
"I'm not! Never! I'd rather starve!"
"Sor ay know you don't mean that," Blade said with a frown of his own.
"Well... maybe starving would be pretty bad... but this is going to get a whole lot harder than you think it is."
Suddenly, a navy-clad figure leapt from the coast, landing right in front of his apprentices, startling them from their conversation.
"Hello, you two. I hear you have had quite the morning. Not sure why you two skipped breakfast AND lunch, but we can resolve that easily enough. Come on," he said, grabbing them rather roughly by the back of their armor, dragging them from the beach, carrying them as though they were wads of paper, even with the attached junk on their bodies.
"S-sir! I... we can walk!"
"I would not dream of making my two, poor apprentices even lift a finger while they are this hungry. What kind of a horrible mentor (and chef) am I, huh?"
Sword began to try and squirm but she didn't even have the energy to do that. Blade had his head down; all of the fight had been drained right out of him. They left small tracks in the sand.
Kirby followed with a bounce as Tiff pursued them from the cliff above. She couldn't have made the long jump down like Meta Knight did, so that left her stranded while he carted off the two knaves.
She grimaced, knowing the sight that would befall them the moment they entered their castle quarters.
Meta Knight unceremoniously dropped the two knaves in front of the door.
"Now, just give me a minute to whip something together. Kirby, can you make sure these two get in here after a few minutes?"
Kirby gave a little cheer, just as oblivious to whatever was inside the kitchen as the knaves were.
Tiff had left them in peace a long time ago.
Meta Knight walked into their room too quickly for anyone to peer in after him. He readjusted his get up, uncovered all the waiting food trays, and he chuckled darkly. "Come in, guys! It is all ready!"
His light tone only fooled Kirby, who didn't know how long it took to cook things. Sword and Blade knew perfectly well that he had spent all day working on whatever culinary abomination was waiting behind those doors.
"Well... we just have to play along... I guess." and with that, Sword opened the door.
It was worse than they had imagined. The whole room was decorated with Papel Picado, special red and yellow colored streamers that dangled from every conceivable surface. Confetti was littering the whole room too, but that wasn't what was occupying the two knaves.
Meta Knight was in the most ridiculous getup he could find. He had replaced his cape with a teal poncho, with many zigzag lines adorning the fabric. On his head, he wore a sombrero, festooned with glitter of all things.
"Hola mis amigos. ¿Qué pasa? Soy el señor de los brazos fideos!"
English Translation: "Hello my friends. What's up? I'm Mr. Noodle arms!"
Their eyes shifted a quarter of an inch to the table before them, with magnificent looking platters of different Mexican foods. Chimichangas, Enchiladas, Tacos, Burritos, bread, sauces, chips, all kinds of cheesy goodness, and there was enough to feed an army. It actually smelled... good.
Sword turned as fast as she could, running with what little strength she could muster. Blade just stood mesmerized before she took his hand and ran faster. Within seconds he willingly followed her, eager to get away from the odd scene.
True to his new name, "Mr. Noodle Arms" raced after the two and promptly caught them by the back of their armor, spilling glitter from his sombrero on their faces. It stuck.
"¿Qué pasa? ¿Por qué corren? Pienso que te gustaba mi comida."
ET: "What? Why run? I thought you liked my food."
Sword knew some Spanish, enough to know what she'd just been asked.
"Uh... it must have been a muscle spasm... I do like your cooking, Meta Knight. There's nobody who does it better!" She gave a chipper grin as she was hauled into the kitchen, but deep down, she was feeling the urge to run as fast and as far as her legs could carry her. Blade seemed resigned to his fate yet again and he refused to speak.
"Eso es bueno, yo estaba preocupado por ustedes dos. No se preocupen, sé cómo solucionar su problema muscular."
ET: "That's good, I was worried about you two. Do not worry, I know how to solve your muscular problem."
Sword shivered. Kirby shut the door as they entered the room.
"Poyo!" he said, ready to dig into the feast.
Meta Knight, or as he seemed to prefer now, Señor Noodle Arms, forced Sword and Blade into a chair at one side of the table. Before Sword could leap away, Meta Knight grabbed some kind of rope, tying it around the chair and securing it firmly around her waist. She struggled for a few seconds before realizing that she was tied down and there would be no escape. Meta Knight repeated the procedure on the dumbstruck Blade.
"Ahora podemos tener nuestro almuerzo. Verdad, Kirby?"
ET: "Now we can have our lunch. Right, Kirby?"
Kirby gave his usual cheer as he prepared to inhale. Meta Knight rushed over and clamped his mouth shut. "Ah ah, no! Usted va a comer todo!"
ET: "AH! AH! NO! You are going to eat everything!"
Kirby shrugged, grabbing a fork and knife.
Meta Knight gave Kirby a plate with an enchilada on it. It was covered in extra spicy sauce, topped with a number of different peppers. Meta Knight knew this was one of Sword and Blade's dishes. He had already anticipated his knaves' anticipation, and had thus strategized accordingly.
"Y un plato muy especial para vosotros."
ET: "And a very special plate for you all."
Meta Knight placed two regular dishes in front of Sword and Blade, with the same thing, only without all the extra spices. Sword looked skeptical.
"Does Kirby get a special plate?"
Kirby looked up from his plate to realize that he did not, in fact, have a "special" plate. He gave a dejected frown. "Poyo..."
Although Sword didn't like to take advantage of the tiny Poyoan, she knew that he had some kind of special tolerance for spicy things, more so than she did. "Hey, how about we switch?"
Kirby was ecstatic. Meta Knight gave a little sneer, this was exactly what he had hoped.
"Sor, ay, uh, Kirby, me too! Switch!"
Blade nudged the plate across the table into Kirby's awaiting mouth. He downed it with a satisfied grin.
Meta Knight took Kirby's plate, true to the bargain, handing it to Blade. He grabbed another one, with perhaps even more peppers, giving it to Sword. He smirked, although neither of them noticed. Eagerly, they dove into their enchiladas, beginning their test of loyalty.
Five seconds elapsed. Blade was just now noticing the amount of spice in his food and he was beginning to choke on it.
He sneezed, nearly breathing fire as he squirmed in his chair, the cord preventing him from moving.
Sword just waited with deathly silence. The minute she opened her mouth, she would literally spill the beans, the very same ones that were in the dish, and she still didn't want to admit defeat. Her eyes watered dangerously and her body rejected the food. She tried her best to calm down, but she was still shaking as she robotically turned to face Meta Knight.
"...This is good..." she croaked. The real Meta Knight wasn't convinced at all, but "Señor Noodle Arms" was. He clapped his hands and gave a cheer.
"Hay mucho más de donde viene eso!"
ET: "There is much more where that came from!"
Sword groaned, but inwardly so as not to ruin the meal. she was starving in any case, and though it burned, she did her level best to wolf her food down without tasting it. A few fiery breaths later confirmed that she was not succeeding. Blade tried to follow her example but he, too, was failing quite miserably.
"Sword, cálmate, usted va a darse la acidez estomacal."
ET: "Sword, calm down, you will give yourself heartburn."
Sword did not stop until she had finished the plate, except for the peppers. She hated those things.
"Apuesto a que todavía tiene hambre ... tener un burrito!"
ET: "I bet you are still hungry... have a burrito!"
Meta Knight placed a tightly wrapped package before her. She gently unwrapped the top while Blade struggled through his enchilada, downing his entire glass of water with a single gulp. Sword had purposely ignored hers.
Blade coughed, as he noticed all too late that he was drinking sparkling water. He groaned as bubbles infected his palette.
"Blade, suenas con problemas. ¿Hay algo mal con el agua?"
ET: "Blade, you seem troubled. Is there something wrong with the water?"
"Ack... sor ay bubbly... can I have regular water?"
"Diga por favor, Blade!"
ET: "Say please, Blade!"
"Sor ay meh Please? Come on, Meta Knight, this 's just too spicy to 'ake on without somethin' good to wash it down."
"¿...Es demasiado picante para ti?"
ET: "...Is it too spicy for you?"
"No Meta Knight, Blade is just a big ol' chicken. He can't appreciate how... delicious everything is."
"Bien, has dicho que mi comida era incomparable."
ET: "Well, you did say my cooking was beyond compare."
Sword grimaced, but something occurred to her. "Hey Meta Knight, how come you keep talking in Spanish?"
"Mi nombre es Señor fideos brazos, no Meta Knight. Y, además, siempre he hablado español."
ET: "My name is Mr. Noodle Arms, not Meta Knight. And besides, I have always spoken Spanish."
"No, you definitely speak English. Come on, Meta Knight, we're starting to confuse the audience here."
Meta Knight ignored the fact that they had broken the fourth wall and he decided to agree with them.
"...You are right, Sword. I just hope they have access to Google Translate while they are reading this."
Sword grinned, absentmindedly chomping down her burrito. Her eyes widened and she barely managed to choke it down. She still had not touched her water.
Meta Knight went to their refrigerator and gave Blade a glass of regular water. He accepted it gratefully, still not even halfway done his enchilada. Little did he know that this was a five course meal, and Meta Knight had every intention on making sure they finished it.
He handed Kirby a burrito, but Kirby's was not quite so spicy as Sword's, nor did the knight offer to switch the plates. Rather, Kirby simply gulped it down and Meta Knight handed him another.
Sword gulped down her own, eyes reddening beyond belief, as another burrito was placed in front of her. Meta Knight could tell that she was struggling through the dish. He smirked evilly, but his mask hid the ominous action.
His eyes were so pink right now that he didn't even bother trying to fight down his amusement. He would handle the fact that they were a girly color some other time. Right now, he just enjoyed the suffering of his apprentices. Served them right.
Heh. Serve.
And speaking of serve, by some miraculous chance, Blade finished his enchilada.
"Ah, Blade, nice work. I'm sure you'd like to join Sword and Kirby in the burrito club."
"Eh... ay sor no really, I'm full."
"None of that now! You liked my cooking so much yesterday, I wonder why you seem to be afraid of it today. What, a little bit of meat and cheese scares you more than a monster does?"
Blade didn't fault his logic and he just accepted the burrito. Meta Knight could tell that he was about to surrender.
Sword tapped him on the shoulder, however, and gave him a nod. Blade shivered and began eating the meal in front of him, determined not to let down poor Sword, who had finished her second burrito. Kirby was still waiting for more.
"I guess that does it for those burritos. I have only one left, and since you and Kirby each got two, I was hoping to save the last for Blade. But do not worry, I have something else!"
Meta Knight placed a plate of chimichangas in front of Sword. Just like the last two dishes, she began wolfing it down with reckless abandon. Meta Knight had a feeling that this strategy was going to betray her.
Kirby finished his own chimichanga the second it was placed in front of him.
Sword actually finished in record time, ready for more, although Meta Knight had to admit this was the least spicy dish he had prepared for them. It was more of a halftime, a reward for having survived thus far into the game. "What else ya got, Meta Knight," she said, finally electing to take a sip of he sparkling water. She couldn't contain herself and she ended up drinking the whole thing, but much more slowly than Blade. She sighed, tongue lolling out. Steam (figuratively) poured from her mouth.
Meta Knight grabbed the fajita platter and set it down before her. Salsa chicken, beef, cheese, lettuce, sour cream, tomatoes and all sorts of topping met her gaze as a stack of tortillas was placed in the center of the table.
"Dig in!"
Blade gave up on his burrito and he grabbed a tortilla, drowning it in sour cream. But just as he was about to bite down, Meta Knight grabbed his arm and pulled the food(?) away from him.
"No, not yet, Blade, you still have that burrito and a plate of chimichangas to finish."
Meta Knight took the tortilla and threw it in the garbage, much to Blade's chagrin. "Oh, and Sword? Kirby? You have to take some of the meat, too. Otherwise it will just end up being left over. I guess Blade will just finish with whatever you two leave behind."
Kirby happily shoveled food on his plate, but Sword was frozen in her tracks. She looked at poor Blade, he wouldn't be able to make it that far. And if she cut down on whatever she ate, she was going to leave poor Blade to do the job. He would definitely give up.
She looked at the chicken and beef. She knew that this was more than a test of loyalty to Meta Knight, it was also a test of loyalty to Blade.
She envied how easily Kirby was able to eat. She had a feeling that the dishes he was getting were better prepared, but she wasn't risking another unfortunate switch.
She began shoveling beef onto her tortilla, and she didn't stop until there was only a tiny fraction left. Then she loaded up on chicken, though Blade tried to warn her in some way without Meta Knight noticing.
"Sword! Ay ehems ay you can leave some more," he said. Sword knew exactly what he meant, and she was not subjecting him to whatever diabolical food was now on her plate.
Kirby went to eat his own, but suddenly Meta Knight was right behind him. Gently but quickly, he pushed Kirby's chair too far forward, and suddenly he landed face first in his fajita. He feigned worry.
"Oh, how clumsy of me! Here, Kirby, I will help you get that off."
He wiped Kirby's face with a napkin, making sure not to leave any of the spice. Fortunately, none of it had gotten into Kirby's eyes. However, this only confirmed Sword's suspicion that there was something extra "special" about these fajitas.
She tried Blade's strategy, drowning it in cheese and sour cream. Unfortunately, there wasn't much sour cream left. Then she rolled it up, but the tortilla didn't close all the way. She grabbed a second one.
Meta Knight replaced the fajita platter with more chicken and beef, but this time didn't prevent Kirby from eating it. He literally inhaled the entire thing before Blade's arm had moved far enough to grab a tortilla.
"Kirby! Do not do that! And Blade, you still have burritos and a chimichanga. No fajitas yet, alright? I know you can barely contain your excitement but you have got food right in front of you."
Sword was still eying her meal. She admitted that her stomach wasn't feeling all too good just then. She recognized that she was going to vomit very soon, but not quite yet. If she could finish before then, she stood a chance.
Problem was, she didn't know how many courses there were left. And she didn't want to ask, for fear of losing her appetite, though at the moment it was nonexistent.
Time slowed as she eyed the culinary concoction before her. Everything seemed so surreal.
Blade, sensing her weakness, began to devour his burrito in the hopes that it would help her decide what to do. He gagged, spewing some kind of cinnamon out in a cloud. He reached for the water glass, too disgusted to control himself. He poured it all over his face, dribbling his meal out with some saliva (eww). Who cared if anyone was watching, this was torture, and he wanted it over with now.
Meta Knight gave a cry of disgust, finally reverting his eyes to yellow.
Sword tried not to look. Blade had almost helped, but this was just foul. She couldn't take it any more, as time slowed to a painful crawl around her.
She picked up the burrito. Drool overflowed from poor Blade's mouth. The fajita came closer to her own. Blade coughed another cinnamon cloud. Meta Knight's eyes turned pink as he noticed Sword. Kirby picked up a stray lettuce leaf, eating it with a little grin, awaiting his next dish.
The fajita entered her mouth.
It wasn't too bad, she thought, as the sour cream calmed her raging taste-buds. She eagerly ate the fajita, expecting it to be just as easy.
Her tongue touched some of the beef.
"META KNIGHT!"she cried, throwing the item down onto her plate with a clatter. Meta Knight grinned, pinker than ever. Here was the sweet, sweet, or rather, spicy, moment of triumph for him.
Sword either didn't notice or didn't care, but she did see Blade turn to her, and definitely felt him clamp a hand over her mouth.
What do you know, thought Meta Knight, not victory quite yet. But she still had to cover up that screech.
"Yes?" he asked, unceremoniously. His eyes were literally glowing with his amusement.
"THIS! THIS... this... is the b-best thing... I have ever tasted in my life... How on Earth did you make it?"
Meta Knight grinned. "That first batch is seasoned with shredded Galbo, a special fire beast from Nightmare Enterprises." It hadn't been too hard to get the stuff, he had a jar of it in his cupboard. Now it was all in that one fajita.
Sword held back the urge to vomit. So did Blade.
Neither of them succeeded. Everything was hurled out with such ferocity that it was a miracle that Kirby dodged in time.
"Well... I guess..." Meta Knight hopelessly began as glitter from his hat showered onto the greed and red slush coating the table.
Blade finally said it, in a rather anti-climactic manner. "YOUR COOKING IS VILE!"
Sword, seeing that all was lost, joined Blade. The bile, and all of the chunks of spicy stuff, were revisiting her taste-buds and making it harder to speak, but she tried anyway. After a few more heaving sighs, she managed to cough out, "THIS IS JUST SICK!"
Meta Knight finally cracked. He fell to the floor, laughing uncontrollably. Kirby walked over to him, then shrugged, approaching the counter. He noticed several batches of hard shell tacos, having been made with varying levels of success. Many of them were spilling their contents out the side, the rest were just sort of lying there pathetically, Meta Knight not even having bothered to finish them. Kirby inhaled them all, even the "special" ones, too quickly for anyone to warn him.
"Yo... yo... YOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYO!" he cried, repeating the term, "hot" as fast as he could. He ran to the fridge, grabbed fifty bottles of water, and began guzzling them all in an attempt to calm down. But he couldn't. Meta Knight had put ghost peppers in those tacos, and there was nothing Kirby could do. He literally did breathe fire, accidentally burning Blade's chair in the process, causing the smoke detectors to spew water.
Kirby gratefully held his mouth open as everyone was drenched in icy spray. Sword opened her own mouth, washing away the vile taste, but couldn't repress a shiver. The papel picado on the wall fell as it was weighed down by moisture. Meta Knight barely registered all of this as he continued laughing hysterically. His eyes were so pink that he couldn't see clearly.
Everyone eventually settled down. Sword and Blade untied themselves from their chairs, Meta Knight apologized, and Kirby eventually calmed down. Yes, they had all learned a lesson that day.
Hot-headed mistakes can cost you big time.
