Matthew woke up slowly, groaning a tad and rubbing his eyes. When he reached out for the comforting warmth of Kumajigu, he found nothing. His eyes snapped open now, immediately alert. He felt the crank of a cog and instinctively rolled off the bed. An axe thudded into the headboard.

"Al," he cried, "you are so fixing that." Alfred appeared around the corner and leaned against the wall.

"Whatever, good morning Mattie. What's for breakfast?"

"Frankly, you." With a start, Alfred realized that what he thought was, well, he didn't really know, but he hadn't paid attention to it until now, was actually the tendril of a plant, snaking around his legs. It swung him upside down, unceremoniously. Matthew stepped closer and smiled.

"I'm going to go make pancakes while Jacques digests your organs, kay?"

"Kay. . .wait, what?" Alfred took a moment to digest this before focusing on the important thing. "Why in the world would someone name a plant Jacques?" Matthew was gloating internally about his victory, listening to Alfred's monologue on why exactly Jacques was a terrible name for a plant, or a human, and that Jack was way better and the extra like five letters were pointless. That is, until. . .

Alfred heard a, completely not girly, scream from the other room and smiled. That would be the Super Mega Ultra Robot Version. . .100. He managed to reach the control in his pocket and pushed the large button. A large robot strolled into the room holding Matthew in one of its hands.

"Ah, you have fallen to the might of my Super Mega Ultra Robot at last."

"Al."

"You are no match for my giant robot."

"Al."

"You will be crush- what, Mattie?"

"Your organs are still being digested."

"Oh, crap. Super Mega Ultra Robot, come cut me loose." He pushed another series of buttons on his remote and Matthew was dropped onto the ground. He stood up and brushed the dust off his clothes. The robot stepped toward Alfred as it started to smoke and fizz.

"Mattie, what did you do?"

"I dumped some maple syrup on it. What a waste but desperate times call for desperate measures." With a finally heave and a cough, the robot exploded. Matthew looked to Alfred to make sure he was at least mostly okay. Then he burst out laughing.

"Al," he choked out with laughing, "your eyebrows."

"Mattie, just let me down."

"Are you surrendering?"

"The hero never gives up."

"Fine then. I'm going to go find Kumajigo. You know he hates you. He may want to take the opportunity of you being defenseless to gnaw on your fingers." Alfred made some sort of squealing noise and clutched his hands to his chest.

All of the sudden, the doorbell rang. Matthew walked over to the camera monitors and scrutinized the one labeled Front Door.

"Oh, its Arthur. Maple, I'm not dressed or anything. He rushed to the wardrobe and began pulling on clothes."

"Why do you care so much about what Arthur thinks?"

"Why? Are you jealous?"

"Why would I be jealous of him? Look at his eyebrows."

"Its better than not having any. Don't you agree?"

"Its not that bad, right, Mattie? You still love me, right? Mattie?"

"I'm going to go talk to Arthur, try to keep the screams to a minimum."

"Wait, Mattie, you never answered my question." Matthew had already left.

. . .

The Hetalified version of the show Edgar and Ellen, which is basically about genius twins that keep trying to kill and/or maim each other but they still love each other, I think. Strangely enough it is not crack. I may turn this into a chapter fic with some EngCan if they're is any interest. FYI, Arthur is like the spoiled girl but not really. His dad is the mayor though. Please review and let me know what you thought.