Snoozles II:

Boomerang Boogaloo

An Avatar the Last Airbender atrocity

By

EvilFuzzy9


Sometimes a single idea can lead into a grand, sweeping, epic tale. But other times, it's only good for a single crackish oneshot. And that's what THIS fic is for.


One:

Suiryuuno...

Of the four elements, Water is the only one with no animals to act as its benders. Earth has badger-moles, Air has sky bison, and Fire has dragons. But not Water.

Water has only the moon.

...or does it?

...yeah, there's just the moon. BUT maybe if this and that were different, this is how it might have gone...

(okay, no, not really. this is just crack)

Sokka groaned miserably, slumping down on the floor of the canoe. His cheeks were puffed out, eyes white and cheeks a sickly green.

"Hgerfblearghle."

Katara huffed irritably at her older brother's antics, and she rolled her eyes as she used her waterbending to navigate their canoe through the treacherously shifting and grinding ice floes and bergs which cluttered the antarctic waters like the teeth or claws of great frost giants.

"Why on earth do you insist on coming fishing with me when you know it will just make you sick?" she inquired, sounding nothing so much as exasperated with her brother's nigh self-destructive pertinacity.

Sokka moaned in response, and Katara fancied that the miserable death rattle sounded almost something like the words Men's work.

Katara rolled her eyes.

"And you call yourself a waterbender," she muttered under her breath. "Maybe if had just left well enough alone and accepted being born as a non-bender, you wouldn't have this problem. Gran-Gran warned you what gaining the ability to bend would cost."

Again, he weakly retched out a series of grunts and groans and whimpers which sounded vaguely like actual human speech.

I was SEVEN.

Katara didn't quite snort outright, but it was a close thing.

"And now you're fifteen," she said. "Yet you still insist on coming with when I go out fishing." The (natural born) waterbender shook his head and sighed. "A person would think you'd have learned, by now."

Sokka just glowered at her, stubbornly defiant.

An Elementalist's one weakness, the weakness of one who gains their bending straight from the source, straight from the original benders, was transportation. Motion sickness.

Sokka knew this better than anyone.

But that didn't mean he couldn't be infuriatingly stubborn about it.


In all fairness, though, there were also considerable upsides to being an elementalist.

Upsides like:

Sokka smirked when he saw the firebenders coming down the iron gangplank of their ship. Crouching down, he grabbed a sizable handful of recently fallen snow and brought it up to his mouth. With a muted crunching and slurping, Sokka ate the snow, letting it melt in his mouth before swallowing the resultant water.

He stood back up just as the Fire Nation soldiers were reaching the foot of the gangplank, just as they were stepping onto the ground.

This was Sokka's playing field, now.

He drew in a deep, deep breath, leaning backwards and letting his cheeks puff out comically. He held this pose for a second or two.

Then he leaned forward and exhaled.

"Unagi's... ROOOOAAAR!" he bellowed, spewing forth a torrent of rushing water from his mouth, taking the firebenders quite by surprise, judging by the startled exclamation that escaped from their death's head vizards as the water slammed into them and threw them back against their ship's prow.

Sokka laughed then, seeing the gobsmacked look on the face of the scarred teen who had appeared to be leading the soldiers. And then he grinned widely, and charged forward to join the battle. The rush of combat was singing in his veins, and a wild, gleeful expression was visible on his face as he proceeded to lay down some well-deserved whoop ass on the firebenders.

Aang, watching from the sidelines, blinked when he saw the tribesman hold his arm parallel to the ground, bent at an almost ninety degree angle at the elbow, and clothesline the surly, bald-headed teenager who appeared to be the enemy leader, water condensing around his arm to envelop it as he sent the full force of his momentum into that appendage.

"TIGER SEAL LARIAT!" Sokka howled with vicious delight as his blow threw Zuko backwards to join his soldiers, the water which had been enveloping Sokka's arm now slamming the prince into his ship's hull, then freezing him there.

And thus, Sokka drove back a Fire Nation raid all by himself.

"Woohoo!" cheered the tribesman, crowing victoriously and doing an impromptu victory dance as he watched the Fire Nation ship sail off into the distance. "Good riddance, you crummy ash-makers! Ha ha ha!"


The Blind Bandit groaned miserably, fighting back the urge to vomit all over the interior of Appa's saddle as they flew through the air on the back of Aang's animal guide.

"How are you not getting sick?" Toph asked her fellow elementalist, sounding rather like she was on her death bed as she leaned her back against him, clinging tightly to his chest (and finding herself rather liking the feeling of his strong body beneath her arms).

Sokka patted her comfortingly on the shoulder, giving the earth and metal elementalist a grin she couldn't see in unspoken commiseration.

He'd had the same problem himself, the first few times he flew on Appa.

"The key," he told her, "is that Appa is a friend, not transportation."

"That sounds like the dumbest thing I have ever heard," Toph groaned, cheeks an interesting hue that went rather well with the shade of her outfit.

Sokka shrugged.

"Eh, it works," he said dismissively.


Zuko beamed at Sokka.

Sokka scowled at Zuko.

"Big deal," said Sokka. "So you're a fire elementalist, now, and not just a firebender. So what? I've been one for eight years."

"And I've been one for six!" supplied Toph.

Zuko's grin turned into a glower. Aang, standing next to him, shrugged.

"What?" said the former. "Doesn't it mean anything to you that the dragons aren't actually extinct?!"

"Ehhh," grunted Sokka, shrugging. "They said the same thing about devilfish, but I still managed to find one to became a water elementalist."

"And badger-moles are everywhere," said Toph.

"I'm sure there are more sky bison out there," Aang chimed in optimistically. "Appa definitely isn't the last of his kind.

Zuko sighed.

These guys were completely missing the point.

There was just no impressing some people.


A/N: YOU KNOW, for the first time in years I remembered that I'd had a thing going with a Sokka-centric oneshot collection, and some recent reviews for it courtesy of zomgonozdinosaurs got me thinking to take another look at it, because I usually don't look that far back in my portfolio unless I am in a very masochistic mood.

There is a very good reason for that.

(so bad)

But I was still thoughtful, though, since while most of Snoozles was complete garbage, it was still an interesting concept. And I have been very much on an ATLA and Sokka kick recently, so I figured it could be fun to give some of those old unused prompts a crack now that I am a considerably better writer.

But I also didn't want to bring Snoozles up to the forefront of my profile because while I never delete anything I nonetheless prefer to let the old, bad fics stay where they belong in the depths of obscurity. SO I DECIDED TO MAKE A CHEESILY-TITLED SPIRITUAL SUCCESSOR TO IT

And this is why I don't write when I am off my medication

Also, if you can't tell, the "elementalist" thing in this chapter is based off of dragon slayers in Fairy Tail. The seed for the idea behind this chapter came from FlashWally22, who I've been working with on this and that, here and there.

TTFN and R&R!

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