"Is everything okay?

"He looks sad…"

"What's wrong?"

Phil slammed his laptop shut after reading through the top comments on his most recent video. He leaned back on his bed, covering his face with his hands. I'm fine, he wanted to say. I'm fine! He wanted to yell from the windows of his flat.

Only, he wasn't. He wasn't fine. It might have been dramatic to say so, but it was true. Phil had run out of his medication just the day before.

Normally, he would have just gone out to get some more, but without his medication, he could hardly step foot outside his flat without an anxiety attack.

Stupid Phil, the familiar thoughts ran through his mind. How selfish of you. Get up and get out, now.

And he tried. He tried so hard. He dragged himself up, he stumbled towards the door, he put his hand on the doorknob-

NO!

Crying out, Phil yanked his hand back and fell backwards, struggling away from the door until his back hit the far wall, but he kept scrambling backwards against it. Tremors overtook his body and tears sprang into his eyes. He opened his mouth to scream, but only a strangled whimper came out.

Breathing way too fast, Phil reached out and fumbled for his Lion, then clutched him close to his chest, rocking back and forth, struggling to clear the overwhelming panic from his mind.

He didn't hear his phone ring.

He didn't hear Dan knock on his door and come in.

He didn't hear Dan saying, "Oh, god, Phil!"

He only kept rocking, back and forth, back and forth, muttering to himself.

A sudden weight dropped around Phil's shoulders and he lashed out, striking something soft.

"Ow, Jesus Christ, Phil!" Dan yelled, rubbing his stomach.

Phil kept his eyes down. "S-s-sorry," he stuttered. Dan just shook his head.

"Phil, you're so pale, dear god," Dan muttered, half to himself. He sat next to Phil again. "Holy shit, Phil, what happened? I've never seen you shake so much."

Phil kept his eyes down. How could this happen? He promised himself that he would never let Dan see him like this. There had been several close calls, but he had always managed to at least control the tremors with the help of his meds. But never his hands. His hands were always shaking. And now they were shaking more than ever.

Phil blinked hard and tried his normal calming routine. Breathe in, hold, breathe out. Breathe in, hold, breathe out. It wasn't working. Breathe in, hold, breathe out, breathe in, hold, breathe out, breathe in Dan was still here, Phil could feel him staring, laughing, judging breathe out breathe in he needed his meds, he couldn't breathe, the room was spinning breatheinbreatheinbreatheinbreathein he needed his blades but he threw them out ages ago and Dan was still here and oh god he can't breathe!

There was a sudden weight draped around Phil's shoulders and it took all his willpower not to flinch away. He shook his head and clutched his knees, trying to draw breath when Dan's voice got through to him.

"Phil! It's okay, Phil, come here."

Phil looked up, expecting Dan to be mocking his pitiful state, but instead Dan was staring at him with concern and kindness in his eyes and an arm around him.

Phil froze for just a second. No one had ever quite looked at him like that.