Author : Reve [sesshoumaruchan@aol.com]
Rating : PG-13... definite romantic content of the slash kind, and implied stuff, but nothing graphic, really...
Fandom : 'Invader Zim'
Pairings : Zim/Dib
Sidenotes : I am quite aware of Jhonen Vasquez's aversion to Zimmy slash, but.... hmmmm.... sorry? _O Oh, I know another thing I want to say. This might be strange-ish... mostly because my stuff usually is, but also because the idea sort of came out of a dream. Yeah... And it's written in a sort of... free-verse poem-ish form. Grrr, silence unto meeeee. :X
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Invader Zim and its characters do not belong to me at all, and I'm not trying to imply that they do in any way by writing this. I'm not making any money or anything... I'm just using the ideas and characters for inspiration.
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*I wished*
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I can't stop thinking
as I walk down the street
to find you.
I can't stop my mind from
lulling itself into a
guilty sort of
reminiscent daydream. Day.
Even though the sky is dark now.

What would you say?
If I told you what my mind is doing
What would you think?
I can't help but
smile just a little bit,
looking down at my feet,
as I realize I always ask myself
that very same question.
And that whenever you
find out about what I'm not telling you-
which you always do, somehow
-you just smile and mark it down to
the fact that I'm a little too human.
A little too much.

But I do.
I wonder if you would be angry
If you could live through my eyes
And see my thoughts
from the inside out.
What would you do?
Would I be too weak for you, then?
Because I know without a doubt
that I'm not as strong as you think.
Not anything near as good.

I close my stinging eyes against the
dark, invisible gusts of wind,
and wrap my coat around myself
as I see your house coming into view.
Can't stop the corners of my
cool, neglected lips
from turning up at the corners
when I think about seeing you again.
Yet can't ignore the heated
feeling of nagging shame
that I feel tugging at my insides.
Because I was weak.
And you are always so strong.

Looming in my already declining mind
driving me to a new, uncontrolled plane
was a ghost of something we both wanted
more than this broken life itself
So mangled.
And I let it out.
I'd pay you for a portion of your
morals and your will, if I could.
Because I am always so weak.
You would have pushed it away.

But I embraced it...
...embraced you, in my mind.
And I've lost count of how many times
words of love have passed between us
casual and affectionate and melancholy...
It's been so long
You've taken all I've wanted to give you.
Except one thing.
That hidden taboo, on a level
so different than the emotional one, which
we overcame long ago, with satisfied grins
and amazed laughter
and a lot of pretty words.

But no contact.
I bite my lip and stare at your house
which steps closer to me
every time I step closer to it.
Blink wide eyes behind my glasses,
and tangle myself in my coat again.
No contact- I've never even touched your hand.
Is it because we're so different?
I almost feel like laughing...
According to everyone else
we shouldn't be together
because we're the same-
we're both boys
-but I wish they could see...
the way I can't touch you because the
unspoken creed between us
tells me we're far too different
to touch and share.
No matter how much I wonder.

I do wonder.
And I hope you won't be angry
that I wished upon a star;
last night when the sky was dark
just like this.
I never would have, I promise...
...but again, I know, I'm so weak.
Last night when the sky was dark,
I sat there loving you
all alone.
Turning the world over and
over in my head.
Growing bitter at the difference
and touching my fingertips
to the cold pane of my window.
Wishing
-and unbelieving of myself-
to the first star I saw
through blurry eyes
that you could be like me.
That you could be just like me.
I wished for your humanity.
And then I dreamt about it.

Now I stand in front of your house
breathing in and feeling my cheeks burning.
Because I was weaker than you think.
And desire really didn't help the situation-
just betrayed me, yet again...
willing thoughts of you into my
already reeling mind.
And thoughts of your voice-
calm at times to a degree
I never would have guessed
three or four years ago
-whispering to me so quietly...
but loud enough for me to hear
since you were so close.
Thoughts of your hands,
not covered by thick black leather,
and making their way across my
blushing face and tilted neck.
So many thoughts I want to take it back, now.
Thoughts of you, unashamed of our
Eternally restrictive differences,
pressing warm, pink-colored lips
against my own waiting mouth...
and a bare, human-shaped
pale flushed peach-tinted
chest against my cloth-covered one-
your arms wrapped around my shoulders
and tangled in my messy hair
without a second thought.
Desire controlled the thoughts,
I swear.
I don't know what to tell you.

I wished upon a star
For you to be like me.

And now, I slip into your house...
the air so warm in contrast
to the cold wind outside.
I lick my dry lips.
Everything is so quiet.
I guess you must have lost track of time
working on some experiment or another
and forgotten I was supposed to come over.
Which is just as well.
For a moment, I catch my breath
over and over...
telling myself it's okay.
And wondering what to say,
because there's no real way to say it
so that it doesn't sound
completely stupid and weak.
Telling myself
-just a reminder, Dib-
not to touch. And it will be okay.
Because it always has been.
And I'm lucky to have anything like this.

Sighing in the familiar scent of your house,
I wander through strange rooms and passages
you've shown me over the years
no longer afraid of me exposing you.
And eventually...
I hear you call my name in that
calm voice you have, sort of.
It sounds almost nervous, though, and I
blink, turning to find you in this
tangled, wonderful maze
that is your home here on Earth.

And there you are, suddenly,
when I've found my way...
looking just as nervous as you sounded,
which wasn't too much.
Just a little.
And I stop breathing, just standing there
and looking through the
dusky light of this room
at you.
Thin, bare ankles crossed and long legs together,
you sit on a sort of strange bed thing.
Sort of like a chair, which doesn't matter. Just you.
I see your beautiful, wide crimson eyes
Opened round and glinting in this strange silvery light,
and your long, slender antennae delicately folded back
just slightly, so the tips curl under.
My heart is having problems
as I'm helplessly quiet, my own eyes closing a little
and falling to your narrow, subtle shoulders
which are bunched up a little.
The pale, silvery green color of your skin
Is like a beacon in this room, so
shockingly beautiful... the lines of your
collarbone and chest seeming to flow, almost,
like freeze-frame streams of water
to every other part of you,
so petite and... fragile in a strange sort of way
that a human could never be
because you still look so strong...
And as you whisper my name
in an even more nervous tone than before,
I find myself starting to breathe again,
Slowly... but breathing.
And then... notice your bare, delicate hands
with their long, spindly fingers
folded in your lap and clasped anxiously together.
And I realize, then, that you are worried, too.
About what I'll say... and think... and do....
that you're worried that I won't
want to touch you, because of the differences.
Those differences....
I can't take my softened eyes
off of your smooth-looking, radiant green skin...
the long, thin limbs...
Your difference was always there,
through every choice we made
and every word we said.
And it was nothing you could ever change
nor something I'd want transformed.

And I don't need to question that
as I close the space between us,
and hear your breath rush out too...
so you aren't holding anything in anymore,
like you must have been, though I didn't know it.
And we're breathing together.
And this time, neither of us are weak.
We're nothing but together
and I could never wish
for anything more...