Note: Xenogears and all characters are property of Square, I don't own any part of them and acknowledge so upfront, so please don't sue me.

WARNING: The following story contains stuff that the easily offended shouldn't be reading. So, scoot now.



The Great Masturbator

In the beginning, there is calmness. Stillness.

Suspended in the bright, clear liquid of silence. It gleams, it suffocates. Green grasshoppers fill your mouth with their slow, sweet crispness, moving slowing against the side of your tongue.

Then (slowly! slowly!) there is sound. Sight. Awareness.

What a dismal welcome.

Clear your mind of logic and contradiction. Everything is symmetry, everything is rhythm.

You have muscles instead of brains.

You are alone, you are calm, you are in control.

You do have spunk.

Now, just increase the pressure.

I must pursue them...

Up the tempo.

There will never be any 'light' for me.

That's the way.

Is that all you have to give?

And higher and higher, and tighter and tighter...

W-what did you just say?

Wrapping crimson bands around your mind.

h, how dare you ridicule me by calling me 'trash'!

And the song of the grasshoppers is drowning everything out.

im asking you where? take me to him!

You've lost yourself in the cacophony.

in what way is he more superior than i. i will not accept it. i will not.

And all that's left of you is the rhythym and the tempo and the up and down, the up and down.

you are also betraying me i'll never forgive you enemies stealing my things

And you've reached the limit, you've reached the tip of your jade green mountain.

you devil ill be sure to kill you this time thats it thats it heh heh he came all this way just to be killed why do I have to listen to you

And it all comes out in a white, incoherent mess.

i must get rid of him with my own hands but he ruined it again im not trash im not worthless slow soo slow this undeniable difference in power win i can win i am not the worthless one if only you didnt exist that bastard ill hunt him out myself i who transcends all other humans i was given life in a pile of trash as long as he exists that warmth that very warmth ive finally obtained if only you hadn't been born i was determined to be the representative of god i am the only one that can correct this what was I born for what was I living for

And then you're spent and tired and soft.

I... am... just trash... ...a... reject...

Calmness returns.

I didn't realize that what I've been looking for... was so close to me...

The grasshoppers fold their emerald legs under themselves and go to sleep, their fiddles silent.

Stillness. And warmth.

Anxiety is gone, and you are not alone.