Breaking Ties
Meaning; A conclusion to a part of a life or time, or a termination.
Insensate
I washed the plates up from tonight, watching Edward and Elizabelle play outside in the garden. I was used to the same old routine, but I was bored too. All there ever was, was washing up to do; especially when Alainah was born four years ago. I hadn't wanted any more Kids after Edward was born, but more, I got.
Rob was the one to be so…persistent in having more Kids, but I wasn't going to be having anymore from now on. Two years ago, I had…well, I lost my Baby. Our, little Boy. It stung me even now just to think about it. I quickly moved on from that sad part of my life and thought about the Kids that I had got. Elizabelle, Edward and Alainah. Little Allie; as I nicknamed her. Because she was quite petite, even for a four year old.
The three best thing of my life was my three, gorgeous Children. I was so proud of each and everyone of them, because my Children were really so talented. They took after their Father in that way. Edward played the piano and the violin. Edward had been taking music lessons at his Elementary school, and Rob had given his son weekly lessons on the piano and guitar. He was already so musically talented, just like his Father and he had the most beautiful, little voice that I had ever heard.
And Edward was the most gorgeous, little Boy ever, at eight years old. He really looked like his Father, but with blonder hair. He definitely reminded me of Rob when he was younger. With the light blonde hair, like Rob's as a Child. And then there was my oldest; Elizabelle at ten. She was just as talented as Edward and Rob. She wanted to be an actress, so she went to Drama Club at her Elementary School for school in her last year and she often practiced at the school in the theatre there.
And she was so gorgeous too. The most gorgeous, little Girl ever. She had a pale complexion; beautiful in every way with rosy cheeks too. She had gorgeous, auburn hair which was curly and long. She wore her bangs just above her gorgeous, brown eyes; hiding her eyebrows. And then there was my gorgeous, little Girl.
Alainah was just four years old, the youngest Child of mine and Rob's. she was the only Child to really look like me; with short, brown hair. She always wore her favorite pink hair clip in her hair, and she had my dark brown eyes too. I looked back outside the window, and watched Elizabelle chase around Edward. I laughed once and returned my gaze to the washing up again. It was good to see them two joking around together.
Elizabelle and Edward were always together because there was only a slight, two year gap between the two of them, so they were really close. It was good to see that them two relied on each other as much as Siblings all should. I heard footsteps down the stairs then; telling me that Rob was done with putting Alainah to sleep upstairs. I sighed heavily in response, knowing that I should make more of an effort with him, but knowing that I probably couldn't.
These last two years had been extremely difficult for us as a couple. Because, since I had…miscarried, I couldn't seem to spend a minute with him without…thinking of him, and thinking about what I had lost. I despised Rob for my miscarriage and he wasn't helping things by keep trying to get me to have another Baby with him. Because it wasn't going to work, because I didn't want another Baby. Why would I when I had had to have another Baby, dead on arrival at five months?
I had had one tiny hold of my little Baby before he was so cruelly taken away from me, and I were rushed into burial plans. I was still grieving for our Baby when we had to make all these stupid decisions about burial and everything! I wouldn't have coped anyway, but with so close to the death…I couldn't take it. And Rob was trying to be comforting, which only made me hate him even more. He tried to pretend that everything would go back to normal after the death of our Son, and I wasn't having it.
I would never get over the death of our Son and the more that he tried to convince me to have another Baby; the more ticked off I was with him. But nevertheless, I was trying to get on with normal things whilst I could for the sake of our marriage. I would never end things between us, no matter how stressful things got between us. We had three Children between us, and he was still the Father of my Children. No matter how many arguments we had, I would always love him as my Husband.
But the last month had also been difficult between us; Rob's film was cancelled last month and his agent was practically turning his back on Rob. He had said that he would be there for Rob, no matter how his career took on, and that he would find work for Rob, but…we had got no call from him since. Rob had been lounging around the house lazily for the last month, but he was trying to take the effort around the Kids…any other time he was getting drunk when the kids were around and I was beyond the point of despair with helping him get out of this depression that had seemed to be getting hold of him.
I heard him walk into the kitchen and I threw him a smile as I continued to wash up the remainder of the plates that I had to finish. I heard him walk to the sink and grab a can of beer, and I didn't try to stop him. Wrong or right.
Alainah was in bed and Elizabelle and Edward would be going to their bedroom to study for an hour before they went to bed too. So we had the whole night just to relax now. Not that we ever really did; I always stressed about the Children be alright, and I would keep going up and checking on them.
"Did Alainah go down alright?" I asked him, without looking at him. I heard him pull out the kitchen chair out for him to sit on before he replied to my worried question. I was always worrying; that was my problem.
"Yeah, she was fine. I read her the Beauty and Beast book that she's fallen in love with." He replied, snickering.
I laughed once in response to that. "She really loves that book. Hasn't stopped reading it since we came back from London." I replied truthfully.
It was his Parents fault; since we had spent the week in London two months ago with his Parents-allowing the Children to spend more time with their Grandparents-we were forced to read Alainah the Beauty and the Beast book because she had fallen in love with in when Rob's Mum, Claire had read it to her that first time.
"I know. I had to read it to her three times, before she finally agreed to go to sleep." He admitted jokingly. I grinned in response, and looked out of the window again to see Elizabelle and Edward were sat down on the cool grass outside now.
"I better go and get them inside." I sighed as I dried my hands. There was just the wiping up to do now, and I imagined that I would be doing that just like every other day when I had to do all the clearing up.
"They have an hour still." Rob replied unbothered.
"Until their bedtimes, yes. But they want to go to their bedroom and study for their homework; its due in tomorrow." I replied sourly. He always seemed to forget about how important homework was just because he never used to do his school homework.
I mean, I never used to either but I wanted the Children to do well at school. It was the most important thing; education. They needed to keep their head down and do their best; then they would get the best possible education. I was sure of it. I walked slowly outside and heard the Children's free, happy laughter as I headed towards them.
They were sat on the outskirts of the trees that followed into the meadow, and laughing happily…that was until Edward looked up and saw me walking over. He groaned in response, and rolled his eyes. I laughed in response, shaking my head at him as I walked over there. He had a cheek when he knew he had homework!
"Don't roll your eyes at me young man! You have homework to do!" I warned him, pretending to glare at him. He laughed in response, with Elizabelle giggling in her girly voice as she always did.
"Fine, fine Mom! I'll come quietly!" He gave in automatically. I laughed in response, watching him get up from the grass and brushing himself down. Elizabelle sighed and did the same; knowing that she wouldn't be able to win either.
"Mom, this is so unfair, you know that! I could do my homework in the morning." Elizabelle suggested as she flung her backpack on her shoulder, from the grass. I shook my head in response. There was no way that I was going to let her get away with rushing homework.
"Oh no young lady; homework is not for rushing." I warned her, rustling both my Children's hair.
"EW, MOM!" They both exclaimed in distaste. I laughed in response, and walked them back to the house with my arm on each side of my Children's shoulder as we talked about their School and how they liked it there.
It made me so happy to know that they liked it as much as they said they did. I wanted them to be very happy with their school. It was a Parents job to worry about their Children like how I always was. Rob was waiting in the kitchen to say goodnight to his Children. I walked into the kitchen to let him say goodnight to Elizabelle and Edward. Despite whenever he got drunk; his Kids always came first to Rob.
"Hey, night kids." He grinned at them, getting up from the kitchen table. Elizabelle grinned at him; wrapping him right round her little finger like she so easily could. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him on the lips.
"Night Dad." She replied, putting her head on his chest as she hugged him. I smiled, watching Edward give his Dad a hug too. Even though Edward was embarrassed when it came to kissing right now. He barely managed a kiss on the lips to his Parents, these days.
"Night Dad." Edward said too, before walking back out of the kitchen.
"Night Mom." Elizabelle grinned at me. She wrapped her arms around me, and kissed me. I smiled and rested my head on top of hers.
"Night sweetie." I kissed the top of her head sweetly before she pulled away from me quickly. I smiled as she disappeared before Edward awkwardly waved at me. I laughed in response and pulled him swiftly into my arms. He was so not escaping his Mothers kisses and cuddles.
"Night Mom."
I kissed his forehead gently. "Night honey." I watched him walk up the stairs, smiling as he shuffled up them. He looked just like Rob when he did that; lazily shuffling his weight up the stairs.
I walked back into the kitchen and looked towards the kitchen table. Rob was still sat there, drinking his can of beer. I shrugged and got the wine out of the fridge, and poured myself a glass; now that the Kids were busy.
"So…Kids are upstairs, the washing up's done." I looked to the sink to see that he was right; everything was cleared out of the way. That was a very nice surprise to walk back into the house to.
"Well…thanks. That's a nice surprise." I replied gratefully. It meant a lot to see the side clear, without me having to do it for once. It was definitely less stressful too. I drank a sip of the white wine that I had poured out for myself.
"That's okay…do you want to go in the living room? I rented out a film today for us to watch." He asked me. That was unlike him; usually we just sat watching the television, curled up on either sofa.
Sometimes, if we were both in an excellent mood; we would curl up on the sofa, with his strong arms wrapped around me. God, I missed that. We were never really that close anymore; not to snuggle up to each other.
"Yeah, I'd love to." I replied, because it was true. It would be nice to unwind a little bit, and relax for the night…without having to stress about the kids. Alainah was tucked up in bed and Elizabelle and Edward were busy studying.
And I knew they wouldn't lie to me about that because they didn't really mind with their school work really.
I followed him out into the hallway, with my bottle of wine in hand and followed him into the living room where it was snuggly and warm. I watched him sit on the sofa after putting the DVD in and wondered to myself if it would be right to sit next to him. How stupid did that sound? My own Husband and I was wondering to myself if I should go and sit next to him! I poured myself some more wine, and went to sit down next to him; surprising him a little bit. He moved away a little bit which didn't go unnoticed by me. I frowned angrily at him because the fact was he never snuggled up to me anymore.
When was the last time we had even made love? Months ago! We were never close enough as how I wanted to be. I shifted closer and snuggled up to him; feeling his body freeze from underneath me. I sighed heavily in response.
"I want to be close to my Husband. Is that too much to ask for?" I asked him angrily. He sighed too, wrapping his arms around me then and pressing me closer to him. Finally! The reaction that I had been begging from him!
I wasn't used to him holding me like this for months! But god, it felt so good. To be close to him like this was so nice. I didn't need sex from him; I needed him close to me for once. I enjoyed the closeness like this.
"Of course it isn't…it's a surprise, that's all. A good surprise, mind you." He added quickly, kissing me once softly on the top of my forehead lightly. He was right to be surprised; this closeness in the two years between us had totally gone thanks to my losing the Baby and sex…well, we only ever made love after a while. It didn't even bother me anymore.
"Uh hum…good, I'm glad to hear." I replied, welcoming his arms as the film began. It was a good film; a romance and the typical romantic film that I enjoyed watching. We carried on drinking through the night, and the more that the alcohol got to me, the closer we got. And after the film was finished too, I only had one thing in mind.
"That was a good film; did you like it?" Rob asked me from the television. He put the DVD back in the box as I got up from the sofa and walked over to him. He ignored me at first; like how he always did.
"Yep, I did…and now; I want to finish off the night." I confirmed, grabbing the DVD from him and putting on the side. He watched me confused, so I stepped forward and pressed my arms around his neck.
I pushed my face to his before he could stop me and kissed him; and really kissed him for the first time in a month; the last time we had made love. He didn't even bother to try and stop me; the real Rob came out instead. He kissed me back with irresistible force and pushed me backwards. I fell into the wall behind me, gasping in shock slightly before I let him deepen our kiss. He moaned into my mouth, sending waves of delight down my body.
He pressed his hand to the small of my back, touching me through my tank top. It didn't stay on for long though. He began to pull the top up, but I stopped him because I knew where I wanted this to head for. I wanted us to really make love as a couple, as a married couple when we would tonight. I wanted us to really give ourselves to each other tonight, not just have sex like we had for the last two years. I wanted it to mean something.
"Lets go upstairs." I begged him breathlessly, as I pulled away from him. I took his hands in mine and pulled him backwards with me, through the living room door; seeing nothing but lust fill his persuading, intense eyes as we headed into the hallway. I shivered again.
Because Rob wanted me just as much as I wanted him. I could see it in his eyes, the way he stared over me and revealed just how much he wanted me. And I was ready to finally go with it; to finally make love to my Husband.
"Let's." He agreed just as breathlessly, lacing our fingers together as we headed up the stairs together. I turned round to watch where I was going, keeping our hands locked together as I guided him up the stairs with me.
We hurried to the bedroom as soon as we were on the landing, and I couldn't wait for this to happen. To really feel again with him. It had been ages since we were so in love, like how we used to be. When we were younger, making love was just for fun; we had a laugh, and we had time for each other. I wanted it to be like that now; we could still be like that now. We could save our relationship before it was too late.
We could go on holiday, get our marriage back on track and then come home, back to the Kids, when everything between us was sorted out. We needed that time together to really sort our marriage out. I turned to him at the bedroom door, and his lips pressed down onto mine urgently before I could stop him. Not that I would have done, anyway. Our mouths crashed together with each furious kiss as we headed backwards to the bed.
His hands pulled up my tank top again, and I let him remove it from my body. I shoved it to the floor, before I crashed my lips back onto his; my hands going to his shirt buttons and forcefully opening each one as quickly as I could. I had never wanted him as much as I did now. He helped me with the buttons, before throwing that to the floor too. I moaned in response as he picked me up and thrust his tongue deep inside my mouth as we clambered for the bed; my legs tucked tight around each side of his heavenly body.
He put me down on the bed, clambering on top as soon as he had. He pressed his body to mine eagerly; his masculine, toned chest pressing hard against my own naked chest, and sending shivers down me again. His thumping heart raced against my own in anticipation, so that I couldn't work out which racing, excited heartbeat belonged to who.
Our deepened kiss carried on and on, despite our breathlessness, as his hands trailed my body eagerly. He thrust his jean-covered body into mine, making me moan in response, and reply with each needy thrust of my own. I trailed my hands across his toned abs, feeling each one ripple underneath my fingers. I shivered in delight and trailed my hands down to the top of his jeans. I pressed my hands over the top of them; feeling the slight arousal even through his jeans.
He moaned in response as I rubbed my hands across his arousal…once, twice and a third time before I had enough. I undone the button on his jeans, and hurriedly unzipped the zipper on them too. His hands carried on before I could stop them; starting to remove his jeans from his legs. I pressed my hands on top of his and helped him pull away his jeans. He stopped to take them off and threw them on the floor too.
He hesitated above me, watching me now with those intense, grey eyes. I watched him back; taking in the pure lust that filled his eyes and shivered again. I so badly wanted to make the most of this but I was also dying to feel him inside of me again. I laced my arms around his neck, pressing my hands to the back of his neck, as he lowered his face back to mine. His lips pressed to mine, softly at first; until letting the urgency leak through them as his mouth moved above mine.
And then, I pressed my mouth harder against his; the urgency in me coming alive again and pulling me to him. I wrapped my legs back around him; feeling his arousal hit me more through my jeans. He moaned in response, feeling my own arousal too, and let his hands trail down my stomach quickly, and to my jeans. He undid them in a hurry, and I lifted my hips off of the bed to help him take them off. He removed them in a hurry, making me laugh in response as he threw the clothing to the floor.
He looked back at me with the same intense eyes, making me stop laughing automatically. God, he was so beautiful and I could never really get enough. Even after eleven years together as a couple, he managed to amaze me. I pushed him back onto the bed and pressed my hands to the top of his boxers. He didn't stop me taking them off, revealing all of his beauty to me now that he was naked. And I couldn't help but shiver in delight.
He was glorious; every single part of his body was made in heaven. He was so beautiful and I had to wonder why somebody like him was still with me. It was too difficult to understand why he would have ever wanted to marry me in the first place. I took his face in mine and kissed him softly; with him pressing his arms around me, and holding me closer to him. I was so happy to call him mine. It meant a lot to me to have been with someone that I adored more than my own life for such a long time.
I was brought up to think like that. I was brought up to believe that love was irreplaceable, that love conquered all, and that love wasn't just found in stupid, one night stands. My Nan was right; once I found Rob, I had never wanted anyone else in the world. And I never would.
"I love you." I gasped out breathlessly after pulling away from him. I needed him to know that, I needed him to understand that I really did love him, even if we never really showed it anymore. I wanted him to know.
He smiled in response, pressing one of his hands to one side of my face. "I know…I love you too." He promised me, making me smile. Because I already knew that anyway, but it was such a relief to hear it again after so many months. I returned my lips to his, trying to stay patient as we kissed. Tonight would be the night when we would finally be together properly after these two, difficult years.
***
Meaning of Insensate; being foolish or stupid.
