Title: "Cowpie"
Pairing: Hellion/X-23 (Julian Keller / Laura Kinney)
Universe: Holy AU, Batman! AU with 616 elements (no no the Batman is just a saying, this has nothin to do with Batman)
Notes:

- Set in the future…and in the past. WAIT FOR IT!!
- All squad members are in their early to mid twenties.
- Two squads now—just New Mutants and Hellions
these are kind of like understudies for the X-men

I'm thinking this might be a two-parter. See if you can spot any familiar elements, from my stories (perhaps) and from other
media. Some won't be hard, some is more of a challenge.

A/N: Don't ask me where this came from. Really…even I don't want to know. However it DID come from somewhere (probably outer space)
and landed in my brain…and laid eggs there. Ew. Somehow I though this would be a cute story (it's not kerfuffle, it's cute but there's a
strong plot to it or so I tell myself at 3 AM when the doubts are closing in). Also note: like Year Zero, this is a tentative release...meaning
I may or may not go back and change things such as chapter titles. I may even at some point change a fact--I would for sure put lots
of notes up if I do. It's all coming together slowly, and I think it's pretty cool so far. Have fun


(Volume: 1 Chapter: 1)

Chapter 1: stranger and stranger


"Nervous?"

Sofia was smiling at him from across the room. Of course he was nervous…just a little bit. He always got a little nervous when she smiled at him…
and that was when he'd struggle for words and blurt out something that made him look like a complete asshole.

The problem was, she tended to smile most when she was around her friends. And she had decided, based on his reactions, that he didn't like her
friends. Not that they were the most impressive creatures ever; but in truth, he didn't feel strongly one way or another about them—he didn't care.
Sofia seemed to think he would expend enough energy to hate them, somehow.

Whatever.

"Nah." He looked out the window—and saw nothing. They were in free space—aiding in the battle against the Skrull. He was eager to get into the
action—he'd never been in a full-out fight before, only small skirmishes.

"How you going to be useful?" Santo asked her, his eyebrow raised.

"Shut up, Santo." Julian gave him a warning look. Everyone knew she was off-limits for banter. Mostly this rule was respected. Santo occasionally
stepped out of line and said something stupid, which meant his day would be spent at her door, trying to convince her that he was just as upset
about it as she was.

"Just saying, jeez. There's no oxygen, and no wind."

"The X-men will think of something, I'm sure," Sofia said. "Otherwise they would have dedicated me to colonization."

"Mmm." Santo looked over Julian's shoulder. "What we lookin' at, boss-man?"

"Nothing." Julian was in a bad mood. He'd been inside for weeks now. They were on a space station orbiting the moon, waiting for orders from Cyclops.
He knew they were waiting for the enemies' move…but…the blackness was really getting on him. And the boredom. He wondered, idly, if there was any
truth to the myths Santo had told him about mutants turning cannibalistic up here.

"Go Fish?" Cessily asked, peaking around the corner.

Julian sighed. "Sure."


"FINALLY!" he couldn't help exclaiming. He dropped his cards, when he 'heard' the summons. He was excited. He was full of energy, having not used any
energy since boarding the ship, on the request of Cyclops, for fear of some adverse reaction with the power grid. Or the life support.

Which was bullshit, but whatever.

"Maintenance?" he asked Frost, blinking.

"Maintenance, Mr. Keller," she answered calmly. "I could sense your burning energy, and since it's unsafe to use your powers in here…"

"Ms. Frost…when are we going to get to see the frontlines? You hauled us all up here, from our everyday patrols…to sit around and play cards. I want to be
freaking on some aliens already. I mean, for God's sakes, you already sent Alleyne out there!"

Frost's cold eyes flashed, like steel.

"Mister Keller. First of all…this is war. You should be grateful you aren't on the frontlines. Do you want to be dead?"

"No," Julian said, frustrated. "Have some confidence in me, please!"

Frost was unrelenting.

"You will be sent into battle when it is tactically prudent. And, to answer your inquiry, although it is not necessary to tell you, Mr. Alleyne's deployment was
tactically prudent. I assume you heard of his and his teammates' injuries as well, then?"

Julian had heard. Sofia had told him, last night, sniffling in his arms behind closed doors. He had to hand it to her—she hadn't flinched in public, although she'd
broken down alone. David Alleyne had been paralyzed from the waist down, and Noriko Ashida had lost an eye trying to save him.

He nodded. "Price of being where the action is," he said. "Oh come on, Ms. Frost. You've known me since I was sixteen. You know I can handle myself, quite well.
You did make me a captain."

Frost folded her arms.

"Mister Keller…I hear everything you say, but my decision is not changing. You may attend to your duties, now. You will be summoned when needed. DISMISSED."
She snapped her fingers, and Julian got up and walked out of her office, not on his own accord.

"Sonuvabitch," he said when the doors swung shut behind him, and Frost released her hold on his motor functions.

" ARRRRGH." Julian bludgeoned the metal hose into the side of the ship with his mind, even more irritated. It refused to fit into the coupling on the ship tank,
and he refused to use his hands to touch the sewage reciprocal. He was a billionaire, for God's sake. He had more money than Frost. His family had made
how-many donations to the school when it was still running…and had been a strong funding force in the battalions afterwards…and here he was, maintaining
sewage tanks.

His helmet was getting foggy; he rubbed it angrily with his arm, although he knew it wouldn't help. The condensation was inside, of course. Of course, of
course he had the luck to get a broken ventilation unit. Of course.

He swore long and hard, although it didn't leave his suit because the automatic communications unit was also not working, for some reason. His suit was on
the fritz. All he needed now was for the stupid tether to break or something (although he would technically be okay)…and yeah, there was Santo, pointing
to him from the washroom window, and laughing quite obviously (he threw his head back).

Julian gave him the finger and turned his back on him to fiddle with the coupling some more. It finally clicked in place, and he leapt back in repulsion as the
sewage began to flow through the hose, causing it to move and pop up.

"Gross." He pulled on his tether.

Mr. Keller, I suggest you come in at once. Frost, in his head, sounding worried. There's been a security brea—

He frowned. She'd just…cut off. He heard an ominous noise and looked up.

"HOLY—" yes, yes that definitely wasn't an X-ship. He dove for the door and scrambled to open it, his shield up; he eventually threw his helmet off to the side,
irritated by the fog-induced blindness. He didn't need it anyways—his powers produced their own oxygen field. It was just standard to wear one.

The door flew open with his mental help, and he looked inside to see a very worried Mindee Cuckoo.

"Frost's down. They've got temporal displacers," she said, distressed. A year ago, just such a weapon had destroyed the other two remaining sisters—Celeste
and Phoebe Cuckoo. Now Mindee was just a reasonably strong telepath.

"…" Julian grabbed her arm. "What happened to Frost?"

Mindee closed her eyes. "Vibranium."

"Shit." Julian shared his old mentor's weakness to the metal; in bullet-form, it let out a piercing vibration that ruptured his own energy.

"Get in touch with Cyclops. We need to know our orders."

Mindee nodded.

"AHHHH!" Cessily was screaming beside him, and it was horrible. "AUUUUUUUUUGHHH!!" Something black, like wet cobwebs, was dancing all over her silvery form,
and it obviously didn't feel good. He could see the surface of her skin bubble—pit—and begin to solidify.

" CESS!" He flew around the explosion and grabbed her under the armpits. He didn't know what to do for her. She writhed in agony. He propped her up on a piece
of floating debris.

"T-tell Santo," she said, her jaw going rigid.

"Cess, don't talk like that! You're going to be fine!" Julian felt his eyes getting wet; he turned away. Great, he was the first captain to cry on field. He was so
proud of himself…Cessily had stopped moving altogether.

"You're gonna pay for that, you little bitch!" he shouted, spotting the Skrull again in the middle of the battle. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a small
orangey-brown speck, that looked like it was on fire in parts. Earth. His anger towards the perpetrator doubled and he plowed his fist into his opponent's
unprotected face.

They engaged in a fist fight, then the Skrull pulled out a knife of that stupid metal and started taking swings. Julian was quite used to being knifed by now and
easily dodged each attack; however; he wasn't prepared for what did happen next.

" Keller, Julian. Designation: Hellion. Protocol solution: Displacement."

He blinked.

" Nimrod?—" he barely got the words out of his mouth before he was atomized by a pulse of pink energy.