Hopefully this was intended to be platonic Hummelberry, because that's all that's happening...
Kurt was still mostly drunk as he sang snippets of songs quietly while the piercer readied her equipment.
Noticing the thickness of the needle heading for his clamped-down tongue brought him closer to tipsy.
The second the needle went in, he was stone-cold sober.
Kurt tried to keep his breathing regular and soft once the barbell was in, but he could tell he was wheezing and gasping for air, loudly enough that the tattoo guy barged into the room with a concerned look in his eye.
The piercer and the tattoo artist were both speaking - whether to him or each other, Kurt wasn't sure, but he could still see their mouths moving through his rapidly clouding vision - but Kurt couldn't make himself focus on their words. He couldn't even hear them over the roaring of his heartbeat in his ears and his brain's panicked repetition of what have I done what have I done oh God what have I done-
"Kurt!" the tattoo artist - Louis, like the cute one from One Direction, Kurt's hazy mind supplied - said, shaking his shoulders gently. "Can you tell me the name of that girl who was in with you the other day? Can she help you get home safe?"
"Rachel," Kurt lisped faintly. "She's my roommate."
"Awesome," Louis said. "I'm gonna leave you here with Stella and go call her, okay? Keep breathing for us, buddy."
Kurt couldn't tell how long Louis was gone or if it took Rachel an inordinate amount of time to get there. He was too caught up in his anxiety to do anything but breathe raggedly and try to sip the water Stella had gotten for him.
"Oh, Kurt," Rachel said sympathetically after bursting through the curtain. "C'mon. Let's go home."
She helped him out of the chair, pulling one of his arms over her shoulders so he could brace himself on her.
"God, you've been eating your spinach," she muttered, slumping slightly under his weight. "This is going to be a fun trip home."
Somehow, they got out of the shop and into a cab with only minimal strife, and Kurt's mind cleared a little when the chilly night air hit him.
"Rachel," Kurt said, wincing as he finally noticed the lisp his piercing gave him. "Oh my God."
"What, babe?" Rachel asked, confused.
"I pierced my tongue and now it hurts and what if I can never talk normally again?" Kurt said rapidly. "What if it gets infected and they have to remove it?"
"I'm sure the piercing would come out-"
"No, Rach, my tongue, what if they have to remove my tongue?" Kurt interrupted, feeling a fresh wave of panic hit him. "Don't people need tongues to speak?"
"Kurt, babe, I need you to take a deep br-"
"What if Blaine doesn't like my tongue piercing? I know he likes Adam Levine, but maybe that's just a fantasy and he doesn't want it in real life? We just got engaged, Rachel, what if this ruins it?"
"I doubt Blaine would dump you over a tongue piercing, Kurt," Rachel said, wrapping Kurt in an awkward hug across the back seat. The gentle contact was what finally caused Kurt to burst into tears. "Oh, honey. We've gotta get out of the car, it just pulled up to our building."
Kurt got out of the cab shakily and waited for Rachel on the curb as she paid the driver. He managed to walk inside unsupported, but he decided to take the skeevy elevator with Rachel rather than take the stairs like he normally would. His blurry eyesight would probably cause him to twist an ankle, and then he'd have a sprain to deal with on top of this monstrosity in his mouth.
"I just wanna talk to Blaine," he said tearfully, standing far closer to Rachel than usual. "I need Blaine."
"How about you get into some comfier clothes and I call him on Skype?" Rachel suggested, sliding their door open. "Santana's at Dani's tonight, so she won't mind if we're loud."
Kurt just nodded gratefully, heading off to his room to find the t-shirt he'd stolen from Blaine and his comfiest sweats. He could hear Rachel booting up her laptop and the familiar Skype ring, making him smile and settle a little.
"I think he needs - oh, hi, Kurt!" Rachel said, turning as he came through the curtains. "Look who's here!"
"Blaine!" Kurt said, coming to sit alongside Rachel. He wrapped an arm around her and snuggled into her side, craving physical comfort.
"Hey, baby," Blaine said gently. "I heard you had a rough night."
"It's been an adventure," Kurt said, scrunching his nose a little as he reflected on all that had occurred. "You're not gonna dump me, right?"
"What? Of course not, Kurt, why would you say that?" Blaine asked, concerned.
"I got a tongue piercing and I know you like Adam Levine but maybe not in a way you'd like in real life and I just - the needle was so - and my mouth is sore-" Kurt rambled, still a little disjointed from shock.
"Babe, I'd like you if you had piercings on every available inch of skin if that's what made you happy," Blaine said as Rachel began stroking down Kurt's back soothingly. "And if you want to take the piercing out, that's fine too. Do whatever feels best to you."
Kurt's eyes widened as he turned to glance at Rachel. "I can take it out? I can take it out! Rachel, why didn't you suggest that first?"
"I was a little preoccupied! You looked like you were about to pass out or vomit when I came and got you, and then you were panicking and crying on me in the cab!" she said defensively. "What was I supposed to do, reach into your mouth and pull it out myself?"
"Hmph," Kurt said, cuddling back into her side. "And don't think I can't hear you laughing, Blaine Anderson!"
Blaine managed to pull himself together, making a contrite expression that would have been more convincing had his eyes not been sparkling with mirth. "I'm sorry, babe. I was just trying to picture Rachel carrying you out of some tattoo parlor like one of those mothers that can lift vans off their children after car accidents."
"That's basically how it felt," Rachel said. "Your fiance is heavy, Blaine."
"Maybe because I'm eight inches taller than you with a proportional build?" Kurt sniped. "I'm sorry I hit puberty, God."
"Never be sorry for that," Blaine said, deadly sincere. "Never, ever be sorry about that."
"If this is going to turn into sexy Skyping, I'm leaving," Rachel said, making to extricate herself from Kurt. "I have been scarred by you two enough already."
"Nooo, Rachel, don't leave," Kurt said, clinging to her. "You're the best cuddle substitute I've got since Blaine isn't here."
"What about-" Rachel cut herself off at Kurt's glare. "Never mind. Fine, but I want to get some sleep, so say good night to your man and meet me in my room. I'm warning you, though, if you hog the blankets, I'm pushing you on the floor. Night, Blaine!" She waved and wandered off.
"What was Rachel asking about?" Blaine said once she'd left, focusing back on Kurt.
"Nothing!" Kurt said, hoping he wasn't flushing too brightly. "I think she's just in shock from tonight, too."
"Whatever you say, dear," Blaine said with an unconvinced smile. "I love you."
"I love you too, Blaine. Thanks for answering us."
"I promised I'd always take your call, remember? Even if you're calling through Rachel." Blaine winked.
"Good night, B," Kurt said, smiling before he had to yawn. He could finally feel the adrenaline wearing off.
"Good night, Kurt," Blaine said. They shared a fond look before Kurt disconnected the call and padded off to Rachel's room.
Rachel was already half-asleep when Kurt entered, but she'd left a space for him to curl up in. He quickly kicked off his slippers and climbed in, pulling her into his chest.
"Y' haven't told him 'bout Bruce?" she muttered.
"No, and for now, it's staying that way. Go to sleep, Rach. And thanks for getting me tonight," Kurt said, slurring his last couple of words as he started drifting off as well.
"Any time. An' I'll help you take yer tongue piercin' out tomorrow."
They were both dead asleep before Kurt could reply.
