Lines, vines and trying times
Chapter one
``God, I hate life. ''
I sat there, staring down at the white powder, lined up perfectly into seperate lines on a mirror, with a rolled up dollar bill sitting beside me. This was something I did dayly. Get high. Its all I now know. The demon inside took over about a year ago, right after my dad passed away in a car accident. I turned into a horrible person, that would do anything just to get my next hit. And even I would admit, that I wasnt proud of who I became. I lost touch with everything and everyone I use to know. Not even my own mother and sister could reconize me, but sadly, I didnt care. All I cared about is my drug. God, I hate life...
I finished my meal in a blast and raced to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. I took out my tooth brush before getting down on my knees infront of the toilet. I flipped the brush around and shoved it down my throat. Something I did way to often. I've been throwing up after every meal for about six months now, it all started when Steve and I began dating and trust me when I say, it was no fairy tale relationship. I closed my eyes as everything came up and out into the toilet. My thorat was always sore, my mouth wasnt always the best, I always felt dizzy and my figure was very skeleton-like. Everything started to turn into a blur. I threw the toothbrush onto the counter as the last bit of vomit came out. I no longer could hold myslef up, I fell down onto the cold, hard, tiled floor of my bathroom. The feeling I knew all too well, and the same thought just kept running through my mind. God, I hate my life. When will this get better? Will I still be alive too see it get better?
I rolled over and groaned, obviously still tired from last night, and it was then that I realized the same blonde from last night was still in my bed. Barbera? I think her name is. Eh, who the hell cares now. I pushed her, trying to wake her up. All she did was groan like I had done a minute ago. ''Wake up! Get out!'' I said as I got out of bed too call her a cab. As I sat in my living room, waiting for the cab, I stared down the hall to my bedroom that had one of my many one night stands in getting ready, probably throwing on the same dress from the other night. I've never been in a serious relationship, nor have I even ever felt loved. Sure, some may say its my fault, but when you've never seen a serious relationship in your life, how are you supose to know what youre looking for? There are many times that I wish for an actual relationship but, Im in too deep, I wouldnt know what to do. I threw my head back and sighed with the same thought that usually ran threw my head. God, I hate my life...
Just another day. I thought as I rolled over in my bed and sighed. I could never leave my bed. In fact, I spent most of my days in bed, in my room, or on my computer. Just doing nothing productive at all. Its depressing rather, but I could care less. I hated being around people. People piss me off. The constant fear of being judged all the time. Not being good enough, always haunted my mind. My poor mother and father would try every day too get me out of my room, but I wouldnt budge. I felt bad for them, but I just couldnt do it. My whole world came crashing down when my baby brother died. I just couldnt understand why it happened, nor did i even want to understand. God, I hate my life...
It was my fifth run of the day, and it was only noon. I had already gone to the gym and did a bit of studying. Some may say that I try too hard, but truth is, Im pushed too hard. I've always been an over-achiever. Its just how I was raised. I always got ''A''s in school, was always the one that people loved, always looked perfect, wore the best clothes, was in all the clubs. Its what my parents wanted to be, they lived through me. Dont even ask what I want, cause I couldnt even tell you. I stopped running when breathing became a probablem and my verison was blurred. I passed out on the grass, looking up to the sky, and for the first time, I thought, God, I hate my life...
I picked up yet another beer can and chugged it back. Just a daily routine, nothing new. Get drunk, puke, pass out, repeat. This alcohol is now a demon, thats taken over not only me, but my life. My life? I dont even remember my life before this demon took over my body. Thats gotta scare somebody, right? Not me, its all I know now. I cant see my life without it, now thats a scary thought. God, I hate my life...
I pulled out my favorite razor blade. Favorite razor blade? Theres something not every nineteen year old girl says. I pulled up my sleve and put the blade too my skin to make contact. It was cold, sending shivers down my spine. I added pressure to the blade and glided it across my skin, creating a cut, right next to a scar. I dropped the razor on the floor and quickly grabbed a cloth to cover the cut. Tears started too pour out of my eyes. How did I get so deep? Why did I even start? I mean, my life is perfect. Sometimes a little too perfect that its just too hard to handle. I just wanted it all to end. God, I hate my life...
I screamed and started too throw around random stuff. Anything I came in contact with, I threw. Not caring if anything broke. That was my mission. Break things. Anything. I was screaming as loud as I could. How could he break his promise. Again! He always blew me off, making me feel even more worthless then I already do. It felt as if I was suffocating in my own body. I couldnt breathe. All I could do was scream, and throw everything around. When did I become this? God, I hate my life...
There you go! The first chapter in my new story :) Hope you guys like it! In the next chapter you will find out who is who and everything else! Please, review! :)
