I know tolkien would hate people making 'fun' I suppose of his story, and that he's probably turning in his grave at that. I do not wish to be at all offensive to Tolkien or anything so yar. This is more based on the movie for sure but still... this is so... stupid. And small. XD
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D'you know how this all came to be? I was lieing in bed and I picked up my pad of paper and literally just wrote: LEGOLAS: Dvarves. Ugly smelly creatures who dwell in dark underground mines in search of their jewels.
My friends Uma and Emma helped me on chapters to come, but this one was me.
Due to fanfic regulations, I had to change the format. Which is sad. Nobody cares unless they report me, but oh well, there are people like that. Thank you guys for informing me but ugh.
ACT 1
Location: Sunny day in a grassy field
NARRATOR SAURON WALKS ON. Sauron sits on the side of the stage.
NARRATOR SAURON says "We all know and love the LotRs, the books and the movies, but what really happened those days we don't hear about? Well, I'm your narrator Sauron, and I really would love to kill all these characters- but don't fear audience! I won't hurt you! Maybe..."
Legolas walks on
Legolas says "Dwarves. Ugly smelly creatures who dwell in dark underground mines in search of their greedy jewels. Elves however are majestic beautiful beings, the fairest swiftest organisms in all of middle earth!"
Gimli walks on
Gimli says "Are you saying you're BETTER than me?! Pointy eared elvish princeling!"
Legolas says "That is what I'm applying, yes."
Gimli says "Ishkhaqwi ai durugnul! (I spit upon your grave!)"
NARRATOR SAURON says "That means 'I spit upon your grave!', just to tell you"
They bicker endlessly and Aragorn walks in. Aragorn puts a hand on his forehead then shakes his head exasperatedly
Aragorn says "That was not so courteous..."
NARRATOR SAURON "Aragorn feels like a overworked babysitter..."
Gimli and Legolas ignore Aragorn's reasoning. Inaudible fighting and insults. Aragorn pulls them apart forcefully
Aragorn says "Calm down, boys"
Both says "Boys?!"
Legolas says "I am over 2000 years old, and still looking handsome!"
Gimli looks appalled
Gimli says (accusing) "You're a senior!"
Aragorn says (muttering so Legolas and Gimli can't hear) "I'm 88... look at me..."
Legolas says (to Gimli) "You are but a mere child to elves! I am a mature-!"
Aragorn laughs coldly and disbelievingly. Legolas glares at Ara and Ara pretends to writhe in pain.
Aragorn says "I can feel the burnnnn! THE BURN!"
NARRATOR SAURON says "And so the day went on as it usually did. Legolas and Gimli made up (with help from our beloved Ara) and told each other they loved them, much as they usually did. They left the stage, then the scene changes magically to a moonlit campsite. You know, plays do that."
