Merlin was standing on the hill, looking over at the view of Camelot, of the palace under which he'd served to his Once and Future King.
It had been four years since he- well. He couldn't quite bring himself to think of that day.
All those years of laughter and happiness now gone and sucked out of the place. He noticed how worn out the palace looked.
Nothing was ever going to be the same when the King died. Merlin had a lump in his throat. Looking at the palace gave him flashbacks of those times when Arthur would throw cups and cushions at him, how he'd tease him constantly.
He missed those times.
It only occurred to him just now that this was the hill he'd walked on, this was the first ever view of Camelot he'd seen when he went there for the first time in his life. Now, more than anything, Merlin wanted to re-live that moment. Even if he was about to meet the then arrogant and prat of a prince he first met.
He walked down the graveled road towards the iron gates that secured the citadel. He passed them. The streets of Camelot's kingdom were the same as ever, just less... Merlin wasn't quite sure what but the atmosphere missed something. It wasn't the same. There were still people milling around. Hens chucking to his left and blacksmiths working hard over to his right. Merlin walked on. He passed Guinevere's old house. Looking at the small hut-like house it reminded him of many things - that time when Arthur snuck into her house to take part in the tournament without the King or anyone knowing. Not forgetting that time when he walked in on Arthur trying to work out what to do with a raw chicken.
Chuckling at the memory, Merlin walked on. He stopped at the sight of the drawbridge. It still looked breathtaking even though he'd known it very well. Somehow being back here after all those years, the friendly connections of the place were cut from his reality. It was as if he was a stranger once more. The memories blared at him but he didn't feel so... close to Camelot anymore. The thought saddened him and he shook it off, walked across the drawbridge through to the beautifully-architectured courtyard.
He really did miss this place. He felt awful about not going back to Gaius and Gwen, Sir Leon, Sir Gwaine and Sir Percival. But he couldn't quite bring himself to go back. It was too soon for him. He needed to go somewhere where nothing reminded him of it until he was prepared to go. Even if it took him four years.
He debated whether to go and see Guinevere or Gaius first. He missed them both equally. He needed to see friendly faces. Family to him. He decided and turned and headed in the direction of Gaius' chambers. The only place he'd be thrilled about calling 'home'. Gaius was like a father to him and he couldn't bear the thought that anything happened to him all those years Merlin wasn't there for him. He needed to see what had changed if anything. He needed that reassurance.
He knocked on Gaius' door. He would've opened it himself but he felt that after four years of not writing to him, not visiting him, the least Merlin could do was be polite and wary. A voice from inside called out, 'Yes, who is it?'
But it wasn't Gaius.
