Arthur saw a slight smirk on Mordred's face and couldn't help the subtle grin overcome his own face. Their swords were raised and they fell into defensive stances. Challenge accepted.
Mordred landed the first harsh blow which Arthur expertly blocked and their fight started. Their movements were quick and swords flew with a sharp grace.
The two were alone and already training in the early hours of the morning. They had arranged these meetings to build up Mordred's skill and health, he had been quite weak since he was on deathbed, quite expectedly. Arthur wanted his knight to be on top form again as soon as possible. Not to mention, duelling with Mordred was bloody fun.
With a few more clash of swords, Arthur had Mordred falling on his back, his sword flying out of his hand and onto the grass, a couple of metres away. The king was about to hold his hand out for his knight, when Mordred knocked Arthur's sword away with a swift kick, then with the other, tripped Arthur up.
Arthur was momentarily taken aback, his eyes wide but when Mordred started to wrestle him playfully he was easily able to throw the boy off and pin him to the ground.
They laughed as the dark haired druid tried to pull his wrists away and out of Arthur's grip but failed miserably. He gave up in the end and their sniggers eventually ceased.
Mordred's piercing blue eyes met Arthur's and they were lost for a second. With heavy breaths and intense gazes, they were lost in each other.
Arthur coughed awkwardly before rolling off Mordred's frame and brushing himself off. Mordred sat up, a blush brushing his cheeks as he sought his sword.
"Well I think it's safe to say I won that one." Arthur said cheekily when he stood.
"I let you win." Mordred tilted his chin to his chest, scared to meet Arthur's eyes.
Arthur offered Mordred a hand which he took gratefully, "You keep telling yourself that."
When they returned to the castle they went their separate ways. Arthur went straight to his quarters where he was expecting a large breakfast already prepared by Merlin but he was greeted by a stressed George, rushing around to finish the meal and prepare the table.
George looked shocked when he saw the king standing in the doorway and nearly dropped a plate, "Oh sire! … Good morning…"
"Where's Merlin?" Arthur said with a frown.
"H-he's sick, sire. In bed with a fever. Gaius sent me this morning."
"So much for my hunting trip…" Arthur mumbled under his breath, "And Queen Guinevere? Is she to join me this morning?"
"Not that I know of, my lord. I was only told to prepare breakfast for one."
Arthur almost growled. He had been seeing less and less of Guinevere recently and it upset him. Yes, they didn't have the spark they first had when they were married, like any couple, however that didn't mean he shouldn't at least share his meals with his wife. Was that too much to ask?
When he finished his breakfast, Arthur headed down to see Merlin and find out what was happening with his hunting trip. The last few weeks had been particularly stressful, there were a lot of storms and it had left a few villages in Camelot at ruins. Arthur had spent the last few weeks finding money and supplies to help the people in difficulty. The hunting trip was to be a nice break from all of it.
He arrived at Gaius' door, knocking and waiting a few seconds before entering. Gaius was not there it seemed so Arthur headed straight for Merlin's door.
Merlin was lying in his bed, shooting up straight when the thump of the door came. Arthur stood there with a frown and the servant groaned immediately.
"I'm sick, Arthur."
"What about my hunting trip?"
"You can't go, I guess."
"See, that's where you're wrong, Merlin," Arthur said patronisingly, "Because I'm the king and what the king wants, the king gets."
"Well you're not getting it from me," Merlin shifted under the sheets and onto his side, "Ask someone else. George did come to serve you this morning, didn't he? Go with him."
"No. He's an even bigger idiot than you."
Merlin moaned into his pillow, wishing for Arthur to just leave him alone, "Bring one of the knights then. You won't have anyone carrying all your things but at least you won't have an idiot like me with you."
Arthur set off for his next destination, to see Guinevere before the knights meeting. He didn't expect to literally run into Mordred as he turned a corner. Mordred seemed startled and that familiar blush was on his pale cheeks. He was dressed down, no armour or cape, just a thin shirt which slightly revealed his smooth chest.
"Oh, Mordred." Arthur said nervously, pressing his lips together.
"My lord…" Mordred nodded his head in courtesy.
"Are you… going to the meeting?"
"I'm meeting Percival now… then we'll go I think."
"Oh, okay… I'll see you later."
"See you later."
Mordred scurried down, not looking back at Arthur once. Arthur watched after him, wondering what was affecting the boy so much. He wondered if it was what happened this morning… then again, nothing did happen really, Arthur told himself. Why would Mordred be contemplating on that? Arthur wasn't. Of course not.
It was a one off awkward moment. Nothing more or less. Certainly nothing to dwell on.
"Hey, Mordred!"
Mordred spun back around on demand, his lips parted but his eyes seemed bright and happy.
"I'm going on a hunting trip tomorrow but Merlin cannot go. Would you like to come with me?"
Mordred's lips broke into a grin and nodded vigorously, "Yes! Yeah… that sounds great… good… my lord."
Arthur couldn't help but smile, "I'll make arrangements with you later. Thank you."
The young king finally arrived to see his queen who was sitting in front of the mirror, her maid brushing her hair as they chatted. The maid spotted Arthur in the mirror and curtseyed before quickly rushing out. Gwen smiled at her husband as he pulled up a seat next to her.
"How are the villages?" Gwen asked, picking the hair brush up to do her own hair.
"Better. Still not great, but better." Arthur said honestly.
"Good, that's good," There was a moments silence before she continued, "Um, are you going hunting tomorrow?"
"Yes."
"Oh. I feel like I haven't seen you for a long time, Arthur. I was hoping to spend time with you."
"Well, you certainly could have this morning. Or last night. At least to share a meal with me."
Gwen pursed her lips and turned her head away from Arthur abruptly, "As you could have all these months."
"That's completely different."
"In what way?"
"You know what, I do not need this now," Arthur stood up, huffing, "It's the last thing I need."
Gwen flipped her head away and went back to combing her hair, "Fine. Avoid talking about things, Arthur. It will be your downfall."
Arthur was in the worst mood he could be in when he walked into the room with the round table. The awkward situation between him and Mordred, Merlin being sick flaking out on his duties and then Gwen being royally annoying, so annoying that he couldn't spend more than two minutes with her. All of them minor occurrences, but when built up they were enough to send Arthur to insanity.
And if that wasn't enough, seeing Mordred with his shoulders bumping into Percival's, the larger man's arm wrapped around his smaller form as Percival whispered into Mordred's ear intimately, drove him to the brink for some reason. Mordred laughed at whatever Percival said and leaned in closer.
Arthur felt a surge of jealousy hurry through his veins. His teeth were clenched and lips pressed together tightly. He wanted Percival away from Mordred, now. Far away.
"Alright, I'm having a rubbish day and I want this over and done with," Arthur shouted obnoxiously over the knights, "Percival, stop flirting with Mordred and get on with it."
Percival pulled away with a bashful look on his face. Mordred however, looked hurt and stared at Arthur for a long while, just trying to figure out what was going on in his king's head.
~X~
Arthur examined Mordred from his window prepare his horse. He gently stroked the animal, almost to comfort it. When he pulled the rein over the horse's head, it struggled somewhat but Mordred instantly calmed it down. Arthur smiled. He didn't think Mordred could have a bad bone in his body. Everything he did was out of kindness and loyalty. He was glad to have him as a knight and a friend.
Arthur ran down the steps eagerly so he arrived in the main square. Mordred was already on his horse, happy and ready to go. George was packing Arthur's things, clumsily but Arthur just ignored him and grabbed Mordred's hand roughly.
"Ready?" Arthur grinned.
"Ready." Mordred nodded with enthusiasm.
The pair galloped away from the castle and away from all responsibility. Hunting trips were the only time Arthur could get away from being king, from being married. He didn't have to be anyone but himself which was good for once.
Mordred followed behind Arthur, as he told Mordred all about Guinevere and his troubles with her. He spilled his heart out to Mordred, as if he had known the boy for years and years and they had been friends all that time.
"It sounds like you need to spend time together." Mordred said in a voice Arthur couldn't quite figure out.
Arthur sighed, "I need my space."
"It's called getting a balance, Arthur."
Arthur stopped his horse suddenly and Mordred had to pull back on the reins sharply, "It's hard… The majority of my time is spent doing things for Camelot, then in my private time I want to train and I have to spend time with my wife, but I also want to be with my friends."
"Sometimes you have to learn to make sacrifices."
Mordred's tone seemed cold and distant and Arthur decided to leave the conversation there. He couldn't help but think there was a double meaning to Mordred's words.
They soon found a place to leave their horses and bags and the hunt started. Within an hour they had already caught two rabbits and were stalking a deer. They had hardly said two words to each other, other than quick instructions.
Arthur noticed how quick and quiet Mordred was; quite sly in a way. He watched how his body moved with grace, though still with power. Mordred was fascinating to Arthur. He could watch him all day if he had the opportunity.
Hours later, Arthur and Mordred were heading back to their horses so they could return to Camelot. Arthur walked quickly in front while Mordred trailed behind. Arthur could hear Mordred's sharp, tired breathing but considered it normal after a long day hunting.
They were near to the horses, when Arthur suddenly heard Mordred's steps cease. He turned around swiftly, only to see Mordred collapsed on one knee with a pained face. He clutched just below his shoulder, where he had been struck only just over a month before.
Arthur surged forward, pulling Mordred's arms around him so he could support himself. The king tried to get Mordred's lolling head to look at him, "Mordred… Mor- Mordred… What's happened? A-Are you okay?"
"Art-Arthur… it hurts…" Mordred whispered in a pained moan.
Arthur lifted Mordred in his arms and carried him quickly back to the horses. Mordred held onto Arthur's arm desperately, trying to stay conscious.
"You idiot, you should have told me it was hurting before you were too weak to even stand…" Arthur commented as they arrived at their destination.
"I-I didn't want to interrupt your hunting…" Mordred sighed, his face burying in Arthur's neck.
Arthur smiled slightly, his hand cupping the back of Mordred's head, cradling him close. He placed Mordred down onto the leaves and told him to stay still. Arthur fetched everything he needed, water and cloths, sheets to cover him and for him to rest on.
The next thing to do was remove Mordred's armour and chain mail which was probably weighing down horribly on his wound. Arthur sat Mordred up and started to undo his armour.
Once that was off, only a thin cotton shirt lay between his chest and Arthur. Arthur's eyes ran up the expanse of Mordred's neck and he admired the small wisps of dark hair brushing his forehead. Mordred's eyes were staring at his lap, but Arthur could just about glimpse pools of blue.
"Take your shirt off." Arthur said in monotone and cast his eyes away.
Mordred did as he was told and stripped himself of his shirt. Arthur made sure not to stare and simply started to prepare a wet cloth to clean the blood which splattered around the wound.
"It's opened up again. The wound," Arthur stated, "It's not too bad though. I can stitch it up. We'll rest here for the night."
"Why don't we just get Gaius to do it?" Mordred mumbled.
"Because you're nearly passing out from loss of blood. By the time we get back to Camelot you'll be long gone. And the best remedy is rest."
Arthur cleaned the wound in silence, just listening to Mordred's small gasps and winces. Once finished, Arthur reached for a dry cloth and held it up for Mordred.
"Hold it on the wound, I'm going to get some wood and start a fire. It won't help if we both freeze to death."
Mordred, again, obeyed Arthur readily. Arthur stood up and disappeared into the woods. The young boy suddenly felt very vulnerable and alone. He shivered, missing the warmth of Arthur's body near his. He could only wait impatiently for the return of his friend.
The older man trudged through the forest, picking up pieces of wood on his way. Normally, he would never be doing this, mainly because he had Merlin to do the servant's work, but he would also never do it for just anyone.
He thought about Mordred and him. He had never been friends with anyone like Mordred before. There was a quiet mystery about him, yet he felt he knew him better than anyone. Mordred was fascinating, he was sure of Mordred's loyalty and goodness and was sure he couldn't see him as anything but good.
And he was beautiful.
Arthur found girls beautiful, Morgana was beautiful, Gwen was beautiful, though it was nothing compared to Mordred's beauty. It was different, he couldn't even explain it. With his deep azure eyes and pearly skin that contrasted so greatly with his black hair, Mordred outshone any woman.
Again, it was the mystery behind him. Just when Arthur thought he had him figured out, he would say or do something that turned it around. That was what made Mordred so beautiful.
The blonde arrived back and lit the fire within minutes. He searched through his bag to find a small parcel with a needle and thread which Merlin had packed a while a go.
"Um, I'll sit down behind you, you'll have to lean back so I can get to the cut properly." Nervousness was laced in Arthur's voice.
"Uh-okay…"
Arthur sat behind Mordred tensely, his legs crossed. He removed his armour also, so he was more comfortable. Mordred waited until Arthur was ready before leaning back, against Arthur's chest so his head was rested on the elder's shoulder.
Mordred was so close. Arthur could feel his breath tickling his cheek and his bare skin pressed against his. He wanted to run his hands over that milky skin which was radiating with the shine from the fire. He wanted to touch and taste. Then Arthur caught sight of Mordred's pink lips and he couldn't look anymore.
"You're mad, you know. You should have told me it was hurting." Arthur said in a hushed tone, resting his hand on Mordred's other shoulder to keep him steady.
"I told you, I didn't want to interrupt your hunting," Mordred said softly, "I can tell you've been stressed lately… It can't be easy being king. You need a break to do something you enjoy once in a while."
"You're incredibly loyal, Mordred. One of the most loyal people I know."
"I don't know. Sometimes I'm not sure," Mordred tensed in anticipation as the needle struck into his skin for the first time, "I spent years trying to find Morgana. She seemed so kind and I just thought that one day… she would look after me. But she wasn't the same person when I saw her again. I realised who I believed in more."
"So… you believe in me?" Arthur said with a cheeky grin.
"Yes, I do." Mordred smiled, bowing his head in embarrassment.
"I'm glad to have you as a knight, Mordred. You're the type of person I want to protect Camelot. And by my side."
"By your side?"
"Yes…" Arthur said honestly, "You're a good friend."
Mordred' head fell back onto Arthur's shoulder with one harsh pierce of the skin, "Ow-"
"Sorry."
"It's okay…" Mordred's eyes scanned Arthur's face, "I've never really had a friend before."
"Really? Never?"
"No… never."
"Not even when you were younger?"
"No… It's never been easy. We were always on the run… I didn't have time."
Arthur paused for a second, feeling regretful. He can't imagine a life like that. It sounded horrible. He had lived in such luxury, he was handed everything he wanted, including friendship, on a silver plate, "I'm sorry."
Mordred chuckled lightly, "It's not your fault. I'm happy for what I have now, I'm grateful to you. And I'm glad that of all people, you are my friend because you're a good man, Arthur. I would give my life for you time and time again."
"I remember you so well when you were younger… there was just something about you, something about your face and even your name… something familiar that was drawing me to you," Arthur sighed noticeably, "Your face always haunted me. In my dreams. I ended up thinking about you everyday. No matter what. Even if it was just for a moment…"
"I always thought of you too… I wanted to see you again."
"I wanted to meet you again too," Arthur tied a knot when he was finished, Mordred emitting one last gasp, "Done. It's probably not the best work… it should be redone when we get back to Camelot, but it will do for now."
"Thank you, Arthur."
"Here," Arthur started wrapping the bandages around Mordred's shoulder, "Just so you know, I would give my life for you too. You're far too special to lose."
"I wouldn't want the king to give his life for just me."
"You're just as important as me. If not, more." Arthur said, almost flirtatiously.
Mordred laughed heartedly, "I don't think your kingdom would agree with you."
Arthur grabbed Mordred by the shoulders, pulling him back to whisper in his ear, "If they knew you they would."
They both laughed together. Mordred leant back comfortably on Arthur and Arthur's hands lingered on Mordred's bare shoulders.
"My back aches." Mordred said, trying to pull away but Arthur stopped him.
"Here, apparently I have magic hands, when they need to be anyway." Arthur said jokingly. He started to massage from Mordred's neck, down his spine. His were gentle but soft, putting pressure where he thought necessary.
The heat started to build between the boys and Mordred's chest and face were flushed. His lips parted and he contained the sounds that wanted to fall from his lips.
Arthur found himself in a trance. Somewhere in his mind he decided that what was to happen was what he wanted more than anything at this moment in time and he didn't care for the consequences. He couldn't find the will to care. He was drunk with Mordred. His smell, his touch. The noises that he tried to keep in.
He wanted Mordred so much.
"That feels really good." Mordred gasped as Arthur's breath brushed against the back of his neck.
"Mordred…" Arthur's lips were a centimetre away from Mordred's skin, "You're so beautiful."
His lips finally descended on the back of Mordred's neck and Mordred was momentarily taken aback. A moan finally ripped from his throat, as his hand shot back to thread his fingers in Arthur's hair.
Within a second they were completely lost in each other. The world outside this forest didn't exist, it was just them, together. They could only think of each other, feel and breathe each other.
Arthur's kisses started to trail up the side of Mordred's neck until he reached his ear, sucking on the lobe. Mordred threw his head back, so he could reach Arthur's lips. He pulled Arthur's head forward and crushed their lips together for the first time.
There was a clash of tongues and teeth as they fought for dominance. Arthur ventured Mordred's mouth, every inch and crevice he wanted to memorise, find the spots that drove Mordred wild. He soon won their little battle and Mordred gave in, letting Arthur lead him through their kiss.
The king forced them to shift their positions until Mordred was lying on his back on the thin sheets. Mordred panted as Arthur climbed over him, sitting on his hips. Arthur admired Mordred's body and his immediate thought was that he couldn't believe his luck. Mordred was stunning. More than any woman.
Wait… Guinevere. His wife.
"We really shouldn't be doing this…" Arthur said and then pressed his lips together.
"I know, I know we shouldn't but Arthur… please, just this once. Just tonight…" Mordred begged, his eyes frantic for contact, for Arthur.
Arthur couldn't resist Mordred as much as his mind wanted to. His heart took over, "Okay…"
Arthur pressed his lips more softly, more lovingly to Mordred's than he had to anyone before. With that kiss, they were lost in each other.
At least for one night.
~X~
The next morning, Arthur and Mordred woke up in each other's arms, curled in each other's limbs. Arthur stirred, nuzzling his nose into Mordred's temple as if it were the most normal thing to do. His blue eyes flickered open and he was greeted by dark curls tickling his eyelids.
Mordred stretched his body out as he woke, unconsciously snuggling closer to Arthur. Arthur stared, the events of the night before sinking into his brain.
Guilt. That was the main emotion that washed through Arthur. If Gwen knew what happened last night… she would be devastated. Embarrassed, angry, betrayed… Arthur certainly didn't want to make her feel that way. Not to mention, they had made a promise of faithfulness through marriage… one that he had broken without second thought.
When Gwen had cheated with Lancelot, Arthur had gone mad. He felt betrayed and disappointed. All those feelings Gwen had caused him then, he swore he would never inflict them on another. But there was the possibility he could do that to Gwen.
He was a hypocrite.
"We should go…" Arthur mumbled, pulling away from Mordred who's arms were draped over him.
Mordred was momentarily confused. He reached out to Arthur, still in a sleepy haze but then realised what was happening. His face dropped. He and Arthur had slept together. And Arthur was now blatantly dismissing him. Arthur was feeling guilty… Though Mordred couldn't seem to bring himself to feel guilty at all.
Arthur started to put his armour on, facing away from Mordred who was still getting up. He closed his eyes solemnly, wanting to keep as distant away from Mordred as possible. Why did he go through with it? Sure, it felt pretty good at the time and he might have some feelings for Mordred that he shouldn't have, but was it worth it? At the moment, it certainly didn't feel that way.
"Arthur… are you angry?" Mordred's small voice came.
Arthur shook his head, still facing away from the Druid, "Only at myself."
Mordred paused for a moment, pouting his lower lip out, "I'm not angry."
"That's because you don't have a wife or even a girl, Mordred. It's not the same for you."
"Arthur… I-I can't put my armour on…"
Arthur cursed quietly, but accepted he would have to look at Mordred now. When he turned around, Mordred wasn't scared to look him straight in the eye, his gaze piercing and harsh. But it was also despairing. Arthur could see a pool of emotion.
Silently, Arthur checked Mordred's wound which seemed fine and then helped him dress, mumbling that the armour was too heavy for his wound.
He cast his eyes away immediately when he was finished but Mordred grabbed his arm. An arm slid around Arthur's neck and lips were on his for a slow kiss.
Mordred pulled away and smiled weakly, "I-I'm sorry, I just wanted… one more kiss…"
Arthur rested his forehead against Mordred's, savouring the sweet moment, "It's okay… I-I understand."
They headed back and dared speak again of the night's events. They could only hear the sound of the hooves of the horses scuffing against the grass.
The first thing Arthur did when they arrived in Camelot was bring Mordred to Gaius. They both seemed relieved to part; the tension between them was almost unbearable and they couldn't stop themselves from wanting to jump each other.
Arthur went back to his quarters and immediately collapsed on his bed. The events of the past day lolled over in his head and he wondered how things could change so quickly. It used to be simple; he was hopelessly in love with Gwen, his queen, and they were going to live happily together.
How Mordred had turned his world upside down.
Now, his eyes only followed Mordred. All the feelings he ever had for anyone, amplified unbelievably when concerning Mordred. He desired Gwen, but not the way he was desperate for Mordred. He thought Gwen was beautiful, but Mordred was perfect. He liked spending time with Gwen, but time with Mordred was so incredibly precious.
He loved Gwen, yes, but not the way he loved Mordred.
There was the soft creak of the door as Guinevere poked her head around the door. She smiled sweetly and Arthur felt a pang of guilt.
"How was your hunting trip?" Gwen asked.
Arthur sat up, a slight blush over his face as he thought of last night, "It wasn't bad. Mordred's wound opened up… that's why we stayed the night."
"Oh no, is he okay?" Gwen moved towards the bed, sitting beside her husband.
"He's okay, just weak."
Gwen moved her hand to grasp Arthur's, he flinched at the feeling, "Look, Arthur, I'm sorry about the other day… I understand you're under a lot of pressure. I didn't mean to be inconsiderate."
Arthur brought the top of Guinevere's hand to his lips, "It's okay. It's my fault too. You were right, I should find time to spend with my wife. No matter how hard. I haven't been a good husband and I'm sorry for that."
Gwen threw her arms around Arthur, hugging him tightly, "I love you so much."
Arthur hesitated but in the end managed to croak out, "I love you too."
~X~
Arthur glared at Percival and Mordred.
He stood at his bedroom window, looking out onto the courtyard where they walked. Percival's arm was slung around Mordred's shoulders as they spoke. Mordred looked solemn and pensive, his lips moving while Percival listened intently.
What if he was telling Percival about what happened? Were… Percival and Mordred together? Would Percival be angry?
Arthur threw his fist against the wall. He needed to forget Mordred, forget what happened between them. That was the only way to get on with things. Mordred was just his knight, he had to tell himself that. Any feelings that they had for each other were irrelevant.
"Sire?"
Arthur bit his lip at the sound of Merlin's voice and only turned his head to regard his servant. Merlin looked at him, concerned, approaching him.
Merlin peered over Arthur's shoulder and out of the window. He curiously looked at Percival and Mordred who had stopped in the middle of the yard, Percival's hands on both of Mordred's shoulders. Mordred's head was bowed and it looked as if Percival was reassuring him.
"I didn't know they were that close." Merlin shrugged.
Percival wrapped his arms around the dark haired boy and Arthur winced, "Me neither."
"Is everything okay, sire?"
"Yes, yes. I'm fine."
The king moved away from the window and sat down on the side of his bed awkwardly. He fiddled with his fingers in his lap, his eyes tearing up but he tried to avoid Merlin's worried gaze.
Merlin sat next to Arthur, "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I said I'm fine, Merlin."
"Well that's obviously not true."
"It's nothing."
"It's obviously not."
"If you say obviously one more time I'll wring your neck."
"Well you obviously won't."
There was a moment's silence when Arthur huffed, not being bothered to argue with Merlin anymore.
"Seriously Arthur, what's wrong?"
Arthur paused but decided that getting Merlin's advice wouldn't be too bad. Plus, Merlin was loyal to him and wouldn't say anything to anyone, "What if… you were married and you started having feelings for another person?"
Merlin's eyes widened but he tried not to show his nerves, "I'm guessing this isn't metaphorical."
"Merlin…"
"I don't know… I've never been in that situation. But… I would say I would ignore it. My marriage… would be my future. I wouldn't risk that."
"But what if you can't stop thinking about that other person. What if… you had never felt that way about anyone before. What if you couldn't stay away from them."
"Like I said, I have never been in that situation before," Merlin placed a comforting hand on Arthur's shoulder, "Arthur, Gwen is a good person. And it would kill her if she knew you felt that way about someone else. You know what it feels like in fact. You're going to have to cast those feelings to the side… for the sake of your marriage and your kingdom."
Merlin only confirmed what he knew. But it wasn't what he wanted. He wanted Mordred more than anything.
However, he couldn't always get what he wanted. Even if he was king. Mordred was now out of bounds, they were to be no more than friends.
"You're right. Thank you, Merlin."
~X~
Weeks went by and no matter how hard he tried, Arthur couldn't shake Mordred from his mind. He continued to tell himself that Guinevere was his true love and he needed to ignore feelings for the druid boy.
It was proving impossible.
Mordred avoided Arthur on mutual terms, however they always seemed to bump into each other. In the corridors, or around the grounds of Camelot, even in town they always crossed paths.
It was unfair. Arthur should be able to forget what happened between him and Mordred, but it was haunting him. Mordred wasn't letting him forget. And now the guilt was eating him up.
Training was fully underway as Gwaine and Leon sparred, lazily. Some of the other knight also fought, while some practiced with cross bows. However the only ones Arthur could concentrate on were Mordred and Percival, who were having an unusually long break. As usual, they were standing close and chatting.
Arthur grit his teeth and growled, "Percival, get over here and give me a duel instead of wasting time."
Percival visibly groaned. He slapped a hand on Mordred's shoulder as he departed, whispering in Mordred's ear to elicit a quiet giggle from the young boy.
Arthur didn't go easy on Percival. Oh no. In fact, he took all his pent up frustration from the past few weeks on him. He landed blows which Percival struggled to block and Percival grew more and more concerned with each one.
The larger man could hardly throw any of his own hits with Arthur repeatedly throwing his sword at him. Mordred watched from the side, his face painted with fear. He could very well see Arthur's anger and knew the reason why he was like that.
When Arthur's strikes caused Percival to fall down onto his back, but the king still raised sword with the intention of bringing it down on Percival, Mordred thought it time to finally jump in. He moved with haste to stand between Percival and Arthur.
"Arthur! It's enough now!" Mordred pushed Arthur away, holding on as strongly as possible when Arthur tried to pull away.
"Get off me, Mordred!" Arthur yelled.
"No, you're getting out of control! You need to stop…"
"How dare you try and tell me what to do! I am the king, and you are nothing more than a stupid druid boy who showed a few acts of bravery! You are nothing!" Arthur screamed into Mordred's face, "You are here by sheer luck! You are weak and I regret ever making you a knight of Camelot! Who are you to order me around!" When he was particularly close to Mordred, he whispered harshly, "You are nothing to me."
The rest of the knights had stopped to see what the commotion was all about. Percival still lay on the floor, looking up at Arthur, shocked.
Arthur panted, glaring at Mordred who was looking down at his feet in shame. Finally, Mordred tilted his head up to reveal the tears rolling down his face, "Is that really all you think of me?" Mordred mumbled, "Is that all I am to you, my lord?"
Arthur spat, "Nothing more."
With a sob, Mordred quickly turned away and rushed towards the castle, a hand over his mouth to quieten himself down.
The rest of the knights stared at Arthur, wondering what an earth had possessed their king to behave in such away to a young boy. Arthur immediately felt guilty again, more guilty than he had done in the past few weeks.
He questioned whether Mordred would ever forgive him.
~X~
"What have you done to Mordred?"
Arthur had been expecting the question from his manservant. As much as Arthur hated to admit it, Merlin was incredibly sharp and he guessed that Merlin had figured there was something wrong.
Mordred could hardly look him in the eye today at the meeting of the round table. No matter how longingly he looked upon Mordred, Mordred avoided his gaze. And he didn't blame the boy, for the things he had said were completely disgusting.
"I was awful to him."
"Why?"
"I lost my temper."
A moment's silence went by as Merlin pondered whether to push the king any further. He decided that it wouldn't hurt.
"Why are you so angry at the moment…?"
Arthur bowed his head and said, "I can't tell you."
"Well… what did you say to Mordred that was so bad?"
"Horrible things… Disgusting things. I just… I made him feel like I didn't care about him at all."
"And you do…?"
"Of course… I-I mean he's my knight."
"And friend…"
"Y-Yes… friend…"
"Talk to him," Merlin said simply, "All you can do is talk to him, apologise."
"If he hears me out…"
"He will. He respects you and if you explain yourself he'll understand."
~X~
So Arthur set out to do just that.
He knocked on Mordred's door, stepping back hesitantly. He pinched the bridge on his nose, clenching his other fist.
Mordred appeared at the door, feeling taken aback to see Arthur there. Arthur had never been to Mordred's room to visit him and Mordred had only been a few times to Arthur's quarters.
The most shocking thing was Arthur being here after the things he had said yesterday. It had completely broken his heart. Mordred knew that Arthur regretted their night together but yesterday it became clear that Arthur resented him for it.
"Oh… my lord…" Mordred cast his eyes downwards, his heart immediately racing.
"Can I talk to you?" Arthur asked.
"Y-yes… of course…"
Mordred shut the door behind them and leant up against it, rocking on backs of his feet.
Arthur fidgeted slightly from foot to foot, before finding his confidence to speak, "I wanted to apologise for the things I said the other day…"
"My lord- no, it's okay-"
"No, it's not. They were absolutely disgraceful and unfair and I take it back completely," Mordred's eyes shone in happiness and relief, there might have even been a glimmer of hope there, "I'm sorry Mordred. I really am. Not just for what I said… but also for avoiding you since… what happened. It's not fair to you… You're still my friend and you don't deserve what I put you through."
"I forgive you… I understand that you can lose your temper… But Arthur… for me that's not the problem…" Mordred contemplated reaching out to Arthur but he wasn't sure whether he should, "I don't want to be just your friend… I-I thought that was obvious… and it's horrible knowing that you could never be with the person… because they don't want you…"
Arthur could see how heartbroken Mordred was and it hurt him too. He wanted so much to grab the boy in his arms, hug him tightly and tell him it would all be okay. He wanted so much to kiss him senseless.
"I-I… Mordred… I'm the king… I cannot love a man. And I am a husband. I cannot love anyone other than my wife… I'm sorry, but we both must look past what happened. Because it can't happen again."
~X~
Arthur lay in darkness, alone in his room. The thin covers were irritating him. He kicked them off. He turned over onto his other side, but the pillow pressed painfully against his cheek.
He rolled over onto his back, glaring at the ceiling.
He couldn't get his and Mordred's conversation out of his head. He sounded far less convincing than he wanted to when telling Mordred they needed to forget it. And he knew Mordred saw right through it.
But that gave him a little bit of hope.
As much as he tried to deny it and fight it, Arthur wanted Mordred to himself. He didn't just want Mordred's body, he wanted Mordred's heart. He knew that now.
And for some reason, he didn't care anymore. All he wanted was Mordred, whether no one ever knew about it or not. He would do anything to be with Mordred that way again.
Arthur's only justification for being with Mordred behind his wife's back and the rest of Camelot's, was that he had to sacrifice a lot of freedom being king, he was put under far too much pressure. He wanted to take the liberty of being with someone he loved. Was that too much to ask? His freedom was limited as it was. Even if it had to be behind closed doors, Arthur wanted to be with Mordred.
Just as he came to his decision, there was a soft knocking on his door. His head shot up and arm went to grab his sword.
"Who's there?" Arthur demanded.
The door clicked open and Arthur's heart filled with joy when he saw Mordred's head poke around the door. He grinned through the darkness as Mordred shuffled into the room.
"Are you alone, my lord?" Mordred's whisper came.
"Yes…"
Arthur closed his eyes as he heard Mordred's footsteps creep towards his bed. Weight dipped next to him and he opened his eyes again, smiling softly when he saw Mordred kneeling beside his body.
"Come here…" Arthur ordered softly. Mordred obeyed. He climbed over Arthur, legs on either side of Arthur's hips. Arthur heard Mordred's harsh breath and his own quickened in almost excitement.
Mordred rested his hands on Arthur's bare chest, moving over so slightly to feel the soft skin beneath his fingertips. Arthur's hands ventured over Mordred's defined hip bones, moving the thin linen shirt to get more access.
"Mordred… we cannot tell anyone about this. Because I am king, and I'm not supposed to love a man. Because I'm a husband, and I'm only supposed to love my wife." Arthur said in the darkness, holding Mordred's hands to show he cared.
"I'll do anything, Arthur, to be with you," Mordred squeezed Arthur's hands in appreciation, "Even if we have to keep it a secret for the rest of our lives. For you, a thousand times over."
Arthur grinned, pulling Mordred by the back of the neck into a heated kiss. He buried his fingers in Mordred's unruly locks, to keep the boy from ever pulling away, from ever leaving him.
As mouths and limbs twisted and intertwined in passion, neither Arthur nor Mordred could ever predict how much things would change soon.
~X~
A/N: Absolutely OBSESSED with Merlin at the moment and decided to do a Mordred and Arthur fanfiction after episode 5 because I found how close they were interesting and thought we could push it a bit further... And maybe eventually offer an explanation for Mordred turning to the dark side!
I am planning to make a sequel soon, but it will probably be after series 5 finishes!
Until then, please review and see you soon!
