Voice
Now I hardly ever hear it, I crave it most of the time. How is it that the sound of a certain person can make you feel so many things? I had to distance myself from it a while ago, if I hadn't of done that then I would have got lost in it again and again. It was destroying me back then.
Sometimes in passing I hear it and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and it sends shivers down my spine, although I would never admit that now. His is the only one that makes my heart miss a beat, makes my tummy do summersaults and turns my legs to jelly.
But still I wonder how I can possibly carry on living without it, when it completes my life so perfectly. He doesn't even realize how empty I feel when I don't hear it and that to keep me from completely going crazy I call him and hang up just so I don't die from the lack of it.
I know I could have it all the time if I really wanted to but I'm scared of it, what if it told me goodbye, what if it lied to me again? That would only break my heart in to a million pieces, I have been there before and I have never experienced pain like it.
The different tones weren't all bad though and my favourite were the seductive ones. I think I would have killed to hear him that way at one time, maybe I still would, no other has turned me on like it since and I'm pretty sure no other ever will.
It certainly is in a league of its own, strong and sexy and it has the power of healing as it restores me, fixes me when I'm broken and gives me hope, even now. That is why I can no longer hear it, especially now when I've chosen to hear someone else's.
But what if I have made a mistake? What if the one I hear now makes me feel like I am going deaf? What if I leave it too late? What it the one I love to hear sings his songs to someone else? I am sure that when that day comes I will do all I can to hear it again, it's just how it is, how it's always been.
The way it would sound when it said my name, how just hearing it, listening to it could get me to do anything that it wanted. Is it even normal for something to have that amount of control and power over you? I always did wonder.
I should feel free now it has gone from my everyday life; instead I feel like I can't breathe, like hearing everyone else's is making me suffocate and that the only thing that would save me is hearing his.
He will never know just how beautiful it is to me, how i dream of hearing it most nights and how I want to hear it again one day despite everything that has happened. I must be mad but I love it still.
I'm talking about you Brendan Brady, you and your voice.
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