Hey guys this is my first story Since like 2009. Hope you enjoy it. You should definitely go check out the song Favorite Color by One Less Reason. I love their Music.
Alec didn't know what to do. He couldn't find the right words to say to let Magnus know how he felt. He was in love with him, but he was too afraid to say so. It had led to another argument. Lately, that's all they'd been doing. He'd come over to his apartment whenever he could, just to be with Magnus, and all Magnus did was start another argument. Alec tried. He really did. He just couldn't find it in him to tell his family just yet.
"Magnus, please. I want to tell them. I do. I just… Cant."
"That's bullshit, Alec. You're ashamed to be with me."
"No, I'm not. I'm afraid. I'm a coward. Hell, you can even call me an ass for dragging you along like this and making you wait. But I am not ashamed to be with you." Alec stepped toward Magnus and tried to draw him in, but Magnus pushed him away.
"Whatever Alec," He walked toward his door and opened it. "You should go. Call me when you grow some balls."
"Magnus…" he stopped in front of Magnus. "Don't do this."
"Alec. Go."
Alec didn't know what was wrong with Magnus. There was something he wasn't telling him and he couldn't figure it out. He didn't know how he would get through the days knowing Magnus was mad at him. How was he going to go to school and not talk to him? Magnus was the only other person Alec interacted with besides Jace and Isabelle and whoever they were dating at the moment.
They would know immediately something was wrong with Alec. They saw right through him. Isabelle knew where he went every night. She was the only other person who knew how Alec felt about Magnus. She was the only one who supported him. She was the one who introduced him to Magnus. She was the only one who understood.
She wasn't the reason Alec was afraid. Alec knew all too well how unsupportive their parents would be. His father was old fashioned, to say the least. His mother would try, but he knew that this would be a blow on her pride. She wanted the perfect family. Things weren't going accordingly. She saw Jace's tendency to bring home a new girl every week. She saw Isabelle's ability to be a bitch. Alec was her last resort to do it right. Max was too young for her to pin her hopes on.
He knew a lot of people would be disappointed when they found out how he felt about Magnus. He loved him. He needed him. And it just made him even angrier that he had gone and messed things up with him. It was his fault Magnus wasn't talking to him. His cowardliness had been his own downfall. He had to have everyone else's best interest in mind except his own.
When he woke up the next morning, Alec had no idea how he would face the day. He knew it would be hard seeing Magnus and not talking to him. It frustrated him. Why couldn't Magnus see? He wanted to give Magnus everything and he was trying, but Alec would have to take baby steps and Magnus couldn't seem to accept that.
Alec didn't realize he had reached his locker. He was still brooding over his argument with Magnus. He gathered his books and went to class. He always tried to make it there early so that he could have his choice of seats. He always sat in the same place anyways, by the windows. He liked it best there. He always finished his work early and liked looking out the window: thinking. The sad thing was Magnus was all he ever thought about.
He decided not to sit there today. He would not leave his mind open to wonder. He was not going to think about him. He was tired; maybe he could sleep after he finished his work. But Alec knew that wouldn't work. The reason he was tired in the first place was because all he dreamed about was Magnus. He felt his chest tighten. Magnus was Alec's everything and he had screwed it up. Nice going, he thought to himself. He'd fucked up big time this time.
He heard the bell ring signaling the five minute warning. He quickly found a seat before the students started streaming in. He was lucky enough to not have this class with Magnus. Maybe he could just avoid the inevitable and keep his distance. He listened when the teacher explained the formula. He did the practice problems. He even did the homework, but he still had time afterwards.
With every thought he let come to his mind, his heart crumpled a little more. This was the curse of having too much time to think about it. He was dreading the bell. His next class was English four with Magnus. How would he handle it?
Alec never got to figure it out. The bell rang too soon. He gathered his things slowly and walked out of class. He intended on using the entire five minutes to get from this class to the next. It was English, so he had no reason to get there early. He hated the class. He didn't understand why he had to take the class. He was fluent in the language.
Some things invariably pass. He was halfway into the class when things started. Rodney was a class act. He didn't take anything serious except himself. He was the most popular guy in St. Xavier's. He was the quarter back on the football team and he was dating Aline, Head captain of Cheerleading. He was an ass, to put it bluntly. Alec didn't like him, though, for another reason. Rodney had a tendency to make fun of gays. The only openly gay person at the school was Magnus, though Alec knew a bunch of others.
Rodney was being his usual annoying self. He interrupted the teacher whenever she talked. They were discussing The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. Alec felt his stomach do flip-flops when he saw Magnus raise his hand. "Not now," Alec thought.
"When I read this part, I just wanted to shoot Assef and beat Amir with his body. Assef is sick. And Amir's a coward. He couldn't even stand up for his best friend. His best friend would do anything for him." At first there was silence. Then Rodney had to put his two cents in.
"You mean you don't like that kind of thing? You know you being a fag, and all?"
Alec could have puked. He watched as the students went OOOH. Alec hoped Magnus wouldn't say anything, but he hoped in vain.
"Why would I like something like that? Anyone who likes the idea of kids being raped is sick."
"Well you are sick. You like dudes. Who fucked your brain up?" Again the class went OOOH.
Alec couldn't take it anymore. He saw that the teacher had no control over the class whatsoever. He couldn't believe how anyone could be so openly anti-homo. "Lay off of him, Rod."
Again everyone was silent. No one stood up to Rodney. But Alec had a suspicion that the class was glad someone said something. "Oh, he speaks. What's up Alexander? Why you sticking up for him? Is he your boyfriend or something?"
"And if he is?" Alec felt a pang. He wasn't so sure if Magnus was his boyfriend or not.
For a second Rodney was struck dumb. "Then you're a little bitch, too."
"Oh please, Rodney. I can kick your ass on the field and off. You're the flipping quarter back. You step on the soccer field and come at me. You think you're the stuff? Tell me how Aline's slept with everyone except you." Alec, Jace, and Isabelle were the only ones who knew that Rodney was Aline's second choice. She'd originally wanted to date Jace. "And you think that makes you any more of a man than I am: than he is?" Alec gestured toward Magnus. "How about you cut the 'I'm a big boy' crap, and shut up for a change? Your voice is annoying." The class went OOOH again, and Alec knew he would never live this down. For a second he saw red. He hadn't intended on telling his class he was gay. He wanted to take back everything he had said, but it was out now. He knew Rodney would want to take him up on his offer. There was going to be a fight. Alec didn't know when, but he knew it was bound to happen.
Alec got up and walked out of Class. The bell was about to ring anyway. The Teacher had lost all hope of controlling her class. She never even sent a student to detention. She was more afraid the students wouldn't like her than she was of them getting out of control. She was a push over. Alec stood outside his next class just as the bell rang. He watched as the students came out. He watched as Magnus made his way to where he was standing. He just stood there. Magnus told him not to talk to him in as many words. So he just stood there looking into Magnus' cat-like eyes. Magnus was the first one to turn away. He gave Alec all the space he needed to look at his watch and see that it was almost time for class. Alec walked into the classroom and Magnus followed. They still hadn't spoken a word to each other. They both saw how significant what Alec just said was.
Alec sat by the window. He didn't look up when Magnus sat beside him. He couldn't swallow what had just happened. The words were there but they were stuck in his throat. He couldn't find it in him to speak to Magnus. He was embarrassed. Coming out had changed nothing. Magnus didn't deserve him. The only reason people knew was because he had flipped the script and yelled it at some jerk that shouldn't be given the time of the day. Alec was the same coward he woke up as.
The class passed. He was hardly paying attention. He tried taking notes, but his mind always wandered. After forty-five minutes he gave up. He knew that by the time Lunch ended, the entire School would know. He was dreading it. He thought maybe he would hide out in the library. He knew he wouldn't, though. He had provoked Rodney, and knew that if he wasn't in sight, Magnus would have to do. He couldn't risk Magnus being hurt anymore. Magnus meant more to him than he thought. Magnus would never be hurt if it was up to Alec. Magnus would always be smiling.
Alec used to wonder if he would always feel this way, but now he knew. He would always want Magnus to be happy. He felt lighter knowing that the entire school knew his secret. It didn't make things any harder for him. He should let it flow, but it felt as if he was taking the easy way. Maybe he would feel better once he actually fought Rodney. The bell rang and he knew his time was up. No more hiding.
Alec packed away his books and stopped at his locker to drop it all off. He felt everyone staring. He knew Magnus was following him. He didn't know why. He walked into the cafeteria. He got his lunch. He sat at his normal table. He did what was normal to him. Magnus was still there. He sat at their table, too, so this was also normal. He looked up from his lunch and saw that his normal crew was staring at him.
"What?" he asked.
"Dude, you stood up to Rod. You should've waited for me. I would've loved to see his face." Jace was always easy-going.
"It wasn't that special Jace. He looked like the ass-hat that he is." Clary was in the class with them. Of course she had told them. She could keep a secret, but she didn't think this would count as a secret. The rest of the school knew. Alec continued to eat. He knew sooner or later someone would address the issue that was his coming out.
"So how long have you and Magnus been together?" Alec stopped eating. Simon, of course, was not one to beat around the bush. He saw where that got him with Clary and decided it wouldn't happen again. He was to the point now. Maybe that's what Isabelle saw in him. Maybe that's what Maia had wanted in him. Alec looked at him and then he looked at Magnus who was still sitting beside him. And then he shrugged. If they were together again, he wanted to hear it from Magnus. He knew he was being difficult, but if he was going to put his all into Magnus, he wanted to see if Magnus would do the same.
"Three Months," Magnus spoke for the first time since English Class. Alec nodded. Magnus speaking still meant nothing. It wasn't enough, not to Alec.
"I'm bored with this conversation. I'll see you guys after school." Alec was feeling bolder today than he had in his entire life. He was about to pick up his tray when he heard Rodney behind him. He turned slowly.
"Well, look what we have here. Still with Marvelous Maggie over there? Still pretending to be Gay, Alec?"
"You sound jealous." Rodney's taunts were weak. Alec, on the other hand, had no idea where his wit was coming from. He was on edge, waiting. He wanted so badly for Rodney to swing. He needed to blow off some steam.
"You're a bitch, Lightwood."
"Why don't you tell it to someone who gives a damn?"
"I'll beat the gay out of you." He was closer to Alec now.
"Come at me." Alec could have spat on his face. He wasn't the least bit surprised at how Rodney had trapped himself. He knew very well how little Rodney wanted to fight him. Alec was probably the only one who knew that Rodney was gay. He wasn't surprised to see how afraid Rodney was.
Rodney pushed Alec. If Alec was anyone else, he probably would have fallen, but Alec had a natural agility that ran in his family. Jace and Isabelle were fast. They were fighters. But Alec was a better fighter. No one knew this because Alec never fought. Ever.
Alec pushed him back. He would not throw the first punch. He would not show how angry he truly was. Rodney tried to punch him in the jaw, but Alec blocked it and retaliated with a swift uppercut. He did not hit Rodney as hard as he could have. He knew Rodney didn't mean it. It didn't change things. It didn't make it all better. It made Rodney bearable. He was human. Humans made mistakes.
He vowed to himself not to hit Rodney any harder than Rodney hit him. He just tired him out. He blocked every blow he could. And every time a punch made it through his defense, he hit back just as hard. Finally Rodney had had enough. His shots became sloppy and panicked. He was panting. Alec pushed Rodney away from him barely winded. Rodney tried to come back for more but he tripped. Alec caught him and sat him at the table nearest to them.
"Dude its over."
"No, it's not over. Not until I win."
"Rodney what are you talking about? You didn't lose. Let it go. I know you're sorry." Alec was aware of the fact that no one in the cafeteria knew what he was talking about. He intended on keeping it that way. "Jace, help me take him to the nurse's office before class starts."
Jace was never one to question Alec's motives. He got up and lifted Rodney to his feet. He put one arm over his shoulder and Alec did the same. He knew it would be embarrassing to Rodney, but Alec thought he deserved it. He felt sorry for Rodney, but he needed to be taught. He couldn't go around hating everything that he was. He would only end up embarrassed.
He remembered the day he saw Rodney at the park. It was one of the places where he'd rendezvous with Magnus. He saw Rodney with one of the other closet gays at school. He wasn't the least bit surprised. Rodney tried to intimidate Alec when he realized who it was. He didn't know that Alec was there for Magnus. Magnus hadn't arrived yet. Alec promised he wouldn't tell anyone until Rodney was ready. How could he? He was living the same life Rodney was living. He had no room to judge.
After leaving Rodney at the Nurse's office, Alec went to his next class. It seemed the bells rung when he needed them to. He was surprised at how long this day was. He was surprised at how many teachers saw what was going on and said nothing. He had been in a fight and no teacher, principal, or dean thought anything about it. Why would anyone turn a blind eye to this?
Alec was tired. He had no idea whether he was with Magnus or not. But since the entire school knows, he would make it official by telling his parents and if they couldn't deal, he would be just fine. He was eighteen; he had a job, and was saving up. He could buy his own apartment if it came to that. He hoped it wouldn't come to that, but he was willing.
The final bell rung and he let out a sigh. He went to his locker and got all the books he would need over the weekend. He thought about walking home. He needed some time to think. He was going to tell his parents. He would not back down. He just needed to figure out how.
When he found Jace and Isabelle, he told them he had a ride. They didn't believe him for a second, but what could they do? He waited until they drove off before he began walking. They had to go to the elementary school first so he would be lucky to get home before them. He lived relatively near the school so he paced himself.
He was surprised when he saw that he had actually passed his house and turned back around. He walked back to his house and looked at it. It was an old Victorian piece with stone walls and white pillars. It had been in their family for six generations. He couldn't help but feel a pang. Who would the house go to once his parents died? Maybe Max would pull through because what Alec was about to tell his parents was going to be just another letdown. He had to do it though. He knew people would be disappointed when they found out that he was gay, but this was him and he couldn't change it. Until his heart stopped beating, he would always be this way.
He walked into the kitchen and sat his stuff down. He took a deep breath and then another. "Mom, Dad, can you come down here?" He called up to them. They were most likely in the library. Alec took two more deep breaths when he heard them coming down the steps.
His father must of noticed his unease because he asked, "What's the matter, son?"
"Um, today I got into a fight. That's not what I wanted to tell you though. I got into a fight because I'm gay and the guy who fought me is gay except he has a cover girl because he's afraid of what the world would think. I guess I can't judge because I was afraid of what you guys would think. That's why it's taken so long for me to tell you guys. I've had a boyfriend for the past three months except I don't think I do anymore because I waited too long to tell you guys and I was afraid of what my peers would think. He thought I was ashamed of him. But I wasn't. I'm not. That's why I'm telling you except I think I'm already too late. And I'm rambling but if I don't get it out, I won't. Mom, dad, I'm Gay." Alec let out another sigh. He had said it. There was no going back.
He gauged his parent's reaction. They were both able to hide their emotions when they wanted to. They weren't stiff with tension. They seemed more relaxed. "Why would you be afraid to tell us?" His mother almost sounded hurt. When Alec thought about it, his reasoning seemed insignificant. He shrugged and looked down. He was embarrassed. How could he think his parents wouldn't accept him? What type of son was he? He felt bad for not having faith in them.
"I thought it was time I told you." He looked at his parents. He felt lighter. Everyone knew. He no longer had to hide. He picked up his book bag and went to his room. He decided to do his homework. He had two days to figure out his situation with Magnus.
It still hurt to think about him so he tried not to. He did whatever he could. He finished all his homework within an hour. He read the rest of The Kite Runner. He liked it. But he couldn't process what he read. He was just reading it to keep his mind off other problems. He even talked to Isabelle about how Simon had made her angry for the thousandth time. He would have loved to continue talking to her, but his phone started ringing. It was Magnus. Alec left Izzy's room. He took a breath before he answered. "Hello."
"Alec, I need to talk to you." Alec's heart caught when Magnus said his name.
"Okay. Do you want me to come over?" He didn't know what was wrong, but he felt it.
"No, I'm on my way." Alec didn't know what it was, but Magnus didn't sound right. Something was up. He waited on his front porch. His parents had gone out and probably wouldn't be back until late. He saw Magnus pull into his driveway. He had a frown on his face. Something was up. Alec stood and stepped onto the side walk in front of Magnus.
"Hey, what's up?"
"You might wanna, um, sit down." Alec frowned.
"Okay, but just tell me already. You're scaring me." Magnus stood on the sidewalk in front of Alec who was sitting on the steps in front of his house. He looked Alec in his eyes and took a deep breath.
"I sort of kind of kissed another guy… But it meant absolutely nothing to me. And the only reason I did it was to clear my mind of you. And it didn't work because I'm crazy about you. And I can't forget you. But I understand if you don't want me back. I don't deserve you." Alec just stared at Magnus.
"When?" He whispered. Suddenly, Alec had no more room to breathe. He needed space. He needed time to process things again.
"Three weeks ago," Magnus said. Alec couldn't believe it. Here he was making all these sacrifices for Magnus and Magnus hadn't even stayed true. When he did the calculations in his head, he realized that that was when the arguments had started.
"So when you would start an argument…"
"I just needed a reason to be mad at you for being so good. I didn't think you would follow through. I never thought I would say this to you. Please don't leave me. I need you."
"No, you don't need me. You know, I told my parents I was gay? That was a big step for me, Magnus, but I did it for you and you couldn't wait for me. You don't need me because you tried to push me into something I wasn't ready for. What else are you going to try and push me into? You don't need me. I fought for you, but you were off locking lips with someone else. I was afraid a lot of people would be disappointed in my choice to stick with you. I thought my parents would disown me when they found out I loved you and I needed you. I used to wonder if I would always want to be with you and I thought I would. Always, Magnus, but you had already given up on me."
"Alec, that's not fair."
"Not fair to you or not fair to me?" Alec knew the answer to his question and Magnus did, too. But no matter how mad Alec was at that moment, it did not change how he would always feel.
"This isn't fair to me, Magnus. I should be ripping out your glitter-covered spikes and yelling at you, but all I can think is that I still love you. And it's my fault you moved on because I was dragging you along like a lost puppy. So I understand how you thought I had forgotten about you. Now it's your turn to forget about me." Alec got up and walked toward his door, but Magnus grabbed his wrist and turned him around back facing Magnus.
"But I can't forget you. I don't want to. I want to start all over with you. No more secrets."
"Who? Who was he?" Alec had been fighting within himself, but he had to know.
"Rodney." Alec had a feeling that's who it was.
"How did I know? You know he's more closeted than I was, right?"
"Not to mention annoying." Magnus smiled. Alec went inside holding the door open for Magnus to follow him.
"Are you coming or not?" He asked. Magnus hesitated. "My parents already know. Besides they're not home." He smiled trying to make Magnus feel a little at ease. "Magnus, get in here." He smiled when Magnus finally overcame his internal monologues. He followed Alec into the kitchen. Alec took two glasses and filled them with Ice water. He was buying time. He wanted something, but he didn't know how to ask. He drank all of his water and watched as Magnus nonchalantly sipped his. He put down his glass and waited for Magnus to finish. He watched as Magnus took his time. Finally, he sat down his glass and looked at Alec. He raised his eyebrows. Before Magnus could ask Alec what he was looking at, Alec kissed him. He backed him into the kitchen sink, and kissed him harder. Alec would have been content to stay like that, but Isabelle walked in and squealed like the girl that she was.
"You two should get a room."
Alec turned and smirked at her. "Good idea, Izzy." He grabbed Magnus' hand and led him upstairs. All the while Izzy was screaming that she liked the idea of them making out in the kitchen. At least someone could keep an eye on them. But Alec just smiled. He had no intention of going too fast with Magnus. He would take things slow, and Magnus would let him.
So What did you think. My FF is mostly Emotional and character-traits, not necessarily action based.
I'm thinking of extending this Fanfic but using different Characters. What do you think?
