"BEFORE THE DAWN"
An Akatsuki no Yona fanfic by Nozomi888
[A/N: This was originally intended to be a one-shot (a rated M one, at that), but as I wrote down the story in my head, I'm starting to realize that it will have to span a couple of chapters. This is the first story that I have written since 2003- I'm quite rusty, please bear with me. :) I will start with a K+ rating for now and edit once necessary.]
Disclaimer: Akatsuki No Yona is owned by Mizuho Kusanagi. I am a mere fangirl who loves the characters she has created, and want to read/write more stories about them.
CHAPTER 1
Cursing under his breath, so she couldn't hear him, he fisted his hands and gazed intently into her eyes. Searching… for what? He wasn't sure exactly. In fact, he wasn't sure if he could trust what he just heard.
It was quite late in the evening, and she had called him into the royal chambers past the receiving area, where he usually stayed to keep guard. Moonlight streamed serenely through the double windows, giving them both an eerie, mysterious glow, as they stood face to face. The light was barely enough to make out her full features, and too dim to show the redness of her hair. But the light perfectly caught her beautiful violet eyes.
And those eyes bore into his, just as intently as he was probably doing to her. Time seemed to pass slowly as they both stayed silent.
Her eyes were a bit defiant but her face was composed. Too composed, in fact, as if she had been contemplating on this for the longest time and was determined to see it through. He couldn't be sure anymore.
He didn't want to believe what he had just heard. But her voice had been so clear, so sincere. She had sounded so sure. He tightened his grip on his Hsu Quandao, totally disbelieving, unable to grasp the gravity of her words and her tone.
Her tone. Her voice had not wavered in the slightest.
"Princess, could you… repeat what you just said?"
—o—o—o—o—o—
She could feel herself flush but remained standing in front of him, her eyes never leaving his. In all the scenarios she had played out in her mind, what he was displaying now was not even close to how she imagined he would react. Was what she had said really so unbelievable? She felt a pang in her chest. Or was it because he couldn't fathom what she had just given him?
Hak continued to hold her gaze, his facial features remaining stoic and unchanging. His voice held no impatience, no weariness, no disbelief. It was just like him. Still looking straight into his eyes, she repeated the words that she had practiced ever since she had returned to Hiryuu Castle, her voice strong and clear.
"Hak, I release you from your pledge of servitude to me as commanded by my father, the late emperor. As the 12th sovereign of Kouka, I give you back your freedom. Your days of serving this castle has come to an end. You are free to return to your people, or roam wherever your path takes you. May you live long and free."
Her voice cracked slightly at the end of her spiel, but she thought that she succeeded in holding her tone and her turmoil of emotions from showing in her voice and in her face. It was the second time she said it out loud tonight, and she had practiced the lines over and over until she thought she would be sick of them. But this time, held by his firm gaze, she could feel her heart anguish over each word. She thought she had prepared herself for the pain her own words would bring her, because she knew, she had finally come to understand, just how much she didn't want to let him go. She steeled herself for his response, yet hoped that he would just bop her on the head, like he always did, and shrug off her decree.
She was beginning to feel like shrinking under that contemplative gaze of his, but continued to hold his gaze.
Her heart sank when he finally lowered his gaze, bowed his head and dropped down to one knee.
"As you wish, Princess-my Queen."
She checked the tears that she felt sting her eyes, glad that he had bowed, and so he would not see the dismay in her eyes.
—o—o—o—o—o—
He was stunned.
He was so stunned, that he had to break away from her gaze, had to hide the panic that he could feel overriding his senses. He knew she would find weakness in his eyes if he did not hide them quickly.
"As you wish, Princess- my Queen."
He was thankful for being able to tear himself from her gaze as he dropped down on one knee to show that he had heard, and that he would obey- he wasn't sure if his legs would hold him, such a crushing blow her words had dealt. His grip was still tight on his weapon, but it was suddenly very, very heavy.
Was this how it felt to have your heart torn apart?
She had commanded her words in the tone of royalty, once again reminding him of his place. He was a commoner, and she was a princess- no, she was a queen. The time that they had travelled together as fugitives was nothing more than a mere memory. There was no longer a need to be her bodyguard, no longer any need to be her Shield. They had succeeded in uniting the kingdoms, in installing peace throughout the empire. Her being here in Hiryuu Castle, where he had promised to return her, was proof that they had completed the mission that she had begun three years ago.
It was time to let go.
Now that she had released him from his bonds, there was no place left for him here at the castle. He was no longer General Son Hak of the Wind Tribe, and he was no longer the princess' bodyguard.
There was no place left where he could stay to be with her.
He had resigned himself to be content to continue to watch her, guard her and protect her for as long as he lived. Even when the time came that she would have to choose her husband, Kouka's would-be emperor, he thought he could bear it, just as long as he could be near her presence.
But she had taken away the very last thing that would allow him to remain by her side.
It anguished him.
He could not bear to look at her now, the way he is at this moment. He didn't want her to see how much she had hurt him. He found his voice, and willed it to sound steady.
"Then, your Majesty, I take my leave. May the Gods look favorably upon your reign."
—o—o—o—o—o—
Yona bit her quivering lip. She watched him stand, not raising his eyes nor head as he slowly, respectfully bowed his head lower and started to turn.
Away from her.
She had not expected him to take her words so seriously, had expected him to look at her with his lopsided grin and smirk at her and say annoying things like Did you think you can command me to break my vow just coz you're the Empress now?, had expected him to just ignore what she decreed, and they would fall back into their usual, casual demeanor with each other. Even though she gave him his freedom, she had thought he would stay to be with her. Did she just imagine what she thought he felt about her? Was she wrong in thinking that somehow, someday, he would eventually come to see her as a woman? Not as the princess, not as the queen, not as his childhood friend, but as a woman?
But here she was, watching his retreating back, heading towards the chamber exit. Was all those teasing whispers, those gentle caresses he gave her, his words of encouragement and devotion to her- did she really just imagine the warmth she saw in his eyes, the gentleness she felt in his touch in all those years together? Did he really feel so little about her that he would leave her like this?
He was only a few steps away from the door.
She knew she would never see him again if she let him go now. What could she say to make him stay?
She checked herself.
Was she really so selfish that she would hold him to her forever, as she wanted to? Was she really so uncaring about him that she would bind him to her side?
Yes.
Oh God, yes.
The certainty her thoughts had taken shattered her. How could it have taken her so long to realize it?
I want to be with him forever.
As her mind finally acknowledged what her heart had known all along, her resolve crumbled. Unbidden, her tears started to fall. She was going to have to rescind her words after all.
She was still watching his back, his steps taking him further away from her.
What could she say?
"Hak."
—o—o—o—o—o—
He stopped in his tracks, but did not turn to look back at her. This simple act of refusing to face her was not unnoticed. It made her throw caution to the wind.
"Your Majesty?" he responded, to show her that he would wait until she dismissed him. Patiently waiting, as always.
"Hak."
Her voice suddenly sounded closer to him, even though it was almost a whisper. He slightly turned his head, making sure to keep his entire body facing the doorway, to show her that he intended to leave as soon as he heard what else she had to say.
It slightly surprised him to find her almost right behind him, as if she had run towards him as soon as she called his name the first time. He tried not to linger on how the way she had called him- it was as if her voice was a caress against his heart.
He almost shook his head, unwilling to let his thoughts fan his hopes, unwilling to feel the warmth he felt the way his name rolled so familiarly off her tongue.
"Hak, please look at me."
There was a pleading in her voice that made his heart ache- he could never deny her anything that she asked of him, no matter how hard it was on him, no matter how raw her rejection of him ran deep. He would always give her whatever it was she needed and wanted.
And so he turned and closed the distance between them, allowing himself to be near her one last time.
"What is it?"
Was that his voice? When did it sound so raspy and hoarse? Why did he find it so difficult to breathe? If her final parting words to him were good luck or be happy, he would not be able to respond other than to offer her a curt nod before leaving.
"Hak, give yourself to me."
—o—o—o—o—o—
Yona didn't know what exactly made her choose those words to say, but they left her mouth before she could still her tongue. Her eyes widened as she realized that she had just asked- no demanded him to devote his entire being to her. After she had just given him back his freedom.
It was the exact same lines she said to him when he tried to leave her with the Wind Tribe all those years ago.
Except- she was saying them for a different reason this time.
She took a step closer to him.
"You are my strength; my will to keep on going. You are my childhood friend with whom I have shared so much with…" she faltered, unnerved by the sudden harrowed look in his eyes. "You are the rock on which I have built my courage and my resolve to complete the tasks at hand. You are my Shield, my protector."
She took one more step, and now reached out both of her hands to take hold of his cheeks. She could feel her cheeks flame as she pulled his face a little closer to her. Then she dropped her head and solemnly, gently rested her forehead against his chin.
"You are my light in my times of darkness and despair. You are my truth, my one true and constant truth, as I wandered in and out of the reality of what I needed to accomplish. You were with me through it all."
Hak had gone rigid- she could feel his stiffness even though she was only touching his face, her body not yet closing the remaining distance between them.
"Hak, I-" she hesitated, still keeping his chin locked on her forehead. She didn't dare to look into his eyes.
"- I cannot imagine a world without you by my side." Her voice sounded so small. She swallowed. "I need you to be with me. Not as my servant, not as my bodyguard."
"Hak, give yourself to me," she repeated, her voice now trailing off into mere whisper.
—o—o—o—o—o—
His resolve was crumbling.
The moment she had captured his face in her small, delicate hands and pulled him firmly closer to her, he knew he had already lost the battle within himself.
How could he leave her? How did he even consider it?
Everything she had said to him now, every word of it- it was exactly what she was, what she is to him. She was the reason for his existence.
And now, to hear these words from her, it washis truth. She was his truth.
Her fervent words reverberated over and over throughout his being. He could feel life returning to his legs, to his arms, to his very core.
To be able to remain by her side. It was enough. It had to be.
He gently put his hands around hers, pulling them down from his cheeks. He sank down on one knee and cupped her chin up so he could look into her eyes again.
He heard her breath hitch in her throat as he coaxed her to look at him. Were those tears? The moonlight made them glisten against her skin. He took one hand and gently wiped them away with a sensual glide of his thumb.
"Princess, I have always been yours."
He watched her eyes widen in surprise and caught something in the way she looked at him. Was there wonder in her eyes? Relief? And perhaps something else? Could he dare to hope that she harbored something for him as well, something akin to how he felt about her? Honestly, it wasn't really important right now, because all he wanted was to be with her. It was enough.
Her arms went around his neck, and she leaned into him, kneeling, her body meeting his, her cheek nuzzling against his neck. The gesture had caught him off-guard, but he instinctively wrapped his arms around her petite frame, holding her closer to him. He closed his eyes, savoring the way she felt in his arms, gratitude overflowing in his veins. To be with her this way was more precious to him than she would ever know.
