TEKKEN- THE BIOGRAPHIES
Who killed Brian Fury? How does Panda legally traverse heavily populated urban areas unnoticed? Who or what the hell is Yoshimitsu? Find out the answers to these questions and more in Tekken- The Biographies!
1.
A/N Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Dude, you wrote TEKKEN- The Documentary TWO YEARS AGO! You said you'd write a sequel in June 2005! What the hell man? Where were you these past two years?" Well, sorry… I was kinda busy. I suppose that's apology enough, now lets get on with the story, shall we? Also, as soon as Tekken 6 comes out, I am likely to steal a PS3, mug some poor kid of his copy and immediately proceed to completely exploit the game to find something to write about, so don't worry about material yet.
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This week's episode:
The Death of Brian Fury- as told by some guy who just happened to be there. (Mr. Fury was unable to comment, due to his condition. Namely, not being alive.)
All right, boys and girls, welcome to TEKKEN- THE BIOGRAPHIES! Today we'll explain the assassination of detective Brian Fury.
INTER-POL, the International Police Organization, is the UN's response to druggies all over the world. Brian Fury, who was busted twice for feeding Meth to his drug dog (see note 1 below) ,Was perfectly fit for the job. Having no real criminal record, (note 2) Brian was admitted immediately.
One day, there was a shoot-out in Hong Kong, between INTER-POL, and the OMGWTFLOL, a local drug gang. Every single policeman died.
But this stories not about them. It's about Brian.
Anyways, Agent Fury finds all of his colleagues dead, and suddenly a gunman opens fire on him. Thirteen bullets hit Brian's left side, and three hit his right. The gunman had an obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and had a obsession with even numbers. Wishing to make Brian's mutilated body symmetrical, the gunman pumped some bullets into Brian's left side, but held the trigger an instant too long and ended up with twenty one on Brian's left side. The insanely orderly gunman put some more high-velocity lead into Brian's right side, ending with twenty one on his left and thirty on his right side. Becoming frustrated, the gunman burned out nearly all of his ammo before he forgot to take his medicine and fainted.
Brian's body ended up with fifty-six bullets in his left side, fifty eight on his right, and two near his neck. Seconds later, an ambulance reached him. The hospital worker was quoted on asking, "Dude, are you okay?" (note 3)
Of course, don't feel sorry for Mister Fury. For one, he's been brought back to life by scientific means, and secondly, he'd laugh if this story was about you.
NOTES:
1. Brian was quoted as saying, "what, it's a drug dog! It snorts this shit all the time!". Which, despite it's crude manner, is somewhat true.
2. the drug accusations, murder charges, theft charges, and accusations of having sex with minors were all dropped due to lack of evidence. Namely, all those involved were dead.
3. To make it absolutely clear, no, he was not okay.
A/N This was originally going to be in the prequel- Tekken, the Documentary, but I decided against it because I needed something to hold you guys off until I finish the next chapter, which is much larger and more in depth than ever before….
Join us next week, when we tackle one of the most pressing questions of the Tekken Universe: "Who or What the hell is Yoshimitsu?" It's so profound and deep it will leave many of you crying. Look out for it!
