Constant Reminder:
Bella:
He told me 'It'll be as if I was never here' before disappearing out of my life without a trace. He really did seem to think it was as simple as that. If there were no photos, nothing he'd given me, then I could act like he was never there. I could live my life, forget I had ever fallen so deeply in love. As I thought about this I wshed I could be angry with him - angry that he thought I could turn my emotions off so easily, angry who could just stop caring like that - but I couldn't be angry. All I wanted was him to come back to me. Nothing could stop me thinking about him, every silly little thing reminded me of him. Everywhere I went was somewhere I went with him. All the good and bad cropped up everywhere. School - it had been where I met him. How could I possibly forget him when the table his family always sat at was now empty? How could I not notice that there was an empty place next to me in biology? Even my bedroom was a constant reminder. I kept thinkingI was seeing him there, but then I would blink and he was never there. My bedroom where he'd watched me sleep, where we'd sat and talk, where we'd kissed, where he so often had been and now never was.
Since he'd been gone I'd tried so much to take my mind off of him. I tried reading, so many classics I loved, but couldn't read. My favourite book Wuthering Heights with Edgar, and others like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde with Edwrd broke my heart yet again simple seeing the name. I knew it would sounds pathetic to someone who hadn't felt a love and heartbreak this deep, but it wasn't pathetic to me, I couldn't see the name Edward or a name close to it without feeling like my Edward was pulling my heart apart all over again. And yet I couldn't stop loving him, I couldn't stop wishing I knew where he was so I could just find him and see him again. The image in my head could never be as good as having him back beside me, hearing his voice again, feeling his touch again. Why couldn't he understand what him leaving has doneto me?
I tried listening to music, but it always reminded me of him playing the piano or us talking about the music we both liked. I used to be able to zone out and stop thinking by just concentrating fully on music, but now no matter what I'm listening to, it reminds me of Edward. If it's a heartbroken song, if it's a love song, if it's completely unrelated it always reminds me of Edward.
He thought I'd be able to act like he was never there, but simply closing my eyes replayed everything we did together. Opening my eyes always caused me to expect to see him there. Just taking breaths and having thoughts gave me something to remember Edward in.
Do you think I sound pathetic? Just wait until your heart it pulled apart. Tell me I'm pathetic when you know how much it hurts and everything is a constant reminder.
A/N: I've always thought Bella was pathetic in New Moon, and I still do, because she didn't even try, etc, but last night I had a bit of sympathy for her, because after a relationship everything is a constant reminder. Literally everything.
