Title: A Crazy Little Thing Called 'Vongola Saturday'
Author: chromeluster27
Genre: Humor, Family
Pairing: General (Squint harder if you dare. :D)
Rating: T
Warnings: Slight CRACK, out-of-this-world situations, some cursing courtesy of bad mouth Gokudera, was not beta read so be ready for tiny bits of grammar mistakes or typos (sorry I don't have one, and too lazy to look for one :D …).
Summary: TWO-SHOT. Ecstatic upon hearing "it was only a game of ROCK, PAPERS and SCISSORS", the soon-to-be mafia boss, much to his chagrin, wanted to cry with joy before these words followed the hitman's explanations…"…with a HUGE TWIST…" General fic. XD
Disclaimer: Chromeluster-chan does not own "Katekyo Hitman Reborn!" She's just borrowing the characters for a while from the awesome Amano Akira-sensei, who deserves all praises and acknowledgment!
A/N: Hello! So I took a short break in writing 1896 fics and decided to write a humor story starring Tsuna and the guardians. :D Not my first one to be written though (I have already written a fic like this before, if you are curious, it's up in my LiveJournal account XD). My first multi-chap so please bear with me :D (I actually planned this to be a one-shot but I was afraid that your eyes might burn because it will be a loooooooong one-shot XD) So much for my useless talks...
Please enjoy my craziness, minna~!
{ Kick off, ride on, LET'S GO! }
Part 1 ~ WHAT? A 'seemingly harmless' package, Vongola-style Rock, Paper and Scissors, and a HUGE twist?
The Sawada Household's Saturday morning started with a very, very, VERY loud shriek from the brunette boy, who has just yet to eat his breakfast.
"HIEEEEE! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"
He held a small, brown carton box upon his hands, which he found on his study table while getting his tiny dose of morning stretching. Well, the box itself looks perfectly normal and harmless on the outside but the note that came with it made Tsuna scream in horror. Yes, in distinct HORROR. The message was pasted on top of the package's flap and it read:
Dear Dame-Tsuna,
Open this package before the clock strikes 8 o'clock AM. Don't worry because nothing dangerous will happen if you fail to comply with the previous condition except that the whole Japan will be converted into a huge crater on the face of the Earth. Enjoy the 'seemingly harmless' contents! *evil laugh*
PS. This is absolutely not a prank. :D
The boy placed the undoubtedly suspicious package near his left ear, just to check if it wasn't really a prank.
Tick… Tock… Tick… Tock…
Tsuna gasped for gallons of air as he heard that faint sound of ticking from the box. Noises like this, as he remembers from suspense-thriller movies, were often associated with time bombs. Okay, let's stop and think. So using that particular logic, well… Seriously, it might have a bomb inside it! What if it is a nuclear bomb? Oh no, the horrified teen saw in front of his mind eye the 99.99% possibility of the box creating annihilating the whole Japanese race in one blow. It's definitely not a prank after all!
He immediately shifted his anxious gaze to the wall clock hanging, of course, on their wall.
"WHAT THE-? ONE MINUTE BEFORE 8 O'CLOCK!"
The sweating boy ripped viciously the flaps of the small box as if he were to die. (Literally he was to die a terrible death, not only him but the whole Japan too…) He let out a deep sigh of relief when he managed to open it in a matter of ten seconds. The brunette leaped away in fright and released his shaking grip from the box.
Tsuna shook the collar of his pajamas back and forth in an attempt to cool himself down.
"It must be his doing again!" The soon-to-be mafia boss was so certain after he read that "Dear Dame-Tsuna" thing on the beginning of the letter that he decided to call a "death threat". He mentally cursed his home tutor, and he was more confused than ever if he should look at the contents of the box or not.
"I know Reborn placed something fishy, no, something beyond terrible inside this carton…"
Tsuna have just recovered form his fear on monsters hiding at his closet, although it was embarrassing to admit it, on his first year at middle school. It was not because he realized that those things only sprouted from his imagination, but he discovered something more dreadful than it. And that was the arrival of his Home Tutor, the infant hitman Reborn. Yes, an adorable infant adorned in a black fedora surely was his new "monster in the closet".
Finally after a few moments of whining in place, whispering his thoughts to himself like a madman and scratching his mop of brown hair in desperation, his feet marched towards the box. Upon sensing his throat dry out of nervousness, he gulped a huge amount of saliva before leaning forward to pick the hazardous package (that is hinted to cradle a nuclear bomb inside) and directed his eyes at the contents.
"WAAAAAAHHH!"
The birds enjoying the morning sunshine on the roof of the Sawada Residence almost lost their feathers at this earsplitting scream from the brown-haired teen. The reason for the shrill cry: A 'seemingly harmless' Caliber 45 placed close to his temple. The worst thing was the deadly weapon was held by a talking dummy that looks like Reborn. Beyond worst was, the talking dummy, which we will call Robo-Reborn from now on, jumped out from the carton and settled itself on scaredy-Tsuna's shoulders. Far beyond worst, it attached itself to his shoulder. Squeal harder now poor Tsuna, your entrance to heaven is now scheduled.
"Ciaossu Dame-Tsuna!" The speaking chunk of metal started, and it sent more shivers down his spine because it actually imitated Reborn's voice in a creepy robotic fashion, "You need to hurry, before 8:30 in the morning you have to be on the Namimori Middle School grounds, or else I will crack your head open. Hehehehe."
"WHAT?"
Tsuna was now frantically running in circles in his room with both his arms raised up to the thin air. A few seconds later he found himself wailing like crazy at the streets of Namimori, and of course still in his blue pajamas (definitely if some uncanny talking robot pointed a gun to you in a point blank range then you might even forget that your stomach is grumbling…). To make things simple, the shrieking teen is now dashing for his pathetic life. He was just sucked out of his anxiety when…
BAM!
"Ow, that hurts…"
Tsuna held his head out of dizziness. He looked up to the person he bumped to, while muttering an apology. But fate loathed the Vongola heir too much, and if he has some free time he should visit a feng shui expert or something in that category to advise him about his extraordinary attachment to misfortune. His hazel orbs met the stabbing-like-daggers glare from the opposite man's gray eyes. Yup, you guessed it right folks!
"Hi-Hibari-san!"
Tsuna staggered hurriedly to gain again his footing. While waving his hands in front of the feared Namimori Disciplinary Committee Chairman, he continued,
"I-I'm sorry! Please don't bite me to death! I-It was my fault! I'm not looking on the road!"
He cried on top of his lungs, wishing that no tonfa would appear out of nowhere flying towards his face. However his silent prayers were disturbed by the Robo-Reborn on his shaking shoulders.
"Three minutes left 'till 8:30 Dame-Tsuna! Hurry up or else your head will go ciao ciao! Hehehehe."
Upon hearing this, Tsuna suddenly forgot that Hibari was now charging towards him to "give him some lessons" (because accidentally colliding with Hibari always spelled doom, and doing it on a morning would spell DEATH). Instead, the prefect was left with eyes wide open in shock as his prey suddenly bowed while screaming "I'm sorry I have to go!" and (extremely fortunately) avoided the attack. The next thing the Disciplinary Chairman saw was a worthless herbivore galloping like he was being chased by a hungry beast. And the direction was, towards his beloved school.
"Oh, it must be the infant again."
And so the blood lusting Hibari Kyoya just continued his stroll towards Nami-Middle. Well, he would just have to reserve that urge to bite that herbivore Sawada Tsunayoshi to death later, for his destination was the same as his victim after all.
Meanwhile…
The panting teen managed to run five blocks in just three minutes. It was a world record for Dame-Tsuna who failed horribly at track and field events you know! Sure, he barely made it on time, but was grateful that he managed to do so. And he was also thankful that he finally proved to himself also that he can excel in marathon runs, more or less. However, the Robo-Reborn disturbed his blissful thoughts and spoke,
"You were late by one second, Dame-Tsuna. A no-good is still a no-good up to the end! And no-goods should be eliminated in this world for good."
BANG!
Tsuna shut his eyes tightly. Was this really goodbye for him?
…
…
…
No, it was not!
"W-what? WHY, THIS IS JUST A WATER GUN!"
The water from the gun splattered onto his whole face. He tried to wipe away the water but as he did so, the amount of water released from the tip of the gun increases (and one should wonder where the hell that gun was getting its bottomless water supply, considering it was only around three inches long…). "What the hell was Reborn planning?", he thought.
After the Robo-Reborn covered Tsuna's face with water it swiftly directed the water gun to the teen's mouth and sprayed water onto it. When done, Robo-Reborn held shut his mouth tightly for a few moments. Tsuna had no choice but to gargle the water that almost drowned him to death, and when the moving metal released its grip to his lips, he squirted his mouth's contents to the ground and roared. Yes, ROARED!
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLANNING REBORN! DO YOU SERIOUSLY WANT TO KILL ME?"
"They have been waiting for you for 30 minutes now, Tsuna." The real Reborn spoke to the panting teen, while standing on a small platform on the middle of the Nami-Middle grounds.
"EHHHH? I'M TALKING ABOUT THIS WEIRD ROBOT RUINING MY SANITY!"
"It's quite inappropriate for you to show me your gratitude like that, Tsuna."
"WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THERE WAS NOTHING TO BE GRATEFUL ON THAT PRANK! YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME TO COME HERE NORMALLY YOU KNOW! DON'T SHOW ME THAT FACE, I KNOW YOU'RE HAVING FUN ON MY EXPENSE AGAIN!" Tsuna was absolutely scary when agitated, you know, though Reborn's smirks were more to be cautious of.
"Hmm… I just did you a favor. You hurriedly get out of your house to play here without even gargling or washing those 'morning glories' out of your eyes. That's pretty embarrassing for a middle school student like you." Reborn responded in a cute yet mocking fashion.
"WHAT!"
"Juudaime, good morning!" The silver haired man greeted, of course with those gleaming eyes and sparkly things around him.
"Yo, Tsuna! Still sleepy with those pajamas on, eh? Hahaha." The taller man followed, with that usual cheerful smile.
"How dare you insult Juudaime's dressing preferences, you baseball idiot!"
"Hahaha."
Tsuna was now pacified from his anger to his home tutor and directed his attention to the crowd behind Reborn, who were now approaching him.
"Go-gokudera-kun? And Yamamoto… too?"
"GAHAHAHAHA! LAZY TSUNA MUST NOT ALSO FORGET THE ALMIGHTY LAMBO-SAN'S PRESENCE!" The brat wearing that fluffy, very fluffy black afro shouted while placing both hand on his tiny waist.
"YO, SAWADA! JOGGING AROUND TOWN WITH THAT PAJAMA ON IS DEFINITELY EXTREEEEEEMEEEEE! LET'S DO ANOTHER EXTREME LAP!" The boxing club captain roared (yes, nothing new with that) to them in an extreme fashion and Tsuna felt that his eardrums would like to separate from his ears any second now.
"Damn it, stupid cow, turf head! Shut up your freaking mouths or else I'll stuff these dynamites on those!" Gokudera was totally aggravated by the existence of these two. Luckily, Tsuna and Yamamoto made it on time and stopped his planned child abuse and murder.
"Tsuna your guardians are really energetic anytime, anywhere!" A blonde man wearing a furred coat approached the chaotic group and threw his arms around Tsuna's nape.
"Dino-san! You're here!"
"Yes, taking some vacation from work." He responded with a wide smile.
Tsuna turned his gaze to his left and noticed the blue-haired girl with an eye patch standing, somewhat observing the craziness occurring at their side. He sensed that the girl was shy, that's why he took the initiative and called her.
"Chrome! I'm glad to see you! Why don't you join us here?"
Chrome Dokuro only nodded and approached them slowly. And just like that, the previously horror-stricken brunette forgot his entire wrath towards his home tutor.
However, his good mood was unfortunately shattered. Reborn caught their attention when he announced, "We are now complete."
Cue in the "Fuuki Iinchou" background music. (As well as the fan girls' squeals…)
"Hi-hibari-san! Please don't bite me to death! I'm so sorry!"
"YO HIBARI! YOU CAME TO THE EXTREEEME!"
"Che. The tonfa freak."
"Hahaha… Hibari-sempai's joining the kid's game too?"
"Hello, Kyoya! Long time, no see!"
Glare…
All of them stood still and shut their noisy mouths at that very moment, getting the conveyed message of those murderous gray eyes.
"I'll bite all of you to death if you keep crowding like that." The prefect told them in a monotonous yet full of blood lust tone.
"Ciaossu, Hibari. Thank you for coming." Reborn greeted in a very usual manner, well he was the only one in this world that was not afraid to face Hibari after all. The infant hitman was also the sole person who can convince the Cloud Guardian to join their mafia affairs, nevertheless.
"Oh, infant. Make this fast before I bite these herbivores to death."
"Okay. Don't worry; more or less you will enjoy this little game that I have prepared." Reborn smirked, Tsuna shrieked.
Reborn's really planning something fishy again! That game would surely be not that enjoyable. He might kill us here! He's having fun again at our own expense! Hieeeeee! We should do something, and fast!
"Oi, Dame-Tsuna! Stop thinking such things because you'll not have any broken bones today. I promise." Instead of pacifying Tsuna's worries, the way Reborn uttered the last part of his statement was really uncanny.
The hitman held a microphone on his hands from kami-knows-where and started introducing today's 'fun activity'. (Or Tsuna more gladly labeled it, 'lethal activity')
"Ciaossu. Thank you for coming here today! Because I'm—no, everyone's bored I have prepared this game to have some 'family bonding' and strengthen our relationships!"
Tsuna gulped from that statement. He knew that every time Reborn plans some 'family bonding' it turns out to be 'family bombing' because most of them (and most frequently, it was him) were sent to the hospital after due to some broken ribs and the like caused by either Lambo's ammunitions or Gokudera's short temper. Gruesome… but it was amusing in Reborn's weird mind.
"I'M UP TO THAT GAME TO THE EXTREME!" Ryohei was already fired up.
Gokudera, on the other hand, was also fired up. Fired up to smack some gun powder to Ryohei's loud mouth.
"SHUT UP TURF-HEAD! I CAN' T HEAR REBORN-SAN'S INSTRUCTIONS!"
"WHAT DID YOU SAID OCTOPUS-HEAD? YOU'RE ALSO BEING LOUD TO THE EXTREME!"
"Now, now. Sasasagawa-sempai, Gokudera! Stop it now. Hahaha." Yamamoto tried to put off the fire smoking from those two.
All of them stood still at their places (aside from Hibari, who since the beginning only stood still at one corner, of course meters away from the crowding herbivores…) when they heard the loud noise from Whistle-Leon. Without second thought they all focused their attention to the one who asked for it, no other the organizer of this crazy gathering.
"First of all I would like to split the eight of you into two teams…" Reborn cleared his throat and materialized a paper rolled like a scroll from again, only-kami-knows-where-it-was-from.
"Team Lion: Sawada Dame-Tsuna (Oi, Reborn!), Gokudera Hayato (Yes! Leave this game to me, Juudaime, this would definitely be a piece of cake!), Yamamoto Takeshi (Hahaha, we are at the same team Tsuna!... Grrrr, SHUT UP BASEBALL IDIOT LEAVE JUUDAIME ALONE!) and Hibari Kyoya (defiant stare… the other three shut up their mouths for their lives…). Please stand at my left side…"
And so the three drifted to their positions together (well of course with Hibari's exception…) at the platform's left side. They were given red handkerchiefs to signify that they are in the same team.
"And now for the second team, Team Horse: Dino (against them, huh…), Lambo (GAHAHAHA! BEHOLD LAMBO-SAMA IS ON THE SECOND TEAM!), Sasagawa Ryohei (EXTREME DETERMINATION TO WIN!) and lastly, Chrome Dokuro (…)."
Team Horse also positioned themselves beside the platform. The only difference was they were standing at the opposite side. Dino, Ryohei, Lambo and Chrome were provided with orange handkerchiefs by Reborn, who was now dressed in Nami-Middle's physical education uniform with a matching sun visor, much to Tsuna's astonishment. And unfortunately yours truly do not know either where Reborn changed, only kami-knows-where…
"When did you changed your attire all this time, Reborn?" The blue pajama-ed teen questioned the infant hitman.
"Okay, I will now explain the game that we will be playing…"
"Why are you ignoring me Reborn!"
Poor Tsuna, ignored and tortured.
"…I know Tsuna is worrying too much for the game that we will be playing to day but to break everyone's expectations, we will just be playing ROCK, PAPERS AND SCISSORS…"
Ecstatic upon hearing "it was only a game of ROCK, PAPERS and SCISSORS", the soon-to-be mafia boss, much to his chagrin, wanted to cry with joy before these words followed the hitman's explanations…
"…with a HUGE TWIST…"
His whole world came crashing down. Definitely that twist is not a trouble-free one because when Reborn is talking about twists (based on the poor boy's traumatic experiences…) it was either it meant a literal TWIST of his hinge joints or just other things in line with injuries and suffering. What a sadistic way to train… And this was also his grounds for despising free home tutors…
"…there will be four rounds, every round one representative from Team Lion and Horse would go here at the center. They will hold hands and start playing 'rocks, papers and scissors'. The first to score three points will be the winner and earn a point for his or her respective team. And here comes the fun part…"
Tsuna swallowed harder when he saw that brutal sneer flashing from Reborn's face…
"…every time you win a point from 'rock, paper and scissors', you are obliged to punch your opponent on the face, the fiercer hit, the better!"
Besides Tsuna and Dino, all the other players (especially Hibari) are showing their agreement to the said twist. Oh man, somebody should call an ambulance now. The two no-good bosses quickly saw in their imaginations the outcome of this event, ranging from all of them getting broken jaws, distorted noses, huge rings of black eye or starting tomorrow somebody might consider wearing false teeth. But it can be helped, they cannot prevent Reborn's evil schemes, they were both cowards to face the bullets of his gun. So what to do? Shut up and 'flow with the current'.
"The loser team, of course, would suffer a severe—no, let's just call it a hilarious punishment. The loser four would have a feast with this buffet of food, courtesy of Bianchi."
Gazes all shifted towards the table full of plates containing violet foods with visible traces of various animal parts like snake's scales, cockroach's wings and etcetera, while emitting weird fumes. Eww…
Bianchi stood there beside the table cradling her 'priced cuisine'. Miraculously, Gokudera did not passed out because she was wearing shades, matching with Nami-Middle's girl's physical education uniform.
"The winner will also have a 'surprise prize', so do your best in hitting—I mean scoring against your designated opponents!"
Unluckily, this good news did not registered in everyone's mind, because they were all focused on praying not be a victim of food poisoning later…
"Let's now start the Vongola—oops, the 'ordinary' Rock, Paper and Scissors game!"
And this is certainly the start of Tsuna's crazy Saturday…
{ Kokoro kara, arigatou ieru... :D }
A/N: Well thanks for reading the first part up to the end! Do you think I should continue this crap? XD Treat me a delicious pineapple (Reviews or comments, especially constructive criticisms...) so that I may know your thoughts :D See you on the next part!
