Hello! And Welcome to my first longer, multi-chapter Swan Queen fic. And lucky you, all of it is written so it'll all be up in the next few days after I go over it for little nitpicky things. Everything through season one is canon, but after that it's pick and choose. So, I hope you guys enjoy the story and reviews are always appreciated.
Disclaimer: Really, I don't own them. I would treat Regina better if I did.
Air gusted around them. It smelled like smoke and alcohol and the sharp tang of magic. A cloud of purple swirled around them. She had done it. She had opened the portal. Out of the corner of her vision a blonde head of hair shifted. Or more accurately, they had opened the portal. Regina turned to more fully look at Emma. How had—?
The wraith roared and flew towards them. She froze. This was it. She swallowed hard. She was finally going to die. At the hands of a soul sucker, no less. She should have just let Snow shoot her full of arrows all those years ago. That would have been preferable to the never ending hell that awaited her inside the wraith.
A weight hit her in the side, knocking her out of the wraith's range. The wind around them blew harder as the portal started to suck the wraith in. She wasn't going to die. Her muscles went slack and her head hit the tile with a thunk. All because of, she looked up again at the body on top of her. Emma.
Regina opened her mouth to thank her or more likely deliver a snarky comment about how the woman should get off of her, but Emma started to slide off of her, green eyes almost comically wide. She glanced behind Emma and saw a blue light attached to her ankle. No. The wraith had her.
She sat bolt upright and her hand shot out of its own volition. She grabbed Emma's upper arm and pulled. Emma latched onto her offered arm and held on for dear life. Her pants and ridiculously impractical heels provided her no traction and she started to slide as well. Oh god. If she was pulled into the portal with the wraith she would die. She yanked harder and suddenly Emma was on top of her again and the portal finally closed.
The only sound for a long moment was heavy breathing. Emma looked at Regina, head tilted slightly towards the side. Regina felt her mouth twitch up slightly. They had done it. They were alive.
She quickly looked down at her hand. The mark of the wraith wasn't there anymore. She was free. She sighed and closed her eyes, relaxing back into the tile again for a second. Until Emma shifted slightly on top of her.
Her head shot up and she glared at the other woman. "Miss Swan, if you would so kindly remove yourself from my personal space?"
Emma scowled. "You're welcome. You know…For saving you." The blonde pushed herself off of her and stood.
"As I recall I saved you as well, so it's quite even." Regina righted herself quickly, smoothing down her hair and brushing off her clothing.
"Right, whatever. You still have a mob after you. So, it's probably best if you go back to the cell now, just to be safe." Emma shrugged. Charming and Snow nodded in agreement.
"No, Miss Swan, I think I would rather not. God knows what else Rumple will try to do to me if I am locked up and completely at his mercy. I would rather go home where I can at least run if need be."
"Are you sure, Regina? Henry wouldn't want you to be hurt." Emma stared at her, eyebrow cocked.
Regina smirked. "Yes, Miss Swan, I'm certain." She held up a small fireball. Magic coursed through her easily now. Ever since Emma had touched her earlier it had been fully restored.
"Emma, sweetie, you can't just let her go," Snow said, stepping forward. "God knows what she can do now, now that she had her magic back. Besides, she's committed heinous crimes against us. She needs to be locked up again, whether she prefers it or not."
Emma turned towards her mother. "The crimes she committed were in another world entirely, not this one. We can't hold her for things that weren't even done here, not under this world's laws. And since I am the sheriff of this town and have to uphold those laws, we can't lock her up. Besides, it's not like she's going anywhere. Henry is here."
"But she could cause more damage!" Charming exclaimed.
Emma looked at Regina. "Are you?"
"I can't say the thought hadn't crossed my mind." Regina smirked.
Emma pursed her lips. "Well, I don't exactly think the kid would like it if you did. God knows you're in enough hot water with him already. And the second you do harm someone here, I can put you into jail. Keep that in mind. For now, you can do whatever you want Regina."
Regina scowled. Why exactly was Emma being nice to her? It didn't make any sense. But she wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. She nodded her thanks and teleported back to her home.
She spent the next few days quietly around her house. Emma had been right, going on a rampage against the town would not help her win back Henry. Already he refused to see her. Her little boy, that she had raised from three weeks old, hated her. And it tore her up inside. She would do anything to get him back. Including stow away her anger and thirst for vengeance that would be so much more gratifying now that the town remembered who they were.
She sighed and poured herself another glass of cider. It didn't matter that it was the middle of the day. It was not like she had to be anywhere. She sipped it softly while she idly flipped through a magazine she only pretended to be reading.
Her thoughts were elsewhere. Every time she blinked blonde hair flashed behind her eye lids. Every time she moved her arm she swore she could feel Emma's hand there. It was killing her, not knowing why Emma had managed to respark her magic and not knowing why she had been so nice after the wraith had been banished. It did not make any sense. Surely Emma must have an ulterior motive for her kindness. But that still left why Miss Swan had been able to spark her magic on the table.
Regina closed her eyes, dropping the magazine down to the table. This was an area of magic that she knew little about. She had looked through her mother's books directly after the incident, but had found little that would help her. There was only one person that would know anything, and Regina was not going within a mile of the imp if she could help it. She did not have a death wish.
So she sat, alone with her thoughts swirling between Henry and Emma, sipping cider and wondering just exactly what she was going to do next. It was an odd feeling not having a plan. She always had one. She had to. Being a Queen meant always being one step ahead of everything else, and that meant always having a plan. Now she didn't, and she didn't have any idea of where to start, and she was lost.
She downed the rest of her cider in a gulp but did not rise to refill her glass. Anymore and she would be hung over later. As much as she wanted to get as drunk as possible and forget her problems she needed to be at least partly competent should another member of the angry mob show up at her door again. They had come frequently in the first few hours, but had slackened off greatly afterwards.
Perhaps a nap instead. She had trained herself to wake at the slightest sounds. It was a safe enough option to get away from her thoughts.
A knock on the door sounded as soon as she lay her head down on the pillow. She glared at the door but rose from the couch and walked towards it. Better to answer it and drive off whoever it was before they defaced the front of her home.
Regina opened the door quickly with one hand, holding a fireball in the other. "What could you possibly want?" She growled looking around, the fireball casting a flickering orange glow on the pillars of the porch.
A meek "Hi Mom," sounded from below her eye level.
She quickly extinguished the fireball and smiled. "Henry!" She drew him into her arms. "Oh, honey, I've missed you so much."
Henry tensed in her arms and pulled away as quickly as possible. "Yeah," he said shortly.
He pushed past her and into the house. The fact that he remembered to take off his shoes before leaving the foyer softened the blow of his brusque treatment of her, but only slightly. Regina caught up with him quickly.
"Would you like me to make anything? I can make the shrimp and pasta that you like so much, or maybe grilled cheese?" Her hand came to rest lightly on his shoulder.
He turned to look at her, biting his lip in an almost mirror image of Emma. He opened and closed his mouth several times before just nodding. Henry shrugged off her hand before walking to the kitchen.
Regina followed and smiled as Henry hopped up onto one of the stools that lined one side of the kitchen island. "So what will it be?"
Henry sat for a while thinking before he spoke up. "Any chance you can make lasagna? I kind of miss it. The only thing that Emma can make without burning it is grilled cheese. I think I might be sick if I see one more."
Regina snorted. "The fact that Miss Swan can even cook a grilled cheese surprises me. But yes, I can make lasagna, anything for you Henry."
Henry stared at her, disproving look pasted on his face. "Maybe you should have thought of that before you made me think I was crazy."
She froze, hand stopped in midair reaching for her favorite apron. She glanced down quickly before looking back at Henry. "I'm sorry, Henry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I just…It wasn't exactly like I could tell you that the curse was real. I thought I would lose you." Her shoulders slumped. "I did anyway, but in the heat of the moment I was trying to keep us together as a family."
"You should have told me the truth," he stated firmly.
"And what would you have done if I had, Henry? Affirming your belief in the curse, no matter how real it was, would have gotten you taken away from me. People would have declared me an unfit mother because they would have thought I was crazy."
"You could have broken the curse before that happened."
"I had no way to break the curse. That was Miss Swan's job. We were both puppets in Rumple's game and we both had our separate parts to play. Mine was to cast the curse, not to break it."
Henry scowled. "I don't believe you."
Regina closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "It's the truth, Henry. No matter what, it's the truth. I don't want to lie to you anymore. I love you."
"If you really loved me you wouldn't have done any of that! That's not what people do when they love other people!"
"Henry, I…I don't know how to love very well. I wasn't capable of it for a long time. That's why I lied to you. And that's why I held on to you so tightly. Because that's what I thought I was supposed to do because I love you."
"Well, that wasn't what you were supposed to do at all."
"I know that now, Henry. It's just…it's a learning curve for me ok? My parents…well I had no example to learn from. But I want to learn from my mistakes. I want redeem myself, Henry. For you I want to learn how I'm supposed to act. Ok?"
Henry regarded her silently for a minute before nodding.
Regina smiled weakly and went about fixing dinner. She bustled around the kitchen, setting the things she needed on the counter, conjuring the things she didn't have on hand. She felt Henry's eyes on her the whole time. Finally as she made a package of ricotta cheese appear in her hand Henry shot up from the stool.
Regina looked over at the shaking little boy. "Henry, what is it?"
"Stop, just stop!" He marched around the island and stood in front of her.
"Fixing dinner?" she asked confused.
"No! Stop using magic!" He took the ricotta cheese from her hand and threw it across the room.
Regina's eyes widened and she crouched down to his level. "Why don't you want me to use magic, Henry? I'm not hurting anyone. I'm just getting the ingredients I don't have for dinner." She bit her lip before continuing. "I haven't been able to go to the store since the curse broke for fear that I'll be attacked. So I just conjure everything I need."
"No! You want to redeem yourself, so stop using magic! If you don't stop using magic, you'll turn into her again, the Evil Queen!"
"Henry, I'm not her, I haven't been her for a long time. Making a package of ricotta appear out of thin air won't instantly make me revert. There are different kinds of magic, this is light magic. I promise you I haven't touched dark magic since I cast the curse."
"That's just what you want me to think!"
"If it really means that much to you, Henry, I won't use magic."
He opened his mouth to argue before registering what his mother had said. His face cleared immediately once his brain caught up. He clambered back onto the stool. "Good."
Regina blinked at Henry for a few seconds before returning to her task.
They ate dinner that night in silence. It was tense, tenser than even before the curse broke, but Regina was glad to have Henry in the house period. Once they had finished and cleaned up Henry bid her goodnight tersely and walked back out the door, ignoring Regina's offers to stay the night or at least let her drive him back to Snow's apartment. She shut the door and slid down the floor, the cool of the marble floor seeping into her skin. She didn't know if she felt better or worse after seeing Henry.
She thumped her head back onto the door and listened to the silence once more.
Two days later and Regina was shaking. The magic in her system was backed up to the point of being painful now. She hadn't realized just how crucial all those little small spells had been to keeping her system in balance. She was not going to break her promise to Henry, though, no matter how painful it got. As purple sparks shot out of her fingertips involuntarily, she thought perhaps it was time to bring in outside help.
She bit her lip and thought of the people who could possibly help. It was a short list. The people who would actually want to help her was even shorter. In fact, it was only one name long. She grabbed her car keys and drove towards Dr. Hopper's office.
The bug opened the door after her knock. He smiled. "Regina, what brings you here?"
"I want to stop using magic, but it's getting painful. It's been two days." She held up her hands and showed him the sparks. "I promised Henry that I wouldn't even use simple light magic, but it's harder than I thought."
"Well, two days is a great start. Come in, come in."
Regina walked in and sat down slowly onto the couch. Dr. Hopper took a seat in a comfy looking arm chair and picked up a notepad. Regina twisted her hands and looked around the room, looked anywhere but the cricket.
"So, Regina, you said you wanted to quit magic for Henry, but what about you?"
Regina looked up. "What do you mean, Dr. Hopper?"
"Well, quitting magic is a lot harder than starting magic. You can want to change for others, and that's a great starting point sometimes, but it works better and the changes stick better if you are the one who wants to change just for yourself."
"I want my son back, doctor, and if this is what I have to do to get him back, then I will. You don't understand being a parent. Doing things for your children is more important than doing things for yourself."
Dr. Hopper wrote down a few things and looked back up at her. "So, if Henry wasn't asking you to stop using magic, you wouldn't stop."
"No," Regina said immediately. "I never want to use dark magic again, and I haven't since I cast the curse, but I would still use light magic. Magic has been an integral part of my life for years. It's been how I've gotten everything in life. I've seen the harm it does, quite obviously, but there's also good. And then there's just magic that ends up in the middle. Most of magic ends up there really, teleporting, conjuring food, and the like. Magic really isn't the problem, it's how it's used. Magic is an energy, a force, it's how people use it that turns it light or dark."
"I see, and you don't worry about slipping back into dark magic."
"I do, quite frankly all the time, but it's easier now that I have Henry to think of. But every hour I go without using magic the thought of turning back to dark magic increase. It seems the magic builds up in my system and wants a way out. Dark magic takes more energy than light magic. It would be a faster way for it escape my system."
"Have you explained any of this to Henry?"
"No, I've only really now put it together Dr. Hopper."
"Are you sure of your reasoning? Are you sure it isn't some way to try to convince yourself back into using? That the magical back up is just a symptom of withdrawal?"
Regina looked down at her hands again. "I don't know."
"Then I suggest you keep on abstaining from magic."
She sighed. "That was always the plan, doctor."
He smiled. "I'm glad to hear that."
Behind them the door burst open. Dr. Whale charged through and headed straight for Regina. The man stood heaving inches in front of the woman, still sitting on the couch.
"Dr. Whale this is highly inappropriate!" Dr. Hopper exclaimed.
"Send me back!" Whale shouted.
"Excuse me?" Regina asked, confused.
"Send me back, to my land, to my brother," he continued
"Why don't you check the missing board like everyone else?" A scowl graced her face. She wanted to throw him back out the door for speaking to her in such a way. She already had to deal with the pain of suppressed magic, why should she have to deal with this idiot?
"Your curse only brought the living," he snarled.
"Well then, I'm sorry for your loss," she sassed back. She turned to Dr. Hopper. "But I'm afraid I can't send anyone anywhere."
"Can't or won't?"
Regina clenched her fist, magic sparks increasing in amount and strength. What she wouldn't give to be able to magically pin him against the wall right now. It would be so easy, just a flick of her wrist.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. No. She had to keep her promise to Henry, idiot doctors or no.
"Dr. Whale, I insist, please, go!" Dr. Hopper shouted.
Dr. Whale stared at Dr. Hopper for a few seconds before turning on his heel and walking out the door, not bothering to shut it behind him.
Dr. Hopper got up and shut the door, turning to Regina. "Sorry." He came back and sat down in his chair. "What you said isn't entirely true is it?"
"I'm sorry?" The sparks were dying down now, but flared a little bit at his implications.
"About the curse only taking the living. The grave of your father's here."
"I don't care about Whale or his brother. I brought who I wanted." She was so close to snapping and doing something to the bug. She needed out of her as soon as possible.
"Anyone else?"
Regina just looked at him. Oh, there was another, but he didn't need to know about him. No one needed to know about Daniel. Her nails dug into her palm so hard she felt blood running down her fingers.
"If you want help you're going to have to trust me."
Regina stared at him. He didn't know what he was asking from her. "I'm going now, Dr. Hopper." She got up from the couch and walked towards the door.
"I take it that's a no for continued help."
She turned around and looked at him again for a long moment. "I'm not sure," she said finally before walking out.
She barely made it home. The spike with Whale had driven the pain up to new heights. She swallowed more than the recommended dose of Advil and hoped that this time it would at least take the edge off. She shucked off her clothes on the way up the stairs, not caring that she was making a mess. All she wanted to do was to get into bed and try to sleep through the pain. Maybe she would be better in the morning. Maybe Dr. Hopper was right and this was all just withdrawal symptoms. And withdrawal ended eventually she was sure. She hoped. It had to end. Right?
She fell into an exhausted sleep a few minutes later.
She awoke suddenly, hours later. Regina blinked rapidly to clear her eyes. What exactly had woken her? She tried to sit up but a bolt of excruciating pain shot through her. A whimper escaped her mouth. Oh god, it had only gotten worse.
Another knock sounded at the front door. That was what had woken her. Someone was at the door. There was no way that she was in any condition to answer it. Whoever it was would just have to wait until she was better.
The knocking kept up for another few minutes before she heard the sound of a key entering the lock. Oh no. They had found the extra key and here she was practically defenseless. She closed her eyes and let out a quiet sob. At least the pain would be over soon.
"Mom?" echoed through the house. "Are you home?"
Oh god no, anyone but Henry. She didn't want him to see her in this state. Regina shut her eyes tightly and tried to shove the pain to the back of her mind. She had to get up. She had to see her little boy.
She tried sitting up again but the pain shot through her again, more intense than before. A scream ripped from her throat. If this was what withdrawal was like it was a wonder that anyone ever got clean. Aftershocks ripped through her drawing whimpers from her throat.
"Mom?!" she heard Henry's feet pounding up the stairs.
It was inevitable now. Henry was going to see her like this. Her son was going to see her as this weak, pathetic creature who was a slave to her vice. She swallowed hard. She didn't know if she could take this.
The door to her room flew open and Henry barged inside. He ran to her bedside. As soon as he caught the first real glimpse of her he froze, face set in a look of panic and horror.
"Mom, are you alright?" He asked, grabbing her hand.
The magic sparks intensified, seeking a place of outlet in Henry.
"Henry, you have to let go of me," Regina ground out. Her hand felt like it was melting from the inside out.
Henry let go slowly. "Mom, what's wrong?"
"It seems it's a lot harder to quit magic than I thought." She smiled weakly. "But I'll get through it for you."
"Not using magic is doing this to you?"
She nodded, just barely moving her head.
"Do you need help?"
"I think I just need to rest and I'll be fine. The magic withdrawal should end sometime soon." Another spasm of pain shot through her. She managed not to scream again, but the groan she let out instead shook her whole body.
"You're not ok. I'm going to go get someone." Henry got up and ran for the door.
"No, Henry, don't I'll be fine I promise. No one will want to help me anyway." But the boy was already long gone.
Regina's head hit the pillow. Oh god, she was really in for it now. She wouldn't get lucky a second time. Whoever walked in that door next was going to kill her. And they were going to blame her death on her own magic. Regina wanted to scream out her frustration.
Instead she closed her eyes and fell back into an exhausted sleep.
