Note: This is my first story, and I really wanted to capture what Andy was thinking because this scene was just so good!

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue.

I stare at my keys.

He told me he would be there for me, and now, even though I couldn't
tell him in the locker room, I need him.

That's all it takes to convince me to pick up my keys, and as I start
to move towards the door I'm frightened by the absence of the wall that
has always surrounded my heart.

My feet seem to move by themselves, and as they begin to close the
distance to his front door, my heart begins to match their pace.

Not once have I thought of the consequences of what I'm about to do,
but after my knuckles somehow find their way to the door, I'm aware of a little voice telling me that no matter how I feel, this is so wrong.

Then he opens the door.

All I see is him, and my heart beats so fast I'm surprised it's still
beating at all. I can't think, let alone speak, so I'll let him go
first. I trust him to say what I need to hear.

He stares at me; bearing a small resemblance to the way, just minutes
ago I had been staring at my keys.

"Hey"

With that one simple word, I remember every single reason why I shouldn't be here, starting with losing my job and ending with a broken heart.
These should scare me, should make me turn around and run, like they
always have before.

But this is him.

"You alone?"

I have no idea why I'm asking, because I know he is. I can tell by the
way he looked at me when he opened the door.
He looks back into the hallway, and I watch him try to regain some of
the composure I stole from him when I arrived breathless on his
doorstep. He turns back.

"Ya, you wanna talk?"

Always the gentleman, he's given me a way out. Just a few weeks and he
already knows my better than most. He knows what I want and he's giving
me a way to save myself.

Unfortunately, I am way past saving.

"No"

With that I push myself against him, and then both of us into the
wall. I feel him hesitate briefly, and I am comforted by the fact
that once of us is still thinking straight; but then I press my lips
to his, and just like that I've pulled him onto the hole I've created
for myself, the hole that I came here to be pulled out of.

I really do know this is wrong, but when he lifts me up
onto his hips, I've never felt anything so right. I feel the smile
tugging at my lips, and I kiss him again, relishing the way it feels to have his arms around me. He lays me down on the bed and my mind is empty of anything but him, and the way my skin tingles where he's touched me.

Then the lights come back on.

At first, I want nothing more than for him to keep kissing me, to keep holding me; but as he brushes his nose against mine
in a gesture that is so tender my heart nearly bursts, the reality of what we were about to do comes crashing down on me.

"The powers back on" he says.

I know I have to say something, but my brain will not allow my lips to
say the words I want to so badly, so I settle for something else.

"I guess that means everything goes back to normal" I say, trying
hard not to think about the three words forming behind my lips.

"I'll just go turn some things off" he says softly, and then
disappears in to the adjacent rooms.

When he's gone, I find it a little harder to breath, and that scares
me more than any nightmare I came here to escape.
I lie still for a moment and try to breathe, to convince myself of
something, anything that will justify the way I'm feeling.

I feel a vibration in my pocket and even before I begin to reach for
the phone I know who it is. I ignore it, and suddenly feel guilty for
the guilt that I should be, but am not feeling.

The same way I had reached for my keys, I reach for my shirt, and I
put myself back into autopilot to stop the emotions that are running
wildly through my head.

I look up and he's in the doorway, and the look in his eyes makes me realize that maybe I didn't just break my own heart.

"Ya, I guess that means everything goes back to normal"

I can tell from his tone that he's trying to tell me it's okay, but I
know it's not. I came here tonight with the intention of healing
myself, and I can see how much I hurt him in the process.

He turns to leave and even though I know he won't hear me, I whisper
the words behind my lips. The words I will deny ever feeling when I
come back to my senses.

"I love you"

With that I close myself off, and I get up off the bed. I fight myself
every step to the door, and a few steps later, I am emotionally
exhausted and I want nothing more than to run back into his arms.

I don't though, and only after I've quietly shut the door do I notice
the tears running down my face. I don't wipe them away because I know
more will follow.

My feet are once again, not under my control, and thankfully they take
me away from his doorstep. I have no idea where I'm going, but I'm
running now.

Away from his house, away from my feelings, away from the way he
looked at me.

And maybe, if I'm fast enough, I'll outrun my shattering heart.