Draco Malfoy and the Strangest Day

My name is Draco Malfoy.

It is a nice name.

I like it because it goes up and down and is fun on your tongue. See!

I am almost five, practically, just 127 days more of being stupid little four.

I live in the big white house in Drier Carp.

But don't let that name fool you; it rains just as much as there it does in SoakingWetLand!

I like my house in Drier Carp, except it is very serene.

'Serene' means very humdrum.

And 'humdrum' means that I have to be calm and quiet and stay up in my room until all the guests leave, and no but's young man!

And also, I have the very strict bedtime of six o'clock, and no, it never changes, young man!

'Strict' means father has stuck his nose in something and that makes it no fun at all, practically. I don't think that father likes it when people have fun, not even himself, because he's always wearing this crabby face.

When father wears crabby face, that most probably means that it is time to go to bed.

I do not like going to bed, but I do being asleep. But when I go to sleep, and cannot get up!

Not even when I get poked.

It is a Catching 22.

'Cept, I wake up when someone pours a cup of water on my head.

That's never happened though, 'cept once.

Only, guess what! That reminds me about the strangest day!

A while ago, I woke up and made a discovery! I was sleeping on something, and it was named very hard ground! It was really unusual, because all I remembered was falling asleep on a soft bed.

And also, I was wearing nothing small enough for me, just almost-adult clothes! That were very big and floppy and weird.

And also, there was a really big lump laying next to me.

And that lump was named, somebody sleeping!

He had messy black hair. And that's all.

I was super-quiet and looked around, because lumps and hard ground is not all that fun to look at, actually.

So I peeked everywhere, and saw a ka-jillion trees and grass and it was very cold well.

And then I also saw some clues. And they were named, rocks in a circle, and also, some burned things inside of that. So I guess I was too late for the fire!

And then I was confused, because this is a strange situation to wake up in, that's why!

But then I realized something!

And it was called I was in the forest! With a fire!

So I was camping!

I started to be loud happy and excited, but then remembered the lump that was sleeping, so I kept it all trapped in happy and excited, which is a lot more tiring, I'll tell you.

But I don't know why I was happy, because I went camping before, and it was not enjoyable much. Cause it was stinky and the food was cold and bad (and mother got really sick in the trees) and I got lost five times.

That's right! Every single one of your fingers.

Even the thumb.

Anyway, on this strangest day, I wriggled my hands out of my floppy big-kid shirt and started to stand up, because sitting and looking is not actually all that fun either.

Just then, that lump started moving. And also, making noises that sounded like "Ugh."

He made a lot more "ugh-ing" sounds, and then that guy finally rolled over.

And then he opened his eyes.

He looked at me, and his eyes were all blurried and sleepy. And I looked at him. And he blinked.

And I think he was very flabbergasted.

He reached away from me and put on a pair of very clunky and black glasses on his face. They looked kind of silly, I thought, but I didn't say anything about that.

And so I couldn't think of anything to say.

And then, he blinked again.

And it was awkward.

'Awkward' means that no one knows what to say because I've just said something very strange. Mother has explained this to me lots of times. More then necessary, I think.

I figured that we could get to know each other, so that I could know where I was, and also, who he was. And also, why I was there.

I remembered to be nice and polite, so I asked, "Who are you?" I was full of courteous.

'Courteous' means letting that stupid Pansy have the last piece of biscuit.

"I'm Harry." New Harry said this very nervous. So I thought I should be very nervous, too!

"I'm Draco." I said very depressing, because when you're nervous you're depressing, of course! "Where are we? Are we camping? 'Cause I went camping and it was not all that fun, I tell you, so we should stop right now. If we're camping. Are we camping?"

Then a very silly thing happened, because New Harry's mouth started moving and no sound came out! I almost laughed, but then remembered it was all very nervous.

I guess he finally got his voice to work, because then he said, "We got lost."

I put my hands on my hips, and I was quite disappointed in myself. "Again? That's six times! I need to carry around a map, I think."

"Yeah, that would probably help." New Harry said. "Draco, how old are you?"

"Almost five!" I said happy, because I like telling people that. Because then people say, 'Why you're getting bigger all the time!' But New Harry didn't say that. And I also showed him my hand so he could see how many fingers that was. And then I put my hand back in my lap. And then the sleeve fell over it. "How old are you?"

His eyebrows moved higher on his head. "I'm 16. And so are you, or you were; what happened?"

"I think you are a tad mixed up. Because that's, like, a ka-jillion birthdays that I would've missed!" I said, "Maybe you know another Draco! I'm Draco Malfoy."

But that guy wasn't listening! "It must've been those mushrooms." I think he was burbling.

"Mushrooms? Did you have mushrooms? Are they still here? Can I have some?"

"No! No, we have to get back to Hogwarts!" New Harry said, very jumpy, lifting right to his feet.

"I KNOW THAT PLACE!" I said, very excited. I wanted to stand up too. But I didn't. Because then I'd be naked. "That's where father works! And also, where Mr. Severus and also, where lots of Mudbloods like to be! Why are we going to there? Do you go there? What did they have for lunch? We had a spaghetti. But I'm not sure if was really that stuff. I ate it anyway, though."

New Harry did not look jumpy anymore, he looked huffy instead. So I frowned. Because that's what you do when someone's huffy at you of course!

"You do know that you're not supposed to say that, right?" He asked. He was still huffy.

"Say what?" I asked, very curious.

"Mudblood. It's rude."

I looked at him very suspicious. "Are you a Mudblood?"

"Stop saying that!"

I don't think I like this New Harry all that much, actually.

"Okay." I rolled my eyes, then pushed my voice down super quiet. "Are you a Mudblood?"

"You still said it! You just said it quieter!"

"This conversation is leading to a brick wall, I think." I said full of reasonable.

He shook his head, and grabbed my arm very tight. And that was kind of uncalled for, I'd say. "We need to get to Hogwarts."

"No," I said.

"Come on!" He tugged on my arm, but I was staying very stiff, and so he couldn't move me at all.

"No!"

"What? You want to stay like this?" New Harry looked ruffled and huffy I'd say.

"No! I want some pants!" And then I pulled my arm back, thank you very much.

And then he made that same "Ugh" sound from when he was waking up. And then guess what? He pulled something very good out of his pocket! And it was named his wand!

And I got excited.

Because magic is just about the coolest thing in the world, that's why!

"ARE YOU GOING TO CAST A SPELL? CAUSE THAT'D BE REALLY GOOD! AND I WOULD BE VERY QUIET AND NOT INTERRUPT!" I said, full of excitement, "IS IT GOING TO BE A POWERFUL SPELL? I KNOW TO BE QUIET DURING A POWERFUL SPELL! AND ALSO, I –CAN- BE QUIET DURING A POWERFUL SPELL!"

And then New Harry stared at me like he did when he first woke up.

"Right. Um, this will just shrink your clothes. Hold still."

So guess what?

I held perfectly still like a statue, that's what!

And I thought that I was going to pay really close attention to the spell, but then I was thinking about that so hard, I missed the spell.

And New Harry wouldn't repeat it. Not even when I asked him very sweetly.

And so we walked. And there was lots of things. And they were called, trees and animals and flowers and paths and things that stinky Harry wouldn't tell me the names to.

I don't think I like stinky New Harry.

Not one stinky bit.

And this strange new day was not fun. And I wished right then that I had woken up in my nice safe bed and not this stupid, stinky camping trip.

As soon as I had my clothes back to a me-shape, stinky Harry dragged me through the forest and was muttering things to me the whole time.

Except it was too mean and quiet for me to hear, so I'm not sure who that guy was talking to!

Except I just remembered something!

You don't even know about that Hogwarts!

So, I will tell you about Hogwarts.

Hogwarts is the biggest and bestest and most wonderfulest place in the entire wide world. Father works there and likes talking about the Slytherins and the Mr. Severus. And also, their wonderful fluffery settees.

I had never been inside Hogwarts, precisely, but boy has he babbled about it!

Stinky Harry wasn't all that excited with it, though.

I could tell because he just kept making that "ugh" noise when I pointed things out. Like, the biggest lawn in the world. Even bigger then the lawn at Drier Carp.

And when I showed him the biggest door in the world.

He laughed a bit when I pointed out the biggest man in the world.

But I didn't want to meet that man.

He would try and eat me.

Because that's what the biggest people in the whole world do, of course!

Stinky Harry stomped through the grass holding my hand angry, and I started tripping on my feet because he was going way too quick-speedy!

I told him to slow it down, just a teeny bit, and he wouldn't.

So now I really and truly don't like that stinky old Harry.

We walked in the biggest doors in the world, and he dragged me past the stone walls and the red rug, and really super tall stairways, and a late 1500's painting by Miliano De'Vinatee.

Lots of almost adults, practically, watched stinky Harry and me, but no one came up and introduced themselves properly. Which was kind of rude, I think.

Stinky Harry lead me up the stairs, and we kept going and going until we finally stopped in front of a very big picture that was stuck on the wall.

It was of a large lady in a long, pink dress.

And I have to say that I was quite flabbergasted.

"You wait here." Stinky Harry said, very crabby, and he finally let go of my poor old arm, who did nothing to stinky Harry.

"All alone?" I asked, because that is something that I actually do not enjoy being.

"I don't trust you in there, in any form,"

And so, guess what?

I don't think stinky Harry likes me, either.

And then he whispered something to the picture, and it popped right open. And then he went inside.

And I waited outside.

And, for the third time that day I had to wonder what the heck was going on.

I waited for along time.

And my feet started to get itchy. And then my arms started to feel heavy. And then, I got ants in my pants.

And that's how come I decided waiting up there was boring.

And that is also how come I left that stupid little hallway and went exploring.

I walked quietly for a long time. Forever, practically.

And then something stopped me. And its name was Mr. Severus!

"HURRAY!" I was very happy. "HELLO MR. SEVERUS! IT'S ME!"

I rushed over very speedy-quick. And I looked up at that tall man. But then Mr. Severus reminded me of stinky Harry, because he looked flabbergasted. I lifted my arms at that guy, but guess what? He didn't even pick me up!

And so, I thought I should remind that guy who I was!

"Hello! It's me! Draco Malfoy!" I said, very loud so he would not miss-hear me.

"Draco?" Mr. Severus repeated, very astounded. "What happened?"

"Um, I'm not quite sure what you mean, but I think I'm on a camping trip." I said. "Except I don't want to go back in the forest! I didn't like stinky Harry not one little bit! So can I just stay here?"

Mr. Severus didn't say anything for a very long time.

I thought he might have fallen asleep. So I grabbed the bottom of his cloak. And I tugged it a lot.

"Mr. Severus?"

"Come with me." He said, full of stiffy formal. Don't be worried, though. That is what Mr. Severus is like all the time, practically.

I followed very happy, because now I was away from stinky Harry!

Which is hurray, of course!

a.n: rollin, rollin, rollin …