I had been to this store all the time, just popping in for a soda or a pack of gum or some crap like that. That Rite-Aid was my go-to place when I needed something to wake me up because I'd spent the whole night up with Antonio and Francis. We can't have the awesome me sleeping in class, now can we? Liz would kick my ass for sure.
So why the hell did that sign in aisle three seem so fucking scary? Feminine Products, it read. I had always just passed that in search of some chips or a Coke. Now Liz had made me go and get her a box of… I checked the note she had written for me in case I forgot. Tampons.
What those were, I had no fucking clue. All I knew was Liz was going to use them for something that made her hit me with her frying pan even more than usual. She had explained the basics of a… "period" for me, and I was still trying to recover from the mental scarring.
Okay, I thought, forcing my legs to move forward. This is no big deal. It's no problem for the awesome me! I scanned the shelves, trying to make sense of what I saw. Slim, Regular, Extra Large, Super-Absorbent. What the hell were these for? What the hell were "pads"? I checked Liz's messy handwriting so I could get what she needed and leave. Tampax Pearl, slender regular, anti-slip grip.
Mein Gott, this was weird. I grabbed the pink box (that was probably the only pink thing Elizaveta would voluntarily own) and was just about to make a mad dash for the register when I heard an all-too familiar laugh.
"Ohonhonhon!"
Scheiße.
I dove behind a magazine display, clutching the box to my chest. Francis was here, so Antonio had to be, too. If they found me, those two would never let me hear the end of it. I snuck a glance at the next aisle over, spotting the Frenchie flipping through a magazine of girls in bikinis. Hm, I would have to take a look at that later.
"So, where iz Gilbert? We 'aven't seen 'im all day!" Francis exclaimed.
"No sé, mi amigo. Let's call him." I saw Antonio pull out his phone, and I yanked my own out of my jeans, trying to make as little noise as possible. I dropped it, and had to slide across the floor like a boss, praying that they wouldn't see me. Then I remembered that Antonio had me on speed dial.
Just s I picked up my cell phone, my ringtone, "Mein Gott," was broadcasted for them to hear, giving away my hiding place.
For the first time in my life, I cursed my sexy singing voice. I stepped out from behind the display, knowing I was blown, and answered, cutting my awesome song off.
"GILBERT! You get your Prussian ass over here with those tampons right now or else I'm frying Gilbird for lunch!"
Completely ignoring Antonio and Francis' hysterical laughter, I bolted though the aisle, threw my money at the register, and ran all the way to the house of my crazy, perverted, Hungarian girlfriend Elizaveta Héderváry.
…
Scheiße – Shit
No sé, mi amigo – I don't know, my friend.
Author's Note: I just had to do this, because I love PruHun and also because it would be totally awkward for Prussia because he's grown up surrounded by guys all his life. Don't worry Prussia, I was confused too, and I'm a girl!
Ohonhon, Prussia, you spent all night up with Spain and France? *smacks self for pervertedness*
