Chapter One


= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. You feel the wind tug and pull at the skin on your face and you resist the urge to squeeze your eyes shut behind your glasses. In the future you would come to appreciate the wind and its invisible power, but for the time being, it's really a little more than irritating

Maybe you're being a little too harsh on the elements. Maybe the real reason for your subtle aggravation is really your situation as a whole. You are currently perched precariously on the back of a rocket car built for one, clinging somewhat desperately to the back of an alien chick's t-shirt.

Yes, that's right: rocket cars and alien chicks. This is your life now.

It's hard to imagine that all of this started scant hours ago when you decided to play a video game with your best friends. Heck, you don't know what is more disturbing in your opinion: the fact that all of this is happening or that you're oddly accepting of it all.

You guess it's a testament to your upbringing that you don't curl up in a ball somewhere and cry until you wake up to hopefully find that everything has been some crazy, trauma-induced fever dream.

Rose would sure get a kick out of that. You think.

Instantly a tiny voice, which sounds remarkably like your friend, starts to chatter rapidly in your ear.

"Trauma-induced fever dream? Really, John? Are you insinuating that there might be hidden fragments of memory being repressed by your subconscious, incubating in the recesses of your brain and eventually giving birth to vivid hallucinations? You should tell me more about this dream you're having. It's possible I could help you to unlock the inner workings of your mind and bring to light any hidden 'trauma'. There's a book in my possession which could have some notes pertaining to the subject of blah blah blah…"

Goodness, even imaginary Rose is jumping at the chance to peel apart your mind like a fresh orange and tear into the juicy fruit that is your inner thoughts. Dave would have been proud of that metaphor. With a little more irony you might even give him a run for his money one of these days. You doubt it though. Dave is simply the best there is and that's all there really is to say on the matter

You're getting sidetracked. The alien chick is shouting something to you over her shoulder, but you're having trouble hearing over the wind. You open your mouth to ask her to repeat herself, but suddenly there is a loud whooshing noise, an explosion, and then you are falling.

If your eyes weren't frozen wide open, you would have shut them now with no complaints. However, as mentioned prior, your eyes are indeed open wide. You see a flash of blue, then black, then blue again, and then with a hard slap, you are engulfed in a sea of black.

For a moment you think that you've gone blind, until you realize that you've literally been "engulfed in a sea of black". Bitter oil floods into your open mouth and you choke, clawing your way to the surface. Your head explodes back into open air and you wash down the oil with greedy gulps of air.

The alien chick is nowhere to be seen, but there's no time to worry about that now. A glance skywards shows you that the remains of your rocket car is twirling down towards you in a ball of yellow flame. You have enough brain processing power to realize that floating in a lake of oil is not a good place to be with a fireball quickly closing in.

Twisting quickly, you spot the closest spot of dry land and furiously begin flailing your way towards it. The oil is thick like syrup and you find that it is much harder to swim in than water; paired with your panicked, nonsensical thrashing it's nearly impossible.

Your father had given you swimming lessons once. You remember him taking you down to the neighborhood pool and trying to coax you into the deep end. To a small child the idea was mind numbing. The bottom of the pool seemed indefinitely far. You would surely die if you set so much as one foot into the water.

Even though that was years ago, you still remember being scared and wanting to give up. You remember crying and your father finally giving a single nod before taking you home.

You regret not trying harder then. If you had learned to swim you wouldn't be in such mortal peril right now. The thoughts of your dad aren't helping either. You wonder when you will see him again.

You're almost resigned to being burned alive in your own pitch black, soup-o-death, when suddenly a rough hand grabs the collar of your shirt and hauls you forward.

"Stop thrashing around like a blind wriggler, jackass." A harsh voice hisses in your ear. "You're making this much harder than it has to be."

You go limp and allow yourself to be flung unceremoniously onto the bank. You don't need to look up to see who your rescuer is. You already know it's your female non-terrestrial companion.

A loud crash signifies that the ruined rocket car has hit the oil and a wave of heat washes over you. You crawl a few feet further away from the shore so you stay thoroughly un-singed, and collapse in a heap. The Land of Wind and Shade wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't mostly composed of a highly flammable liquid.

You're more than prepared to just rest for a while, but the rough hands are on you again, dragging you to your feet.

"Come on, we can't stay here."

You groan and stagger upright, fully regarding your travel partner. She's nice enough, you suppose, although a little on the bossy side. Her skin is a dull grey, and two candy-corn horns protrude from her tangled mass of long, dark hair. One of the horns is shaped like some kind of stinger, while the other one resembles a can opener. Both look dangerously sharp. Her eyes are both yellow with blue irises, which is already weird by human standards, but with the added plus of the left one having a total of seven pupils. It's gross, in a cool sort of way.

"Are you done gawking at me yet?" Vriska Serket snarls and grabs you by the elbow none too gently. "I told you that we need to go."

"What was that?" You splutter as you stubble after her. "Why did we crash?"

"We're being attacked, some of Jack's cronies no doubt. We can't be caught out in the open like this. We need shelter."

She's talking fast, like she's speaking whatever comes to her mind. It takes a moment for you to realize that she is nervous. That, more than anything else, terrifies you. In the short time you've known Vriska you've never known her to be anything short of fearless, almost to the point of indifference to all the danger around her. You know things are serious when Vriska is taking it seriously.

As you dash across the open ground you throw a glance over your shoulder. The lake that the both of you landed in is an undulating wall of flames, reaching up with its smoky hand to touch the sky. You're glad it's a lake, if the ocean was set alight the whole world would burn. You have no idea what you would do if that happened.

"Probably roll over and stick your paws in the air like an adorable puppy, but instead of being rewarded with a loving belly rub, you're being fried like meat patty on a grill in the middle of blah blah blah…."

Turns out imaginary Dave isn't much better at being actual Dave, and then imaginary Rose is at being actual Rose. Not for the first time in a while, you wish that your friends were here. They would know what to do.

Vriska is pulling you towards the salamander village and you consider protesting. You have nothing against the villagers; it's just that if you are indeed in danger, it doesn't seem fair to drag the peaceful LOWAS inhabitants into the strife. You're about to recommend going elsewhere when something whizzes by your ear.

You turn and find three black imps advancing towards you. They're brandishing rifles and yelling at you with low, gravely voices.

"Stop in the name of the law!" Roared one imp, apparently the leader.

The hands are on you again and this time Vriska is shoving you to the ground, out of harm's way.

"Whose law should we be stopping for?" Vriska snaps as she puts herself in front of you. "You filthy bulge suckers!"

A few emotions flit through your brain: frustration that Vriska thinks you need to be protected, anger that these imps are shooting at you, and finally a third feeling that is hard to place. It's strong though and as you look up at Vriska standing before you, it fills your chest with warmth. Before you know what's happening, you're back on your feet.

You don't know if Vriska said "bulge suckers" as an insult or if that was actually what these imps were called, and frankly you don't care at the moment. Right now, they were just another obstacle in a long list of obstacles and you aren't about to let Vriska face them alone.

"Jack Noir," The first imp snarls. "We have been ordered to capture all humans."

Capture all humans? You repeat thoughtfully. Jack Noir?

It seems that the more things you find out, the less you understand. Karkat had told you in a previous conversation that Jack Noir had been their friend during their session. Why would Jack start working against them all the sudden?

You resolve to find answers to your questions soon enough. If the humans are being rounded up, then your friends are in danger and you have to warn them.

"Well you can tell Jack Noir to suck it!" Vriska suddenly lunges forward, her eight dice spinning from her fingertips towards the imps.

Your hammer is now in your hand, there is a flash of light, and then all of the imps are dead.

"What?" Is the first thing that comes that comes to mind, and also from your mouth.

"Oh sorry." Vriska chuckles. She's stepping over the dead imps and reclaiming her dice. "Were you looking to get in on the action?"

You put your hammer away somewhat sheepishly. You have to give Vriska some credit; she's truly a badass fighter/adventurer/everything.

A low moan draws your attention to one of the imps. One is still alive, albeit with a gaping hole where his stomach used to be.

"W- Water." The imp croaks feebly.

It's a weird request. In his position, you probably would have asked for a new stomach.

"I'm sorry, we don't have any…" The words die in your throat when the imp's head explodes.

You wipe off your glasses and look up to see Vriska smirking. Your chest fills once again with warmth. A different kind of warmth that is much easier to identify.

"What did you do that for?" You snap, surprising yourself just as much as her with the outburst.

"Uh…" Vriska pretends to contemplate, tapping a long nail against her chin. "Maybe because they tried to kidnap you?"

"He was hurt! He wasn't a threat anymore." You don't know why this is so important to you all of the sudden. You've killed dozens of imps in the past. But then again, you've never heard one speak before. Somehow that made them more human. It made everything more real. "What's wrong with you?" You demand.

"That's a good question, but one that would take simply too long to answer." She turns on her heel and strides away from you. She doesn't look back to see if you'll follow her. She already knows that you will.

You take one last look at the imp, frowning, and then jump up and race after Vriska.

"I'm sorry," You mumble at the back of her head. "It's just… maybe you didn't have to do that?"

"Do what?" She doesn't turn around.

"Kill him."

She simply shrugs and continues walking. You're about an inch taller than her, but for some reason you have to trot to keep up with her stride. You stare at the back of her head, trying to see through the unruly hair and into her head. It's impossible though, you were never good at reading people. That was Rose's thing.

Rose.

You suddenly remember that you should contact your friends and tell them about the imps.

Your hand goes to your glasses and you tap a finger against the thick frame. A streak of violet flashes across your lenses and then Rose is speaking in your ear.

"John?" She answers.

"Hey Rose, where are you?" There's no point in wasting time on pleasantries. People are in danger.

"Still on LOLAR- where you left me when you went flying off with your new troll friend on a dangerous, and if I may say, fool-hardy mission."

You can hear the venom in her voice. She's mad that she got left behind.

"I'm sorry I cheezed it Rose, but Vriska says that the only way to finish this game is to beat Jack Noir and the faster we do that the better."

"But just the two of you? John, you may think that Vriska is powerful, but from what I've heard from the other trolls Jack Noir is almost unstoppable. You should wait until we can organize a more effective attack strategy."

Even though you're already struggling to keep up with Vriska, all the while trying not step in anymore oil puddles, you take a moment to squeeze the bridge of your nose between your thumb and index finger.

Rose isn't telling you anything you don't already know. You've repeatedly tried to convince Vriska to call off this assault, but she never listens. The alien warrior seems hell-bent on taking you to attack Jack Noir head on, regardless of whether or not you feel equipped enough to fight him.

"I knoooooww." You groan. "But Vriska won't listen. Look, this isn't the reason I called anyway. There's something you need to know."

You quickly inform Rose about crashing the rocket car and the subsequent attack/kidnapping attempt by the imps.

"Hmm, it seems that Jack's strategy to win this convoluted game of chess is to remove all of the pieces."

"But why not just kill us though? Why does he want us alive?"

"Your guess is about as good as mine. I will try to consult with the other trolls and procure an answer though."

"Okay, sounds good. In the meantime, stay hidden and be on the lookout for any imps, okay?"

"Understood, fearless leader."

"Rose, ugh. I'm not your leader, I'm your friend. There's a big difference."

You hear a slight giggle almost intelligible. If you hadn't been paying attention, it's likely you wouldn't have heard it.

"Statements such as that further qualify you as the leader."

You can hear her little smirk through the airwaves.

"Whatever. Listen, I got to go Rose. Promise me that you'll stay safe."

"I'll promise, on the condition that you agree to keep yourself out of harm's way as well. Rushing head-long into a battle is out of character for you, John. It's my opinion that Vriska is a bad influence on you. Just… don't let her bring you down."

Something about Rose's tone gets to you. It's not her usual sarcasm or cynical stoicism. You think she might be… concerned?

You don't know why you're so surprised by this. She is your friend after all. Maybe it's just nice to know that you're not the only one concerned with the safety of your friends?

Maybe it's nice to know that she's worried about you too.

"Uh, Thanks Rose. I guess."

"Consider it no trouble." There is a pregnant pause. "Shall I inform the rest of our party to be on the lookout?"

"That would actually be awesome." You look ahead at Vriska, who is still striding along confidently. As much as you would like to talk to Dave and Jade, you have other pressing matters. "I have other pressing matters," You tell Rose. "If you could please just make sure everyone gets the message."

"Understood, over and out."

The streak of violet flashes across your vision again and for a second you mourn its passing. For some unknown reason, you're smiling.

"Who was that? Was it little miss perfect?"

Vriska's voice wipes the stupid grin from your face and deflates your good mood. She's looking over her shoulder now, her brow knit, and her lip raised in a snarl. She looks pissed.

"Um… yes?" You're unsure what got her feathers all ruffled, causing your affirmation to come out more like a question.

"Oh, well what did she have to say about it?"

"Say about what?"

"About me killing that imp? Did she agree that I should be condemned to a life of remorse? Did she suggest that you put me in time out?"

"What are you talking about?" You're honestly confused. You had honestly forgotten about Vriska's violent act whilst conversing with Rose. In fact, you were prepared to drop the subject all together, considering Vriska's apparent lack of concern.

"I bet you both had a nice long talk about how evil I was, huh?" Vriska has come to a stop outside one of the salamander's homes and is now glaring at you with a fierce intensity. She continues to talk in a high pitched voice, most likely a poor imitation of Rose. "Oh, mean old Vriska killed an imp, we should throw her in prison for the rest of her miserable life like the bluh bluh huge bitch she is!"

You are completely stunned. Where the hell had this come from?

"For your information, I didn't even tell her what you did back there. I understand that you don't really want anyone else to know about it."

"Pshhhhh." Vriska's lips flap with a heavy expulsion of air. "You think I give a shit whether or not people know I killed an imp? Everyone already knows I'm a ruthless bitch. You piss your little pants if you knew how many imps and trolls I've killed."

"You've killed trolls?"

It's very quiet now. There are no salamanders milling around the village, all doors and windows are shut, and it's just the two of you standing alone outside the house.

So Vriska's killed her fellow trolls. That's news to you. The murder of the imp was shocking, sure, but you could accept the fact that they were the enemy. Trolls though… trolls were like Karkat or Kanaya or Vriska. They were sort of your friends and the thought of any of them dying made your stomach churn, even Terezi who you probably like the least on account of her getting you killed earlier. It's a long story.

"Uh… who, um, who were they?" You resist the urge to look at your shoes. "The trolls, I mean, the ones you killed."

"No one you know." Vriska crosses her arms and steps over to the salamander home to lean against the wall. "This was before the game, back when there were a lot more of us."

You shove your hands in the pockets of your jeans and kick the ground idly. You guess the mission to kill Jack Noir isn't all that urgent if Vriska isn't opposed to just talking for a while. You have no objections. It seems important to Vriska that she talk about this. You doubt she has done so before.

"Why did you kill trolls?" You pretend to be uninterested, all the while thinking of what she might answer. "Because it was fun, because I was bored, because of reasons…"

"I had to feed my lusus." Is what she says instead.

"Your luscious?"

"No jackass, my lusus. The closest thing I can compare it to would probably be your adult male guardian."

"My dad? So your lusus is like your parent?"

"If that makes it easier to understand, sure, why not?" You watch Vriska pick at a loose string on her t-shirt and you realize that she is nervous again. "She was basically a huge spider that lived under my house. When I would go out FLARPing sometimes I would bring back prisoners and feed them to her. It was the only way to keep her happy."

You take a second to process information. Vriska wasn't so much a killer, you realize, but a servant to her "spider-mom" or whatever. You pick your next question carefully.

"Do you feel bad about it? Feeding the trolls to your loosish or whatever."

"Lusus, and… I don't know. Does it matter?"

You shrug, honestly you don't know if it matters or not. Troll culture is still a foreign concept to you, but from what you've learned so far Vriska wasn't doing anything wrong. In fact, by eliminating weaker trolls, she might have even been seen as some kind of paragon of virtue.

Like Batman, or Nic Cage in Con Air.

God, that movie is so sweet.

It takes a moment for you to realize that Vriska has started talking again.

"I mean, it was fun catching them and stuff, but afterwards… they all used to scream, you know? Like… I don't know, none of them just accepted it. No matter what they said or how loud they were, I just- Jegus why am I even telling you this…"

Vriska stiffens when you put your arms around her. You half expect her to break your nose, but she doesn't. It's kind of like hugging a piece of wood, a fence post or something equally awkward.

You've never really comforted anyone before. Sometimes Dave would pester you after a hard fight with his Bro, another loss, and you would tell him to just try and do his best next time. Sometimes you would stay up late, chatting with Rose and just listening as she described all the passive aggressive ploys her intoxicated mother pulled on her. And sometimes Jade would complain about how her grandpa never took her on his grand adventures.

But you've never comforted anyone before. You've never held someone in your metaphorical hands, wielding the power to piece them back together or to leave them unfinished, broken like one of Dave's shitty swords.

You don't really have a plan, you never do. You just start talking.

"It's okay to feel bad about what you did." Somehow she gets more rigid. "It doesn't mean that your weak or stupid, or whatever. Sometimes being strong isn't about how nonchalant you can be, it's about… accepting things and then… moving on. I don't think you're a huge bitch, Vriska. I think you feel kind of bad about yourself, and that's a good thing, I think. It means you're not evil… I think you're nice."

You finish awkwardly and step back from her even more awkwardly. You don't expect to have made much of an impact. As stated prior, you're flying blind here. Therefore, you're surprised to see that Vriska is crying.

"Oh- oh geez… Vriska, I'm sorry. Just…"

"You think I'm nice?" She wipes blue tears away from her eyes and gazes at you with an open uncertainty, as if you hold to power to make or break her in this single moment.

"Of course." You answer automatically. "You're cool."

You're surprised when she starts laughing. Her hands come to her mouth, ineffectively holding in a high pitched, shrieking cackle.

Your shoulders sag. For a second there you almost thought you had made some psychological breakthrough of such proportions that even Rose would have allowed you praise. Oh well, at least you tried.

"Oh damn," Vriska comes back to earth. "You are so bad at this."

"At what?" Your mind is now elsewhere.

"At this." She motions between the two of you with your hands quickly.

You are confused.

"I'm confused." You say. "What's 'this'?"

Vriska heaves a great sigh, as if she's trying to explain something impossibly simple to someone impossibly stupid.

You let out a very unmanly screech when she lunges forward and grabs two great fistfuls of your shirt.

"This." She hisses and then smashes her lips against yours.

You're taken aback at first. Your eyes are open wide and your arms flail about feebly as if you're drowning once more, but instead of in a lake of oil, you are submerged in a frenzy of black hair, grey skin, and soft lips.

Her nails are still buried in your shirt and she is dragging your forwards, towards the salamander's house. She steps easily over the porch step, even though she is walking backwards. You stumble slightly over the step and Dave is suddenly in your head again.

"I warned you about those stairs, bro. I told you, dog."

You make the mistake of opening your mouth to laugh. Vriska takes this an invitation to slither her tongue in between your teeth and proceeds to beat your own tongue into submission.

You don't really know what to do. You doubt you could fight her off and you're not really sure that you want to. You glimpse the inside of the salamander home, a closet doors, a hall leading to a kitchen, a frightened group of salamanders sitting around a table, and then finally you're being shoved onto a couch.

It's smaller than your average sofa and made of some spongy material probably native to LOWAS. You resolve to investigate the furniture later when you aren't being mauled.

Vriska pins you beneath her and straddles your waist. She starts tearing at the buttons of your shirt.

"Uh, Vriska." You swallow and put your hands gingerly on her shoulders. "I don't think we should do this."

"Oh yeah?" She succeeds on unfastening the buttons and starts raking her sharp nails down your chest, leaving long red lines.

You shiver and press on, ever the gentleman.

"Well I mean…" You swallow again. Why is there so much spit in your mouth? "I don't think things would work out between us. Like, shouldn't we get to know each other first?"

"John, John, John…" She grabs the hem of her shirt and pulls it up over her head. You whimper quietly. "You're cute and all, but I wasn't thinking of anything quite so… permanent."

She descends upon you and your mind goes completely blank.


This is just something I wrote randomly. It does not fit into the Homestuck story-line or anything. It's just for fun.
If you have an opinion please share it :D comments and criticism are welcome. I may or may not continue this.

Thanks for reading.

- Mike