You Fail at Life.

After17

Summary: AU. (Oneshot) Various cannon pairings. Your text made me snigger in class, while I was looking at my crotch. FML.

Humorous fic.

Fore note: Text fics… sigh. So addictive to write, man, I swear. Trying a cleaner lay out this time though. Randomness is ensured.

Also, I freaking love the summary. I laugh when ever I read it. YOU SHOULD TOO! (Imagine it! IMAGINE IT! NOW SNIGGER! BAHAHAHA!)

Funny fact: this fic started out as a TimmyxTecna. FAIL. However, the punch line is still the same in this fic as it was going to be as the TimmyxTec so not much was lost there.


Disclaimer: I'm disclaiming!

9:02 AM

To: Timmy

From: Sky

You're like a dictionary - you add meaning to my life!

If I sent this to Bloom do you think she'd let me take her on a date?

X

X

X

9:08 AM

To: Sky

From: Timmy

Well, if it's any help, I don't think so.

X

X

X

9:10 AM

To: Riven

From: Sky

Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!

Do you think Bloom would like me, if I asked her out with this pick up line?

X

X

X

10:50 AM

To: Sky

From: Riven

Thanks a lot. I got detention.

From reading your text.

Idiot.

X

X

X

10:51 AM

To: Riven

From: Sky

What?

Wait, seriously?

How did that happen?

X

X

X

11:00 AM

To: Sky

From: Riven

I can't believe I'm admitting this…

BUT…

Your text made me snigger.

In class.

While I was looking at my crotch.

FML.

X

X

X

11:20 AM

To: Riven

From: Sky

Well, now it looks like I'm joining you.

FML.

X

X

X

11:30 AM

To: Sky

From: Riven

FML. AGAIN.

Bastard.

X

X

X

11:45 AM

To: Musa

From: Riven

I know I said, I'd go to the CD store with you…

But I have detention.

Blame Sky.

X

X

X

11:47 AM

To: Sky

From: Musa

OMG! I FINALLY get Riven – the Riven, Mr. I'm-too-cool-for-you.

To hang out.

ALONE.

WHY did you have to screw everything up?

X

X

X

11:48 AM

To: Sky

From: Musa

I hate you.

X

X

X

11:48 AM

To: Musa

From: Sky

Sorry.

Hey, I want to ask Bloom out; if I sent her this…

Can I borrow a quarter? I promised my mom I would call her when I met the girl of my dreams.

Would she say yeah?

X

X

X

11:50 AM

To: Sky

From: Musa

What part of 'I hate you' didn't you get the first time?

OMG! YOU OWE ME AND RIVEN A DATE!

X

X

X

11:52 AM

To: Musa

From: Sky

I can't even get a date myself.

What makes you think I can get a date between you and Riven?

X

X

X

11:55 AM

To: Sky

From: Musa

I DON'T CARE!

YOU OWE ME A DATE!

X

X

X

11:57 AM

To: Musa

From: Sky

Wtf, woman, are you on your period or something?

You're being so moody.

X

X

X

11:58 AM

To: Sky

From: Musa

WTF? Is it sport season, is that why you're so dumb?

Here's a tip; Go fall down a well.

X

X

X

11:59 AM

To: Musa

From: Sky

Bitch.

X

X

X

12:02 PM

To: Bloom

From: Musa

I hate Sky.

X

X

X

12:04 PM

To: Stella

From: Musa

I hate Sky.

X

X

X

12:05 PM

To: Tecna

From: Musa

I hate Sky.

X

X

X

12:07 PM

To: Flora

From: Musa

I hate Sky.

X

X

X

12:09 PM

To: Layla

From: Musa

I hate Sky.

X

X

X

12:11 PM

To: Musa

From: Stella

It's just because you're a little emotional around this time of month…

X

X

X

12:12 PM

To: Stella

From: Musa

WTF? No, it's not.

He got Riven detention so we can't hang out.

And fine. It's a little of that as well.

X

X

X

12:14 PM

To: Musa

From: Flora

Oh, well, if you don't have anything on, we can hang out after school?

You wanted to get that CD right?

X

X

X

12:16 PM

To: Flora

From: Musa

ZOMG, I was meant to go with Riven but now he has detention.

WAH!

Why can't boys be like girls – like sweet and kind and stuff?

X

X

X

12:18 PM

To: Flora

From: Musa

Oh, sorry I forgot, you have the only nice heterosexual boyfriend in existence.

X

X

X

12:21 PM

To: Musa

From: Bloom

Huh? What happened?

X

X

X

12:23 PM

To: Bloom

From: Musa

I don't know, ASK YOUR BOYFRIEND!

X

X

X

12:25 PM

To: Stella

From: Bloom

I hate it when Musa's like this…

X

X

X

12:27 PM

To: Bloom

From: Stella

You're telling me, but we all get like that… sometimes.

Also, where are you? Its lunch!

X

X

X

12:29 PM

To: Stella

From: Bloom

Getting extra notes printed? Want a copy?

X

X

X

12:30 PM

To: Bloom

From: Stella

Please. So would everyone else, print out ten copies please!

X

X

X

X

X

X

12:32 PM

To: Stella

From: Bloom

You are all such slackers…

X

X

X

12:34 PM

To: Bloom

From: Stella

And cheapskates.

X

X

X

12:35 PM

To: Stella

From: Bloom

You're all paying me back for these photocopies.

X

X

X

12:37 PM

To: Bloom

From: Stella

But they're like ten cents?

X

X

X

12:38 PM

To: Stella

From: Bloom

Bohemian Rhapsody is an amazing song, btw.

X

X

X

:39 PM

To: Bloom

From: Stella

What?

X

X

X

12:41 PM

To: Stella

From: Bloom

It's on in the library.

He's just a poor boy from a poor family.

X

X

X

12:42 PM

To: Bloom

From: Stella

Okay, well you didn't need to reconfirm that.

X

X

X

12:45 PM

To: Bloom

From: Musa

Let me Goooooooooooooo-OOOOOOOooooo!

X

X

X

12:47 PM

To: Musa

From: Bloom

How did you know?

X

X

X

12:49 AM

To: Bloom

From: Musa

Stella just belted out the song.

Actually, we had a bit of a High School Musical moment.

Well, just out table.

It was actually amazing.

X

X

X

12:50 PM

To: Musa

From: Bloom

Depressed that I missed that.

X

X

X

1:15 PM

To: Bloom

From: Musa

You know what is an amazing song?

(Also, I dibs Sharpay! I'm such a bitch)

X

X

X

1:30 PM

To: Bloom

From: Brandon

Please explain why Stella, Musa and Layla just jumped onto their desks in Geography singing bird is the word?

X

X

X

1:38 PM

To: Bloom

From: Brandon

I honestly don't know, but I may have mentioned 'Bohemian Rhapsody' at lunch.

X

X

X

1:42 PM

To: Bloom

From: Brandon

Makes even less sense than before but amazing song.

X

X

X

1:45 PM

To: Bloom, Stella, Flora, Tecna, Layla, Sky, Riven, Brandon, Helia, Timmy…

From: Musa

I said…

BIRD IS THE WORD!

A-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bi-bi-bi-bi-bi-bi-rd.

Oh yeah.

X

X

X

1:46 PM

To: Musa

From: Riven

Surf's up.

X

X

X

1:48 PM

To: Riven

From: Musa

Dude….

X

X

X

2:00 PM

To: Musa

From: Riven

Win?

X

X

X

2:01 PM

To: Riven

From: Musa

Epic.

X

X

X

2:50 PM

To: Musa

From: Tecna

I just checked my balance online, guess who has enough for that new computer with duel screens! Jealous?

X

X

X

2:55 PM

To: Tecna

From: Musa

Shhh! I am trying to do my work.

YOU SHOULD TOO!

SLACKER!

X

X

X

2:57 PM

To: Musa

From: Tecna

Yeah. You're so jealous.

X

X

X

2:59 PM

To: Tecna

From: Musa

Shut up, bitch.

X

X

X

3:00 PM

To: Brandon

From: Sky

Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it's just a sparkle.

Do you think Bloom would like it if I asked her out what that?

X

X

X

3:02 PM

To: Sky

From: Brandon

Dude.

Insert sad face here.

X

X

X

3:05 PM

To: Brandon

From: Sky

What?
Why?

X

X

X

3:06 PM

To: Sky

From: Brandon

I thought you were coming on to ME.

X

X

X

3:08 PM

To: Brandon

From: Sky

Uh, do you want me too?

X

X

X

3:10 PM

To: Sky

From: Brandon

Nah, I know you'd just be seeing Riven behind my back.

Have fun in detention.

X

X

X

3:12 PM

To: Brandon

From: Sky

Riven and I would make a terrible pairing.

I need someone whose attentive and respectful and well, a girl.

Because I don't swing that way.

X

X

X

3:15 PM

To: Sky

From: Brandon

You just want someone whose a good cuddle don't you?

X

X

X

3:17 PM

To: Brandon

From: Sky

Don't we all?

X

X

X

3:18 PM

To: Sky

From: Brandon

Yeah.

I think you'd make a good cuddle Sky.

X

X

X

3:19 PM

To: Brandon

From: Sky

Thanks you too, man.

X

X

X

3:20 PM

To: Sky

From: Brandon

I shall stop texting you now so you don't risk getting an other detention.

X

X

X

4:02 PM

To: Brandon

From: Sky

Too late.

And I have to spend it with Riven.

Again.

Because he was late and there fore got an other detention.

FAIL.

X

X

X

4:08 PM

To: Sky

From: Brandon

It's a sign, send the pick up line to Riven and forget Bloom.

X

X

X

4:15 PM

To: Brandon

From: Sky

FML.

X

X

X

4:19 PM

To: Sky

From: Brandon

Dude, if your stuck ask Helia, he's pretty good for advice.

X

X

X

4:22 PM

To: Brandon

From: Sky

I would.

BUT I don't actually have his number…

How did this (not) happen?

X

X

X

4:25 PM

To: Sky

From: Brandon

No wonder you can't get Bloom to go on a date with you…

X

X

X

4:28 PM

To: Brandon

From: Sky

Gee, thanks. But I can get a date with out Helia's help.

X

X

X

4:30 PM

To: Sky

From: Brandon

Yeah, you're latest ploy is working particularly well Sky.

(Seriously the secret admirer thing was just weird)

X

X

X

4:32 PM

To: Brandon

From: Sky

What? Haven't you ever seen a romantic comedy? Chicks dig that stuff.

X

X

X

4:33 PM

To: Helia

From: Brandon

Please, please, please oh-great-one-whom-knows-all-about-lurve please help Sky.

Seriously.

He needs it.

X

X

X

4:48 PM

To: Helia

From: Sky

Helia, how can I possibly get Bloom to fall in love with me? Also, I got your number from Brandon.

X

X

X

5:15 PM

To: Sky

From: Brandon

Helia's a worse responder than Riven…

X

X

X

5:17 PM

To: Brandon

From: Sky

Romeo didn't have to wait this long to win Juliet over…

X

X

X

5:19 PM

To: Sky

From: Brandon

So you want to go marry Bloom, then have sex then die?

X

X

X

5:23 PM

To: Brandon

From: Sky

Dude, wtf?

X

X

X

5:25 PM

To: Sky

From: Brandon

Did you ever read Romeo and Juliet?

X

X

X

6:00 PM

To: Brandon

From: Sky

I just finished Romeo and Juliet. I didn't see the sex part.

X

X

X

6:02 PM

To: Sky

From: Brandon

Dude, did you read that last bit you typed? And it's super subtle.

X

X

X

6:08 PM

To: Brandon

From: Sky

When will Helia respond?

X

X

X

6:09 PM

To: Sky

From: Brandon

So, you want Helia's help now? Try sending him a pick up line.

X

X

X

6:11 PM

To: Helia

From: Sky

Hey, Hershey's makes millions of kisses in one day. Can I get one from you?

X

X

X

6:27 PM

To: Sky

From: Helia

Sure, which one would you like; white, milk or dark?

X

X

X

6:29 PM

To: Helia

From: Sky

Finally – a response. And quite a witty one at that. I need help. Getting the attention of a girl.

X

X

X

6:40 PM

To: Sky

From: Helia

Is it Bloom? You guys are already friends, why don't you just ask her out?

X

X

X

6:43 PM

To: Helia

From: Sky

I just can't, okay?

X

X

X

6:56 PM

To: Sky

From: Helia

Why not?

X

X

X

6:59 PM

To: Helia

From: Sky

I… I just… what if she says no?

X

X

X

7:09 PM

To: Sky

From: Helia

It's just a risk you're going to have to make.

X

X

X

7:15 PM

To: Helia

From: Sky

FML.

X

X

X

8:32 PM

To: Bloom

From: Sky

So, hey Bloom, um, so since tomorrow's Friday, do you think you'd like to go to get some pizza and see a movie with me? (Just me)

X

X

X

8:38 PM

To: Sky

From: Bloom

Are you asking me on a date?

X

X

X

8:40 PM

To: Bloom

From: Sky

Yes, yes I am.

X

X

X

8:42 PM

To: Sky

From: Bloom

Took you long enough.

X

X

X

8:45 PM

To: Bloom

From: Sky

Huh?

X

X

X

8:48 PM

To: Sky

From: Bloom

I was so worried you were going to use a pick up line.

And wtf? You texted pretty much everyone but me! You didn't think I would find out?

X

X

X

8:45 PM

To: Bloom

From: Sky

FML.

X

X

X

3:30 PM

To: Tecna

From: Timmy

Are you sure you don't want me to come over and give you a hand setting everything up?

X

X

X

4:01 PM

To: Timmy

From: Tecna

I'll be Fiiiine, really! It'll be easy!

X

X

X

4:15 PM

To: Tecna

From: Timmy

Btw, if you went to the store after school – how did you get it home?

X

X

X

4:19 PM

To: Timmy

From: Tecna

Bus.

X

X

X

4:15 PM

To: Tecna

From: Timmy

o.O?

X

X

X

5:09 PM

To: Musa

From: Riven

Hey, this Sunday, there's this music festival out of town, I have a spare ticket.

X

X

X

5:15 PM

To: Riven

From: Musa

Pardon?

X

X

X

5:30 PM

To: Musa

From: Riven

Re-read the text.

X

X

X

5:40 PM

To: Riven

From: Musa

FML.

X

X

X

5:43 PM

To: Tecna

From: Musa

Omg, I freaking cannot stand Riven. ? HUH!

And so this text isn't completely about me bitching about Riven, how's the new computer?

X

X

X

5:52 PM

To: Musa

From: Tecna

This is not going well. And if Riven asked you out, you should go. It's better than nothing right. And it is Riven!

X

X

X

5:55 PM

To: Tecna

From: Musa

Well, I think he's referring to that big charity concert, they had some cool bands there…. And well, I do have a cute outfit… okay. I'll go.

X

X

X

5:58 PM

To: Tecna

From: Musa

If you're having technical difficulties, call the help centre.

X

X

X

7:46 PM

To: Musa

From: Riven

So will you come with me or not?

X

X

X

9:30 PM

To: Timmy

From: Tecna

I can not for the life of me to get this stupid computer to work. And I refused to call the help centre – they are never helpful.

X

X

X

9:36 PM

To: Tecna

From: Timmy

Did you plug it in?

X

X

X

9:45 PM

To: Timmy

From: Tecna

Seriously?

X

X

X

9:48 PM

To: Tecna

From: Timmy

Seriously, did you plug it in?

X

X

X

10:00 PM

To: Timmy

From: Tecna

So FAIL. At life. Seriously.

X

X

X


I think I over used the phrase FML BUT its in the title, it would have been wrong NOT to use it. Oh well. And this story took me way to long to write.

And because no A/N is complete without me bitching about ff edit mode: Wtf? Why you take out all my dashes huh? Had to take down the original and change it to X's. Wtf? Huh? Why you so mean? Huh? What I did I do to you? Stupid ff. Grrrr.

And THEN after adding the X's, word count is down to 2000 (it was 4000 before) Wtf? When did I delete half my story, huh? Wtf? Why can't you count. Stupid ff.

Okay.

That's all.

Thanks.

Xx.

After17.

EDIT: If you really don't know what FML means, type .com and type into the search box, what does FML mean? and then hit search. There is your answer.

FYL.