I came up behind my best friend and covered his eyes. "Guess who?," I whispered against his ear.
"Buffy Anne Summers," he responded enthusiastically.
At his guess, I removed my hands from Angel's eyes and sat down beside him. I turned to him. "So, what's up?," I asked as I ate one of the chips from the bowl in front of Angel.
He likes eating chips. I know that because he's my best friend. And he always had been.
"School. We'll be back in less than a week and I still want summer to last forever. This sucks," he said nonchalantly. "I don't. Want. To go."
I chuckled at his stubbornness. I slapped him playfully at his shoulder. "Ah, come on! Look on the bright side, there could be new cute girls for you to choose from!" And I cannot believe I just said that. If Angel was going to go with the idea, I am is so dead. I love Angel so much. And I couldn't afford to lose him. And also, I can't tell him how I really feel. He's too important to me. I'm just afraid if he found out how I felt, he might avoid me because he doesn't feel the same. Just brilliant, Buffy. Just brilliant. Now he's never going to see how much he means to you, I thought.
Angel's eyes widened in excitement as he stiffened in his seat. He happily took my hand. And let me tell you he has the most beautiful hand ever. It's so soft and gentle when he holds my hand. I could faint in his arms right now but I'll fight it for now. "You are the best friend ever! You're so smart! Now I have another reason to go to school. Shop for girls."
My brows furrowed in confusion but I was partying inside because Angel was holding my hand. "What's the other reason?"
"You, silly!," he said enthusiastically. He lightly pinched my cheek.
I looked down to hide my now burning cheeks. Why does he have to be so sweet?
"Oh," I said in a small voice. "Why?"
Angel took my chin between his two fingers and lifted my head up a little. It made me look deep into his dark eyes and into his soul. I'm kidding. I don't know what his soul should look like. "Because you're my best friend. And I can't get through school without you. I get nervous. I get really uncomfortable around new and old people at school. I get really bored because there's no one I can talk to. Then I remember you and I tell myself 'I have my Buffy.'"
I couldn't help but blush and it was embarrassing. Why? This is Angel! Angel! The guy I had a crush on since I was five and the guy I loved since I was eleven. And it was getting really hard when he says sweet things to me. "Really?," I asked sweetly but I tried to keep my cool. That speech was amazing. I have the most amazing best friend ever. Yeah. Best. FRIEND. I'll always be the FRIEND to him. Nothing more, nothing less. I wanted to be with him so much but my mouth couldn't say anything - the way I really feel about him and how much I want him. But I never have him. He deserves more than I could ever give. He needs someone who's better than I am. I'm pretty much a loser and he needs someone who's way much cooler than I am.
Angel smiled at me as he removed his hand from my face. And he has the sweetest smile. "Yeah. I need you, you know."
I smiled at him. He needs me. He really does? I'm not sure. "Yeah. Thanks."
"For what?"
"I'm just thankful that somebody needs me. It feels great."
Angel nodded. "I know right?," he said then he chuckled. He patted my head playfully as he stood up. "Come on, sweetie. Wanna ride the old swings again? You know, just like we used to when we were kids?," he said as he reached his hand out for me.
I smiled. I love it when he brings up happy moments from our past that are still vivid to me too. I took hold of his hand and he squeezed mine lightly. "Okay."
He pulled my to his side and put his arm around my shoulder and kissed the top of my head. Then we headed out of the door of his house. Oh, right. I forgot to mention that I come to his house ALL THE TIME. It's somewhere I'm always at. I always hang out with Angel and his little sister, Katy. But she's a different story. Katy's best friends with my little sister, Dawn.
Anyway, Angel took me to the park where we used to go as kids and where we go when we have to talk about something that interests us. But mostly we just go there for fun. And whenever we want to. It's fun.
Angel sat on the swing opposite mine. It's always the same position: I was always on the blue one and he on the yellow one. It was cute. Once, when I was eleven we wore shirts that match the color of the swings. I laughed at how silly we were.
ANYWAY, again! Sorry, I get all the childhood memories when I'm with him and sometimes ALL THE TIME. Okay, I think about all of our memories all the time.
We started to rock the swings higher and I closed my eyes when the gentle wind caressed my face. I smiled.
"Hey! Careful, now, sweetie. You might fall," I heard him say.
I opened my eyes and stopped my swing. "I am careful. I'm not gonna fall."
"Good. You better not. Because the last time you-"
I held up my hand to cut him off. "Please. Don't make me remember. It was a horrible fall."
Angel laughed hard at me.
I frowned. "Hey! Stop it. You're so mean."
He stopped and came over at me and hugged me. "Sorry. I was just playing." Then he pulled me to my feet and we started to walk. "Let's go home. This place gets boring every time we're here."
I stopped walking. I pulled my hand away from his. I looked at him in disbelief. This place means A LOT to me. And I mean A LOT, damn it! This was the place we first met. The place where he first held my hand. The place where he first pushed me on the swings. The place where he first guided me on the slides. The place where he first hugged me. The place where he first kissed my cheek. The place where - wait, I'm panting, I'm panting. I'm saying a lot, am I? Sorry. This place really means a lot to me. A lot of things has happened here. Things that I will forever remember.
I continued to stare at him. I was hurt by the words he said.
"Hey, what's wrong?," he asked me carefully.
"You said this place was boring," I told him softly.
"So...?," he asked confusingly.
"So? So? Do you not remember everything that happened in this place? Everything we did here? As kids? This place may be boring to you but this means a lot to me! And when I say A LOT I mean my childhood and it also means my life, Angel!," I paused. I think I just overreacted. But... I meant everything in what I said. "Sorry. It's just-"
"Buffy," he said softly. He took my hand. He looked down at me with comforting eyes. "I'm sorry. I- I don't even know what I just said."
I walked away. I left him there. Now, I can feel his eyes on my back.
Another night to cry for him was waiting for me.
