I sat on the bench outside Korra's room for a while waiting…just waiting. Korra seemed to be doing all right apart from a few broken ribs, a few scars and…well the doctors named a few other things but I guess I mostly concentrated on her actually being okay.
The whole time we were searching for her I found myself trying to stay cool, calm…in these past few days I just felt this need to pull back…I guess I didn't want to hurt myself any further. I liked a girl who didn't like me back, not that way I wanted that is and rather than trying to show her every aspect my personality had to offer I just…stopped…and when she was taken I didn't know how to react. Surprised, worried, impassive…maybe a little too impassive because…because well I'm an idiot. I kept thinking… "don't worry" over and over and…maybe I took it to far, maybe it seemed like I didn't care?
I'm selfish…I mean my brother clearly was worried about her; so much so even Asami took notice of it. What the hell was I doing, telling her about the kiss…it wasn't my place…and I came off so nonchalant about the whole thing…I keep trying…trying so hard to pretend it doesn't bother me that I'm not even being myself…wisecracking sure but how could I pretend I didn't care? Of course I do, first and foremost Korra is my friend…but with Mako going off the deep end someone needed to stay calm…or am I just trying to rationalize my mistakes?
"Mako's still with her." Her voice, she sounded so disheartened. She took a seat next to me, tried to smile but her hair fell over her face; she's hiding. She must feel guilty too. I'm sure she's worried about Korra but learning about the kiss, because I'm such a damn idiot and opened my big mouth, probably overshadowed her worry and that's making her feel guilty. I can tell, the way she's twisting her fingers, the way she sighs, the way her shoulders slump downward like she has too much weight pressing down on them…from the guilt.
"Hey Asami, everything's going to be ok." I throw a smile her way but she's looking at the ground. Normally she'd look up and smile back, she'd agree with me but not this time. No she won't flip her hair and assure me things will be perfectly fine, she wasn't going to be cheery one about the situation, not like she always was…there…it hits me, she's a ticking time bomb.
She lost her mother at a young age…that's painful enough I know, but then her dad turns out to be a villain…and now her boyfriend might be in love with her friend? Friend. How many friends does Asami even have? I mean it's always been Mako and I, we're all each other's ever had, that and Pabu. Then there's Korra…she's the Avatar, she has friends everywhere she goes…but Asami? She's never mentioned anyone else, I never saw anyone come over when we were staying at her house…
"Are you lonely Asami?" Oh crap, what am I saying! I'm already face palming myself for saying that, forget how blunt it was, it makes me sound like a creep! Like one of those guys that sees a pretty girl at a bar and is all "hey…are you lonely…wanna come home with me tonight? Show you the real meaning of bending" and then wink, wink, etc…ah man, I hate those guys! Take it back, take it back!
"Bolin…" I stopped all my frantic hand spazzing to look up at her, her voice so sad…so lonely, she seemed like she needed a hug…and aw man her eyes, they're glossed over, wet with tears she's holding back, she afraid of losing what she has…I can tell…I get it now. The three of us, Mako, Korra and I were probably her first real friends in awhile. I mean she's this rich girl with a lot of connections, there's probably been a lot of people who've tried to use her…so I wonder…I wonder if this sweetness, this kindness is just her trying not to offend anyone…if it's her trying to show the world she doesn't abuse what she has even though people have abused her. People have…people have hurt her; it's so obvious now…
"Hey," I lift her shoulders up and lean in to smile at her so she can't turn away, so she can see me, really see me and know I mean what I say, "We're all friends here, always…team Avatar!" She was smiling until that last word…"Avatar" so…I guess what I said about the kiss really hit her…a few inspiring words aren't going to make her feel better about the situation…maybe…serious Bolin is in order.
"Hey listen…." Without even thinking I'm straightening myself, lowering my voice…my subconscious way of preparing myself.
"Bolin it's okay, I'm fine-" She's starting again, she's playing that part, I can't let her do that, she's only hurting herself.
"No you're not! Stop pretending!" Oh crap, shouting at someone who's down and accusing them of being fake is not the best way of going about this, nope not at all, bad Bolin, bad! Why am I so bad at being serious, why can't I just pull myself together and say what someone needs to hear, what they need to feel better, to get better, why can't I be helpful? Alright Bolin, focus, focus, take the words from your heart, can't ever go wrong with the heart.
"I mean…Asami, you don't have to put on a brave face all the time. It's okay to be sad, it's okay to be angry…I mean I myself have trouble with that…I think…I think I use humor to hide what I feel like you and your kindness…" hmm, I think this is what one would call an epiphany.
She opened her mouth, a sound came out…like a word but an unfinished sentence…a sentence she didn't want to say…she pulled her hands into the air and shook her head, she's muttering now and…
"Damn it!" I jumped, holy cow…that scared me. I'm not used to her shouting, Korra's the shouter, Asami's…well she's not quiet…she's just…kinda a pushover? No that's the wrong word. The way she handled her dad's offer…the way she directed us when we were out on the streets chasing the equalists…she was the leader…so what is it? What is Asami exactly, the essence of a pushover who takes the actions of someone more abrasive without getting on anyone's nerves…
"Tell me Asami…who are you." This time I didn't regret saying what was on my mind. I think it's because those were the words she wanted to say, the ones she choked on, who am I. She didn't know who she was, how could she? She spent too much time being what everyone expected her to be.
"I don't know Bolin…I'm a girl…"
"More like a woman but okay." I nudged her a bit hoping to get a smile, I guess I can't ever stop trying to make her smile, to see a grin on her face; I'd take a smirk too. That's what she gave me; a little smirk and I knew I was getting through to her.
"Right a woman. A woman pissed off that her boyfriend cheated on her with her friend." She got up from the bench and turned to face me, she put her hands on her hips and somehow she was taller…
"A woman who knows what she wants which includes a nice conditioner, an equalist motorcycle because they look like they run a hell of a lot faster than a sato mobile, and some respect." She leaned in as I had done before only this time I pulled back a bit, I could feel my cheeks getting redder and redder.
"Uh, how…how would you go about doing that? The motorcycle I mean, because you're conditioner seems to be working really well, your hair is like one giant feather you know and well I respect you, I respect you a lot." Her eyes twinkled and my face got even redder, I'm not really sure why. Asami's a pretty girl but it wasn't something that mattered a lot to me, beauty is only skin deep…but something about the way she was taking charge here, it seemed like she was finally getting a handle on things…internally.
"Why do you respect me Bolin?" Her voice was soft again, like how she normally speaks and my face started to feel a lot less warm although inside there was a new warmness, she had that effect on people. I took a breath and started to think about, really think about it.
"Well…you're kind of our leader…I mean the way you gave out those orders back on the streets, it was amazing!" And I realized then how much I admired her for it; she was the leader. Korra was the Avatar, the powerhouse…but Asami had all the strategy, all the sense of what to do with that power, my power and Mako's.
"You really think so Bolin?" I shrugged my shoulders because there wasn't much else to it, Asami was kind of a beast, it's a fact.
"Yea, yea Asami. You're pretty awesome. And…and I know right now things are awkward with the whole Mako and Korra thing but…I mean Mako is my brother and Korra is my friend but you're my friend too." And then she reached her hands down to mine, pulling me up to hug me and…it felt…right.
"Thanks Bolin, you know exactly what to say."
"Oh, you're welcome. And…and also," while my face was in her hair, which smelled really good (no wonder Meelo wanted some) but it also felt warm, just like her personality, I felt I needed to add this one last bit to get things settled, to fix things in way that said "I care" because I did, "You're like your own little fire...but it's not a fire of…of destruction or battle, it's like the fire that keeps you warm, you know? A campfire. You're our campfire." She pulled back and stared at me, I just smiled at her because things seemed resolved. Well, not between Asami and Korra and Mako but at least Asami knew I was here for her.
"That means a lot." Her voice made my eyes widen a bit because it sounded so weak and sad and dang it, I screwed up again!
"Asami, I'm sorry…I-I didn't mean to upset you! I'm so sorry I keep trying to make things better and there-"
"Bolin, relax. You made me feel a lot better. In fact, I think you're more of a campfire than I am." She kissed me on the cheek; I just looked down at my feet, unsure of how to react. Things were nice, peaceful between us…well for a moment, this moment…3 seconds later Mako stepped out, he pulled Asami away looking distraught, but Asami kept her happy expression, I gave her that, that happiness…right?
Yea…yea I did…I did something right…and that's enough to make me smile.
