Kuvira took another deep breath before she looked up at her former friend and mentor. It had become a routine for Su to visit her cell every week, and not once had Kuvira or Su spoken to each other. They sat in tense silence; Kuvira never knowing what to say or where to start, Suyin always seeming too eerily calm, yet barely controlling her boiling anger to speak. It had been five months since the first visit; making a total of 20 visits of complete silence. Each visit lasting one hour, normally the visits were only supposed to be for 30 minutes, but being a Beifong has its perks, making 20 hours of silence.
Kuvira liked to count things since she was put into prison. It gave her something to do, so that her mind didn't eat her alive. Being consumed with regrets and anger really changed a person. Her poisonous thoughts kept her up at night, or at least she assumed it was night since her cell had no windows, so she would count instead of dwelling on the past. 15 platinum bars on the door of her cell; 60 platinum screws on the door to her holding chamber; 2 lights in her cell. She hadn't slept in days.
All she could do was count and drown in her memories; replay her regrets over and over. When she did sleep it was never peaceful. She constantly dreamed of her past and what could have happened if she had been successful with her plan. Lately all of her dreams evolved around Su. The way she used to do everything the woman asked and the way their relationship had slowly deteriorated. All of the things they had faked or forced themselves through so that all would appear normal. They were so devoted to each other- it wasn't enough. They shared so much of themselves that they were doomed to fail. Student became protege, became friend, became lover, then became destroyer. She took her son, her city, and that wasn't even scratching the surface of what Kuvira shouldn't have taken from Su.
All she had wanted was to save the Earth Kingdom, to be the leader that they had needed. It should have been that simple: leave Zaofu, fix the states, unite the Earth Kingdom, and come back to her one home, leading with Su by her side. Everything went wrong, the power had gotten to her head, infected her like a disease, and now she had to pay for the consequences. It had eaten at her from the inside out, and now she was an empty carouse, a shell of "The Great Uniter."
The thought of her former self does not draw fresh tears to Kuvira's eyes; it was too late for crying, she was past that point. She had always detested crying and thought of it as visible weakness. Though, she was sure that no one would care if she shed a tear in this place. She was a monster after all. An evil, heartless creature with a liking for order, perfection, or so she had been told by many others. Her guards either sneered at her or looked disappointed with the raged prisoner. The only person that had been kind to her was Korra, and only because they were "similar." Personally, Kuvira didn't see it.
She was so lost in thought that she almost forgot that Su was here. The guard warning Su that she had five minutes left, pulled her out of her reverie. Kuvira looked up at her former mentor, trying not to look into her eyes. Her lovely, jade eyes that were once so lustrous, had dulled. Suyin looked tired, wracked with so many emotions, but still so graceful and beautiful as she was before this mess. Kuvira was so ashamed that looking into Su's eyes would break her and send her crashing into deeper depression. Kuvira didn't know what to do, what to say. She had been trying to figure out what to say for weeks. Her time was not unlimited and she didn't know when the visits would stop; "I'm sorry" wasn't enough. Perhaps they were past the point of reconciliation.
Could Kuvira live without Su's forgiveness for the rest of her life? She honestly didn't know. She already felt hollow and wasn't really living, and she never would live outside of this cell again. Did it really matter? Of course it did; Suyin Beifong may no longer be her mentor, her lover, but Kuvira respected her enough that her forgiveness would be everything. It would not only mean that Kuvira wasn't a monster, it would mean that Su had feelings for her besides hatred and utter disappointment. Thinking that Su still loved her was naive, but any positive feelings were what Kuvira secretly craved.
Their time was running out. There was no clock in her cell or holding chamber, but Kuvira could practically hear the seconds ticking away. Say something Kuvira, damn it, say anything! Let her know that you feel regret, let her know that you still care! Anything! She bit her chapped bottom lip as her thoughts went at war within herself. She glanced up at Su again, noting that the metal matriarch was watching her sit on her cot. Their eyes locked for an instant and the world stopped. They stayed in silence staring at each other until the fateful knocking on the door.
"Ms. Beifong, your time is up," the guard announced, before slipping out of the room once more. Su stood from her chair and turned towards the door. She was almost out my chamber before I hoarsely croaked, "I'm sorry you hurting you."
Su turned around quickly toward me with the same force as if she had been slapped and gazed at me with her conflicted, exhausted eyes. She opened her mouth, then shut it. I worried my lip and looked down at my hands, sure she would storm out and never come back, but she didn't, instead she whispered, "I know."
She then left me back to my thoughts, my musings. Now I had something new to obsess over: her reply. Two words that meant more than anything else in my life right now. 168 hours until I could see her again. We had made progress. A little over 5 months, 21 visits, 21 hours, and 7 words.
