Sepia Tone
Chapter One - He Loves Me Not?

Whistlin' to no song in particular, I made my way from the Balamb Garden dorms to the library Saturday afternoon. I slept in, as usual; it was already lunchtime, but I just woke up. First thing I did that day was the first thing I did every mornin' - head to the library. Honestly, I don't read much, except for girlie magazines, sometimes ones with guys in 'em, and I sure as hell don't do no readin'! But whether you read or not, the library's a great place to find information, even stuff ya can't find in books. Them girls that run the library, they know every bit of gossip that goes on throughout Garden, especially if it's gotta do with the great Zell Dincht.

If anyone knew where Zell was, it would be them library girls, especially that dull-witted one with the pigtail. Dull-witted she may be, but that doesn't stop her from lookin' all cute. To tell the truth, I've got no interest in these library girls. I actually don't like 'em that much. It's probably because they fawn over Zell instead of me. In any case, their cute lil' crush on him works in my benefit; it makes it easier for me to find Zell, especially since he'd been hidin' lately. He's been hidin' so good, even these girls don't always know where he's at.

"Hey, Irvine!" the girls giggled as I entered the room. "Need something?"

"Nothin' more than usual, ladies," I replied with a wink that caused them to giggle even more. "You seen Zell around lately?"

"Sorry. Still no sign of him," the one with the pigtail sighed. "Ya know Irvine, instead of looking for Zell, my friend here--"

Instead of listening to her trying to set me up with her friend, I just left. I felt kinda bad cutting her off, but when girls hit on ya so much, you just learn to deal with these things and not think much of it. I was determined to find Zell that day. He'd been acting strangely and seemed to be especially avoiding me. Was it that he didn't like me? He wouldn't actually be makin' this effort if that were the case, unless he really... No, Zell didn't despise me. He couldn't. The mere thought of Zell feeling contempt towards me made me feel all nauseous.

Just as I passed the cafeteria, I saw Selphie rushin' out with a frustrated look on her face. She almost didn't see me until I called, "Hey, Selphie!" She nearly fell over on her face, she stopped so fast.

"Irvine! Hi!" she cheerfully replied. "You know what? Zell is really strange. Have you ever noticed that!"

"I suppose," I chuckled, "but that's what makes him... Zell. So, where did that come from?"

"He's in there, get this, worshipping his hot dog," Selphie stated.

"Zell's in there? In the cafeteria?"

"Yeah! I walk in, see that he's not his usual self - you know how he's been acting lately - so I decide to ask him what's wrong, you know, offer him some help. He wasn't scarfing down his hot dog like usual, but that's because he was 'savoring it.' Seriously, who the heck-- Hey where are you going!"

That's two girls in less than ten minutes I cut off by just walking away, but Zell was in the cafeteria, and I couldn't let him escape, not now after I'd finally found him. This was the perfect opportunity to catch Zell, and I couldn't just pass it up shootin' the breeze with Selphie.

"Sorry, Selph, I'll catch ya later!" I called as I ran towards the cafeteria.

I stopped running to catch my breath before I entered the cafeteria doors. If I went in there after Zell all run out of breath, that just might seem unusual. I wanted to be completely casual. I threw open the cafeteria doors and entered with my usual long strides and casually scanned the room for Zell. Soon enough, I saw him scurryin' to throw out the remains of his lunch, none of which was edible, of course. He looked like he was trying to be furtive, for some reason, and failing miserably.

"Hey, Zell!" I called out. "I been lookin' fer ya."

My voice reached him as if it were a giant invisible wall that smacked him head-on, preventing him from moving a step further. He looked like a cornered rabbit, but damn that was cute! Slowly, Zell turned to face me.

"Oh! Hi, Irvine. I didn't see you there," he replied.

As I approached him, he looked very fidgety. I could tell something was making him uneasy, but I wasn't exactly
sure what. I figured I could help him feel more comfortable, so I tipped my cowboy hat and gave him a friendly wink. I don't think he saw the gesture, though; he was busy examining the floor tiles. Damn, the guy was nervous. I could feel the tension as I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, giving him a gentle squeeze. Selphie was right, something was definitely wrong with Zell.

"I'm glad I caught ya here. Selphie told me she'd seen ya here," I spoke in the cheeriest voice I could manage. "What have you been up to? I hardly see ya anymore!"

"Well, uh, you know. I've been busy," Zell stuttured. "Doing SeeD-ly duties and such."

Now, I don't know for sure about this, me bein' a Cadet and all, but I was pretty sure that Garden wasn't getting many commissions. Who knows? Maybe they really did have Zell workin' hard on something.

"Well, I hope ya got the day off today. I was hopin' you'd come with me to--"

Before I could finish, Zell cut me off. "Actually, Irvine, I'm sorry I have to decline, but I'm actually pretty busy today."

He most likely meant for me to let him go with that statement, but I wasn't letting any such thing happen. I still held on to him with my arm around his shoulders. Damn, he was tense! It took everything in me not to just start rubbing his back right then and there.

"Aw, Zell, when'd you become such a worker?" I joked while removing my arm from his shoulders so I could lightly punch his arm, hoping to lighten him up a bit. "I guess you get an even bigger workload when you become a SeeD, huh?"

"Yep! Lots of SeeD duties! Enjoy your days as a Cadet while you can!" he replied with the fakest grin I've ever seen. Zell really sucked at lying.

"But, ah, I've actually got someplace I've got to be, so if you'll just excuse me..." I could tell by his tone of voice that it wasn't that he had to be somewhere else, it was that he wanted to be somewhere else.

With that, he turned tail and dashed out of the cafeteria as if some ghastly beast were right on his heels. I just stood there for a moment in my confusion. What was wrong with Zell? I could tell he was tryin' to hide something from me. He's a very emotional guy and really sucks at tellin' lies. Seriously, I have never seen one person so interested in the floor before.

As I began to leave the cafeteria, I began to think that maybe I was what caused Zell to be so antsy. He was so anxious to get away from me, and I could tell that his tension greatly let up once I took my arm from around his shoulders. My belief that Zell was making an effort to stay away from specifically me was only strengthened, and it was a thought that made me want to curl up in a corner somewhere.

No, I couldn't do that. I had to go see him at his dorm. I had a feeling that's where he was. By his tone of voice, it was obvious that he had nothing else to do. Whether Zell liked me or not, I would have to be the one to approach him, and if I wanted him badly enough, then I would have to be the one to make him like me in return.

I swiftly walked down the hallway, carefully dodging other students. Just as I was about to reach the hall that lead to the dormitories, I noticed Quistis on her hands and knees, tryin; to pick papers up off the floor. She looked really agitated, and I'm a nice guy, so I decided to help her pick them up.

"Thanks, Irvine," she sighed. "Really, I don't know what is up with that boy."

"'That boy'?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Zell! He just came dashing down the hallway, hardly looking where he was going and nearly ran me over!" she explained. "The draft he caused knocked all these papers out of my arms. It was as if he were running from some horrible monster or something."

That last sentence felt like a bullet to the gut. He wasn't runnin' from a monster; he was runnin' from me, and I had no idea why.

I handed Quistis the last of the papers she had dropped and replied, "Everyone's been noticin' how he's been actin' all funny lately, but no one knows what's up with him. I just know one thing for sure - I'm the cause of whatever it is."

"So, why don't you go talk to him?" Quistis suggested.

"That's what I was on my way to do. I just don't know what to say," I sighed. "What if he hates me? What have I ever done to him?"

"No, I don't think he hates you."

"Well, what do ya think?"

"I think you should go talk with him now, and then meet up with me later. Then you can tell me what you think is up with Zell," she smirked. "You know how he's awful at hiding his emotions. If you can catch him in the dorm, I'm sure he may accidentally reveal more than he wants to. We can compare theories later."

"Alright, thanks! How's about I meet up with you in the cafeteria tomorrow mornin'?" I suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Quistis agreed. "Now go talk to him!"

With a nod, I turned around and jogged the rest of the way to Zell's dorm. Taking a deep breath, I knocked on his door. I was too anxious to wait out the extra three seconds it would take for him to open the door, so I just opened it myself to find a very flustered Zell lookin' up at me with them big blue eyes. I couldn't help but smile. Staying as casual as possible, I walked past Zell to sit on the edge of his bed.

"If this is the kinda work ya get as a SeeD, I think I'm rather lookin' forward to it," I jested.

Zell didn't say anything; he softly chuckled and glanced around the room a bit before decidin' his shoes were the most interesting thing to look at. During these few moments of awkward silence, I started gettin' thoughts on how his bed was a bit large for one person alone. Before my mind could wander any further, I quickly broke the silence.

"I highly doubt you can tie your shoes with your mind, so just give up," I smiled at Zell.

"Oh, right. Er, sorry," he apologized, for some reason. "Is there anything you need?" His politeness was just too cute!

"Not really. I just wanted to hang out." I lifted my right foot and rested it on my left knee.

"Ah, I see. That's cool." Trying to act relaxed made him seem all the more uptight.

Well, this was it. I might as well do what I went there to do. "Ya know, Zell, you've been actin' real different lately, especially around me." I could see the tension in him start to build up again. "It's not hard to tell. Ya know you really suck at hiding your emotions. I like you, Zell, and I'd like to hang out with ya, but ya really have been makin' an effort to avoid me," I sighed. "I hope I didn't do anything to offend you."

"No! Not at all!" Zell enthusiastically replied. He quickly checked himself and gave the number one lame-ass excuse in the book, "I've just had some problems lately."

Maybe he really did have problems, though. I was a friend to him, hopefully, and I needed to show my support for him. I stood up and moved to the spot where Zell stood as stiff and straight as his bangs. I put my hands on his shoulders and told him, "Hey, man, whatever's goin' on with you, that's your business. I just want you to know that we've been through a hell of a lot together, and I do consider you a friend. If you ever need anything, ya know you can always come to me."

I could tell my words had an effect on him. He stared at that necklace that I wear all the time, and I could tell he was really makin' an effort not to look at me. This upset me a bit; I love lookin' at Zell's eyes. Without thinkin' I gently tilted Zell's chin upwards so I could look into those bright blue eyes of his. Hyne, was he gorgeous!

"Irvine..." he murmured.

It took all the power in me to not grab him and kiss him and confess everything to him. Don't scare him away, I told myself. One step at a time, Irvine, one step at a time.

No longer with a reason to stay, I released Zell and made my way to his door. Before I left, I cheerfuly exclaimed, "Well, I'm glad there ain't any problems between us!" I waved at Zell. "That's all I came here for! I'll be seein' ya around!"

As I stepped out into the hall, I couldn't help but grin the biggest grin I'd ever grinned. I briskly walked down the hall to my own dorm, trying hard not to giggle stupidly. My big, dumb grin was already enough to earn me some funny looks. Finally, I reached my own dorm, which was considerably smaller than Zell's. Flopping down on my bed, I let all those pent-up giggles loose.

"Well I'll be damned if that boy isn't in love with me!" I chuckled to myself.