Wednesday August 27th

My room

8:17pm

Ho hum. Nothing much to do. I have some homework of course, but I'm not that desperate.

I'll phone Jas and see what she's up to.

8:20pm

Phoned Jas.

'Jas?'

'Yes?'

'What are you doing?'

'I'm doing my German homework, like we're supposed to. What are you doing, Georgia?'

'I can tell you what I'm not doing. I'm not doing my German homework.'

'But it's due on Friday!'

'You are a swot, Jazzy Spazzy and that is the sadnosity of your life. Who cares, is what I say. They wear lederhosen and call snogging 'knutschen'. Is that enough proof of their insanity for you?'

'You'll get in trouble with Herr Kamyer.'

I had a sudden laughing spaz, and expected her to join in, but there was silence on the other end of the line and I realised she was serious.

'You are obviously delusional, Po.'

'Don't call me that. I still haven't forgiven you for reading my letters, you know. They were private.'

I ignored her. 'Vat is der point of doing the homework, Jas? I'm never going to Germany, anyway.'

'Well, you say that, but you never know.'

'What do you mean?'

'Well... Well...Er...Um...'

'Jas, hurry up, Father Christmas is coming along.'

'What if, say, Robbie kidnapped you and took you to Germany and left you there? Then you'd be stuck and you wouldn't know how to ask for a sandwich or anything, on account of not having done your German homework.'

She is quite clearly insane. I should call the psychiatrist now and be done with it.

'Jas, why the hell would Robbie want to kidnap me and take me to Germany? You have an overactive imagination ma petite pal.'

She was getting huffy, I could tell. Miss Huffy Knickers was back. 'I've got an overactive imagination? What about you?'

'I don't know what you mean, Jas. I am a calm and sensible person at all times.'

Just then, Vati bounded into my room without knocking.

'Vati, please, I would appreciate it if you could respect my privacy for once.'

But he ignored me. The bearded loon was beside himself with joy. He was practically jumping up and down on the spot, like Libby when she has too much red cordial and goes all hyper and over-excited. But at least Libby, being three years old, looks cute when she is hyper (until of course she pees on the floor or something), whereas Vati just looked like a loon on loon pills.

He was saying, 'Guess what? Guess what?'

I sighed my vair, vair world-weary sigh and decided to humour him. 'What is it now, Vati?'

He beamed scarily. 'I've had a promotion!'

I thought, oh, hooray! He's moving off to Kiwi-a-gogo land again. I'll be free of his bearded lunacy once more!

But he wasn't done. 'We're moving to Australia. For six months, or maybe more!' And then he bounded out again.

The phone was still clutched to my ear and Jas was now having a nervy spaz on the other end. 'What? What? Gee, are you still there? Gee?'

As calmly as possible, I said, 'Vati is moving us to Kangaroo-a-gogo land.' I don't think it was very calm though, more like hysterical.

'Oh,' said Jas.

'Oh?! That's all you can say? Vati is moving us to Kangaroo-a-gogo land for six months or maybe even longer! This is beyond the Valley of Crap and into the Universe of Tragicosticus!

Jas said, 'What were you saying earlier about being calm and sensible at all times?'

I hung up on her. She does not deserve my love.

9:25pm

Jas phoned again, but I ignored it. The answering machine picked it up eventually and Jazzy Spazzy left a message. 'You're ignorez-vousing me, aren't you, Georgia? You're being very juvenile, you know that, don't you? Hmmph.'

Miss Huffy Knickers was well and truly back in town.