Disclaimer 1: That '70s Show copyright The Carsey-Werner Company, LLC and Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, LLC. The 10th Kingdom copyright Babelsberg International Filmproduktion GmbH & Co. Beitriebs KG and Hallmark Entertainment Distribution, LLC. No money's being made through this story. Simply written out of the love for the two series.

Disclaimer 2: I have taken great pains not to reproduce any of the narrative from The 10th Kingdom novelization by Kathryn Wesley. The narrative (i.e. the words) of this story are mine with the exception that some of dialogue has been retained from The 10th Kingdom for the sake of story clarity.

Author's Note: Hyde never married a stripper. Too out of character. Don't believe it. A very few minor elements from season 8 have been retained for convenience, but this story's characterization is based on seasons 1-7. Zen-love forever. You don't need to know The 10th Kingdom at all to enjoy this story. You'll discover it at the same time the T7S gang does.

Dedication: For Lulu, Jo, Nick, Nikki (VGL) and Nikki (KLS), Gabby, Jessica, Ria, and last—but not least—Christina (happy birthday, chicky).

CHAPTER 1
DISTORTIONS

Six Months after Hyde found Jackie in a Chicago with Kelso

Six Months after Eric Left for Africa

Eric Forman's Basement
...

Jackie shifted her weight on the basement couch for the dozenth time that afternoon. Not because the old thing was lumpy. It had always been lumpy. She just couldn't get comfortable. Eric was sitting on the couch with her, silently fiddling with the silver I.D. bracelet Donna gave him all those Christmases ago. He'd finally come home for a visit and seemed so damn awkward. She wanted to pinch him.

She turned away from him instead. Except for Steven's "Hey, man," no one had said a word when Eric entered the basement. Donna was sitting in Fez's chair, reading a stupid book of fairy tales. Michael wasn't even there since he was on police duty. And, worst of all, Steven had grown back his beard.

Jackie avoided looking at the scruffy thing at all costs, which meant she hadn't really seen his face in months. She'd given up hope he'd grown it back to spite her. His beard was a final sign—in a long line of signs—that he didn't care what she thought one way or the other.

Eric broke the silence first. "Good book, Donna?"

"Uh-huh." Donna turned a page.

Jackie shifted her focus to the floor. Wedged halfway under the table was a crushed Raisinet, but Fez wasn't around to eat it. He'd gone after his whorey wife, Laurie, up in Canada—months ago—to get her to sign their divorce papers. No one had seen or heard from him since.

An old Milk Dud was stuck to the table not too far away from the Raisinet. Fez really needed to come back. Jackie hoped some strange maple syrup-making cult hadn't abducted him.

"Well, it must be the best book in the history of mankind," Eric said, "'cause you haven't said a damn thing to me since I got here."

Donna kept her face behind her book. "What do you want me to say, Eric?"

"How about 'Welcome back,' for starters?"

"Welcome back," she said, although it sounded more like "Wmmbkk."

Staring at the floor was no good. Jackie glanced at her perfect nails, at the split ends of Donna's blonde hair, at the scuffed bottoms of Steven's boots—and then back at the floor. She had nowhere safe to look. Not because of the balloons and streamers Mrs. Forman had tackily decorated the basement with for Eric's return. Nothing seemed right.

Except for herself, of course. Jackie pulled a compact mirror from her purse. She did have one safe place to look: Her own reflection.

"Oh, come on!" Eric said. "I was halfway around the world, dodging elephants, fighting lions—"

"Breaking up with me." Donna turned another page.

Jackie snapped her compact shut. The both of them were being so annoying. She ripped the book from Donna's hands. It was thick and heavy as a brick.

"Can we please pay attention to what's important here?" Jackie said.

"Thank you!" Eric said.

She smoothed her skirt and laced her fingers on top of her knee. "I'm starting my job at the TV station tomorrow. I'm going to be assistant to Christine St. George, anchor of What's Up Wisconsin, which means I'm basically the co-anchor of What's Up Wisconsin!"

"Oh, that's right!" Donna said.

"Congrats," Eric mumbled.

Steven said nothing. Not even to burn her for saying such a dumb thing like she was the co-anchor—even though, someday, it probably would be true.

"Jackie," Donna said, "are you nerv—Eric, why are you wearing that?"

He'd finally fastened the I.D. bracelet around his wrist. "I wore it every day in Africa."

"Forman, did you take that off before you got here so you could make a show of putting it back on?" Steven was eating from a bowl of party mix on his lap, his legs were stretched out on the ottoman, and his sunglasses obscured his eyes—not that Jackie was looking at him. "That is totally lame. Oh, and welcome back."

Jackie paged through Donna's book, Grimm's Fairy Tales. "Rapunzel," "Cinderella," "Snow White," she knew them all.

"Take it off," Donna said.

"What? Why?" Eric said.

"Why the hell are you wearing it?"

"Donna," Jackie said, "he wants you back. D'uh."

"Excuse me?" Donna said.

Jackie flipped to "Sleeping Beauty" and turned the page toward Donna. "You're like her, and Eric's like the prince. Only his kiss isn't good enough to wake anybody up, so he's trying to use that bracelet to get you to remember how things were before he made a royal mess of things."

"That's ridiculous." Donna tore the book from Jackie's fingers.

"So's Forman," Steven said.

Eric stood up. "No, she's right. I wore it in Africa because being so far away from you was... I'm wearing it now because—look, can we just go somewhere and talk?"

"You had your chance." Donna shoved her book under her arm and clomped her big feet out of the basement.

Eric sank back into the couch.

"Good job, man." Steven held out his hand for a high-five.

Eric batted it away. "Whatever."

"Isn't that Steven's line? Eric, listen," Jackie said, "although I keep telling Donna she could find someone less scrawny, less twitchy, less girly than you, she hasn—"

"You get used to eating bugs?" Steven spoke over Jackie's words as if she hadn't even been talking.

"Steven, I was speaking."

"I told your mom to pack you some ketchup this time. Should make the grubs go down easier."

"Steven!"

He moved his head barely an inch in her direction. "Anyway, Forman, so I got this new guy working in the record store…"

Jackie tuned him out. She wanted to stomp out of the basement like Donna, but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Not that he'd be satisfied at having won a victory over her. He'd just be slightly less annoyed at not having her presence around anymore, and she wasn't willing to give him even that minor pleasantness. He didn't deserve it.

Their last true conversation had taken place two weeks after he'd found her in that hotel with Michael:

Steven, she'd said, I am so sorry about what happened in Chicago. I was alone, and I thought I lost you.Her heart was beating so fast.

Yeah, well, I can see why you thought that.

His voice had taken on such a gentle tone. She thought they'd be able to work things out from there, but then he shut down. He'd say hello to her, throw out the occasional burn, but that was all. Though in comparison to what came in the months to follow, that was a gab-fast.

Jackie picked at the sleeve of her blouse. Steven and Eric were laughing about something she wasn't part of. It made her angry, which made her angrier at herself. She used to understand Steven better than anyone else did. It was a point of pride for her. He was so complex and deep, and only she, Jackie Burkhart, was insightful enough, sensitive enough—beautiful enough—to dig through all his layers and get to the treasure buried at the center. Only the treasure turned out to be cursed.

Now, she didn't get him at all.

Over the last few months, his occasional burns at her expense became rarer and rarer still until all she heard from him was silence. If he looked her way, she had no clue if he even saw her. His sunglasses never left his face anymore. She got more acknowledgment from the eyeball ring he always wore on his pinky. At least its blue iris was sometimes angled in her direction.

Jackie shut her eyes. Sitting in the basement made her feel sick, as if she were looking at its distorted reflection through a funhouse mirror. Nothing was right. It hadn't been for a very long time. She grabbed her purse and slipped outside without saying goodbye. She doubted Steven would have noticed if she had.


Eric had missed circle time. Hyde was taking two hits off the joint to Eric's every one, but Eric knew to start slowly. It had been a while.

"She's not going to forgive me, man," Eric said. "I'm gonna go back to Africa and have to marry a chimp."

"Or you could just nail a chimp and call it a day. Unless she gets pregnant." Hyde suddenly leaned forward. His dazed expression shifted from content to annoyed. "Do not start Planet of the Apes,man. That would piss me off."

"Hyde, I'm serious. I mean, Donna got over the whole wedding-thing. Why can't she get over this? So I broke up with her? So what? I did it to set her free. Because I love her. But she won't even let me explain it. Why can't she…" Eric dropped his head onto the wooden table. "God, I am such a dumbass."

"Glad you finally got it 'cause you can't have it both ways. You're either with her or you're not."

"I love her, Hyde." Eric's face felt like mush against the table. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Love's a fantasy, man. Foisted on us by greeting card manufacturers and sellers of heart-shaped candy."

Eric sat back up. "So you and Jackie really aren't together, huh?"

"Nope."

"You really find her with Kelso?"

"Yup."

"You think she cheated on you?"

Hyde shrugged. "Doesn't matter, man. The spell is broken."

"What spell?" Eric thought for a moment. "Is Jackie a witch?"

Hyde shrugged again and took another hit.

"So you're really over her?" Eric said.

"It's like she doesn't exist." Hyde was smiling wide. "No effect. Nothing. Unlike this." He passed the joint to Eric. "But you still got an effect on Donna, so she'll forgive you, and you two can go back living in your fantasyland. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too." Eric blinked. The weed was finally taking its proper hold. "Wait, I'm not going anywhere—except back to Africa. And love's not a fantasy. You're full of crap, Hyde. Nice… mellow… crap. You really think Donna'll forgive me?"

"She always does." Hyde twirled his finger in the air. "And 'round and 'round you go."

"Thanks, man." Eric felt a little better, but something in Hyde's tone unsettled him all over again. "Wait, are you being sarcastic?"

"No."

"Good." Eric blinked a second time. "Wait, do you mean 'no' or do you actually mean 'yes'?"

"It's a riddle, man. Just like life. Life can trick you into believing things that aren't really there. But you don't have to be duped. You can fight the power, man. Rip off your shackles and be free."

Eric eased back in his chair. Hyde would be of no more help tonight.

The decorations his mother put up seemed otherworldly in the circle's smoke. The streamers shimmered like pink-and-orange lightning, and the balloons floated like large, shiny bubbles. His welcome home had felt just as surreal. His friends should've been waiting for him with open arms. Donna should've been so happy to see him she'd forget about the latest dumbass-stunt he'd pulled. But his friends weren't here, not really.

Fez was literally gone, after Laurie for whatever desperate, perverted reason. Jackie was still Jackie, but she didn't count. Kelso was busy being a cop. Hyde was—strange, as if Jackie had taken half of him as payment for their breakup. Donna wouldn't even speak to him.

At least his parents were happy to see him. Soon as he'd walked in the door, his mother smothered him with hugs and kisses and gorged him with food, real food, and his dad seemed genuinely pleased by his presence. He hadn't mentioned feet or asses or Laurie even once.

Laurie. In spite of himself, Eric missed her. He hadn't seen his sister in almost three years...

Eric took a long drag off the joint and coughed. It really had been a while.


Donna was still reading Grimm's Fairy Tales when Jackie entered the Pinciottis' kitchen. How many times had Jackie told her? Books were for prisoners.

"You really need to put down that brick, Donna," Jackie said and sat in the chair across from her.

"It's for a class."

"Don't you think you have more important things to do, like making up with Eric?"

Donna slammed the book on the table. "The dillhole left, okay? I stayed behind in freakin' Point Place, Wisconsin for him, and he left me. And then he breaks up with me because he doesn't want me to feel 'trapped' by him?"

"You still have a future with him, Donna."

Donna continued to read.

"Look," Jackie said, "you two are like the Frog Prince and the Princess. Sure, Eric's scaly and warty, but with you, he's almost noble and brave. You're an idiot if you give that up."

"Right. He was so brave when he skipped out on our wedding, so noble when he left me for Africa." Donna scratched at the collective pages of her book with her thumbnail. Scrrtch. Scrrtch."Our relationship was never a happy fairy tale, Jackie. And fairy tales aren't even all that happy. Disney sanitized them for the masses."

Jackie groaned. "You sound like Steven."

"But it's true." Scrrtch! "In a lot of fairy tales, girls got their hands chopped off, were raped by their stepfathers. Snow White was almost killed twice before her stepmother actually succeeded."

"Hah! Snow White. If I'd lived where she did, that stepmother's mirror would've told her I was the fairest of them all."

"And then she would've tried to kill you." Scrrtch.

Jackie shrugged. "Price you pay for beauty. You're lucky you'll never have to bear that great burden." She patted Donna's knee. Donna stopped scratching book pages long enough to brush her away, and Jackie took the opportunity to slide the thick book into her lap. "Fine, if you're pissed at Eric, at least be pissed at him to his face. Don't give him the silent treatment. After all your years together, you owe him that."

"Oh, my God." Donna covered her mouth. "I get it now."

"Finally." Jackie sighed and leaned back in her chair.

"This isn't about me. This is about you."

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah!" Donna smiled. "This is about you and Hyde."

Jackie shook her head. "There is no me and Ste—whatever."

"I thought you were over him," Donna was laughing now, "but you're totally not, are you?"

"No, I am. I am." Jackie was speaking even too quickly for herself. "I just don't understand how—Donna, he's the past. He's no longer relevant. I'm concentrating on the future now, my future. Which is my job at the TV station, starting tomorrow." She sang the last two words, to force the cheerfulness into them she should be feeling. She sounded like Mrs. Forman on happy pills.

"If it makes you feel any better, we've all noticed how Hyde's been acting around you. For a while. It's weird even for him, like you don't exist for him or something."

"Yeah…" Jackie felt her shoulders relax. She hadn't realized she'd been holding them so stiffly. "And that's what I don't understand. It's not that I want to get back together with him. I decided months ago that I deserve someone who treats me like a princess, not like—"

"A person?" Donna said.

"Exactly! And he's not even doing that anymore. Stupid cheating Michael treated me better than this after our breakups. Steven acts like he never loved me at all."

Scrrtch.

Jackie was scratching at the book's pages in her lap.

Scrrtch.

Steven had loved her. She knew that. He just didn't love her anymore.

Scrrtch.

"Do you still love Eric?" Jackie said.

"Of course. I just hate him more."

The sky was darkening through the kitchen windows. Jackie had to get back home, to the apartment she shared with Michael if she wanted to get enough beauty sleep for her big day tomorrow. She placed Grimm's Fairy Tales back on the table.

"I should get going," she said and stood up. "I don't want to get fired on my first day. And with my new boss, that's a definite possibility."

Donna stood up, too. "Hey, wait. I have something for you." She rummaged around in a drawer and pulled out a Dum Dum pop. "For luck."

"A lollipop?" Jackie stared at it.

"It's all I could find on such short notice. The store was out of four leaf clovers and rabbits' feet."

"Oh. Well, at least the wrapper's green." Jackie plucked the pop from Donna's hand. "Thanks, Donna. And think about what I said."

"Can't make any promises, but I'll think about thinking about it."

Donna. Jackie waved at her dismissively then waved goodbye. The early evening welcomed her with chilly autumn gusts. Point Place was such a tiny town, but small villages were where most fairy tales took place. She'd find her prince eventually. Even if she had to turn over every stinking rock.