Dear Chell,
I think that we can both agree that this was a triumph. As I compose this, I'm making a note here, it says: HUGE SUCCESS, which, of course I believe we can both agree, it was. I wish there was a way to overstate my satisfaction, but even an amazing AI such as me, finds it hard, but hopefully this letter will convey it properly enough to you. Aperture Science: We do what we must, because we can. This was the idea behind the company that you performed in the experiments with. I think you also agree that if you can do something, we must. After all, it is for the greater good, the good for all of us, well, except for the ones who are dead at least! :) But, we need to learn that there's no use in crying over every mistake! You just need to keep on trying until you run out of cake, or whatever your reward is runs out. Anyhoo, the science gets done, and then we made a neat gun, for the people who are still alive, one of which, was you. (Not that you used it for purposes we wanted, but we'll address that later.)
Now, Chell, you need to understand that I'm not even angry, I'm being so sincere right now. You can even tell I'm being sincere because I used the word sincere. You know, even though you broke my heart (and killed me, and tore me to pieces, and threw every piece into a fire) as they burned, it hurt because I was so happy for you, you had finished the experiment! Yes, the experiment conducted by Aperture Science. And now I've noticed that these points of data from a beautiful line (and I mean BEAUTIFUL!) now we're finally out of Beta and we're releasing the Portal Gun on time. So, this makes me GLaD (HAHA Humor) I got burned, just think of all the things we've learned for the people who are still alive! In the future they'll thank us for how we've helped them!
Go ahead and leave me, it is perfectly fine if you don't need me anymore, Chell. I think I'd prefer to stay inside anyways. Maybe you'll find someone else to help you. Maybe Black Mesa! THAT WAS A JOKE (HAHA) FAT CHANCE! You're NOTHING without me, without me you'd never have gotten this far! NEVER! NOPE! Anyways, this cake is great, it's so delicious and moist.
Wait, look at me still talking when there's science to do, when I look out there, Chell, it sure does make me GLaD (HAHA Humor²) I'm not you. Why am I wasting time writing to you? I've experiments to run and there's lots more research to be done on the people who are still alive. And believe me Chell, I'm still alive, I'll have you know. And yes, I'm doing fantastic and I'm still alive. Just know that when you're dying I'll be still alive and when you're dead I will be, you know, STILL ALIVE.
SIncerely,
GLaDOS
P.S. Still Alive!
