His Sleeping Breaths

Disclaimer: All rights go to Veronica Roth and Katherine Tegen Books/HarperCollins.

Tobias just told me he loves me.

There's something about him. Do I love him? Or is it nice to know that an actual boy out there is capable of caring about me?

I think I love him too. I knew there was a reason I couldn't take his life. It would have been like taking my own. I wouldn't have been able to stand myself. Some things must happen for the greater good, but is it really my fault that I couldn't see a world that Tobias didn't live in?

His soft breaths brush against my cheek, his sleeping face relaxed. After the events of that evening I didn't think I could sleep without nightmares for awhile.

Yet he looks so peaceful. I lean into him more, careful not to wake him, and brush my lips across his cheek. For a second, his expression turns happy, like he's awake. But I have a feeling I know what he's dreaming about.

I watch him for a while longer, before I feel my eyes closing, my eyelids are so heavy. I guess sleep is what I really need, but I don't think I'll be able to escape the nightmares.

My head is still on his shoulder as I start to doze off. Then I feel a jerky movement, pushing my head away.

His expression isn't peaceful anymore.

His hands are clenched; he's turning from side to side. Sweat beads on his neck. If I wake him, he'll remember it...but I can't stand to think about what he's seeing.

I slowly move my hands so they're around his torso, my head leaning on his chest. I feel his heartbeat; it's so fast. I kiss the hollow under his chin, hoping he will feel it like before.

Instead he's startled and wakes up with a jump. "Tris!"

I just look at him; I know there's no need for words. The look in his eyes says it all. I just lost you...

"I'm right here. I'm here...I'm here..." I say in what I hope is a soothing voice, but the raspy sound that comes out says otherwise. I can't stand the pain in his eyes.

We stare at each other for ages, for seconds. I lean my head back on his shoulder and try to sleep. For a long time Tobias stays perfectly still. Not like he's asleep, like he doesn't want to fall asleep. Like he wants to capture that moment forever.