Do you know what today is?

Do you?

I know what today is. I'll always know what today is.

You see, today is exactly three years since you and I stood in this very Bistro and declared to all our friends and family(well, all but your mother) that we loved each-other and that our marriage would be stronger than the last.

Ha.

How foolish were we?

How wrong was I?

I gazed into your eyes in the grand room of that Hall, promising to love you until some great and awful thing took you away from me for good. I promised it Nick. I did. I loved you. I said I would never leave, lie and I would take care of you even if you couldn't utter my words or manage to hold my hand again. I swore to you I would. I still swear now, wishing I had stuck by it.

Daft as it sounds, I felt that I couldn't have been happier, just you and I in our own little world together. I wanted that; I got that for a short while but, more than anything Nick, I want that back. I want you back.

And then, the rings; cementing the way we felt and just showing off to everyone how joined together we flamin well were. I still have em, even yours. The one you grabbed, threw off your finger and slammed down onto a table in the Rovers when you found out about me and Kal. I didn't blame you for hurting because I knew you wanted me back and if I'm honest, I know how you felt. Your smiling, loving and giving her everything she could possibly need by just breathing. It stings. It burns. It kills.

With a kiss, we were husband and wife and finally, things had begun to look up for us both- despite you knowing Kylie was pregnant with a baby that could have been yours. But I can't judge. Can I?

It was after I became Mrs Tilsley again that we opened the champagne; cheered and made our speeches. I promised you that I'd never let you down again and that I'd counted the days since we last married. It wasn't just for effect though, I had. And, if you're wondering, I have done it since January 11th 2013. It's been 1095 days since then and all those days after we split up and not one of em hasn't been filled with regret. 'Cos I miss ya. 'Cos I so wish I hadn't left ya when you needed me. I should have ignored ya and carried on because those feelings 'ave never gone away for me and they never will. Hold on tight to the things you love the most they say. I never did and now you're with her, and she's everything I ever was and more. She's far sexier, smarter, richer and perfect for you than me. You deserve Carla and she deserves someone like you.

So, I guess I'll toast them three years for us both eh? Whilst you pick out menus for your next wedding, I'll be drowning in the taste of regret and jealousy, watching you go all gooey eyed for her. I never thought I'd say that. You and Carla Connor together, soon to be married. But I suppose it's funny what can happen in 1095 days. Who knows? Maybe you'll be a father in another.

I may have struggled to show you how much you meant to me and how much I loved you towards the end, but I did love you. I do love you and that's why I hate seeing her with you, treating you like I once did and venturing down that road that ends with you in bits. I don't want to see you like that again.

I hope you have a good ol' day and maybe, just maybe, you spare me a thought. So, happy anniversary eh?