Some Things They Just Know
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a/n: ok, so i thought my 'last' story would be my last one... but somebody (sandy k) just had to dare me to do a 'happy' 'angsty' one... so...? is that even a thing? don't know... did it anyway, though... so this will be the last one.
i figured i'd try a different style here for this one... it's actually a combination of two other styles (broken thoughts/ sentences) i've always wanted to try... i hope it's not too off-putting... it shouldn't be hard to follow though.
warning: gets a little M-ish in places but nothing too bad.
Disclaimer: Like all the rest... Don't own WoWP, characters, etc, yadda, yadda, yadda... Here we go...
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Justin always knew that, one day, they would part ways. It was inevitable. (Nothing stays the same forever.) He had put off going to college for too long and now he suspected it was time to move forward.
Alex had graduated from high school and, thanks to careful prodding, had decided to go to college as well. - though she was less than thrilled with the idea of having to avoid four more years of classes
(And all the planning in the world couldn't prepare him for the dull ache in his heart he felt thinking she wouldn't be around everyday.)
So he sits on the couch, flipping through a NYU class catalogue -even though he's already accepted an offer to Stanford-, when Alex comes down the stairs and sits beside him. She doesn't say anything at first. (The tension between them, as of late, has been palpable. Suffocating. She hates it.)
She leans into him, peering into the catalogue. Her skin tingles where it touches his, and he feels it too. (But they shouldn't.) "Flip to the art classes." she says after a moment. She feels his eyes move to her, he's staring.
He doesn't realize he's doing it anymore and it's getting worse everyday as their future draws near. Memorizing her every feature has become his new hobby, like he's afraid he'll forget everything about her as soon as they part. She pretends not to notice, but she does.
And she kind of likes it. (But only because she likes being the center of attention. Or so she tells herself.)
She finally looks up into his eyes - they look sad, and there's a longing in them she finds heartbreaking - "What? she asks innocently. "Is there something on my face?"
Beauty.
But he doesn't say it. (She's his sister - and he shouldn't look at her that way.)
Instead, he says nothing. She rests a hand on his forearm - and it burns like fire - "What's wrong, Justin?" He blinks, looking away. He thinks he's been caught staring... but she's caught him before. A slight blush creeps up his neck and to his cheeks. "I... nothing." he sighs.
Just tell her. (But he can't.)
He gets up and leaves, going to his room, and as she watches him, crestfallen, there's an odd tightness in her chest when he looks back. (She doesn't want to follow. She's afraid - she doesn't know why.)
She follows anyway.
"You feel it too, don't you?" She's tired of this thing between them - just beneath the surface - and with only a month left until classes start, she doesn't want to wonder 'what if'...
He doesn't look at her, he just stiffens. His heart picks up speed and suddenly he realizes that he's not alone in this - whatever this is - she said "too."
(He knows it's wrong, but he feels... relief.)
She sits next to him on his bed and her hand trails up his back and tangles in his hair, rubbing lightly. He closes his eyes and shivers at her gentle touch. This is wrong, this is so wrong. (But why can't he move away?) "We can't" But his words are only half-hearted...
She can sense it. "Why not?" He sighs and turns to face her, placing his forehead against hers. In his twenty years he's never wanted anything more, but he has morals and a respect for rules. (And in moments like this, he wishes he was more like her - carefree.)
"You know why." he whispers... and maybe her heart breaks a little, but she doesn't let it show. For years, it seems, she's been fighting whatever this is... and only recently has she become aware that maybe, just maybe, he feels the same way.
Because he's the 'perfect' one, the one who believes in 'right', she never let herself think that he... No. She tells herself. He couldn't.
But he does.
They sit, forehead to forehead, their breaths increasing with every passing moment, neither willing to break the stalemate, neither willing to make the first move. The clock ticks on the wall, the only noise in his room besides their steady breathing...
His hand trails up and down her arm, goosebumps erupting on her skin - she likes this feeling - uncomfortably comfortable (she won't stop him). She brings her lips closer to his, their noses brushing against each other, their breaths mixing in each others' mouths. - he smelled like mint and dork (her favorite combination)
She slips out a cautious tongue, tracing it slowly between his lips, he shuddered at the sensation and, for a moment, he lost his resolve. He gave into temptation and brought his mouth to hers, lips meeting in a desperate connection. - she tasted like desire and passion... and a little like pickle juice. (He was unable to resist.)
Her hands were grabbing fistfuls of hair, pulling him inexorably closer, and when his tongue brushed her bottom lip, she smiled and gave him entrance. Exploring, tasting, needing. She moaned into his mouth. This is so wrong, so wrong, wrong.
(But it felt so right.)
Her hands roamed his well muscled chest and abs before slipping under his shirt to feel his skin. He groaned in pleasure before finding the will to pull away, snapping back to his senses. "Stop." he said, pulling back. "This can't happen."
"Yes, it can." she panted, pulling his lips back to hers. She'd dropped all pretense. (She wanted this. Him.) She moaned into his mouth when his hand moved under her shirt and to her breast, his thumb ghosting over her nipple - but he caught himself again and pulled away - and she was frustrated by the loss of contact. (Disappointed.)
"No, Alex," he said with heavy breath, "it can't."
"Justin?"
"I'm sorry." He left, just walked away, and she'd never felt lonelier. (And maybe she cried a little - but she'd never tell.)
- and maybe he did too (but it was just his allergies)
Things went back, as best they could, to the way they were - the stolen glances, the looks of longing, desire, want... but he followed the rules (annoying) and tried to be chivalrous (infuriating) - and both of them hated it. (But it was for the best.)
Two weeks until departure...
He's in her room, sitting on her bed, awaiting her return... she finally does. "How is this supposed to work, Alex?" (Forbidden romance- he doesn't add.)
"I don't know." she tells him honestly. (she already knows what he's talking about) "But don't you even want to try?"
He looks up into her eyes and she can see the answer. (Yes)-but he doesn't have to say it. She looks back at him and raises her eyebrows slightly, challengingly. (Then make a fucking move.) He sighs, carrying on the language they've used for as long as they can remember- the language of the unspoken- (I'm scared.) Her eyes soften (I am, too) and he nods.
She saunters over to him, straddling him as she crawls into his lap. She's nervous, he's petrified, but neither are going to stop. (They can feel what they're about to lose in two weeks- and they're quickly approaching their 'now or never' moment.)
Her arms are around his shoulders, they're shaking, his hands are on her hips, they're trembling, and as their lips meet, there's a brief moment of hesitation... then... nothing. No nerves, no questions, no sordid emotions; just feeling, tasting, enjoying each others bodies... lavishing the other with affection.
They make love: he's gentle and sweet, and she's passionate and filled with desire.
He's her first - and she's his. It hurts her, at first, and then nothing's ever felt better. (They realize how perfectly they fit together - like they were made specifically for the other - before all thoughts leave them.)
He releases himself inside of her, screaming her name, right after her own climax strikes, screaming his, and they collapse together in a sweaty, satisfied heap. There's no guilt, no remorse... no regret. (Only love - but they can't say it - they shouldn't feel that... but that doesn't mean it isn't there.)
He holds her to him and kisses her softly, silently thanking God that Alex had retained her senses enough to silence her room beforehand.
They stare into each others eyes and several bliss filled moments pass. Justin, for once, thinks about nothing, but her- how she feels against him, how her scent fills his nostrils, intoxicating him, the way she's purring softly, making him smile, knowing that he made her feel that way.- and Alex is doing something she doesn't do often, thinking about the future, their future. "So, what do we do now?"
He misses the reference and cocks up an eyebrow suggestively with a huge grin. (Bold. She likes it.) She smiles and rolls her eyes. "Perv." She playfully slaps his chest. "I meant about us."
"Oh... I don't know." he said, sounding much less intelligent than he had intended. "We'll have to take it one day at a time." She doesn't like his answer, but she doesn't have one of her own. She can only nod in response. (But, secretly, she clings to hope.)
The next two weeks fly by. (With frequent, secret rendezvous spicing up their, now playful, bickering - They wouldn't have it any other way.)
But there was a cloud of worry that hung over them - they still didn't have a plan for them - and tonight was their final night together before leaving for opposite sides of the country. (And neither of them wanted to be the one to say it.)
But Justin did.
"We can't do this anymore." (And even though she thought this might happen, her heart still shattered.) He knew that he couldn't come home very often- plane tickets were too expensive, exposing magic was too risky- and phone calls, texts, and emails just weren't the same. He wanted her to have a good life, to be happy, and not worry about him... "We have to stop."
What they had was forbidden, immoral, and, in society's eyes, wrong... (But not to them.) But he didn't want her pining for something that he knew could never be.
"What if I can't?" she asked sadly. They've talked about this before and she knew what he feared and while some part of her understood, another part (the biggest part) wanted to never let go.
As she waited for his answer in nervous anticipation, he got up from her bed and got dressed, stopping at her door. "You have to..." and, once again, he just left. (And once again, her heart shattered - only, this time, his did too.)
His flight to California was the following morning (she'll tell people that she didn't have cry herself to sleep last night) and her family had to drag her to the airport to say goodbye to Justin - when it was the last thing she wanted to do.
The rest of them went first: tear filled farewells and promises to call, then it was her turn... "I'll meet you guys in the car." she told them before turning to Justin. They took the hint.
"I can't do this, Justin." Alex said, trying not to breakdown in public. "Please?" Her hands were in front of her, fidgeting nervously, anxiously, and she couldn't look him in the eyes.
Justin took her in his arms and held her tightly, she was trembling- so was he- and laid his cheek to the top of her head. "We have to, Alex... we have to." he whispered into her hair. "It'll get easier." he lied. "Just give it time."
"What if it doesn't?"
Just tell him. (But she couldn't.)
He released her and picked up his bag. "It will..."
They would have to try to go back to the way they used to be - pretending that they didn't care, pretending that all of their intimate moments from years past never happened, pretending that the closeness they've shared in these past few weeks didn't mean anything...
(But there was a problem... it did... enormously so.)
One final look, a weak smile, and they turned to walk away. - He stopped and turned around, she didn't. And maybe it was because she was crying (sobbing) a little (more than she ever had) but she never looked back.
This time, he cried... "I love you." he whimpered.
(And it wasn't his allergies)
The next eighteen months were difficult. They barely spoke to each other. (It was too fucking hard) And when they did speak, mainly through texts and emails, the conversations were always superficial. 'How's school?', 'How've you been?', 'What's new?'... and the answers were just as predictable... 'Lame', 'Fine', 'Nothing.'
In the next six months, things got better. Their conversations got deeper and the questions became more probing but one question was never asked... "Have you met someone?" (They didn't want to know the answer) But Justin desperately wanted to know (but, then again, he didn't) because he'd been thinking about them, and maybe she was right. It could work.
He grew more excited as each day passed because he knew that, in three days, Max would graduate high school, and, seven days later, they'd have the wizard competition... and he'd get to see her again.
He waited anxiously on the ancient battle ground. It was good to see his family again but there was one person he desperately hoped to see.
Finally he did.
(And his heart dropped.)
As he looked her over, she looked pretty much the same. Her hair was shorter, just off the shoulder, her eyes were still vibrant (she was just as happy to see him) but he saw something that made him shudder...
She had a ring. On that finger. And Mason's arm was draped over her shoulder, a matching band on his own...
Justin hugged her, brushing the werewolf to the side as if he didn't exist, and held her tightly. (And it wasn't awkward all - at least that's what they told themselves.) Mason cleared his throat loudly and the two broke apart.
"Justin." Mason greeted with a curt nod. "Mason." (And it took every ounce of strength Justin had not to growl his response.)
They talked for a while, and this time, it was extremely uncomfortable. He found out that Alex was engaged (For four months now) and all Justin wanted to do was to hide away from the world and vent his anger and heartbreak... and Alex noticed this expression on his face.
Her eyes were pleading, a growing desperation contained within them, as she stared at Justin. She quickly flicked them in Mason's direction and back to Justin. - and he understood. He wouldn't ruin it for them. He wouldn't say anything. And he knew what he had to do...
The competition was over quickly... Justin tried (but not his hardest) and Alex won handily. Justin knew that she couldn't be with Mason as a mortal... so he made one final sacrifice for her to be happy.
(Although he died a little inside that day.)
With the power transfer ceremony complete, Justin left without a word, (There was nothing left to say.) and his family looked on in confusion - one more than others. (But she maintained her strength even though her heart broke all over again.)
She cried that night when Mason made love to her (he wasn't who she wanted - but she gave him some lame excuse that seemed to pacify him) and her quiet sobs were the only noise she's ever made with him... (It just wasn't the same.)
And two weeks later, she closed her eyes and let her mind drift. For the first time since they've been together, Alex moaned in pleasure as she met each of his thrusts, and Mason felt a sense of relief, like maybe she'd finally given herself to him fully... then she called out his name... "Justin." she said breathlessly.
Everything stopped.
He was furious and disgusted. (How could he not be - how many sisters call out their brother's names while doing that?) He raged for what seemed like hours until Alex explained to him that the only reason she had said Justin's name was because she was worried about him. She hasn't seen him, talked to him, since the competition and she was concerned about his wellbeing... (a half-truth... but better than the whole truth- no one made her feel the way Justin did...)
Mason seemed to buy it - his other options were anything but desirable. (But his suspicions were maintained.)
But, Alex took the 'incident' as a sign - of what, she wasn't sure, but she needed to find out... So the next day...
Justin was sitting on his couch flipping through the channels on his TV when he heard a familiar sound... the sound of a wizard 'popping' in. His heart leapt into his throat as he quickly stood and turned around. "Alex?" he asked, clearly surprised. He was happy, he was nervous, his palms had become sweaty. (He didn't know why...yet.)
There was no time for small talk - she told Mason that she 'needed some air' and left - but, she was as nervous as Justin was, she just hid it better, so she crossed her arms over her chest to keep from revealing her shaking hands. "Why did you leave?"
He was dumbfounded. He wasn't sure what she meant (or which time) and it took him a moment of silence before he was finally able to utter something clever, "What?"
She narrowed her eyes and stepped closer to him. Her heart was racing just as fast as her mind was. She needed to know if he still felt it as strongly as she did. "After the competition, why did you leave?" she clarified, even as her eyes began to mist up.
Justin swallowed the lump in his throat. "I... I thought that was what you wanted." he said cautiously. He thought that's what she had silently asked him to do... not to ruin things... to let her be happy... and now, hers wasn't the only mind that was racing.
"Justin?" she whined, pleaded, begged him to understand, stomping her foot to the floor for emphasis.
He froze.
He recognized that look in her eyes - it was the same one she had on the day of the competition - and (finally) it clicked into place... she wasn't begging him to stay away, she wasn't begging him to not interfere, she wasn't begging him to leave... she was pleading with him to save her.
And he had missed it.
"Oh my God..." he breathed as realization washed over him. He took a step forward. "I didn't... I..." he stuttered. Suddenly he was filled with joy - she came back - hesitant, but sustaining, as he reached out a trembling hand to her. She took it, revealing how scared she was, allowing him to see how her hands were shaking.
He pulled her close, their bodies pressed together, feeling the warmth from each other that they'd so desperately missed. "Do you still...?" he asked weakly, letting the question hang thick in the air.
"Do you..." Please say yes.
His lip quivered. (He couldn't stop it - he was overwhelmed) "Yes." was all he got out before her lips were on his. It was soothing and familiar, passionate and filled with desire.
For too long they'd been apart. For too long he's been alone... for too long she's been with someone she didn't love. (A replacement - a stand-in, who was standing in the way of her happiness.)
Driven by want and need, neither one remembered how they ended up naked in Justin's bed. The sensations of hands and lips on each other, body pressed against body, hunger meeting desire, were all encompassing and thoughts were but a relic.
The next thing she remembers was Justin slowly sliding into her and a breathy moan escaped her lips. This was what she longed for... not sex, but the connection, the closeness shared with someone she loved. Both of them knew it was wrong, immoral, but that didn't matter.
(How can something this wrong feel so fucking right?)
She cried out (something she never did with the replacement), screaming his name, (the one she's always wanted), and dug her nails into his back, pressing her face into his shoulder as he pushed her over the edge again and again.
He grunted his release, his voice strangled as he called out her name, collapsing on top of her, kissing her softly, lovingly.
After several moments, breaths were regained, and heart rates slowed. He tried to roll off of, and out of her, but she squeezed her arms and legs tightly, not letting him go. He looked at her questioningly for a moment, not that he was complaining.
"I just..." (I'm not ready to let go) she trailed off.
Justin smiled and pressed his lips to hers. (I understand.) And she smiled back into his gentle kiss.
Then Justin's phone rings and they both groaned in irritation. "Just let it ring, Justin." Alex whines.
"It's probably about you, you know." he retorts with a roll of his eyes. "So." She frowns at the loss of their physical connection when he gets up to answer it.
"Yello!"
"Dork."
He rolls his eyes at her again and mouths 'mom' as he moves into his living room for some privacy.
(And maybe she does a little spying - it's kind of her thing.)
"I'm fine, mom..." (and Alex secretly wishes she could hear both sides of the conversation - but she's completely forgotten she's a wizard.)
"What? No, I'm not upset about that. Honestly. I got something much better in return." And even though she couldn't see his face, she knew he was grinning. And she knew that he meant that she was the 'something better' and her heart swelled.
"Oh, hey, dad." He paused for a second and ran his free hand through his hair. "No, I don't think that's a good idea." Suddenly he blushed. "Yeah, dad. I have a girl here."
Alex smiled sweetly at him for moment and suppressed a giggle. (Turns out that, without clothes on, a blush can spread pretty far.)
"No, dad," Justin said firmly, "It's not like that!" He paused for a second, seemingly uncomfortable with scolding his father. "I... I love her."
Alex's smile brightened and her heart fluttered, on the verge of bursting. (And maybe she shed a tear or two, but no one has to know.) Mason told her that countless times, but it never felt like it did when Justin had just said it... So caught up in her own delight, she didn't even hear the rest of his conversation.
"Okay, I'll talk to you later." was what snapped her back to reality.
Justin tossed his phone onto the couch and turned, freezing in stunned silence when he saw Alex standing in his doorway, undressed, and fidgeting with her fingers with a guilty expression on her face. (She wasn't meant to hear that)
"You love me?" she asked. (But it wasn't a question)
He didn't even bother to deny it anymore - What was the point? - "Yes." (But that was definitely an answer.)
Justin swallowed hard, nervous about his next question. "Do you... you know... love me?"
Alex grinned mischievously at him and shrugged. "Maybe." (Yes, you idiot!)
"Alex..." but then he noticed the teasing in her eyes, and the devilish smile on her lips, his confidence grew. He walked toward her, quickening his pace with every step.
She slipped back into his room, slowly backing toward his bed, and allowing him to 'catch' her. "You know, since you were the one who left last time, maybe I should make you work a little for your 'yes'." she said suggestively, motioning toward the bed.
Quickly he picked her up and she squealed in surprise and delight, giggling when he flopped her down onto the bed. He climbed on top of her and chuckled softly before pressing his lips to hers. "I guess I can live with that."
And in that moment it didn't matter what happened next. There was him and there was her, there was love and there was happiness. They both knew that the path they were choosing would be rough, and rife with challenges. They knew they would have to deal with Mason and his 'fiancee gone missing' at some point. They knew they would have to tell their family eventually.
There was still school to discuss and long term plans to be made... but none of that mattered now.
For now, they are happy. For now, they are together, and in love. And maybe they'll stay that way for the rest of their lives... there's no way to be certain. (After all, they can't predict the future)
- but there are some things they just know.
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end
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a/n: well, there ya' go. 'happy angst' - yeah, it sounds funny to me too.
done and done. thanks for reading!
Okay, that's it... Peace Out.
