The Way We Are

Disclaimer: JAG does not belong to me, but rather to DPB, CBS and Paramount, I'm just borrowing the characters since I couldn't shake any sense into their owners.

Spoilers: Adrift 1 & 2, Measure of Men, eventually some of the Events from Guilt but the first part is after Measure of Men.

Author's Note: This is my first attempt at fanfic, so you should know a few things, (1) I need some help! Reviews, critiques, and betas would be appreciated. (2) I might tweak a few things from Season 7 to fit the story, so. don't freak out, ok? (3) If you see something wrong, don't hesitate to let me know about it. (4) To see exactly where we are with this story, the first part starts right after Measure of Men. And by the way, if I don't get everything right, don't kill me, just let me know, I don't know a killing amount about the military.

1345 ZULU

USS Guadalcanal

Indian Ocean

Mac walked down a dimly lit corridor of the ship quickly, tears pooling behind the stubborn Marine facade that everyone thought they knew so well. In truth only a few people really knew the woman behind the shell, and perhaps that was where the problem was. Right now, despite all her strength she would've loved to talk to someone. Specifically one equally stubborn Navy commander who had been the object of her thoughts more than once, even when they weren't talking they were connected, she had proven that much just a few weeks earlier when he had punched out of a Tomcat in a storm, a storm that he shouldn't even have been flying in, all to make it back to her wedding- a wedding that would never occur now. Surprisingly though, not talking to her almost-husband didn't bother her nearly as much as not talking to Harm. Closing the hatch to her stateroom with a drawn out sigh, she moved on autopilot to the single bed inside, sinking into it without paying any attention to her now rumpled uniform.

'Just another in a long line of mistakes' she thought resignedly. Shortly after she had arrived on the ship to take the place of the JAG, HE had shown up, and it had obviously thrown her, even Gunny noticed that, though he mostly kept his comments to himself.

In the privacy of her cabin, she was left alone with her thoughts, tears streaming silently down her face for all the missed opportunities. He had tried to talk to her, wanted to work things out, to try for a them after all this time. And searching back in her memories she tried to figure out where they had gone wrong. Heck, there had never even been a 'them,' whenever one was ready the other wasn't, and yet despite all their past failures when she allowed her mind to take her down the road of the future, he was the only one she saw it with. And yet when he had tried to talk to her, she'd put him on the spot, asking what he'd be willing to give up for her, throwing the fact that Mic had given up career and country for her, knowing fully that her botched engagement was a sore spot for him.

'But he rejected me when we were in Australia' said one part of her mind, trying to justify the way she had stonewalled him every time he tried to make things better. 'No he didn't, he just said not yet, you know him better than anyone else, you should know he'd have a hard time letting go. Instead of being the friend he always tried to be for you, you just dropped him, and then rubbed the whole engagement in his face as much as you could' was what her heart told her. 'But he went back to flying!', 'But he also came back, and did you ever stop to think that maybe that was part of letting go? No, instead when he did come back, you backed him into a corner with a difficult decision, he only just got back before that and then you were ready to jump headlong into everything else, did you ever stop to think that maybe he just wasn't ready yet?'

This constant battling in her mind was about to drive her crazy, and she tossed a few times before slamming a pillow down hard onto her head. "Ouch." came her muffled response to the action, which had sent a rather hard pillow into her face. "Uggg." Even thousands of miles away, the flyboy was still constantly on her mind and some days she didn't know whether to be annoyed or happy. As if she couldn't feel any worse, the memory of when Harm had left the ship came flying back, he had looked behind him so many times, and she had known he was looking for her.Just after the helo had taken off, she'd seen inside, seen the lost look he wore, even from that distance.

Realizing that she wasn't going to get any sleep soon, she rolled out of bed and retrieved her laptop, planning to work on the cases she had taken over as acting JAG on the ship until a new one was found. When she realized she wouldn't get any work done either, she found herself online, looking at her online album. The familiar faces brought a smile to her face, until one popped up, thebright smile and piercing eyes making her face drop a bit. He hadn't deserved the treatment she'd given him when he came onboard, he'd wanted to do the very thing she'd been trying to get him to do for so long, and yet she had blocked him every way she knew how.

Mac was so lost in thought that she would've missed the popup that now appeared on her screen, were it not for the overly happy tune that chimed out, signaling she had an instant message in the JAG chatroom. Hoping it was him, and at the same time not, she opened the box. to find Harriet's email address shown.

NAVYMOM writes: Morning Ma'am

Chewing on her lower lip for a second, she debated whether or not to reply, before she decided why not? Harriet already knew she was on, she'd just ask more questions if she didn't andwer. With a rueful smile, she noticed Harriet's proper address of her.

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet, we're IMing, and I was your Maid of Honor, I think you can call me Mac!

Realizing what she had wrote, Mac fell quiet for a bit, why'd she have to come back to weddings?

NAVYMOM writes:Yes Ma'am.. uh, Mac. So... how are you?

Mac knew Harriet was trying to broach the subject of her canceled wedding carefully, and when she didn't reply right away, Harriet wrote again.

NAVYMOM writes:You do know that if you want to talk I'm here, right?

Mac sighed, it was nice to know that, and maybe she'd feel better talking to Harriet, she couldn't very well talk to Harm anyway.

GREENMARINE writes:I'm.. okay. It's odd adjusting to the idea, but for some reason... I don't know, I don't feel too broken up about it.. Did I just say that?

NAVYMOM writes:Yes Ma..c, you did. Do you want to tell me what's going on?

GREENMARINE writes:I wish I knew Harriet. When Mic said he was leaving he said I just didn't want to be alone... maybe he was right?

NAVYMOM writes:Did you love him?

GREENMARINE writes:I was going to marry him Harriet!

NAVYMOM writes:Mac, you didn't answer the question.

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet exactly how much time have you been spending around lawyers?

NAVYMOM writes:Enough... and you still haven't answered me, Did you love him?

GREENMARINE writes:... yes, I mean, I think so.. hmm, is it too late to plead the Fifth?

NAVYMOM writes:Mac, you trust me right? So talk to me, besides I don't think the Commander's here right now.

GREENMARINE writes:... sigh ... I guess I need to be careful what I wish for Harriet.. I was wishing I could talk to someone.

NAVYMOM writes:Would that 'someone' be Commander Rabb?

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet.

NAVYMOM writes:Yes Ma'am.

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet!

NAVYMOM writes:Fine, yes MAC!

GREENMARINE writes:Why do I bother?

NAVYMOM writes:Because the Commander's not here.

GREENMARINE writes:Do we have to go there again And Harm was Bud's best man, he does have a name you know.

NAVYMOM writes:Yes, I think we do, now are you going to spill or do I have to interrogate? And let me remind you that I don't buy that 'just friends' excuse you and Harm constantly babble about.

GREENMARINE writes:Down Harriet:) ... Fine, I'll talk. It started back before Harm left for flying...

And Mac proceeded to spill out the entire story, about how she thought he was leaving her despite his protests, the fact that she was hurt by it and when he came back rubbed Brumby in his nose, then the events of Australia in candid detail, even the parts she thought she'd never tell anyone, about feeling rejected and perhaps becoming spiteful...

NAVYMOM writes:Wow, and you say there's nothing there. There's about as much 'nothing' as an elephant! You two are a real mess sometimes, you know that right?

GREENMARINE writes:Duh, Harriet! I'm sitting here spilling all sorts of personal details over the net, I'm pretty sure that would indicate a big mess.

NAVYMOM writes:Cool it with the sarcasm, Mac, we'll figure something out.

Harriet then decided she might as well drop a bombshell of her own and see what Mac did about it.

NAVYMOM writes:How long have you been in love with him?

GREENMARINE writes:... what?

A satisfied smirk slipped onto Harriet's face, as she kept typing.

NAVYMOM writes:I said how long have you been in love with him, you can put me up on charges later.

GREENMARINE writes:I... I... uh, in love with who? Mic?

NAVYMOM writes:Do you know how bad that sounded? Need I remind you that you don't lie well to your friends? And you know full well I'm talking about Harm, not Mic!

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet... I.. don't know.

NAVYMOM writes:But you're not denying it anymore. We're making progress here. Now talk.

GREENMARINE writes:I don't know how long Harriet, ok? A long time, is that what you wanted to hear?

NAVYMOM writes:I'd much rather hear that you were going to do something about it.

GREENMARINE writes:What? I asked him what he'd give up, he couldn't even answer me.

NAVYMOM writes:...

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet?

NAVYMOM writes:I'm here.

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet there's something you're not telling me, now what's going on?

NAVYMOM writes:Nothing Ma'am.

GREENMARINE writes:Yeah right, you're hiding something.

NAVYMOM writes:Not at all.

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet, you better talk, unless you want me to make that an order!

Mac had to grin a bit at that, knowing that Harriet would eventually tell her. After another long pause, Harriet resumed typing.

NAVYMOM writes:I, wasn't trying to listen in, but Harm and Bud were talking, Harm looked sort of.. distant, upset too. He and Bud were talking about giving things up, he said 'she' asked if he'd give up his girlfriend, and when Bud asked him what his reply was, he said he'd give it all up. I - I thought they were talking about you but I wasn't in a place where I could tell.

Back in D.C. Harriet was chewing on her lip, wondering if she should say what Harm had said next, of course, he and Bud had spoken with anonymity, using vague terms, but both Bud and Harriet knew who was being spoken about. She was lost in thought and didn't realize that Mac had yet to answer. And then Harm had said he loved her, without any prodding from Bud, he hadn't even asked, and then Bud asked if he'd told her, and Harm's only answer was "I tried." After a moment's thought, she started typing again.

NAVYMOM writes:Mac, are you OK?

GREENMARINE writes:Sure, if you count the fact that right now I feel like a fool. This is such a mess. I just wish I knew if he loves me like I love him.

Just as Harriet was about to reply...

LTBUD has signed on

NAVYMOM writes:Hi Bud!

GREENMARINE writes:Yeah, Hi Bud.

LTBUD writes:Hi Ma'am, Hi Harriet.

GREENMARINE writes:Oh boy here we go again... Bud, I have a name, it's Mac, use it sometime, won't you?

LTBUD writes:Yes Ma'am, er Mac.

GREENMARINE writes:grumble... That's what I get for making friends at work.

LTBUD writes:So, what were you two ladies talking about?

In a frantic scramble both started typing at once, oblivious to the fact that Bud had seen his wife talking to Mac earlier and had gone to the other computer upstairs.

GREENMARINE writes:Uh, shopping!

NAVYMOM writes:We were talking about AJ.

GREENMARINE writes:Uh, that is to say we were talking about... shopping ... for AJ.

LTBUD writes:Really.

NAVYMOM writes:Sure, there's a great sale on at Sinter's.

GREENMARINE writes:Yeah, Sinter's!

Unseen by either, Bud rolled his eyes, he might've been mild-mannered, but he wasn't clueless, and he knew just what what they were talking about, or actually, who, due to his computer skills.

LTBUD writes:So, what's new Ma-c?

GREENMARINE writes:Hey, that's progress Bud, first names :) And there's... not too much right now.

Harriet was knowingly silent, because if they talked about what was new, they'd inevitably return to Harm.

LTBUD writes:Harriet, anything to add?

NAVYMOM writes:Of course not silly, I'm right downstairs.

Bud just rolled his eyes at that, who did they think they were fooling?

GREENMARINE writes: D So, how's Harm?

Harriet saw right through her seemingly casual question though, but it was Bud who called her on it.

LTBUD writes:With all due respect ma'am, I think you already know since you've been talking about him for the past 35 minutes.

After that there was a long silence.

NAVYMOM writes:Bud!

LTBUD writes:Sorry Honey, I have to call things as I see them, besides I knew you were thinking it anyway.

GREENMARINE writes:37 minutes and 25 seconds actually.

LTBUD writes:But, she's not denying it, see Harriet?

NAVYMOM writes:Bud...

GREENMARINE writes:Figures... Going to a different subject, Bud how long have you been on this chatroom?

LTBUD writes:I, um, just briefly.

GREENMARINE writes:I think he's heard to much Harriet.

NAVYMOM writes:scoffs it's nothing he didn't know, you two have the most convoluted relationship of anyone I know... Ma'am.

GREENMARINE writes:Cute Harriet, real cute. In any case, I've gotta get off, I've got cases, this isn't a vacations cruise.

NAVYMOM writes:Ok, bye Mac. Any special message for you-know-who?

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet.

NAVYMOM writes:Yes Ma'am, signing off.

NAVYMOM has signed off.

GREENMARINE writes:Talk to you later Bud.. Oh and Bud, Neither of you heard anything.

LTBUD writes:Yes Ma'am, I'll relate the message.

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet has you trained well.

GREENMARINE has signed off.

Bud looked at the screen slightly puzzled for a little while, then went ahead with his plan, not quite sure what he intended to do just yet but knowing something needed to be done. Five minutes later, the screen updated.

LTBUD has signed off.

Closing the chat window, Mac rolled her eyes, some things would never change. And then slowly the reality of what she had talked with Harriet about set in. What exactly was "How long have you been in love with him?" supposed to mean anyway? Not that there were many ways to figure it out, but right now, she was torn between calling Harm and leaving it alone. "This is such a mess, I don't know whether to be angry at him or happy." Stifling a snort, she relized that seemed to be the story of her relationship with Harm, if it could be called that. Misconceptions and vague terminology. What the heck does 'You know the reason' mean?

Knowing she wouldn't get much sleep, she busied herself working on cases long into the night, though every so often she would realized her thoughts were once again drifting stateside, and having resigned herself to the fact that it was going to be a long night.


Thoughts? Comments? Angry letters threatening my existence? Please review, you know you're dying to :)

I will respond to all reviews in the next chapter, if there are any that is.

P.s. Yes I know my style is a little different, but work with me, and if you see something that needs work, just tell me fore crying out loud. And Yes this is gonne be shipper at the end, I just need to insert the proper amount of angst first.