AUTHOR'S NOTE! NOOOO. NOT ANOTHER STORY. But it had to be done. Why? Because I recently found this story on my old documents, and fell in love with it. I WANT DEIDARA TO COME OUT OF MY SHOWER. Wow. That sounds kinda wrong...Well, moving along! So, I think this one is somewhat different than all the other crossover fics. At least, I like to think so. If not, please do humor me. xDD Anyway, feel free to read on. And REVEIW PLEASE. Not to beg, but that's the only way I know that you like the story. xD Anyway, do enjoy!

DISCLAIMER! In no way or form do I own Naruto, it's characters, or it's overall awesomness. I only own Haru and Tsuki. Yep.


01. "Curse Those Near-Death Experiences!"

Ragged breaths came out in sharp puffs.

Vivid cerulean eyes narrowed in the most vile kind of hate.

Long blonde tresses, riled with dirt, clay, and blood, blew out in the wind.

And Deidara knew he was going to die.

He didn't want to think about it, didn't want to believe it was true. He had entered that battle prepared; he had his clay, had his skills. He tried - God knows he tried - but it wasn't enough. It never was enough with him, was it?

It wasn't enough that Itachi had spared his life those years ago. Deidara had to surpass him, had to prove his art was better than the Sharingan. It wasn't enough that he and Tobi had caught the biju. He had to fight the youngest Uchiha boy, didn't he? And when it was clear that Deidara wasn't going to win - perhaps would never win - and he had that brief chance to escape...No, it wasn't enough that he could escape with his life. He had to have his pride, and would die trying to win.

Looks like he was going to die, then.

A humorless laugh escaped his lips with that small thought. From across the small clearing they were in, the Uchiha boy looked up at him through cold, onyx eyes.

"...Why are you laughing?" the obvious question escaped his lips. Deidara looked at the raven-haired male, laughing again as he did so.

"I'm going to die, yeah."

The Uchiha's coal-black eyes widened an infinitesimal bit. He panted, still exhausted from the previous battle that had ensued. His chakra levels were dangerously low, but he sensed that his blonde foe's was even lower. So he had a chance of killing him still. And I seemed that Deidara had accepted it.

The blonde looked at his legs, sprawled out in front of him. He tried to move them.

Nothing.

Oh yes, he was going to die.

"Hmph. So be it, un..." With that statement, he gingerly removed his shirt, exposing his toned abdomen, and then...And then...

Sasuke's eyes widened again. What was that?! For there, right where his heart would have been, lay vulgar, thick stitches. Deidara noted the unabashed staring.

"Ah, this here? It's my greatest creation yet, un! And with it, not only will I finally become a great work of art, but you will die, hmm!"

Sharingan eyes flickered. Sasuke could only keep them up for so long, and he had to attack quickly. Deidara, smirking once more, bowed his head and bit of the stitches, wincing with pain as they broke. He pulled the string out, and...

The Uchiha's stomach turned. Sharp teeth lashed out, a long tongue undulated, and Deidara laughed once more. It was a mouth. A mouth on his chest. Sasuke watched, frozen, as it consumed a small but of clay - Deidara's very last bit - and began to chew. He knew what was going to happen.

The blonde was so set on killing him...That he was going to blow himself up. Shit.

"Hah! I see it now, yeah! I see through your worthless Sharingan eyes!" the blonde shouted with mirth, "Tell your brother, tell Itachi, that I defeated the Sharingan, hmm! Because I can see it in your eyes. I have struck fear in them, yeah!"

Terrible black, sinewy lines began to creep through his body. The blonde had gone off and turned himself into a bomb. Shit.

"You can't run! You can't hide! You can't escape my art, yeah!" the blonde screamed with mirth at the raven-haired one. His pale skin was marred by the lines as they consumed him.

"And now, you die Uchiha! Because my art? My art is a blast, yeah!"


BOOM!


"Nice going Haru!"

I yelled out loud, flailing as my body hit the shining floors of our gym. Whimpering, I clutched at my face - where the horrid soccer ball had crashed into the soft skin. No doubt I was as red as a tomato by now.

The shrill whistle of the gym teacher's whistle rang out in the large gymnasium, hurting my ears slightly. Still whimpering, I held my face with one hand a shakily got up. Wobbling slightly, I looked watched the teacher yell at the offending boy. Feeling something wet trickle down my hand, I brought my slender hand up to brush away at the traitorous tears with a flourish. The other students watched me, some snickering, others looking concerned.

Despite all this, no one asked me if I was okay. No one tapped my shoulder and asked if I wanted to see the nurse.

The teacher merely looked at me and pointed to the changing rooms. Not needing another second, I made a mad dash to the spacious girl's locker, and burst through the double doors. Thanking the heavens I had not fallen while running, I rubbed my burning face with one hand and picked at my locker with the other.

Snatching the clothes up, I scurried to the changing stalls and practically ripped off my gym clothes. Hurriedly dressing, I hastily grabbed my messenger bag and dashed out the doors. I ignored everyone else and did not stop running till I reached the outside of the academy.

Even then, I did not stop my running.


"God! I hate this place so much!" I groaned into my phone. There was a bit of static, and a musical voice came though.

"Haru, Haru. Shame! Studies are very much important in all our lives!" the one on the other line chastised. My mind dreamed up a chibi waving a finger at me. I sighed.

"I do study! I'm number five in my class, not to mention I skipped last year! It's just, everyone is so incredibly mean. And I hate gym class! SO MUCH!" I vented, playing with the felt hair on my Deidara plushie. The musical voice of my best friend - Okashii Tsuki, first-year collage student - came again.

"Yes, gym class does suck. A lot...Hmm, maybe I could come and visit? Christmas break is coming up for us over here. What do you say?"

I nearly threw my plushie across the room with surprise as my hand shot up, "Yes!! That would be amazing! And I haven't seen you since last summer...Plus, we're kinda behind on all our cosplays. I need some help with my Shippy Sasuke. The sleeves are too long."

"Oh, don't worry. I'll sew it up when I get there. Oh, so did you see the newest Naruto manga?" she questioned softly. I nodded vigorously.

"Yes! I'm so pissed, Kishi just killed off Deidara! DUDE! S'not cool..."


We spent the next hour or so bashing the Naruto manga for killing off the most epic of all characters. Don't get me wrong, I adore the manga. With a shameless fangirl passion.

Okay, maybe not fangirl passion, but still. Deidara was a great character, right? Right.

But then my eyes kept drooping and I couldn't concentrate on the conversation anymore. I yawned widely, and scratched the back of my head.

"Mmm, Tsu I'm gonna call you tomorrow, kay?"

"Yeah, sure. Goodnight, Haru."

"Night," I yawned again, and placed the phone back into it's charger. I got up off my bed (queen was the standard in all out dorms here at the academy) and stretched like a cat. Rubbing my eyes, I made my way to the bathroom and turned the light on.

With a flick of the wrist, I turned on the faucet, and a light stream of crystalline water. Shivering from the cold floor, I felt my bare toes scrunch up as the sensation sent shivers down my spine.

"Ugh. The heat must be out again..." I muttered. Shooting myself a glance at the mirror, I sighed at what looked back at me.

Unkempt, long and messy raven hair. Vivid jade eyes. Pallid, pasty yet clear skin. Dark bags from lack of sleep. Dry, pale lips. Ugh, I'm a mess.

A soft sigh escaped my lips, and I looked down at the flowing water quickly. No need to depress myself before bedtime, right? Right.

But then, as I was about to begin washing my face, a slight tremor shook the large bathroom. I gasped, and held onto a fluffy, lilac towel (which matched to color scheme of the bathroom). My shampoo fell of its rack in the shower room, and I felt my heart rate kick up.

Other beauty care products rained down as the tremors got worse. I paled, and tried to remember what we were supposed to do in an earthquake.

But before I could think of anything, it suddenly stopped.

I let out the breath I didn't even know I had been holding, and released the fluffy towel from my vice-like grip. It was over. (Or so I thought).

Trembling, I went over to put everything back in it's place. Padding over to the shower room, I opened the clear glass door and stepped inside. However, just as I picked up a half-empty bottle of lavender-scented shampoo, my showerhead made a gurgling noise. I stepped back suddenly, nearly falling out of the glass room as I did so.

The silver shower head continued with it's shaking, and a strange substance began to gurgle from the silver drain. My eyes shot open in disbelief,

It...It looked like rainbow glop?!

I couldn't help but stare in disbelief. But then, something else happened - something that I might as well never be able to explain in my lifetime.

The shower shook some more, until the head finally burst. I screamed shrilly as the silver head shot through into to wall, breaking the tile. More and more of the rainbow glop began to spew from the broken faucet, drenching the shower room in the substance.

I panicked then, and began to think of what to do. Call the cops? Hah. Call the dorm monitor? Pfft, probably sleeping by now. Crap...What then?!

But as I was lost in thought, there was a blinding flash of white, a shrill, piercing noise, and a splash.

And then it was over. This time for sure.

Until I opened my eyes, and crawled out of my fetal position. Shuffling over to my poor shower room, I waved away some of the smoke, narrowly avoiding a glop of rainbow-junk as it fell from the ceiling.

Then I paled.

Because there, in the ruins that was my shower, lay a man in the puddle of rainbow stuff.

His cloak was a black one, adorned with the symbol I recognized to be of the Akatsuki.

His hitai-ai was (I squinted here, trying to make it out through the rainbow glop) of the Hidden Rock village.

It had a dash through it.

Finally, he had long, golden-blond hair; part of it tied in a half ponytail, another part over his face. I spotted a scope on his left eye.

Then, I screamed again with realization and fell to my knees.

Why?

Because I - Ureshii Haru, normal high school student - had a fictional character lying on my shower's floor.

A fictional man by the name of...Deidara.


KAZ SPEAKS! FFFFFFFFFF. SO MANY LINE BREAKS. Ugh. But it had to be done. It had to I say.

Blah, blah, blah. I really have nothing to say as I hide in shame from writing another story when I have others. Well, please review! They are the ramen to my inner Naruto! So yeah, REVEIW.

Anyway, more crack in the later chapters. xD Sorry for making it all angsty in the beginning (I know it's not directy quoted. I wanted to try it write that part mayself. xD).

Well, se you next update! AND REVIEW. -goes to writing So Scream Like You Mean It-