a/n (p1): mark and addison have never been together, addison and derek were married but aren't anymore, and there will be multiple ships in this but it is primarily mark/addison, some (okay, a lot or even most) of the history is different
a/n (p2): read anything by lynn ( sliceofperfection ) and you won't regret it; my personal fav is sick cycle carousal
Addison Montgomery likes the nursery. It's her favorite part of the entire hospital and she's glad that she gets to spend a lot of her time at work there. She finds it soothing to watch the chests of newborns rise and fall as they take their very first breaths, listening to the sound of crying entwining with the other newborns in the room, and the steady sound of their heartbeats when she presses the wide end of her stethoscope to their chests.
She loves the smell of their skin (not that she's smelling random babies but there is a distinct smell when she enters the room), and the way that they are so little that they should be labeled with things such as handle with care and fragile. She loves how precious every sound they make echoes throughout the room and the easy smiles that are on their parent's faces when they get to see them for the first time. She doesn't know what her favorite thing about a newborn is.
What she does know is that they are innocent, untainted by the world.
Today, she's on the outside looking in, shoulder to shoulder with Mark Sloan. She can't help the smile painted on her face, overwhelmed with emotion - a feeling of pure joy and excitement on her ex-husband's behalf as he welcomes his child into the world. Even though it isn't her child, she is still happy for him despite the fact that it isn't the way she would have predicted her future.
Regardless, she taps her shoulder against Mark's as his eyes meet hers and he says, "He's pretty cute, if you ask me. Do you think Derek will name him after me?"
She laughs, replies, "no."
"Awe, that's no fun. I think Mark is a good name. Everyone should know someone named Mark," he counters.
"That's why we keep you around," she says with a smirk.
"Haha," he mocks with exaggerated effort. Their gaze breaks in synchronization and shifts to the baby behind the glass in the bed labeled Shepherd, and she releases a breath she didn't know she was holding. She has to admit, it is a rather adorable baby; her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a pager and she's relieved when it isn't hers. "Don't quit your day job, Red."
"How could I give this up?" She agrees with a small yet genuine smile.
"Hey, I'll catch you later," he says.
She nods as she hears the plastic snap back together when he holsters his pager back into place, her eyes remaining firm on the baby. The sound of his footsteps echo from further and further down the hall as the distance between them becomes greater; he always was heavy-footed but she always knows when he's approaching her that way. In Mark's absence, baby watching just isn't as fun - it's something they've been doing together since they were interns.
She can't help thinking though that this isn't enough for her anymore, just watching babies from the other side of the glass.
Derek smiles upon seeing his tired wife, lights of the hospital room dimmed so she can rest if she wants to. He tilts his head as walks gently in her direction, approaching her with caution because he isn't sure what hurts or where. He knows all about deliveries because he was married to Addison for so long, but he doesn't know much about the after.
"Hey, honey," he says, slipping an arm around her as he sits on the side of the bed, "you did good. You tired?"
"Like you wouldn't believe," she replies with a small smile, "I really like the name you picked out. Zachary Alan Shepherd has a nice ring to it."
"It was my dad's name and he's a beautiful baby."
Meredith laughs a little, quietly so she doesn't expel too much energy, "hopefully he has your hair."
Addison tests the door to see if it's unlocked before having to dig through her purse for her keys, and she's relieved to find that it's unlocked which is an instant indication that someone else is already home. She pushes the door open, steps in, and immediately closes it behind her as she kicks off her 3-inch heels beside the front door. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she pushes herself back upright as she points her ear towards the living room, listening to what is playing from the television.
She can't tell what it is by listening but she thinks if she can get a look at the screen she might be able to determine what's on, not that it really matters anyway because she isn't really in the mood for people or television or dealing with anything or anyone. She's been asking herself for the last half hour how the day could start so well and go so badly, so quickly.
"Hey," Mark greets from the couch, a half-grin on his lips as he glances at her from the television.
She outwardly groans as she drops onto the couch beside him, cuddling into his side. He immediately wraps his arm around her shoulder, no questions asked, just gives her exactly what she needs without her having to voice what the problem is. She finds it relieving that her best friend is always there for her, knows her moods and knows when not to push her; she loves him unconditionally for that and he therefore never falls under the category as people.
"Everything okay, Red?"
She sighs and then pulls back to look him in the eye, pursing her lips; she lightly shakes her head, the only person who she can ever admit that she isn't okay to looking her in the eye, "it never gets any easier."
"Tell me what's going on, babe," he implores.
He says it with ease, the way he's been saying it for nearly 20 years. There's both comfort and understanding in his eyes; it's the familiarity about him that she loves the most, the way she knows he will never hurt her. He's the only person who makes her happy without trying; the only one who treats her same every day and in every situation, and it makes her feel so secure that he is her best friend.
She doesn't know how to put into words everything that she's feeling, the way that one minute she was staring at 18 hour old Zachary, finding him so very beautiful, and the next 3 week old Jacob was dying on her table. He had underdeveloped lungs due to being born prematurely and despite everything they tried; he just wasn't going to make it. As if that wasn't enough, 3 hour old Brandon passed away in his mother's arms while his mother's salty tears fell on his cold cheeks. Not to mention the stillborn she delivered and the mother in a car accident that put her twins in danger.
Some days, her specialty is just too much to handle, at least all in one day. She swallows, "I just lost a lot of patients today."
"I'm sorry, Red. Kids are tough but you can't win them all. You're the best in the entire country. If anyone could have saved them, it's you," he replies.
"Thanks," she smiles a little; she slides are arms around his chest and leans into him, feeling safe when he automatically wraps his arms around her, "I'm so glad you're here, Mark."
He chuckles into her hair, his lips fused together as he drags his fingertips through her auburn locks. She lingers with her head against his chest, her ear hovering over his heart as the rhythmic pattern of the beat lulls her into a semi-peaceful state. She wishes she could always feel like this. Thanks to Mark moving in with her and out of the hotel when she and Derek finally agreed that they needed to split, she doesn't have to feel so alone; Derek wasn't thrilled with the idea, but he understood that they both needed the other's friendship in a way that was beyond him so he accepted it with a smile.
"Did you eat?" He pries.
"No, I'm not really hungry," she replies, "I think I'm just going to go to bed."
"Okay," he agrees with a small yet reassuring smile. He watches her get up off of the couch and disappear down the hallway, her frame a silhouette in the darkness, and his gaze stays trained on her. He thinks he can see the blue orbs of her iris looking back at him and that's when he shows her his teeth, parted lips. "Let me know if you need anything."
"Okay," she absently agrees, "good night, sweetie."
Mark Sloan has always been on the outside looking in. Not in the wildly understood sense of the phrase, no. He isn't like one of those people locked out in the cold, teeth chattering and bones rattling as he looks in a window to gaze upon a perfect family. He's more like a person who is always inside, part of what's going on, but it's never happening directly to him.
He feels that he is relatively non-existent, like if he weren't present when something important happened, no one would really miss him. Deep down, he knows that no one thought about him. Sure, there's Derek who is practically his brother (not to mention Carolyn Shepherd who would fly to Seattle in a heartbeat to put him in the place if need be, but someone would have to care enough to tattle on him to her), and of course there is Addison who always seems to be around when he expects everyone to leave.
But, he thinks it's bigger than that. He isn't saying Derek and Addison aren't enough. Hell, the thought has never even crossed his mind. Moreover, he doesn't think anyone really needs him.
At one point, maybe Addison did. Maybe she did. But maybe she didn't. He's never really asked; to be honest, he's too afraid to hear the answer.
It could stem from the days when he thought maybe he was in love with his best friend's fiancée, when he stood at the end of the aisle beside Derek as Addison carried herself in their direction, her arm looped through The Captain's. For a brief moment, he maybe even imagined that it was him she was marrying. He quickly convinced himself that what he felt for her wasn't love, not the way Derek felt for her, but it was admiration and friendship.
Just having her at all is enough, he'd reminded himself.
In the end, he had been rooting for them to work things out but at least the dissolution of their marriage was all their own. He was saddened, to say the least, because they were both his best friends. Nothing scared him more than thinking that in the end, he'd have to pick sides, but Derek looked him in the eye and said, "You'll always be my brother and she'll always be my friend."
Mark had simply smiled because it was everything he'd needed to hear.
When they started over, they sold all of their shared property. Derek bought some land in the middle of nowhere and a tin can for a trailer that he was more than happy to live in. Addison bought an apartment, 3 bedrooms, whispering to him while no one else was listening that she was just trying to envision the future and he admired her hope but feared that she was setting herself up for heartbreak. He was left living in a hotel for almost 4 months before Addison asked him to move in - teasing him, calling him roomie until he eventually agreed.
He's lost track of time - can't tell if they've been roommates for months or years because it's all a blur. But as he sees everyone around him evolving in their lives - Derek and Meredith having a baby, Callie and Arizona trying to adopt, Pete and Violet with a 2 year old Lucas - he's beginning to feel like he's missing out. He supposed that he can always borrow Zachary for the afternoon in a few months; maybe that will be enough.
Derek lets Mark hold Zachary for the first time as Meredith takes a nap on their first afternoon home from hospital. He'd been weary at first, he'd never really held a baby before and hadn't seen Derek's nieces or nephews much except for at Christmases or Thanksgiving and he wasn't about to hog the baby holding time when so many other people wanted to hold them. There was the one time Nancy asked him if he wanted to hold one of the kids, he can't even remember which one of them it was, while they were alone in a room but he politely declined.
With Zachary in his arms, Mark feels the beginning of completion, like watching the baby's chest rise and fall with each breath and his lips in a pout is the most amazing thing he's ever seen in his lifetime. His eyes shift to Derek for just a moment and he can almost see a flash of pride on his face; Mark absently wonders if that's the look of fatherhood or something else. His fingertips trail along Zachary's face as the baby's eyes flutter closed.
He swallows, clears his throat a little bit, and says, "Do you think I'd make a good father?"
"I wasn't aware that you wanted children," Derek replies carefully. Mark immediately offers Derek his kid back and settles back into the couch, almost wishing he'd never spoken at all. Derek smiles softly as he cradles Zachary, "I think you can do anything you put your mind to, Buddy."
"Yeah?" He registers with a genuine grin. His wrists settle on his knees as he slightly tilts his head, almost afraid to look Derek in the eye. It takes him a few moments of steady breathing before his eyebrows furrow and he slides his palms together. "I just always thought, I don't know, that I'd end up alone."
"Why would you think that?"
"Because I've just always been alone, I guess," he replies with a sigh.
"Hardly," Derek replies with a snort of disapproval, "you've always had me, and you have Addison. We are your friends. I don't know how you could think you'd end up alone. Besides, you haven't ended up. You aren't dead."
Mark pity smirks at Derek's attempted joke; "Addison and I aren't going to be having a family together though. I love her, she's my best friend -" Derek clears his throat, he corrects, "- one of my best friends, but I doubt she'd want to have a baby with me. Would you want to have a baby with me?"
Mark laughs playfully.
"Sure," Derek replies with a grin, "got one all fresh and ready to go."
Mark's lips tug upwards but his fingers return to playing with a loose thread on his black slacks; one thing he's learning is that he has to figure a few things out, and fast.
Alex Karev smirks as he sees Lexie Grey from across the resident's locker room, knowing that when she catches his grin she's liable to smile too. He quickly snaps the back of his hand against Jackson's bare shoulder in an attempt to get his friend to look at him. Jackson turns his gaze in Alex's direction with eyebrows raised causing Alex to do a quick head nod.
"Dude, we still going out tonight?" Alex asks with a small grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"Uh," Jackson starts, lifting a hand to scratch his eyebrow as he reaches into his locker for his gray, cotton t-shirt from early in the morning, "I don't know, man, I've been telling Lexie I'd take her to dinner. Maybe later."
"All right," Alex says with a shrug; he knows that eventually it will all catch up with him, but for now he's going to live in the moment.
"Hey, honey," Addison says teasingly as comes up behind him in the kitchen; he's making breakfast for what looks like one when she comes out of her bedroom to the enticing smell of bacon.
"Good morning, buttercup," he teases in return. He feels her arms wrap around his waist and slide up his torso which prompts a grin. Leaning back, he turns his head so he can press a fleeting kiss against her temple. "Want breakfast?"
"Uh," she hesitates.
He laughs and lightly shakes his head, turning his attention back to his task of cooking, "too bad, I'm making you breakfast. You and I both know that if I don't, you'll just be stealing from my plate."
"You know me too well," she concedes with a deep, all-consuming sigh.
She makes idle movements around him in the somewhat spacious kitchen, not that it's really used all that often because they are quite fond of take out. On occasion, he cooks because he's more willing to wash dishes than she is and he likes the element of surprise (even though they wholeheartedly agree that there isn't anything exciting about surprises beyond the joy of delivering the surprise), but she still refuses to cook the few things he once insisted were fantastic despite his efforts in offering to clean afterwards. She always says she's too tired; she's found herself helping him cook more recently though.
"Orange juice," she asks, reaching into the fridge. She moves around him, mere inches between them as they have silently mastered the art of moving around each other in smaller spaces. He's already gotten two glasses down when she gets to the other side of him, and she takes it as an answer. Pouring them both glasses, she says, "you were out late."
"Uh, yeah," he replies absently, "Derek and I were hanging out. You know, guy stuff."
"Right," she replies with a smirk, "Zachary's cute."
"Yeah, I guess," he says with a shrug. She tries not to gauge his interest in the conversation, deeming it as a front for a guy who has never really said much about babies. She feels him shift his gaze in her direction and smirk. "We were trying to remember all of the things we used to do as kids."
"Don't teach him all of the things you used to do as a kid," she counters; she lifts an accusing finger and pushes it in his direction, "Derek's mom used to tell me about all of the things you did like putting the frog in the microwave."
"I didn't press start," he replies, deadpanned.
"Yeah, well, when I have kids, you are not corrupting them," she says without thinking; the comment just brings on a rush of sadness that she can't escape.
He must notice because he furrows his eyebrows and slightly tilts his head, "you okay, Red?"
"I'm fine," she says with a breath of air, "I just think all of this baby talk lately has gotten my biological clock ticking."
"It'll happen. Maybe not right now, but soon," he replies reassuringly. He offers her a tight smile as he turns his attention from the food and steps towards her. He wraps his arms around her middle and pulls her towards him, his lips pressing into her forehead. He mutters against her skin, "you'll be a great mom and you'll have the most perfect children."
She lets his words soak in and she buys into them because he's never really given her reason not to.
"Have you heard from your sisters?"
Mark's nose scrunches up as he overhears a familiar voice when he opens the front door to Meredith and Derek's house and follows Addison inside. He grins upon an hesitant recognition of who the voice belongs to, knowing that Carolyn Shepherd has finally arrived. His fingers lightly touch the small of Addison's back as he guides into the living room and in the direction of the voice.
"She's here," he comments somewhat excitedly to Addison.
"Finally," his roommate and best friend volleys back, "it seems like it's been forever since we've seen her."
"I know, right?" He agrees absently. He barely rounds the corner before Derek's mom catches the sight of him and her face lights up like a Christmas tree. He moves around Addison, his hip brushing passed hers as he takes a wider step to get to the visitor first. "Hey, mom."
"Hey, Kid," she mutters back as she buries her face into his neck, her arms wrapped around him as he pulls her into a huge. It's a nickname that Nancy started when they were only 6, always pointing at him when he was hanging around Derek and asking does this kid ever talk or who's this kid? One day, Derek's mother finally intervened and said, words firm, the kid is welcome any time he wants; it prompted a huge grin to slide across his mouth and make him stand a little straighter. "How have you been?"
"Good," he replies with a nod; he grins and that's when Addison sees a hint of a twinkle in his eyes, "did you see Zachary yet?"
"I did," Carolyn says with a smile of approval.
Mark nearly releases a squee, "Derek let him hold him."
Addison can't contain her laughter, even though she attempts to stifle it behind her hand. She knows his knowledge of babies is limited both in personal life and in professional, but she can't help finding his excitement over Zachary adorable. Addison nearly quirks an eyebrow when Derek's mother finds a moment to shift her attention away from Mark and towards her but instead steps forward to insert herself between them.
It doesn't take long before they are all watching Zachary's movements with intent, each bat of the eyelash the most beautiful they've ever seen (until the next one), and Meredith seems to fit into the role of motherhood a lot better than she'd once told Addison she thought she would. Addison doesn't forget when Meredith nearly broke down into tears and said she didn't think she could be a mother, but Derek was going to be an excellent father and he deserved that opportunity. Addison had just told her ex-husband's new wife to give it time; she thinks motherhood looks good on Meredith.
Hours later, Addison pushes herself to her feet, calves flexing on her heels, and disentangles her hand from Mark's grasp so she can follow Meredith up the stairs to put Zachary down for a nap. Leaving just Derek and Mark with Derek's mom, Mark offers her a smile and a heavy sigh as Derek starts picking various toys up off of the floor. Carolyn Shepherd sits down beside Mark and leans into him.
"So, are you and Addison," she trails off, asking an open ended question.
Derek laughs and it prompts Mark to offer her a tight smile.
"Nothing like that," he insists gently, "just friends, roommates, friends."
"Oh, please, she's your best friend," Derek chimes in mockingly.
"Shut up, you're my best friend," Mark corrects. He releases a heavy hearted sigh, wondering if he should even bother trying to explain what he and Addison have. It isn't like they are anything or are ever going to be anything. They are just close and they talk and it's nice to get a woman's perspective, almost as nice as when she turns to him in need. "But, you know, she's Addison."
He tries to leave it at that, but Derek's mom adds, "Maybe she isn't just Addison to you."
He opens his mouth to refute but he is silenced by the sound of her heels descending the stairs.
Addison had always thought that one day, she'd have the beautiful baby with Derek's features - the beautiful hair, the piercing eyes, his shit eating grin - but that was just a naive dream. It was part of her 20 year plan, no from the start, but eventually. She didn't want to be the mom that Bizzy was and have a nanny raise her kids, so she wanted to be sure she was well established in her career before trying to have a baby.
She supposes her reluctance is the very thing that broke them apart. Or maybe it isn't. It's all just a blur now, mixed in with a life she wasn't expecting she'd have. She wishes now that she would have just gotten over her stubbornness and felt like it was time to have a baby because Derek does make beautiful children.
But that's Meredith's life now and she's living hers differently than she'd imagined. Sure, she still has Derek and his family and Mark even, but sometimes she feels so lost and empty. She feels like the life she wanted is out of her grasp that she'll never have a husband and kids when she's always wanted to be a mother, but she's beginning to think that it just isn't in the cards for hers. She doesn't necessarily need a husband, but she'd always kind of pictured her kid(s) having a magnificent father that she is totally enamored by.
She's forty now (almost 41, Mark would remind with a playful jab) and she doesn't have much time left, not for making decisions about her family's future. If it's decisions that need to come to a head, it's ones like measuring the importance of a husband or if she'd be happy just having a baby. She is making decisions every day though without even really thinking about it; she's been thinking about it for a long time.
She feels her face scrunch in an almost pained expression, wondering aloud, "do you think our kids would have been that beautiful?"
Mark nearly chokes on his spit, his fingers stilling on her skin, resting somewhere between her knee and her pelvis with the light from the television bouncing off of the walls; "do you mean..."
"If Derek and I had children," she says with more clarification, turning her gaze away from him. They haven't been married for 3 years, she shouldn't be letting the idea creep back into her thoughts after all of this time. She sighs, finding the courage to lock eyes with him again, "do you think they'd be as beautiful as Zachary?"
"More so," he replies, straight face; she can see a hint of a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, "they'd be a part of you, of course they'd be beautiful."
She smiles, tilting her head slightly, "don't lie to me."
"I'm not lying," he says in mock defense, hands up and fingers spread apart as he lightly shakes his head. He smirks and leans his head against the back of the couch, his cheek resting on the cushion so he can look at her. "No one else compares."
"Then how come you've never made a move on me?" She challenges.
"Because you were my best friend's girl and then you were my best friend," he answers gently. She shifts a little, her legs draped over his waist, and the back of her thigh grazes over his middle. He becomes acutely aware of her movements, the closeness of her skin, the heat that she's giving off; he swallows hard. "That doesn't make you any less beautiful."
She tilts her head away from him as she feels her cheeks flush, not sure how to take his compliment. Finally, she shifts her gaze back to him, his eyelids closed but head still tilted in her direction. She lifts her hand and slides her fingers over his hairline, a motion that has taken place many times before; she rolls hers lips, tucking her bottom lip between her teeth before clearing her throat.
"I want a baby, Mark."
"Me too," he admits, slowly peeling an eye open. She wonders if he would tell her if he weren't half asleep, if he would admit that he wants a kid. She doesn't know if he wants a wife, assumes that he isn't dating anyone because he spends most of his time away from the hospital with her. He laughs a little, voice tired and somewhat sarcastic, "we should just have a baby together."
"You're joking."
He peels his eye open again, "nah, I'd love to have a baby with you, Red."
"It isn't that simple, Callie," Arizona almost yells, her voice wavering, "not everything is as simple as we want it to be."
"But maybe it is. Isn't it a conversation worth having?" Callie challenges.
"We've discussed having a baby over and over and over and I can't talk about it anymore. I want to be with you, so much, more than anything, but I don't think U can handle the stipulations of only if we are going to have a baby," she replies. Arizona releases a heavy sigh, lifting her hand to swipe at her forehead in a futile attempt to contain her composure. She looks Callie directly in the eye, "if what you're waiting for is me to just change my mind, don't hold your breath."
"Fine," Callie bites with finality.
They both absently wonder if they're ever going to meet eye to eye.
Mark's half dazed and partially confused but he knows that what he'd said wasn't exactly what he'd meant to say. Sure, having a baby would be great, and having one with Addison would be even better, but was this really the order that he wanted to do things in. People had children all of the time without actually being married and co-parenting seems to work for a lot of people.
Truthfully, he's watched Pete and Violet's marriage slowly die and it may not even be because they are parents. It might be because of them, it might be because they just weren't meant to be together like Addison and Derek weren't. It might be for so many reasons unknown to him, but what he knows is that it's hard to watch - he couldn't imagine going through it.
When he and Derek decided to open a practice in Seattle, they didn't know what they were doing or why they were picking up their lives and moving them from New York. They were young enough to try it but old enough to know better; in the long run, they've both learned different lessons. So now their practice consists of quite a few different specialties, some that Mark can't help but laugh at (holistic specialist) and some that Derek can't help arguing with (psychiatrist).
He probably knows more people than he considers friends, which isn't really something that he'd mastered up until this point in his life. Aside from Derek (and Addison, respectively; it's funny how to him they are still DerekandAddison in his head), he's never really had people who he considered friends. Derek has always had sisters who he considered family (Nancy, Kathleen, Amelia and Carol who were always there torment them as much as possible - it's like he grew up with 4 sisters) and he supposes he gets what it's like to have people to care about, but he doesn't know how to make relationships work appropriately.
He's never been good at the take, hardly can fathom how to give, but he sometimes gets lost in the in between of what people say and what people mean. He feels like people play word games and he doesn't always understand what people mean, but that isn't for lack of trying. He tries to understand, sometimes asks questions that other people think are stupid; he isn't stupid, by any means, he just doesn't like making assumptions.
He knows he's sarcastic and doesn't always say what he means, but that's because half of the time people don't bother to consider what he says.
He quirks his eyebrow as he leans back in his chair at the table in the cafeteria, crunching a chip between his teeth as Callie walks in his direction in a hurry. He wonders what her rush is, what could be making her as eager as he is to talk to someone - especially him. He smirks when she sits down, the metal from the legs of the chair grinding against the tile.
"Arizona is mad," Callie says to him, voice hurried and barely above a whisper, "so mad. Watch out."
"Lucky for me, our paths typically only cross on purpose," he comments, "what'd you do?"
"Me? What makes you assume it was me?" She counters, eyebrows raised. They sit in silence for a few moments as she plucks a chip from his basket, teeth crunching it much like his did as she was approaching. Finally, she pays mind to his facial expression, one that mimics disbelief. "Okay, I may or may not have brought up the baby issue - again."
"Again? Torres, I thought," he trails off, swallowing the chips. He lightly shakes his head, not really sure what to say because he isn't really one to talk and even more than that he doesn't really know what he's talking about. He sighs and laughs a little bit. "I don't know what I thought. How would you guys even get a baby anyway? Adopt or...?"
"There are lots of options, Mark. She and Alex have all of those orphans from Africa," she says with a shrug, stealing another chip; she smirks, "or we could steal your sperm."
"Addison and I may have decided to have a baby together," he replies, "I mean, I said something and she said something of agreement but I am not too sure how serious it all was."
"Do you want it to be serious?" Callie asks with furrowed eyebrows.
His eyes fall away, trace the edges of his food with his intense gaze as he ponders her question. In all honesty, there's no doubt in his mind that he wants it to be serious. To have a child that is part him and part Addison is perfect - not to mention, being a parent with his best friend sounds more than idea. Besides, they already live together and they know each other and what could really go wrong?
"Well, yeah. Why wouldn't I?" He remarks.
"I don't know, Mark," she starts, "babies complicate things. I mean, look at me and Arizona. All we are doing is trying to get through the baby discussion and it's been the hardest thing we've had to do in our entire relationship. And look at Cristina and Owen, they're split up right now because of the baby issue."
"Yeah, but we don't really have any baby issues because we want the same things. We both want a baby and we don't have to go through all of the etiquette of getting to know someone because we already know each other and she's my best friend, Cal."
"I thought I was your best friend," she says, straight-faced.
His mouth hangs open for a moment, considering his rebuttal and what he could possibly say to her without hurting her feelings. He has more friends than he used to, is closer with them all than he had been with most acquaintances he'd ever had. He supposes they are all friends to him, close friends, in a way that he's glad he has them all, but they all help him communicate better than he had before.
"I don't know, Torres, we both want this. I don't know if we would have initially wanted it with each other, but we want it at the same time. Isn't that worth something?"
"I guess," Callie replies with a shrug; he can tell on her face that she's trying not to be judgmental.
A beat passes before he sees Addison out of the corner of his eye and she seats herself between them, muttering about a patient she has and how adorable her little cheeks are. He can't help but smile in response because seeing her light up over babies gives him enough reason to believe that it's all worth the risk. They all three reach for a chip from his pile at the same time and he teasingly glares at Callie for a moment before shoving his chips further from himself and closer to between them.
He supposes that if having a baby together does pan out, his life will be about making sacrifices for the people around him anyway.
"You sure you want a baby?"
He lifts his eyes from the box of nails on the floor that he's crouched beside, finally hanging up all of the pictures she'd asked him to hang up months ago, to see her eyes trained on him as she peers over her paper. They usually both have Sunday's off, usually go for a jog or exercise or do something at least seemingly productive just usually in the presence of the other. Since Zachary was born, they've seemed to use Sundays more for going over to Meredith and Derek's to huddle around their baby. He's almost certain that if they were to think about it, it would all be increasingly awkward given the complexity of the entire situation.
He lightly tilts his head, his gaze daring her to break eye contact with him first; when hers doesn't, he releases a deep sigh and moves his fingers through the metal in the box. He swallows, wondering if she's trying to tell him that she doesn't want to try anymore. He isn't really sure what to do with the situation.
"I didn't ever really think about having a family until recently," he admits, "and I'm kind of an idiot so if there's anyone who could help me be a great dad it's you. Besides, then you're stuck with me for life."
Addison quirks an eyebrow and he watches the corners of her mouth twitch as though she's fighting a smile; flattening out her newspaper, she says, "I think you'd make an excellent father, Mark. All you have to do is believe it."
"And if I don't?"
"It takes a village, honey," she replies softly.
His eyebrows furrow in response: "what?"
"Do you really think we're going to have the ability to raise a child without any help? We are both successful at our careers and neither of us is considering giving our jobs up just to have a fam-"
"I might," he interjects.
She laughs and attempts to stifle her laughter with her lips and teeth, but fails; "I'm so sure."
"I detect sarcasm," he counters, poker face, "okay, but I'm still not following."
"I want to be a mother more than anything in the world, but I can't do it alone," she explains, "I'm going to need you whether you are daddy or you're Uncle Mark. You have to decide which one you want to be."
He stands upright, looks her directly in the eye and says, "I want to be a dad."
She stands from the table to cross the room and lazily press her lips against his cheek before tucking herself into her bedroom for the next hour; he pretends like the remnants of her lips on his skin doesn't distract him from hammering the nail in properly.
