Paper Hearts
Part I

AN: Originally, I was going to wait a while to start posting this story, but I really wanted to share it, so I put it up. It is an AU Addek story. Addison and Derek are both residents at Seattle Grace, along with their friends Preston, Mark, Callie, and Miranda. Addison and Derek were never married but have been friends for years. Most of the characters from Grey's appear, but it doesn't really follow the storyline of the show at all.

I don't want to spoil too much of the story, but Addison's condition is something a close of mine has, so that's where I got the idea. Some of this story is very loosely based on what happened to my friend. Just wanted to thank her for inspiration.

I got the idea for the title from the song My Paper Heart by the All American Rejects. However, the song doesn't necessarily correspond with the story, I just liked the title. As with the rest of my stories. But anyway, I don't own the song or Grey's Anatomy.


Sometimes, things surprise us. Life takes us down an unforeseen path, or throws some obstacle in the way of our plans. We fall, we run, we whine, we bitch, we change. And then, eventually, we pick ourselves up off the floor, get over it, and make new plans. But it's strange how we never realize just how much our actions can affect those around us . . .

Derek

"Addie! Addie! How'd it go?" Derek Shepherd called after his best friend as she hurried into the resident's locker room. She didn't answer; merely let her long, gorgeous red hair fall in front of her face, hiding her tears.

He fought down the sick feeling forming in his stomach when he saw how upset she was. Oh no. What went wrong now? Addie doesn't deserve any more bad luck.

He followed her into the locker room, still calling her name. She ignored him. When he reached her locker, she was hurriedly wiping away her tears. "Addie," he said softly. He grabbed her arms gently and turned her towards him, and wiped her face with his sleeve. "How did it go?" he asked softly.

"Fine," she whispered, her voice hoarse from crying. "Everything is fine, Derek, seriously." She pulled away from him and opened her locker.

"Addie, we both know that isn't true . . ." he started, but stopped when she pulled off her shirt. She rummaged in her bag for her scrub top. Derek froze. He hurriedly looked away, before the sight of Addison in a lacy black bra could send his thoughts where he couldn't afford for them to go. It was difficult.

"Derek, you look constipated!" Addison sniffed and started laughing, seeing his facial expression. Derek tried to adjust it while still determinedly not looking at her. "What's up?"

"Nothing," Derek said through gritted teeth, fighting his body's natural reaction to her silky smooth skin, flat stomach and that stupid black bra that covered too much and not enough at the same time. Luckily for Derek, she pulled her scrub top on then, and internally he sighed in relief. "Now, come on, tell me what's up with you."

She sighed and sank down on the bench. Slowly she pulled on her scrub pants while Derek waited for her to start talking. "Well, I went the appointment," she started. Derek nodded encouragingly. He dreaded what she was going to say, because he hated seeing her hurt. And after finding out about her condition, she'd been hurting a lot, both physically and emotionally.

"I have to have a complete hysterectomy," she told him quietly. "Dr. Cashew wants to do it as soon as possible, but I tried to convince her that isn't what I want to do."

Derek took her hand, and she squeezed it. "Addison, I know how hard this is going to be. But you need the surgery, and you'll feel better after you have it."

"I want a baby, Derek."

"Oh." Oh. Oh. Oh. He felt like an idiot.

She took a deep breath, and wiped away a few fresh tears. "I still have a few months to have one, and I'm going to try. Pregnancy can sometimes alleviate some of the symptoms. I know it might be hard, being a resident and all, but other surgeons have kids and family. And I've always wanted a baby. I thought I would have all the time in the world to have kids, but now I don't . . . so I guess it's happening now."

"Wow, a baby," he said softly.

"Yeah," she said with a smile. "I want to, you know, conceive naturally, I think. Plus fertility treatments cost so much, and I don't have that kind of money."

"What about your parents?" Derek asked.

"Derek, you know I haven't talked to them in years."

"Yeah . . ." Addison, his Addison, with a baby. It wasn't as hard to picture as he thought it was going to be. But whenever he saw Addison cradling a tiny red haired child, he saw himself beside her, letting the baby, their baby grab his finger.

That'll never happen, Derek, stop dreaming, he told himself. The fantasy of them together, with a child, melted out of his mind slowly. Derek had been in love with her for years. He met her in med school, and they'd quickly become friends. They'd stayed friends throughout school, their internships at Seattle Grace Hospital, and now their residencies. He'd always been there for her, but he'd never had enough courage to tell her he loved her in a non-platonic way.

"So, the mixer tonight. Lots of new interns," Addison said with a smile, skillfully changing the subject. Her comment pulled Derek back to the present from all the memories of the times he'd tried and failed to tell her he loved her.

Derek rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Richard already said I had to go."

Addison laughed. "You know we have to go, we're residents.

"I hate parties."

"Oh, poor baby," she teased. He reached out and started tickling her. "Hey, Derek, don't. Derek, stop! Derek, Derek!" she said, laughing uncontrollably.

"Who's a baby now?" he asked, grinning.

"I – can't – breathe – Derek!" she panted, trying to stop laughing long enough to get a breath. Suddenly she started coughing. Derek pulled back immediately. "I'm fine," she said quickly, annoyed. "Seriously, Derek, I was just coughing. It has nothing to do with . . . well, anything."

He nodded. He knew that, but he was on edge from constantly worrying about her. He had to watch her suffer every month when she was in pain and it hurt him too, seeing her like that. "I have an idea," he said, to distract her. "I'll come to the mixer without complaining if you come to my apartment afterwards."

"Derek, I practically live there," she laughed.

"Wait, I wasn't finished. You come over, and we get to watch whatever movies I pick."

She thought it over. "Deal," she said finally, holding out her hand. Derek shook it and let go quickly, wishing he could hold on and just never let go.

When they were finally both dressed in scrubs, Addison grudgingly because Derek knew she preferred her pencil skirts and high heels, they left the locker room together. She was smiley and chatty as usual, but as he studied her face in the early morning sun as he walked through the hospital, he knew there was something she wasn't telling him.


Addison

Damn it. She hadn't asked him. She'd meant to ask him.

She'd meant to ask him if he would be the father of her baby. He was a great guy, she couldn't think of anyone better. And she didn't have time anymore to wait until she was married or in a serious relationship. She wanted a baby so badly it felt like a constant ache in her stomach.

It was hard seeing all the tiny kids playing in jungle gyms at the mall when she knew she might not ever have that. The likelihood of her conceiving was not the best, although her doctor thought she had a chance. But that chance slipped away with every month that passed, and soon, if she didn't do something, it would be lost forever.

Addison realized that to someone else, it might have seemed weird that she was asking her best friend to be the father of her baby. But as she walked beside Derek to get coffee before rounds, she was reminded of all the reasons it was a good idea. He was kind and caring and handsome and smart. He had a good relationship with his family, and he was loved by all his patients. His smile was like the sun, and she couldn't help being affected by the pure goodness that radiated from him, not to mention the charm. She knew almost everything about him, and she didn't think she'd find anyone more perfect, no matter how long she searched.

There was just one teensy, tiny flaw in her plan. She blushed as she thought about it, and glanced at Derek, who was buying them both hot coffees. That only made her blush more as she pictured them doing it. If Derek agreed, and she hoped he would, although she wasn't completely sure how he was going to feel about the whole thing. If he did, then they would have to have sex.

It wasn't that Addison wasn't attracted to Derek, she was. She remembered when she first met him and Mark in college. She had offered to help the two clueless boys do their laundry. They had stood side by side, looking completely gorgeous, as she explained how much fabric softener to use on their clothes. The three had ended up all best friends. She'd had a crush on Derek from the beginning, but she'd been hopelessly geeky, not to mention two years younger than everyone else on account of her skipping two grades of school as a kid. She'd once confessed to Mark that she liked Derek. Mark had said to wait, and that Derek would grow out of the brainless blondes eventually. And he was right, but by that time it was too late. She herself blossomed, and, with the help of her friend Naomi, transformed from geek to beauty. But when Derek finally grew up and noticed how gorgeous Addison was, she had moved on and was over him.

The problem was that Addison didn't want sex to ruin their friendship. She hadn't exactly had a lot of good sexual experiences in the past. Also, her friendships with Derek and Mark were extremely precious to her. She was afraid that if she and Derek had sex, it would change everything and it would be awkward. But they didn't think of each other in a romantic way, so they could have just sex, right? Surely he would agree to that? She knew he had meaningless one night stands, maybe not all the time like Mark, but often enough. This would be no different, other than that they were trying to make a baby. It was the perfect solution. Derek could be there for the child if he or she ever wanted to meet their father. But there would be none of the messy feelings that usually accompanied such relationships.

I'll ask him after the mixer tonight, she promised herself.


So, please tell me what you thought of this and if you think I should continue :D
I know I didn't fully explain what's happening to Addison, but I will in later chapters.
And yes, I named the doctor Cashew. Hey, I get my kicks where I can. Although I doubt anyone else finds it as amusing as I do. Whatever, my story, I don't care.