I lied to you. And at this moment you're realizing it. How could I? You will think so lowly of me. I promised and yet… How could I?
I understand your confusion. I would even feel guilty about this all, if I'd let myself. But I don't let myself. I never let myself.
You don't understand. How can you? While your purpose is to do good to this world, it's my purpose to deceive. While everything came to you so easily, I had to work hard to get even a little. While you are so talented in everything, I've got only one talent. I'm only good at deceiving. How can you expect me to be true?
You'll realize that it wasn't Remus, that it never was Remus, soon. You'll see how good I am at destroying. Destroying friendships. Destroying lives. You'll think that I planned this all along. You won't understand that I never meant to. That it just happened. That I panicked. I would feel guilty, if I'd let myself.
If you had the time, you would think about my motivations. You would try to find reasons. Things you have done wrong. You'll blame it all on yourself. That's what I like about you. I don't even have to deceive you, you'll do it all yourself. But you won't have the time. Not this time, not today.
You'll hate me. Not for betraying you, not for letting you get killed. You'll hate me for betraying her, for letting her get killed. You'll hate me for betraying it, him, as you insist I call it, for letting it get killed. Oh yes, you'll hate me. I would feel guilty, if I'd let myself.
This is the closest you'll ever come to an apology, James. You know it. You know me. Or at least you think you do. But, isn't this the prove that you don't? Doesn't this tell you that you never knew me at all? That perhaps I was more than the chubby boy who kept following you around? Except for the fact that I wasn't. I never planned this, you know.
Yes, I lied to you. How could I?
