Killings

Seems an awful waste

Waste?

Seems a downright shame

Shame?

What a nice plump frame

What's-his-name has

Had

Has

Nor it can't be traced

Business needs a lift

Debts to be erased

Think of it as thrift

As a gift

If you get my drift

Seems an awful waste

I mean

With the price of meat what it is

When you get it

If you get it

Ah

Good you got it

Take for instance Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop

Business never better using only pussy cats and toast

Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most

And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste

Mrs. Lovett

You're a bloody wonder

Imminently practical and yet appropriate as always

Mrs. Lovett how I've lived without you all these years I'll never know

Think about it

Lots of other gentleman will soon be coming for a shave

Won't they?

Think of

All them

Pies

Oh, what's the sound of the world out there?

What Mr. Todd, what Mr. Todd what is that sound?

Those crunching noises pervading the air

Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd, yes all around

It's man devouring man, my dear

And who are we to deny it in here?

What's that?

It's priest

Have a little priest

Is it really good?

Sir, it's too good, at least

Then again they don't commit sins of the flesh, so it's pretty fresh

Awful lot of fat

Only where it sat

Ah, the priest, he remembered it well. Like it was only yesterday.

"Good day, sir," was the polite introduction given to every man to ever walk into Mr. Todd's Tonsorial Parlor.

"Ah, good day to you as well," the priest replied.

"Have you come for a shave?"

"Why else would I be here?" was the usual jest from this man.

The priest sat back in the chair and waited for Mr. Todd to get on with his profession.

His face was lathered and the razor was sharpened. Mr. Todd reached around his neck as if to start the shave, but instead, slit his throat.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the priest's neck. Nobody ever saw him again, and nobody ever suspected the man above the shop.

Haven't you got poet or something like that?

No, you see the trouble with poet is how do you know it's deceased?

Try the priest

The poet was a little more difficult to get rid of without anybody noticing. Those who had hired him to compose or speak later wondered where he had gone, but of course, he being just a lowly poet, nobody really thought much of it.

The man's blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and his neck.

Lawyer's rather nice

If it's for a price

Order something else, though, to follow since no one should swallow it twice

The lawyer had been some no account scam artist, so no body was sad to see him go.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the lawyer's neck.

Anything that's lean?

Well, then, if you're British and loyal you might enjoy Royal Marine

Anyway it's clean

Though of course it tastes of wherever it's been

The Royal Marine they almost didn't get away with. The man's friend had seen him enter the shop and never seen him leave it. They had to make up a fantastic lie to duck all of the police questioning.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the Marine's neck.

Is that squire on the fire?

Now, he had been rather sloppy with this one. It was late at night after the man was able to sneak away from his lord. He had disposed of t he body and went out on the deck just outside of the door to the shop. Unfortunately, he forgot to change out of his bloody clothes. Fortunately, only the old beggar woman saw him. Nobody would believe a wretch like that.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the boy's neck.

Mercy, no, sir, look closer

You'll notice it's grocer

The grocer was one man who was missed, of course. When he stopped coming around to sell his goods, the people got suspicious. Fortunately, nobody had seem him enter the barber shop. They all assumed that he had killed himself or ran away to some remote part of the country.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the man' neck.

Looks thicker, more like vicar

No, it has to be grocer

It's green

Ah, the vicar. Such a good time.

The man had accused him of being the devil, so Mr. Todd showed him just how devil-ish he could be.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the man's throat.

The history of the world, my love

Save a lot of graves, do a lot of relatives favors

Is those below serving those up above

Everybody shaves so there should be plenty of flavors

How gratifying for once to know

That those above will serve those down below

What is that?

Its fop

Finest in the shop

The local fop. Such a nice young man. However, Mr. Todd had no need of his services.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the fop's neck.

Or we have some Sheppard's pie peppered with actual Sheppard on top

The Sheppard. He was such a simple man. Come into town for a night out with his wife. Unfortunately, he didn't bring his wife with him to the barber. The man was killed and the wife widowed all in one fell swoop.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the man's neck.

And I've just begun

Here's the politician so oily it's served with a doily

Have one

Put it on a bun

For you never know if it's going to run

The politician tried to talk himself out of death. The begged a pleaded with the barber but it did him no good.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the politician's neck.

Try the friar, fried it's drier

No, the clergy is really to course and too mealy

Of course, he was killed on the spot. Too much preaching for Mr. Todd's liking.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the friar's neck.

Then actor

It's compacter

Ah, but always arrives over done

The actor seemed to be the easiest one yet. For no person alive cares about the life of a lowly actor.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the actor's neck.

I'll come again when you have judge on the menu

Well, we all know the story of the judge.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's face and arm and the honorable Judge Turpin's neck.

The history of the world, my pet

Yes, yes, I know, my love

We'll take the customers that we can get

High born and low, my love

We'll not discriminate great from small

No, we'll serve anyone

Meaning anyone

We'll serve anyone

And to anyone at all