Killings
Seems an awful waste
Waste?
Seems a downright shame
Shame?
What a nice plump frame
What's-his-name has
Had
Has
Nor it can't be traced
Business needs a lift
Debts to be erased
Think of it as thrift
As a gift
If you get my drift
Seems an awful waste
I mean
With the price of meat what it is
When you get it
If you get it
Ah
Good you got it
Take for instance Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop
Business never better using only pussy cats and toast
Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most
And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste
Mrs. Lovett
You're a bloody wonder
Imminently practical and yet appropriate as always
Mrs. Lovett how I've lived without you all these years I'll never know
Think about it
Lots of other gentleman will soon be coming for a shave
Won't they?
Think of
All them
Pies
Oh, what's the sound of the world out there?
What Mr. Todd, what Mr. Todd what is that sound?
Those crunching noises pervading the air
Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd, yes all around
It's man devouring man, my dear
And who are we to deny it in here?
What's that?
It's priest
Have a little priest
Is it really good?
Sir, it's too good, at least
Then again they don't commit sins of the flesh, so it's pretty fresh
Awful lot of fat
Only where it sat
Ah, the priest, he remembered it well. Like it was only yesterday.
"Good day, sir," was the polite introduction given to every man to ever walk into Mr. Todd's Tonsorial Parlor.
"Ah, good day to you as well," the priest replied.
"Have you come for a shave?"
"Why else would I be here?" was the usual jest from this man.
The priest sat back in the chair and waited for Mr. Todd to get on with his profession.
His face was lathered and the razor was sharpened. Mr. Todd reached around his neck as if to start the shave, but instead, slit his throat.
The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the priest's neck. Nobody ever saw him again, and nobody ever suspected the man above the shop.
Haven't you got poet or something like that?
No, you see the trouble with poet is how do you know it's deceased?
Try the priest
The poet was a little more difficult to get rid of without anybody noticing. Those who had hired him to compose or speak later wondered where he had gone, but of course, he being just a lowly poet, nobody really thought much of it.
The man's blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and his neck.
Lawyer's rather nice
If it's for a price
Order something else, though, to follow since no one should swallow it twice
The lawyer had been some no account scam artist, so no body was sad to see him go.
The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the lawyer's neck.
Anything that's lean?
Well, then, if you're British and loyal you might enjoy Royal Marine
Anyway it's clean
Though of course it tastes of wherever it's been
The Royal Marine they almost didn't get away with. The man's friend had seen him enter the shop and never seen him leave it. They had to make up a fantastic lie to duck all of the police questioning.
The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the Marine's neck.
Is that squire on the fire?
Now, he had been rather sloppy with this one. It was late at night after the man was able to sneak away from his lord. He had disposed of t he body and went out on the deck just outside of the door to the shop. Unfortunately, he forgot to change out of his bloody clothes. Fortunately, only the old beggar woman saw him. Nobody would believe a wretch like that.
The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the boy's neck.
Mercy, no, sir, look closer
You'll notice it's grocer
The grocer was one man who was missed, of course. When he stopped coming around to sell his goods, the people got suspicious. Fortunately, nobody had seem him enter the barber shop. They all assumed that he had killed himself or ran away to some remote part of the country.
The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the man' neck.
Looks thicker, more like vicar
No, it has to be grocer
It's green
Ah, the vicar. Such a good time.
The man had accused him of being the devil, so Mr. Todd showed him just how devil-ish he could be.
The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the man's throat.
The history of the world, my love
Save a lot of graves, do a lot of relatives favors
Is those below serving those up above
Everybody shaves so there should be plenty of flavors
How gratifying for once to know
That those above will serve those down below
What is that?
Its fop
Finest in the shop
The local fop. Such a nice young man. However, Mr. Todd had no need of his services.
The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the fop's neck.
Or we have some Sheppard's pie peppered with actual Sheppard on top
The Sheppard. He was such a simple man. Come into town for a night out with his wife. Unfortunately, he didn't bring his wife with him to the barber. The man was killed and the wife widowed all in one fell swoop.
The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the man's neck.
And I've just begun
Here's the politician so oily it's served with a doily
Have one
Put it on a bun
For you never know if it's going to run
The politician tried to talk himself out of death. The begged a pleaded with the barber but it did him no good.
The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the politician's neck.
Try the friar, fried it's drier
No, the clergy is really to course and too mealy
Of course, he was killed on the spot. Too much preaching for Mr. Todd's liking.
The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the friar's neck.
Then actor
It's compacter
Ah, but always arrives over done
The actor seemed to be the easiest one yet. For no person alive cares about the life of a lowly actor.
The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the actor's neck.
I'll come again when you have judge on the menu
Well, we all know the story of the judge.
The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's face and arm and the honorable Judge Turpin's neck.
The history of the world, my pet
Yes, yes, I know, my love
We'll take the customers that we can get
High born and low, my love
We'll not discriminate great from small
No, we'll serve anyone
Meaning anyone
We'll serve anyone
And to anyone at all
