Huddled under a blanket while snuggling against the ancient wing chair Theta sat in the gloom; he chuntered morosely, his eyes locked on the blistering fireplace.
He' tried dozing in the chair but hadn't only fallen asleep but off as well.
He knew that he could reside in the parlour, like his parents, greeting guests and picking up conversations. He could mingle, like the others.
But he didn't.
It was almost midnight, which would mark the beginning of Inshrakhata Night, the first of many nights of celebration and jollity; festivities sprouted all over Gallifrey like toadstools, leading to arrangements and rendezvous with hilarious consequences.
It was a night where Silurians were roasted over open fires and new jokes were told*.
Almost every single student of the Academy had sneaked off to meet their family, friends or (in most cases) random strangers nearly as drunk as themselves who they'd hug, kiss and have an all-night party with under the pretext that it was done with fine tradition.
Soon the first pyrotechnics would be inflamed, leaving the sky ablaze with the most beautiful colours and patterns you couldn't even imagine; and what followed was the most sleazy, frisky and frolicsome night of all nights.
And Theta was grumpy.
At least he pretended to be.
Theta shifted in his chair, getting more uncomfortable while he tried not to hear the laughter from the dinner hall.
Of course his parents had felt flattered because they had been invited to a dinner party. And in the same way as good parents feel responsible for their child Theta's parents felt responsible for him. Not really as parents, no; more in the way of pet owners. And it was like Theta wasn't as much badly brought up as ill-bred.
But they loved him very much. They really did. They just liked to pretend that the way Theta had turned out to be wasn't their fault.
But they only wanted the best for him.
And that was why they had insisted on dragging him away from their nice and cosy home and forced him into meeting new people.
Theta wasn't extremely anti-social. He was just anti-social. He didn't care for people as long as they stayed away from him.
He had his friends and he liked them. Well, in fact he had just one friend and that was Koschei and he didn't like him at all, but that had nothing to do with it.
Point is, Theta didn't easily accustom himself to new surroundings. And he didn't like spending his holiday in society circles. Especially not on a holiday where he could get drunk and freeze to death outside in the snow and wake up with a different face and hair and personality after accidentally regenerating.
Somewhere out there Koschei had the time of his life and Theta was missing out.
And he found it unfair.
Theta had gotten out of the comfortable chair in the almost comfy living room. The hosts, whatever their names were, had been kind enough to let him reside in here after he'd complained, to his parent's embarrassment, that he wasn't feeling well.
But Theta didn't feel as though he'd shamed his parents; after all he'd omitted that he wasn't feeling well because of all the stuck-up toffee-nosed twits they had invited.
The hosts, a lovely snooty couple as Theta had come to notice, weren't aristocrats because they didn't have that kind of thing on Gallifrey anymore. But not all former peers had grown out of their old habits so easily and therefore they had retained a certain aristocratic bearing.
And Theta, who had grown up believing in equal opportunities and that all Time Lords are equal before the Dalek, viz. equally dead, couldn't get the hang of banquets where the food was worth more than your life and you'd fall in disgrace by accidentally picking the wrong out of 27 forks for caviar.
No, Theta was happy here, or at least as happy as he might get, by the fire and stopped himself from making the mistake of trying to join in on the fun in the next room.
Or rooms.
He had stopped in front of the door and stared at it before sitting down again.
By Borusa's Beard, these people didn't just have a dining room; they had a main hall, a main hall gallery, an atrium, a portico with antique pillars, hallways with endless parlours and screed heating in every room. And their house was believed to contain enough guest rooms for a small strike force to hide, including their General Staff. Just how posh could you get?
There was laughter from the next room and the occasional clinking of glasses.
And it was drawing nearer, as though trying to suck him in, trying to entice him away from his comfortable world of tastelessly decorated lounges and induct him into the fascinating world of shallow feudal small talk.
It wasn't until now that Theta had noticed the footsteps.
The joyful conversations died away as a nearby door was closed. All that followed was footsteps and the silence as someone had come to halt, drawing in a deep breath.
There was a knock.
Hastily Theta holed up beneath his blanket on the chair as though he'd dozed off.
He stared at the floor with half closed eyes, listening attentively as the door was swung back and footsteps approached him.
The figure in front of him stopped only inches away from the wing chair, drawing nearer than Theta was comfortable with.
And he could literally hear it cracking a smile.
"Stop pretending to be asleep, you're missing all the fun."
Theta's eyes darted upwards to meet Koschei's pitiful glare; he jumped from the wing chair, nearly bumping into Koschei.
"You?" Theta snapped unbelievingly. But he seemed to brighten up at the sight of his best friend.
Koschei smiled his meaningful smile as he patted Theta thoughtfully on the shoulder.
"You shouldn't have come" Koschei said. "I didn't mean to" Theta replied as his gaze touched upon Koschei's uncommonly dandified clothes. Excellent... tailor-made... dark red and so beautiful...
"No, I mean you shouldn't have come dressed like this" Koschei added with a smirk "Your attire..."
"These are clothes" Theta snapped "I don't have any form of attire."
"I can see that" Koschei replied and bit back a giggle.
"And who brought you in?" Theta asked, arms folded in front of his chest. Koschei had followed him over to the window where they could overlook the silently sleeping fields that surrounded the house.
"My parents" Koschei said while caressing Theta's shoulders "And they didn't only bring me in but up as well."
"Whatever that means" Theta snapped "And stop fondling me, you're creasing my jacket."
"Which would be an improvement" Koschei added before taking a closer look at Theta.
"Just listen to yourself! It's all this posh talk, it really gets to you" Theta pointed out before staring back out at the darkening surroundings glumly. "I knew we shouldn't have come. As soon as my parents received the invitation I had a bad feeling about this. I knew it'd be social ladder climbing party, I just knew it."
"You could borrow one of my vests and we should certainly do something about your jacket" Koschei went on as though Theta hadn't said a word "You'd look adorable in it."
"You have a spare vest?" Theta replied mockingly "Here?"
"Not just one" Koschei went on, eliding Theta's cheeky comment "And if you ask me nicely I'll fetch it for you."
Theta cocked an eyebrow at him, folding his arms more tightly.
Koschei laughed at his enraged glare and headed for the door.
"I'll fetch it nonetheless."
"It's strange, isn't it?" Theta began as Koschei re-entered the room and realized that Theta was having one of those moments again.
"We're brought up to believe in conformity, uniformity and equity but deep down we all crave one thing: to have more than all the others. We want to be equals but begrudge one another for every extra nut, bolt and screwdriver."
"Dark blue with silver lining or purple?" Koschei asked cheerfully as he pressed two jackets against Theta's chest while weighing them up.
"I mean we're meant to be universal" Theta went on as he got undressed absent-minded on Koschei's command "We're meant to be even and just fit."
"It really fits you" Koschei went on, ignoring Theta's pondering "What do you think?"
"I think it's a fraud" Theta growled as he put on the coat. Koschei nodded quietly.
"Shame" he added while helping Theta out of the jacket again "I should have known that dark blue doesn't go with your lips."
"Could you stop making fun of me and just listen for a second?" Theta snapped as he digested Koschei's prior comments.
"Of course" Koschei handed him a different vest "and get rid of those shoes."
"I mean it!" Theta insisted.
"So do I" Koschei reinforced his order "They're a disgrace."
"You're a disgrace" Theta snarled "And you know why? Because you're terrible. You're worse than every single one of them, you're worse than the tasteless old ladies that try to find comfort in overpriced jewellery, you're worse than the twerps that try to spot the right spoon for pomegranate soufflé and you know why? Because you think this is fun! You think this is a game! You're not only rotten to the core but enjoy it. You play along so well, never really believing what they say but nodding with mild disinterest and doing anything to please as long as you want to. And you get along so well because they think that's manners."
"And you're just jealous because I can pull myself together when I'm in the mood and please hold your breath for a moment because it's rather hard to button up your shirt with your breast going up and down all the time."
Theta was so dumbstruck that he did in fact hold his breath for a moment.
"You're driving me mad" he growled under his breath while Koschei met him at eye level. He smiled at him cheerfully. "Welcome to my world. And you look gorgeous."
He touched Theta's back of the head tenderly.
Theta snorted quietly while staring into the smouldering fire.
"Still displeased?" Koschei asked with a reserved respectability in his voice that made Theta want to scourge him with his own entrails. "Maybe I could help you taking pleasure in this..."
"Koschei if you don't keep your greedy fingers to yourself I'm going to punch your lights out" Theta growled between gritted teeth while slapping Koschei's hands that had reached for his groin.
"This is already the worst evening I've ever had and you don't have to try to make it even worse."
"If you want to stay as huffish as you are that's fine by me" Koschei retorted reservedly "But don't blame me. I told my parents that they shouldn't bother inviting you. You're not cut out for those... events."
"What do you mean by that?" Theta snapped "And may any God help you, Kosch, if I find out that..."
"You're not comfortable among fat cats and punters" Koschei cut him off dismissively "You're not used to having people around that can tell the difference between a lobster knife and a crayfish cutter."
"And how come you're used to it?" Theta wondered.
Koschei smiled reservedly "Let's say I was cut out for it. My parents used to throw big parties at the former Oakdown mansion before they moved here."
"Your parents invited me?" Theta asked disbelievingly.
"Yes" Koschei replied "And my mother has taste, since I noted the comment you made about my mother unaware of who you were talking about."
"I never knew you were a rich punter" Theta said without thinking at all.
"My father has estates" Koschei replied omitting Theta's jealous remark.
"He's a farmer" Theta added dismissively.
"A farmer with estates and more land than you could ever dream of owning" Koschei went on without the slightest hint of bashful pride.
"And yet he chose this snobby place for the celebration of Inshrakhata?" Theta asked.
"You get the best view over his fields" Koschei hissed into his ear. "And this 'snobby place' as you call it is the House of Oakdown."
"Really?" Theta asked wonderingly "I thought the House of Oakdown was some kind of tribe."
"It's 'House' as in family lineage" Koschei replied while rolling his eyes "Oakdown is a dynasty. But the house of the House of Oakdown would have sounded stupid, don't you think?"
"I think the whole dynasty caboodle is stupid" Theta retorted. Koschei watched him attentively as the first cogwheels inside of Theta's brain started to turn.
"Oh, but you wouldn't go about insulting one of the finest dynasties of Gallifrey, would you? Especially not as long as you're entitled to talk to one of their offspring.
The warning bells inside of Theta's head didn't only ring but disintegrate at the dawning realization "You? Did you say Oakdown? You're from the House of Oakdown?"
Koschei nodded.
"Oakdown as in "You're one Oakdown of a full forest"?" Theta babbled without giving it much thought.
"It's "One brick short of a full load"" Koschei replied with his frozen smile "And yes it is. And I've heard that groaner before."
"But they are... I mean they... they're not just rich they're posh! They're... I never thought you would...but... but you always tap me for money!" Theta finally snapped.
Koschei laughed heartily while patting Theta on the back.
"But that's just for the fun of it" Koschei replied, still smiling at Theta's pale face. "And don't worry, my father will pay my debts. Even if he has to sell some of his estates."
"Or pumpkins" Theta added absent-minded.
"Will you stop joking around?" Koschei snapped, slightly unnerved.
Theta stared at Koschei. Then his eyes grazed upon the room as though he'd never seen it before in his life.
"You never invited me home" Theta mumbled quietly.
"That's because I knew that you wouldn't care about any dynasty caboodle" Koschei replied "Because, frankly, you don't even have the required taste for it. To you it's all posh and fancy. And you say that because you don't see the difference."
"I see a difference" Theta snapped, though not quite sure what Koschei meant but recognizing an insult when he heard one.
Koschei folded his arms. "Such as?"
Theta scanned the room thoughtfully.
"The furniture, the decoration" he began, clutching at straws "It doesn't... match."
Koschei popped his head to one side and blinked.
"The room is richly decorated" he replied after a while "And it's very seasonal."
"But that's the point" Theta ventured "It's not tasteful it's just expensive and you can see that. I mean, look at that glittering garlands; or the giant wreath above the fire place; or the rest of the festive ornamentation. It's... pushy. It's just showing-off."
Koschei straightened his head.
"You don't like the decoration?" he asked thoughtfully, smiling a smile that made Theta feel uncomfortable. And Theta saw the quiet before the storm in his amber eyes. But he was too proud to step back now.
"It's tasteless" Theta said self-conceived.
"But it can be useful" Koschei retorted before grabbing a garland and slinging it around Theta's neck to suffocate him.
* What flies through the air shouting "Expropriate"? – A Dalek bailiff.
What is the female Dalek's battle cry? – "Emancipate" **
** Those jokes are new because they don't get old. They just get bad.
