Title: Kingdom Hearts III

Author: Houdini. Also known as uh…me.

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Pairing: SoraxKairi (ew.), RikuxSora, AxelxRoxas, ZexionxDemyx, MarluxiaxDemyx, MarluxiaxNamine' (more ew. Trust me on this one, it's not as bad as it seems.) There's basically a lot of pairings, I just can't think of them all. Can we say 'fan-girl squeal'?

Rating: Hah. M. For later chapters.

Warnings: Yaoi, Yuri, Language, Violence, Blood, Character death

Disclaimer: HAH. Kingdom Hearts III isn't out yet, so there Square Enix/Disney! I haven't stolen anything! I still don't want to get sued…so –sigh-. Can you take care of this for me, Mar-Mar?

Marluxia: She doesn't own us, never will. Only in her dreams. Poor her. Oh, and she won't own Kingdom Hearts III when it comes out.

Thanks. Onto the abnormally long author's notes. Yay.

Author's Notes: O-kay…so basically I'm novelizing Kingdom Hearts III, but it isn't out…so it's not going to be lame. It's going to rock, trust me. I'm pretty much going to throw in all our little fan-girl pairings, and did I mention all our favorite characters are alive again? Yes, that means Sexy Zexy! –gasp-

WOOOOOOT. I know, I know. You love me already, right?

O-kay…so in this chapter, there's some Riku torture, surprise appearances by our favorite redhead (and no, I don't mean Reno.), and Roxas shares his 'feelings'…poor little Emo kid. Well, there's probably more…but whatever. Just read, kay? I promise you'll like it, besides the whole Riku-torture bit. No one likes that. Well, except for me.

- - - - -

This is what he had been afraid of. He goes off on an adventure, partly to escape the truth, and he comes back. That's all fine, right? Except for the fact that part of the reason he left just slapped him in the face. Not literally, but you get the idea. Kairi. You would think the girl would appreciate Riku's return and let him be alone with the brunette he had been chasing after, but nooooo. That wasn't an option for Kairi. She just took her and her newly found cleavage over to Sora and practically boob-raped the poor guy. And then, somehow, she convinced him to go on a date with her. Life couldn't get any worse. Riku was faced with his biggest fear. Being the third wheel. Sure, he got to spend some time with Sora, but Kairi made sure that they weren't alone for more than about five seconds. She followed him everywhere. It was awful. On top of all that, Riku had to watch them constantly do…stuff. It was gross. He wanted his Sora back. Yes, his Sora. Riku had been recently claiming the teen; after all, he had him first.

There was a lot Kairi didn't know. A lot she would never know. Riku almost began laughing quite evilly at that thought, but he controlled himself. He didn't want the stares.

"Hey Riku!" Whispered a breathless sounding Sora.

"Hm?"

"You gotta hide me from Kairi!" Sora whispered, looking around for said girlfriend.

"Why?"

"She tried to rape me! And she's all clingy. It's annoying."

"You're the one who wanted to date her." Riku said, smirk forming on his lips.

"Not really…I just never had a girlfriend, I was curious. But hide meeeeeee!" Sora demanded, pulling on Riku's pant leg.

"Fine." Riku said, kicking Sora. "Go in that bush."

"That's your master-plan?"

"Yeah."

"Fine." Sora muttered, climbing into the bush.

"Hey Riku," Kairi said, looking around.

Here we go again. "Hey Kairi." Riku answered.

"Have you seen Sora? He just ran out of the Secret Place awhile ago…"

"Nope. Maybe Tidus has though; Sora was talking about Blitzball yesterday."

"Oh, I'll go ask then. Let me now if he comes by."

"In your dreams, biotch." Riku muttered. After seeing her walk down the bridge, Riku said "It's safe."

"Phew. I thought I was going to die."

"She'll be back, you know."

"Uh. That was the other part of my question."

"What other part?"

"The part I didn't have time to mention."

"Whatever."

"Ri-ku! You have to let me stay at your house! I don't want to die!" Sora said, again clinging to Riku's pant leg.

"Fine."

"Let's go…before she sees."

"Fine." Riku repeated, hopping off the paopu tree. He jumped into the water, instead of taking the bridge, and swam to his boat. Sora better be smart enough to follow.

- - - - -

"So, I can sleep over, right?" Sora asked, wrapped in a towel, sitting on Riku's bed.

Riku couldn't really help but stare. After all, Sora wore nothing but a towel. A very short towel. And he was on Riku's bed. Baaaaaad naughty thoughts. No bondage for you. "Uh, sure. On one condition." Riku said, tearing his eyes away.

"What?"

"What do you mean by 'she tried to rape me'?" Riku asked.

"Oh." Sora said, blushing. "She had her hands…well, you know."

"Sora, that's disgusting."

"What? You did the same thing when we were kids!" Sora accused, with a small giggle. Kairi didn't know about that.

"Shut up!" Riku whispered. "My parents might hear you and your big mouth, Sora."

"What, Riku? You worried?" Sora asked, a huge grin plastered on his face.

"Duh, oh-clueless-one. I don't think my mom would be too happy if she found out about that day."

"Aw, come on. We only kissed…and stuff."

"It would be the 'and stuff' she was worried about."

"You know what?" Sora asked, a smirk replacing his grin.

"What?"

"Even though we were only little kids, you were a waaaaay better kisser than Kairi."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. She has no clue what she's doing."

"Or maybe it's you that has no clue?"

"No, it's her."

"You sound sure of yourself."

"Well, I am. I happen to be a fantastic kisser."

"I'm very impressed."

"But you won't ever know, because I'm a good boy who doesn't cheat."

"That's a good thing, I wouldn't want Kairi to eat us."

"You aren't mad because I refuse to kiss you?" Sora asked, disappointment lacing his words.

"Not at all."

"That's no fair."

"I thought you were a good boy? You want to cheat on Kairi?"

"Duh. Have you not heard this entire conversation? I've been seducing you with my extreme sexy-ness."

Riku snorted and rolled his eyes, "I'm sorry Sora, I don't find big puppy eyes sexy."

"You're so mean."

"Go find Kairi, she'll kiss you."

"You haven't been listening! I told you, she's an awful kisser!"

"Exactly why I don't want to kiss you. You have her gross girl germs."

"You're gay?"

A walkie-talkie began beeping, and Riku sighed. "Yeah, Selph?" He asked the object.

"Can you deliver a message to Sora for me?"

"Sure."

"Tell him that he's more slow than I thought. You've been out for what…three years?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Sora, Selphie says you're stupid." Riku answered.

"I can hear." The brunette muttered, pouting. "Just because I don't listen to gossip…jeez."

"Dude, I told everyone myself. Everyone knows except my parents, because they're in denial."

"But Ri-ku…they know you're gay."

"Yes, but they don't know that I've been with guys. A guy. That way."

"Ohhhhh, so you don't want them to find out that you almost raped me?"

"Sora, you wanted it. It wasn't almost rape."

"Whatever."

"Sooooo…." Said the walkie-talkie boredly. "You guys going to start making-out?"

"Tell the fan-club no."

"Fine. Meanie."

A chorus of 'Maaaaans' and 'Awwwwws' were heard from the background. "The fan-club isn't happy, Riku. You've disappointed them."

"I'm so sorry." Riku said sarcastically, turning off the walkie-talkie.

"It doesn't really matter if you turn that off, she probably has the room wired." Sora said, looking around for a camera or something.

"I can pretend she isn't listening." Riku shrugged.

"Soooo…you aren't going to kiss me, are you?"

"Nope."

"Fiiiiiine. I'll just suffer. Leave me here to die."

"I honestly don't think anyone has died from lack of attention."

"Good, I'll set a world record."

"Whatever…I'm going to sleep." Riku said, turning over on the bed. He snuggled into his pillow, smelling the yummy coconut scent. Mmmm. Coconut shampoo.

"Ri-ku. It's only like…7 o' clock." Sora whined, poking Riku.

"Stop it." Riku said, swishing at Sora's hand. "I can sleep whenever I want, it's my house."

"No, it's your mom's house."

"Same difference."

"Riku, that doesn't make any sense."

"Neither do you. So shut it."

"Fine. I'm going to sleep too." Sora said, laying back on the bed with pouty-lips.

"In a towel?"

"Yes." Sora said, closing his eyes.

Riku rolled his eyes and yawned. "See if I care." He mumbled before falling asleep.

- - - - -

"Sora. Where. Were. You." Kairi demanded the next morning, hands on her hips.

"Um…uh…my grandma…died?" Sora said, standing behind Riku. "Pleasedon'tkillmeKairi." He whimpered.

"You don't have a grandma. Spill it, now."

"I was at Riku's! Sheesh."

"At Riku's? Why were you there?" She asked, her blue-ish-purple eyes widening.

"He was complaining." Riku answered with a smirk.

"About what?" She asked, now tapping her foot. She was obviously annoyed.

"About how you kiss."

"Riku! Shush!" Sora said, holding onto the silver haired boy. He wasn't making this better.

Kairi scowled, walking up to him. "I need to speak with Sora. Alone." She said. "That means you too, Roxas."

"Oh fine." A voice grumbled, and a blonde boy came out of Sora's body. By now, most of the islanders had gotten used to it. He solidified and stormed off in the direction of…well, somewhere. Riku was close behind him, trying to get away from Kairi as fast as possible. She was kinda scary when she got mad.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH HOW I KISS?" The auburn haired girl screamed at her boyfriend.

"No-n-noth-ing…Kairi! You kiss great!" Sora said, cowering beside her.

"Hey Riku," Roxas said, turning around sharply.

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to be a part of Sora anymore."

"Why not?"

"Now that I know what feelings feel like, I can tell that I was close to that without a heart. I would rather be close and have my own free-will, than have it and have to hear someone else's thoughts. Not that Sora's thoughts are bad or anything…but I kinda miss Axel, Sora doesn't hang out with him much."

"Oh. I get it." Riku said with a grin.

Roxas' cerulean eyes narrowed as he growled "You do not."

"Yeah, I do. You want to be you again so you can sleep with Axel."

"Shut up!" Roxas yelled.

"You do!" Riku said, laughing. "Hah! You don't like kissing Namine', do you?"

"Not really." Roxas said, shuffling his feet. "And you should believe Sora about Kairi being a bad kisser, he's right." Roxas said.

"Interesting."

"That's all you can say?" Roxas asked. "Interesting." He mimicked cruelly.

"I'll help you get Axel, come on." Riku said, tugging on Roxas' arm.

They didn't have to go very far, Axel had a small shack-like home on the play-island. That he shared with Demyx, Marluxia, and Zexion. Scary.

"Maaaaaaaaaaarly!" Someone whined, as Riku and Roxas heard a not-so-good sounding 'poof'.

"Demyx? What did you do?" A very Axel-like voice yelled.

"Nothing." Demyx answered innocently.

"Do you want to die again?"

"Don't kill me!" Demyx shrieked, running from the house. "Oh, hey Roxy!"

"Roxas." The blonde immediately corrected.

"Roxas?" Axel asked, coming from outside the house. "How come you aren't with Sora?" He asked, sea-foam eyes sparkling with obvious happiness.

"No reason." Roxas answered, walking to the redhead. "Thanks…'Ku." He said with a grin.

"Shut it." Riku muttered, turning away.

"Soooo….why are you here, Roxie?" Axel asked, dragging the blonde inside.

"You know why." Roxas muttered.

"Awwww…you missed me!" Axel said happily, almost strangling the blonde with a hug.

"I'm leaving." A new voice said, as a pink haired man left the house quickly.

"Oh shush, Marluxia." Axel said with a grin. "How come you came back to life, huh?" He asked the man's back.

"The world needed more flower power." Marluxia answered, as he pulled open the door.

"Why do you live with him, anyways?" Roxas asked.

"He smells nice."

"What? Axel you didn't…like, do it with him? Did you?"

"Nope. That's Demyx's job."

"Um."

"Come on Roxy! To the bedroom!" Axel exclaimed, once again dragging the blonde away.

"No way."

"You're the one who came here, you should of known."

"Axel, I'm not going to. This is the first time we've seen each other in like a month. No." Roxas said, tugging the other way.

"All the more reason to, I don't know when I'll see you again, Roxy." Axel whined, pulling the blonde's waist to the bedroom. "If you're nice, I'll let you be on top…" Axel offered, and quite generously in his opinion.

"Done." Roxas said, darting off to Axel's bed.

- - - - -

Oh no. Poor Sora, Kairi was still screaming at him. Girls were so emotional…

"Save me." Sora mouthed, making huge puppy eyes in Riku's direction.

Riku shook his head with a laugh and said loudly "Hey, Sora. Come here, I need to show you something."

"Oh, sorry Kairi. Riku needs me." Sora said, sprinting off in his best friend's direction.

"Sora! Get your stupid butt back over here! We aren't done yet!" Kairi yelled at him, her eyes narrowed into dangerous slits.

"Uh. Run!" Sora said, as he ran to the Secret Place.

Riku grinned and chased after Sora.

"Sora!"

"Sora!"

"Sora!"

"Ah! Riku everyone's after meeeee!"

Riku turned around to see Kairi, Demyx, and Selphie chasing after them. Scary. "Your own fault!" He said as they ran through the confusing, dark passage of the Secret Place.

"I liked the Heartless better." Sora mumbled, slouching against a scribbled on wall.

Riku snorted. "How long do you think we have?"

"Psh. Five seconds."

- - - - -

Author's Notes: Okay, it wasn't that awful, was it? I'll explain a few things too.

1) The Organization is alive again, because I think that if they didn't exist, they can't die.

2) Sora and Riku have a romantic background because of a few things. The first being, he and Riku chased each other all over the place, so I felt there was something besides friendship. The second, Sora trusts Riku, but at the same time doesn't completely, maybe it's because he knows how Riku feels about him. And finally, because it's partly a SoRiku fan-fic…and I don't feel like making them magically fall for each other, I like the fact that they've experimented a bit. And I guess I didn't torture him much, huh? More like Sora torture. This chapter didn't turn out exactly how I wanted…it was supposed to be waaaaaay more fluffy, but whatever. I didn't want to rush into a SoRiku relationship.

3) Um. About Axel and Roxas, they're Axel and Roxas. There is no way they can have a normal relationship. But anyways, Axel has a heart now…Roxas does not. Ooooh…drama-licious, right?

4) Kairi, she's an okay character…and I'm sorry I'm kinda turning her into a big biotch. But she pretty much seemed like that in the game, in my opinion.

5) And I know this fiction seems like…crack-tastic right now, but there will be plot. I promise. It's the first chapter though, give me some time! It'll go all angsty and tragic soon, give it time.

Finally, please review, it gives me happy feelings xD. I like being happy.

Wait, I'm not done yet. Hah. More torture. I am still continuing the SoRiku collection thing, I just feel like doing something besides oneshots. So yeah. Don't think I'm giving up on you. 'Cause I'm so not xD.