Heya, I'm back!
This idea popped up in my head when I was lying on my bed, thinking about the evil criminal organization that we all love – the Akatsuki! I love seeing them communicate with one another. Aren't they such cutie-pies? Haha. No, seriously, apart from all that killing. –shudders-
Without further ado, let's proceed to the story! ( or not )
Emails from the Akatsuki ONE
Dear Akatsuki members,
Since you all cannot, I repeat, cannot communicate with one another without getting into fist fights, bomb battles or knife wars, I want you all to bond with one another through Emails instead. I initially wanted you all to use the traditional method, but Kakuzu was displeased at the idea. After all, letters do cost a lot of money…the writing materials, the paper, the delivery.
There are some rules though. You must start every letter with 'Dear' and end with 'Love'. Also, no spam is allowed. I repeat, not allowed. If any of you do no adhere to this rule, I will ban you from eating Konan's pancakes for one whole month.
Love, Leader
Dear Leader,
THIS FUCKIN SUCKS I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHAT'S UP WITH 'DEAR' AND THAT 'LOVE' BULLCRAP? THIS AINT SOME SHITTY DRAMA SHOW LEADER
EXCUSE ME WHILE I CARRY OUT ANOTHER OF JASHIN-SAMA'S RITUALS
Hidan
Dear Hidan,
Please turn off your Caps Lock and refrain from shouting via emails. It is disrespectful and I do not encourage that. Also, learn some punctuation and add commas and full stops every now and then.
By the way, you're supposed to end with 'Love' and your name.
Love, Leader
Dear Hidan,
I agree, un! I'm so not going to end with 'Love'! It's far too cheesy, un!
Deidara
Dear Deidara,
I FUCKING KNOW RIGHT
BTW SINCE WHEN DID YOU START AGREEING WITH ME, BLONDIE?
Hidan
Dear Hidan,
Stop moaning. I'm trying to count my money.
Kakuzu
Dear Kakuzu,
AND STOP BEING SUCH A BITCH, COCK-ZOO
Hidan
Dear Leader,
I will adhere to the rules, Pein-sama.
Love, Itachi
Dear Itachi,
That is good. Please do me a favor and tell the other members to start email-ing one another. It is another form of communication. I cannot risk seeing my hideout explode for the tenth time.
Love, Leader
Dear Leader,
Yes, Pein-sama.
Love, Itachi
Dear Leader,
TTOBI^^ IS^^ A^^ GOOD^^ BOY! ^^
TTOBI^^ LIKES^^ EMAILING^^ PEEPOLE! ^^
Love, Tobi
Dear Tobi,
Glad to hear that you like the new form of communication.
Love, Leader
Dear Deidara,
Since when did you start agreeing with Hidan? Since when? You'd better reply before I get out my cup of grape juice. I can see everything that you type.
Sasori
Dear Hidan,
Wtf, un! This will be the first and last time!
Deidara
Dear Sasori,
Danna! That will be the first and last time, un! I swear!
P.S: Are you stalking me, you pervert?
Deidara
Dear Deidara,
We're roommates, you brat. And you're just beside me.
Sasori
Dear Sasori,
Figures, un.
Deidara
Dear Kisame,
Has your inbox been a bit slow lately?
Love, Itachi
Dear Itachi,
Yep it's been lagging more than usual. That idiot Tobi's been spamming me ever since leader sent that email. Maybe I should give that masked boy a taste of my Samehada
Love, Kisame
Dear Kisame,
I see.
Love, Itachi
Dear Tobi
Stop spamming me fjdngv fkodmerifnveorkgnvfokgbve
Sorry, I was trying my best to stop my other half from typing profanities! Please excuse us and kindly stop spamming!
Love, Zetsu
Dear Zetsu,
Is ^^ Zetsu-san^^ feeling^^ disturbed^^ by^^ me?^^
TOBI^^ IS^^ SO^^ SORRY^^!
Love, Tobi
Dear Tobi,
SHUT THE FU UP YOU PIECE OF WJDFNDISANFISDKDSKFNSAOKF
Love, Zetsu
Dear Tobi,
Sorry about that! It was Black Zetsu!
And no, we're not disturbed, but maybe the others are, so stop before a war erupts!
Love, Zetsu
Dear Leader,
Why are you dragging my pancakes into this, Pein? I demand an explanation!
Love, Konan
Dear Konan,
I'm sorry, but it was the only way to scare the members a bit.
I'll make it up to you, somehow.
Love, Leader
Dear Leader,
You'd better, or you're sleeping on the couch tonight.
…With Tobi.
Love, Konan
Dear Kakuzu,
STOP HOGGING THE SHOWER I NEED TO BATHE YOU FUCKER
Hidan
Dear Kakuzu,
OOPS FORGOT YOU'RE IN THE SHOWER SO U CANT REPLY
P.S I AINT GONNA APOLOGIZE FAG, SUCK IT UP
Hidan
Dear Hidan,
I just got out of the shower. But you'll probably see this a little late, because you're in it now.
You idiot. Stop typing in caps, you're hurting my eyes.
P.S you need a profanity filter. Immediately
Kakuzu
Dear Deidara,
Have you seen my puppets?
Sasori
Dear Sasori,
No
Deidara
Dear Deidara,
I HATE YOU.
Sasori
Dear Sasori,
Danna, un! Why do you hate me! I didn't do anything wrong, I swear, un! Tobi took them! I saw him cradling them on the sofa a moment ago!
Deidara
Dear Deidara,
Thanks for the answer.
Sasori
Dear Sasori,
Wait a minute…damn! I'll get you back for this, Danna! Un!
Deidara
Dear Deidara,
I got my puppets back.
Sasori
Dear Sasori,
WHERE IS MY CLAY, UN? ITS MISSING! AND I JUST BOUGHT IT LAST WEEK! UNWRAPPED!
Deidara
Dear Deidara,
No idea
Sasori
Dear Sasori,
I HATE YOU.
Deidara
Dear Deidara,
Nice try, but that isn't going to work.
Sasori
Dear Sasori,
-.- un
Deidara
Dear Kisame,
We're having fish for dinner! How's that?
Love, Konan
Dear Konan,
I just died a little inside seriously. Why are you so mean? Leader-sama too
P.S THE POOR FISHES DESERVE TO LIVE
Love, Kisame
Dear Konan,
Kindly stop harassing my partner. He's currently crouching in a corner of the room, sucking on his thumb. He's been scarred and traumatized enough, so please stop giving him stress.
Thank you for your attention.
Love, Itachi
Dear Itachi,
You always ruin our fun.
Love, Konan
Dear Itachi,
Thanks for your help, Itachi-san.
Love, Kisame
Dear Kisame,
My pleasure.
P.S It was getting kind of scary to see you crying in bed every night.
Love, Itachi
Dear Tobi,
STOP SPAMMING YOU FUCKING IDIOT OR IM GOING TO CONVERT YOU TO JASHIN
Hidan
Dear Hidan,
TOBI^^ IS^^ SORRY^^
Tobi^^ will^^ stop^^ sending^^ Hidan-san^^ Pictures^^ of cats^^!
Love, Tobi
Dear Tobi,
I CANT BELIEVE UR LISTENING TO THAT 'PUT LOVE AT THE END OF THE EMAIL' SHIT.
ARE YOU A RETARD OR WHAT?
Hidan
Dear Hidan,
Itachi-san^^ promised^^ a lollipop^^ if^^ I ^^ 'showed some manners!'^^
Love, Tobi
Dear Tobi,
THAT IDIOT DIDN'T FUCKING PROMISE ME ANYTHING
THAT STINGY BITVH
Hidan
Dear Hidan,
You spelled 'bitch' wrong, you idiot.
P.S You owe me thirty cents. Return my money immediately!
Kakuzu
Dear Kakuzu,
FUCK OFF!
Fucking sincerely, Hidan
Dear Hidan,
That 'sincerely' was unnecessary.
And it doesn't count as polite. You still owe me thirty cents. Nothing's going to change that.
Kakuzu
Dear Itachi,
WHY DIDN'T YOU PROMISE ME A LOLLIPOP, YOU SHITHEAD
Hidan
Dear Hidan,
I thought you didn't like lollipops. My apologies.
Love, Itachi
Dear Itachi,
OH MY JASHIN WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO THAT 'LOVE' THING LIKE TOBI
IT'S CREEPING THE HELL OUT OF ME NO LIE
ARE YOU LIKE SECRET LOVERS OR SOMETHING?
GO GET A ROOM ALREADY
Hidan
Dear Hidan,
Please note that Kisame, Leader-sama, Konan and Zetsu are doing it too.
Love, Itachi
Dear Itachi,
ORGY PARTY MUCH?
Hidan
Dear Hidan,
No.
Love, Itachi
Dear Akatsuki,
KISAME, ITACHI, KONAN, ZETSU, TOBI AND LEADER ARE GONNA ORGY ORGY ORGY ORGY
Hidan
Dear Hidan,
You are so dead
Konan
Dear Akatsuki,
Please ignore Hidan. I will deal with his punishment later.
Love, Leader
Dear Hidan,
What^^ is^^ an^^ orgy^^ Hidan^^san^^?
Love, Tobi!
Dear Tobi,
I'LL TELL YOU LATER DURING DINNER FREAK
Hidan
Dear Hidan,
No dinner for you. Leader's wishes
Konan
Dear Konan,
FUCK
Hidan
Dear Konan,
I'm grateful. We can save a bit of money tonight.
Kakuzu
Dear Kakuzu,
FUCK YOU! I SAW THAT
Hidan
Dear Akatsuki,
Enough with the Emails. Go to the dining room for dinner now.
Love, Leader
The end!
Like it or hate it? Review! Whether I should continue this will depend on the number of reviews.
xoxo
