Heya, I'm back!
This idea popped up in my head when I was lying on my bed, thinking about the evil criminal organization that we all love – the Akatsuki! I love seeing them communicate with one another. Aren't they such cutie-pies? Haha. No, seriously, apart from all that killing. –shudders-

Without further ado, let's proceed to the story! ( or not )


Emails from the Akatsuki ONE


Dear Akatsuki members,

Since you all cannot, I repeat, cannot communicate with one another without getting into fist fights, bomb battles or knife wars, I want you all to bond with one another through Emails instead. I initially wanted you all to use the traditional method, but Kakuzu was displeased at the idea. After all, letters do cost a lot of money…the writing materials, the paper, the delivery.

There are some rules though. You must start every letter with 'Dear' and end with 'Love'. Also, no spam is allowed. I repeat, not allowed. If any of you do no adhere to this rule, I will ban you from eating Konan's pancakes for one whole month.

Love, Leader


Dear Leader,

THIS FUCKIN SUCKS I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHAT'S UP WITH 'DEAR' AND THAT 'LOVE' BULLCRAP? THIS AINT SOME SHITTY DRAMA SHOW LEADER

EXCUSE ME WHILE I CARRY OUT ANOTHER OF JASHIN-SAMA'S RITUALS

Hidan


Dear Hidan,

Please turn off your Caps Lock and refrain from shouting via emails. It is disrespectful and I do not encourage that. Also, learn some punctuation and add commas and full stops every now and then.

By the way, you're supposed to end with 'Love' and your name.

Love, Leader


Dear Hidan,

I agree, un! I'm so not going to end with 'Love'! It's far too cheesy, un!

Deidara


Dear Deidara,

I FUCKING KNOW RIGHT

BTW SINCE WHEN DID YOU START AGREEING WITH ME, BLONDIE?

Hidan


Dear Hidan,

Stop moaning. I'm trying to count my money.

Kakuzu


Dear Kakuzu,

AND STOP BEING SUCH A BITCH, COCK-ZOO

Hidan


Dear Leader,

I will adhere to the rules, Pein-sama.

Love, Itachi


Dear Itachi,

That is good. Please do me a favor and tell the other members to start email-ing one another. It is another form of communication. I cannot risk seeing my hideout explode for the tenth time.

Love, Leader


Dear Leader,

Yes, Pein-sama.

Love, Itachi


Dear Leader,

TTOBI^^ IS^^ A^^ GOOD^^ BOY! ^^

TTOBI^^ LIKES^^ EMAILING^^ PEEPOLE! ^^

Love, Tobi


Dear Tobi,

Glad to hear that you like the new form of communication.

Love, Leader


Dear Deidara,

Since when did you start agreeing with Hidan? Since when? You'd better reply before I get out my cup of grape juice. I can see everything that you type.

Sasori


Dear Hidan,

Wtf, un! This will be the first and last time!

Deidara


Dear Sasori,

Danna! That will be the first and last time, un! I swear!

P.S: Are you stalking me, you pervert?

Deidara


Dear Deidara,

We're roommates, you brat. And you're just beside me.

Sasori


Dear Sasori,

Figures, un.

Deidara


Dear Kisame,

Has your inbox been a bit slow lately?

Love, Itachi


Dear Itachi,

Yep it's been lagging more than usual. That idiot Tobi's been spamming me ever since leader sent that email. Maybe I should give that masked boy a taste of my Samehada

Love, Kisame


Dear Kisame,

I see.

Love, Itachi


Dear Tobi

Stop spamming me fjdngv fkodmerifnveorkgnvfokgbve

Sorry, I was trying my best to stop my other half from typing profanities! Please excuse us and kindly stop spamming!

Love, Zetsu


Dear Zetsu,

Is ^^ Zetsu-san^^ feeling^^ disturbed^^ by^^ me?^^

TOBI^^ IS^^ SO^^ SORRY^^!

Love, Tobi


Dear Tobi,

SHUT THE FU UP YOU PIECE OF WJDFNDISANFISDKDSKFNSAOKF

Love, Zetsu


Dear Tobi,

Sorry about that! It was Black Zetsu!

And no, we're not disturbed, but maybe the others are, so stop before a war erupts!

Love, Zetsu


Dear Leader,

Why are you dragging my pancakes into this, Pein? I demand an explanation!

Love, Konan


Dear Konan,

I'm sorry, but it was the only way to scare the members a bit.

I'll make it up to you, somehow.

Love, Leader


Dear Leader,

You'd better, or you're sleeping on the couch tonight.

…With Tobi.

Love, Konan


Dear Kakuzu,

STOP HOGGING THE SHOWER I NEED TO BATHE YOU FUCKER

Hidan


Dear Kakuzu,

OOPS FORGOT YOU'RE IN THE SHOWER SO U CANT REPLY

P.S I AINT GONNA APOLOGIZE FAG, SUCK IT UP

Hidan


Dear Hidan,

I just got out of the shower. But you'll probably see this a little late, because you're in it now.

You idiot. Stop typing in caps, you're hurting my eyes.

P.S you need a profanity filter. Immediately

Kakuzu


Dear Deidara,

Have you seen my puppets?

Sasori


Dear Sasori,

No

Deidara


Dear Deidara,

I HATE YOU.

Sasori


Dear Sasori,

Danna, un! Why do you hate me! I didn't do anything wrong, I swear, un! Tobi took them! I saw him cradling them on the sofa a moment ago!

Deidara


Dear Deidara,

Thanks for the answer.

Sasori


Dear Sasori,

Wait a minute…damn! I'll get you back for this, Danna! Un!

Deidara


Dear Deidara,

I got my puppets back.

Sasori


Dear Sasori,

WHERE IS MY CLAY, UN? ITS MISSING! AND I JUST BOUGHT IT LAST WEEK! UNWRAPPED!

Deidara


Dear Deidara,

No idea

Sasori


Dear Sasori,

I HATE YOU.

Deidara


Dear Deidara,

Nice try, but that isn't going to work.

Sasori


Dear Sasori,

-.- un

Deidara


Dear Kisame,

We're having fish for dinner! How's that?

Love, Konan


Dear Konan,

I just died a little inside seriously. Why are you so mean? Leader-sama too

P.S THE POOR FISHES DESERVE TO LIVE

Love, Kisame


Dear Konan,

Kindly stop harassing my partner. He's currently crouching in a corner of the room, sucking on his thumb. He's been scarred and traumatized enough, so please stop giving him stress.

Thank you for your attention.

Love, Itachi


Dear Itachi,

You always ruin our fun.

Love, Konan


Dear Itachi,

Thanks for your help, Itachi-san.

Love, Kisame


Dear Kisame,

My pleasure.

P.S It was getting kind of scary to see you crying in bed every night.

Love, Itachi


Dear Tobi,

STOP SPAMMING YOU FUCKING IDIOT OR IM GOING TO CONVERT YOU TO JASHIN

Hidan


Dear Hidan,

TOBI^^ IS^^ SORRY^^

Tobi^^ will^^ stop^^ sending^^ Hidan-san^^ Pictures^^ of cats^^!

Love, Tobi


Dear Tobi,

I CANT BELIEVE UR LISTENING TO THAT 'PUT LOVE AT THE END OF THE EMAIL' SHIT.

ARE YOU A RETARD OR WHAT?

Hidan


Dear Hidan,

Itachi-san^^ promised^^ a lollipop^^ if^^ I ^^ 'showed some manners!'^^

Love, Tobi


Dear Tobi,

THAT IDIOT DIDN'T FUCKING PROMISE ME ANYTHING

THAT STINGY BITVH

Hidan


Dear Hidan,

You spelled 'bitch' wrong, you idiot.

P.S You owe me thirty cents. Return my money immediately!

Kakuzu


Dear Kakuzu,

FUCK OFF!

Fucking sincerely, Hidan


Dear Hidan,

That 'sincerely' was unnecessary.

And it doesn't count as polite. You still owe me thirty cents. Nothing's going to change that.

Kakuzu


Dear Itachi,

WHY DIDN'T YOU PROMISE ME A LOLLIPOP, YOU SHITHEAD

Hidan


Dear Hidan,

I thought you didn't like lollipops. My apologies.

Love, Itachi


Dear Itachi,

OH MY JASHIN WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO THAT 'LOVE' THING LIKE TOBI

IT'S CREEPING THE HELL OUT OF ME NO LIE

ARE YOU LIKE SECRET LOVERS OR SOMETHING?

GO GET A ROOM ALREADY

Hidan


Dear Hidan,

Please note that Kisame, Leader-sama, Konan and Zetsu are doing it too.

Love, Itachi


Dear Itachi,

ORGY PARTY MUCH?

Hidan


Dear Hidan,

No.

Love, Itachi


Dear Akatsuki,

KISAME, ITACHI, KONAN, ZETSU, TOBI AND LEADER ARE GONNA ORGY ORGY ORGY ORGY

Hidan


Dear Hidan,

You are so dead

Konan


Dear Akatsuki,

Please ignore Hidan. I will deal with his punishment later.

Love, Leader


Dear Hidan,

What^^ is^^ an^^ orgy^^ Hidan^^san^^?

Love, Tobi!


Dear Tobi,

I'LL TELL YOU LATER DURING DINNER FREAK

Hidan


Dear Hidan,

No dinner for you. Leader's wishes

Konan


Dear Konan,

FUCK

Hidan


Dear Konan,

I'm grateful. We can save a bit of money tonight.

Kakuzu


Dear Kakuzu,

FUCK YOU! I SAW THAT

Hidan


Dear Akatsuki,

Enough with the Emails. Go to the dining room for dinner now.

Love, Leader


The end!

Like it or hate it? Review! Whether I should continue this will depend on the number of reviews.

xoxo